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Protocol - 7/9/2007 4:15:11 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Whenever a thread is started asking about protocols there seems to be a negative reaction from many about this word.  To me a protocol is a particular behavior that is carried out given a particular set of circumstances.  An example from my life is that when he returns home he is met at the door and greeted. 

What is your gut reaction to this word?  Do you like it/hate it and why?

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 4:27:02 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		It's simply a word.  I can't understand why I would like it, or dislike it.
 
John

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 5:20:13 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		I too, have noticed this odd reaction to the word protocol on here, and wondered about it. To me though, its what I need, I love, I enjoy. Protocols are like manners in a way, and maybe thats where I got my deep rooted love for them, I was rasied in the south, by a family whom I swear has every book by Miss Manners memorized. They are a set way things are supposed to be done, and they are different for everyone and every relationship. Some communitys have common ones, like Leather and Gor, but I think everyone settles into a way of making them their own.

I havent been in a D/s relationship in over 4 years, although after living as a vanilla couple for that long, my husband and I have been exploring the lifestyle together. I took him to a Leather event last saturday, that was held as a fundraiser for an elder in my old community. It was a three hour drive to stay two hours and drive home, but Im glad we went. I kinda sunk back into all the old protocols from my years in that Leather community, and as I was standing there behind him, I realized how "right" it felt, like Id finally found my way back home. He and I talked about it the next day..he hadnt been real sure of what to make of it all, because there were times he kept trying to get me to walk in front of him and we'd be stuck standing there waiting for someone to walk first...but hopefully now he has a better understanding of what they mean to me. Knowing, that there is a certain way Im supposed to stand, walk, sit, hold my hands, its a small reminder of my place, and its a very serene feeling to not have to worry about anything, to be able to concentrate compleatly on him. I am far from one of those mindless drone slaves, and I think thats what worries alot of people about protocols..."why would I want a slave that acts just like everyone else" and I dont...my own personality shows in everything I do...and I speak my mind...gets me in trouble sometimes, but I do, and every Sir Ive ever had has liked me for my opinions and outspokeness....it is possible to be a smartass and be respectful at the same time. Sir loves that I can make jokes, at myself too! He loves that I can discuss my opinions on the world and what happened at the store today. Sometimes I think people expect "high protocol" slaves to never talk, and if asked their opinon answer "what ever pleases you Master". Its definantly possible to follow protocols without that. Of course, there are some people who enjoy that, and it works for them..wouldnt for me, Id be in trouble constantly..but like I said, protocols are different for every relatinship, and I think they grow during a relationship, just like other aspects.


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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 6:41:52 AM   
Shylahgirl


Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Whenever a thread is started asking about protocols there seems to be a negative reaction from many about this word.  To me a protocol is a particular behavior that is carried out given a particular set of circumstances.  An example from my life is that when he returns home he is met at the door and greeted. 

What is your gut reaction to this word?  Do you like it/hate it and why?

Knight's Kyra


I don't think it's a word that you can dislike or like, really.

Even outside of the life style there is protocal. You might not realise it.

I mean when you stand in line instead of pushing your way to the fron you are obaying socail protocal.

Personally, I enjoy it when Master puts me on high protocal for a night, at a party or something, it's challenging for me.

Shylah

< Message edited by Shylahgirl -- 7/9/2007 6:42:29 AM >

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 6:50:39 AM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Whenever a thread is started asking about protocols there seems to be a negative reaction from many about this word.  To me a protocol is a particular behavior that is carried out given a particular set of circumstances.  An example from my life is that when he returns home he is met at the door and greeted. 

What is your gut reaction to this word?  Do you like it/hate it and why?

Knight's Kyra

Greetings kyra
 
Coming from a military family; being military myself, and being owned by one in the military; the word protocal is very familiar to myself. In addition to this, I can not imagine my life without a firm set of protocals; public and private. I enjoy the structure that it brings.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 6:53:05 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I think for people who enjoy and need a lot of structure, there would be comfort in protocols.  I know at one time I found the thought of it to be sexy and cool, sort of like "he cares enough for me to make a lot of rules".  I feel a bit freer now and I think I would find a protocol-heavy relationship sort of stifling.  But I can certainly understand how some would be comforted by it.

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 7:30:51 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Kyra,

I don't think there is a negative reaction because YOU have protocols, the negative reaction is when people announce that this or that protocol is universal or required. 

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 7:33:15 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think people have negative reactions because often protocols are coupled with the idea that there are right ways to do things or even worse one way passed down through the ages (yeah, right).

A group may have group protocols that it uses, in fact, I'd say most do but they are generally implied not explicit though leather groups have been explicit. Parties can have protocols too and usually these are on some form you are supposed to sign before you enter -- I wonder how many people read these? I always did and if I couldn't agree to them, all of them, we left rather than disrespect other people's protocols in their space.

But when it comes to individual people and households I think a lot of dominants do not want others to tell them what to do. I'm thinking of something that Jack Rinella often writes and says: part of the attraction to SM is the ability to be rugged individuals who create and control their own world. Thus the negative reaction.

It can be a difficult thing to interact with folks who have certain protocols I do not or even protocols that I forbid in public gatherings. For example Fox is forbidden from calling anyone else "Mistress" or "Lady" or any other title unless it is one connected to their "job" like a leather contest winner though most of those folks are friendly and do not push their titles.

In general though Fox is a gentleman and that usually is enough for most people. Those who have fit place in the category of not being worth either of our time and get placed on our ignore but be civil list.

