RE: Being loyal to your word (Full Version)

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BitaTruble -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/13/2007 9:44:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Actually studies prove that 70% of a person's personality is genetic, 30% is shaped by the environment.  So I 70% don't have a choice, and the 30% that is left is still giving you the finger lol



I would appreciate any citations you'd care to provide which supports this claim.

"Genes do not code for thoughts, feelings, or behavior, but rather code for proteins that regulate and modulate biological systems. "

http://personality-project.org/perproj/readings-theory.html

Celeste



akbarbarian -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/14/2007 2:11:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Actually studies prove that 70% of a person's personality is genetic, 30% is shaped by the environment.  So I 70% don't have a choice, and the 30% that is left is still giving you the finger lol



Since you are well-aware that being a cruel hardass runs in your family, you have the choice of continuing to inflict yourself upon society. Personally, I think you just using it as a convienent excuse, but as with all personality disorders and genetic issues, you must take responsibility for your actions and no excuses or pardons will be made because of them.

It's not an excuse, it's a warning.



BeingChewsie -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/14/2007 5:00:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Actually studies prove that 70% of a person's personality is genetic, 30% is shaped by the environment.  So I 70% don't have a choice, and the 30% that is left is still giving you the finger lol



Since you are well-aware that being a cruel hardass runs in your family, you have the choice of continuing to inflict yourself upon society. Personally, I think you just using it as a convienent excuse, but as with all personality disorders and genetic issues, you must take responsibility for your actions and no excuses or pardons will be made because of them.

It's not an excuse, it's a warning.




[sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]....ohhhh puhhhlease




LaTigresse -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/14/2007 5:13:37 AM)

Oh how funny! That is exactly the thought that went through my brain immediately![:D]

I was just catching up and the most hysterical part of this thread is that you have someone put their personal life out there, asking for advise or an opinion...BUT..when they don't like what they get.......they get all stupid and belligerent. Making themself look like an even bigger fool than they did in the beginning.

It reminds me of someone's tag line on here "when you're in a hole........stop digging!"



MadRabbit -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/14/2007 5:24:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Actually studies prove that 70% of a person's personality is genetic, 30% is shaped by the environment.  So I 70% don't have a choice, and the 30% that is left is still giving you the finger lol



Well...hey...

People without legs probably shouldnt try and be runners.

People without hands probably shouldnt try and be massage therapists.

People who cant see probably shouldnt drive.

And people who for whatever reason cant or wont make decisions without some sort of basic moral compass directing them probably shouldnt be Masters.

P.S. This is an example of the downside to behavioral science...some jackass using it as an excuse to negate his own autonamy instead of a tool to understand why he makes the choices he does and improve on those choices.



lonlyrossInNeed -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/14/2007 8:51:33 AM)

I would have to agree with this
 
ross.g

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

OK I understand how your slave feels, her family is importent to her, why is it you cant go to your party and let her go to hers?? you said you have never even met this cousin!! She lived with her granfather and it is apparent the he is importent to her, how is you telling her to leave the party when she doesnt even know how many more her grandfather will have the best desistion you can make for her??? I Dont see this as her going against her word but more as she didnt know the details and since she learned of them she is asking to make changes. What I see here is you makeing the desistion because you can because your are flexing your Masterly muscles and not based on what is best for your relationship or your slave. her Mother is putting a lot of pressure on her to be at the party the entire part and Honestly I think it is a bit inconsiderate of you to be putting more pressure on  her to do as you wish her to do. Part of beeing a Master is compromiseing and understanding that there are other forses that will demand things of your slave not just yourself, and I understand what it is like to want to please your parents as well. it can be rather unplesent and straining on the relationship to go against what they want even if you are an adult. It is aparent she has priorities and her family is high on her list and the fact that you dont even know this cousin i can understand her feeling her grandfather should be a higher priority.

Both of you have started numerouse threads all telling of problems and incompatabilities you are haveing. I see a bad pattern here!! Frankly 4 months is NOT a long time in fact it is rather short the fact that you moved in so fast together also worries me.

Magik's slave



lilfemme23 -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/16/2007 12:42:45 AM)

From a genral point of view you have to remeber that even in a vanilla relationship a promise is not broken lightly. she promised and fell back on it because she failed to get the right information to begin with. Shame on her



NefertariReborn -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/30/2007 8:56:21 PM)

*LOOKS AT THE MODERATOR*  For G_dsake end this!!!!!! The slave has to WRITE all this crap down and READ it back to him.  How could one infraction last 19 pages???????? Go ahead! Shoot! Put her out of her misery (and give her hand a break).



dcnovice -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/30/2007 9:03:32 PM)

quote:

Noone knows when someone will die,


I gather you haven't looked at the Death Clock thread.



dcnovice -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/30/2007 9:09:38 PM)

quote:

See, I normally drive a pretty new car but since it's in the shop I have an old junker I'm driving and the GPS goes with the new car.


http://www.mapquest.com/



dcnovice -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/30/2007 9:53:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: texancutie

That is true...am just catching up here.  Think I will stick with Harry Potter, at least that is definitely going to press...lol.