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 7:39:47 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It just doesn't work for me.  I'm far too much one of thsoe free love types.  I get off on bondage and I GET the freedom that rules and protocols give to many, but for me they just feel like an itchy wool sweater.

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 8:11:59 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		i enjoy a certain amount of protocol and ritual. For me, it is a way of stepping out of the "rat race" of everyday life and performing with thought and feeling and purpose. i have many self-imposed rituals and protocols to remind myself of what i consider truly important so that i don't become scattered or forgetful of my real purpose in this lifetime~

< Message edited by dawntreader -- 7/9/2007 8:12:21 AM >

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 8:26:13 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		Well, to me 'protocol' is how two or more people agree upon behaving in given circumstances.
 
I rather like protocol...not only do they give me a frame of reference which I find comforting, they remind me of ritual...which I've come to realize I enjoy.
 
Just me,
b

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 8:28:03 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I'm with Michael on this one.  I hate the idea that I am "supposed to" conform to protocols that some *ahem* master in protocols thought up.  For example posture and stances...I can not stand eye contact restriction of my slave.  I love to look in the eyes of my victims *S*.  I create my own all the time and love those.

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 8:33:17 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		I love protocol and ritual. It makes me feel secure - I know what to expect, I know what to do. That said, however, I wouldn't like a dynamic built on protocol.

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If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 9:02:22 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
It just doesn't work for me.  I'm far too much one of thsoe free love types.  I get off on bondage and I GET the freedom that rules and protocols give to many, but for me they just feel like an itchy wool sweater

Agreed.  I think it's wonderful that lots of people enjoy lots of rules, rituals, and established protocol.  Master or I neither one do so it's not part of our relationship.  Yes, there are what I would call certain "patterns" or "ways" of doing certain things, but to us they aren't rules or protocols.  For example, I always call Him "Master", "Sir", or "Daddy" and never by His given name.  I always sleep snuggled up next to Him at night, completly nude with one ankle chained to the bed.  I always put on and take off His shoes and socks.  I always dry Him off as He exits the shower.  I always make and get His morning coffee, etc., etc., etc.  These are not rules carved in stone.  They are things He desires that I do and things (not that it matters) that I love doing.  So, they're done.  We just don't put any label on it or call it protocol even though it may very well be. 

Master has referred to Himself as an "old hippie" and He is a very laid-back guy.  He was never big on rules and regulations and He often jokes that He doesn't make a whole lot of them because He's too lazy to keep up with all of them and enforce them.  It would be putting himself through too much nonsense to do all that...lol....He's really NOT lazy in any sense of the word but He simply has no desire to make the actions He desires from me into formal rules and protocol.  That's just His way.  Hopefully everyone is as comfortable doing it their own way as He is His...............luci

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 9:34:32 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I think the negative reaction comes from people insisting that their extreme rules are the one true way. Greeting him naked in chains kneeling even if he's two hours late and your knees have you screaming in pain, that kind of stuff.  You listen to enough of that and the word takes on your opinion of the people who spout it.

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 10:47:48 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Similar to any other tool protocol 'works' for those it works for and fails for those who it doesn't. Its not a required part of any relationship and isn't a magic bullet to fix a relationship that isn't working.

We happen to use many. We've used them for so long they are part of our routine. When they were established they had a specific purpose. Whether it was training, reinforcing responsibilities, or just my personal preference, none were put in place without explanation and agreement; followed by commitment.

Properly designed and followed protocol is a great tool to keep the dynamics of a relationship always running as a 'background program' regardless of what you have to deal with daily trying to derail the dynamic. Protocol brings security and is as comforting to wrap yourself around as your favorite bathrobe or blanket. Protocol serves as a 24/7 'head-space' reference regardless of what side of the flogger the specific protocol addresses.

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 10:49:43 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		Protocols are comforting and relaxing, just like bondage and hearing a comforting voice are. Its nice knowing what to expect and how things are 'done' in a given situation or senario, so no surprises. I have a very strong distaste for surprises, so protcols help to keep me in that comfort zone, that doesn't mean that I can't handle not having them, for some things, they are approprate and very much so neccessary.
 
I think what makes 'protocols' have a bad taste in some people's mouths is tha they see it as stiffing or confining, I have not seen that, its more of a what to do in a given situation or how to do things.

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 10:56:26 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		Protocols in themselves are nothing bad nor negative. What does get on my nerves sometimes is when somebody claims that protocols are nescessary and the "only twue way" or the attitude that the bdsm relationships are somehow more deep with strict protocols and deepens with every rule and protocol set etc. 

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 11:01:40 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Whenever a thread is started asking about protocols there seems to be a negative reaction from many about this word.  To me a protocol is a particular behavior that is carried out given a particular set of circumstances.  An example from my life is that when he returns home he is met at the door and greeted. 

What is your gut reaction to this word?  Do you like it/hate it and why?

Knight's Kyra


I don't hate the word protocol or the practice. The only thing I hate is the "if you don't follow protocol X then you aren't real". We just don't have the patience for high protocol.  

Valyraen and I have very loose protocol. The only really strict thing that we follow is that we have to kiss good-night and every morning he kisses me before he leaves for work. I wash him most days, but some days we just aren't in the shower at the same time.

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RE: Protocol - 7/9/2007 11:57:42 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		I love protocol. I like groups that have high protocol that everyone in the group agrees to, and I like protocol in my relationships.

I don't like it when a stranger tries to impose his or her protocol upon me against my will.

Which means if someone's sub isn't allowed to call anyone else Mistress, I'm fine. But if someone else gives their sub a protocol of kissing every dominant woman's feet that he meets, I'm not happy.

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