Deathly Hallows may also be shorter than the thread, actually.



feastie -> RE: Being loyal to your word (8/18/2007 9:20:14 AM)

Well, I've read your other thread, bits and pieces of this one and your profile.  I have to say, I think that you would benefit from a mentor.  Someone who is near you, that you can meet with on a regular basis.  You're obviously just not ready to have a M/s relationship.  You're not capable yet.  Perhaps you and your "slave" need to talk and change direction and spend some time learning.  You personally, do not have a good handle on what it is you want or how to get it effectively.  She may not either, I don't know.  Regardless, this is going to continue to be a trainwreck unless you're willing to admit your personal responsibility in your problems.  I might suggest you seek out a kink friendly counselor as well.  Might do ya do some good.



julietsierra -> RE: Being loyal to your word (8/18/2007 4:08:06 PM)

wow...now this is a LOT of writing!!

Summarizing (sort of) in order to sort this out.
1) she visited her grandfather - didn't take you along and didn't get back in time for you to see your family
2) you can't drive anywhere unless aided by a GPS
3) You wanted her to visit your family with you.
4) She doesn't know anyone there.
5) you feel some punishment should be enacted in order ... to.....?? teach her not to do this again???
There are a couple of more points related to age and family pressures, but I think this about covers it.

1) get a GPS.
2) Never never never get in the way of someone and their family - this goes in both directions
3) Quit trying to be the happy couple in front of everyone when you still have things to work out privately
4) Next time, you go to your family, she goes to hers and you meet back in one location when you each are done - no time limits imposed because it's already clear that plans change.


Now, with regards to age:
26 is still very young for some women to make the break with their families. It took me until I was nearly 40 to do the same with mine and I STILL see them 3-4 times a week. And if someone dared to tell me that I had to choose, I'd choose all right - my family.

The ONLY person to determine the criteria of my family relationship boundaries is me and if the person who is calling himself my Master has issues with that, then he can walk. In the same vein, I would never presume to tell him he had to be somewhere with me if he had something to do with his family.

Finally, get over yourself about attending family functions alone. Consider this. If you punish this girl and she walks, just where will you be without her transportation abilities then? If you believe you'll manage, then I'm thinking you could have managed this event as well. You simply didn't want to.

And ultimately, if you don't like how she's managing her life, then why of course, the door is always right there and perhaps you should use it.

juliet



KiandPhoenix -> RE: Being loyal to your word (8/18/2007 6:45:27 PM)

Changed my mind, and keeping my mouth shut.

~Ki



gentlethistle -> RE: Being loyal to your word (8/18/2007 10:45:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian
It seems the only reason she disobeyed and broke her word, is that she went and was around her mom before finding out the schedules conflict. 


Yup, you're in competition with another 'dominant' aren't you?  Never mind that in this instance the control her mother used was a 'guilt-trip', and that, actually, if you were looking at this from the outside whose party do you think she has more reason to celebrate?  Her grandfather who has a long-standing involvement in her life, or your cousin (whom I think I'm right in saying she's never met).  You asked her to do something difficult in terms of making this value judgement and displaying it to her whole family.  Her mother asked her to do something that was probably closer to her own inclinations, plus her mother was present.

Perhaps if you had gone to her grandfather's party to celebrate his birthday with her it would then have been more obvious to the whole of the family that it was 'fair' to leave at an appropriate time so that she could join you at a family engagement of yours.  Also, you'd have been present at the point of control....  

I guess that all of this would have been easier if the scheduling conflicts had been revealed and discussed earlier by all parties.  However, these sorts of conflicts of interest arise all the time in unplanned ways...if her grandfather were actually dying I doubt that you'd make her go away on vacation with you however long-planned and looked forward to.

Also, if you think about it, submissives are often in the control of other 'dominants'.  If a boss says 'I need you to work late today' and the dom says 'Be home on time' which form of domination takes precedence?  If you are an accomodating person then there will always be conflicts like this.  And if it's not possible to turn around and say, 'Well, sorry guv, but I'm in a Total Power Exchange relationship so you can stick your job' it can be hard to explain logically to 'the rest of the world' that you'd skip giving birthday wishes to an important family member to skip off to a party with someone you've only known for four months to see someone you've never met.  What I'm saying, I suppose, is it's difficult to resolve those conflicts of dominance by making other people aware of all the parameters...namely that you have chosen to obey this guy...rather than just the fact that he's a pushy bully expecting you to leave your grandfather's party because you've chosen to defer to him.  The alternative is for her to need to take upon herself the guilt and let them assume 'well actually I'd prefer to go myself'.

Sorry to have rambled a bit, but I'm trying to explain how this situation might seem to someone with the boot on the other foot.

Laura



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