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RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 6:51:56 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think when one is first training, a bit of micromanaging is necessary. How can someone know how to fold clothes in your household if you don't show them? How will they know who you like your eggs made unless you give them clear instructions? How will they know your preferences in their clothing unless you state that or even write it down or look through their wardrobe?

However, in my household, the slave's job is to make my mundane life easier and my kink life more amusing and erotic. That means learning quickly what my needs and likes are as well as my dislikes and then putting that knowledge into action without the need for further instructions or orders most of the time.

There are times I might micromanage more such as picking out Fox's clothing for a convention or munch or party or leaving instructions for him last weekend when I was at Inconjunction without him. Those are times I choose to exercise my authority. If I was expected to make all these decisions all the time, it would feel like work and thus, to me, not very dominant at all but more like a parent or a servant.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to HardnRuff)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 6:58:21 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		To much work for the Dom/me in my opinion. I've done it in the past and would never do it again.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to HardnRuff)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 7:02:20 PM   
LadySeraphina


Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
Status: offline 		I dislike micromanaging, but if you define it as looking over their shoulder while they try something the first time, I approve. To monitor every action my boys take - forget it. I've actually found myself reluctant to give them too many rules, because of their tendency to feel 'neglected' if I don't notice they failed in a task, or broke a rule.

Hrm, excuse me while I go straighten out some boys...

_____________________________

"Men are like wine. They start out as grapes and its up to the woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with." -Unknown

www.LadySeraphina.ca

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(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 7:02:37 PM   
HardnRuff


Posts: 213
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I think when one is first training, a bit of micromanaging is necessary. How can someone know how to fold clothes in your household if you don't show them? How will they know who you like your eggs made unless you give them clear instructions? How will they know your preferences in their clothing unless you state that or even write it down or look through their wardrobe?

You are right , It is impossible as Our sub/.slave are not mindreaders.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 7:05:30 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Permission to pee isn't micromanagement.  Permission to pee, and then which bathroom to use, and then how much toilet paper to use, which brand of toilet paper to use, how to fold the toilet paper when using it, whether to flush while still sitting down or after standing up, how to hang the toilet paper, putting the seat up or down, which scent of air freshener to use, whether to use spray, a solid wick or a plug in, padded toilet seat or hard kind, what kind of soap to use when washing your hands, what size towel to dry them on, and don't forget to turn the light off when you leave the bathroom. 

THAT'S micromanagement.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 7:09:56 PM   
MsStryker


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/16/2006
Status: offline 		I agree it depends on ones understanding or belief as to what is micromanaging.
I can see some benifit to setting up a system that includes the slave to be accountable for every 15 min interval (if its lifestyle and their only job. So long as they get time off/ down time/ space to be a regular person, according to what was agreed in the beginning or renegotiated at some point. Its possible it can be a whole lot of work to start with and that after things are in motion it just moves along by itself. slave becomes self managing according to and under you and your will. There would be check ins and time management etc, training their body and making choices according to their lifestyle. Living according to the rules and making choices within the strict perameters given. Its a romantic notion that has the potential to bring awareness of the D/s dynamic to both parties in a big way.
I wonder how practical it would be in a regular D/s situation where both parties have jobs and a life, its possible if She (He) is creative enough it could work with a little flexibility.
I have thought about it and still not come to any conclusions, however I might be willing to give my interpretation a go with a person who was a good fit and that seemed like they would be around long enough to make it worthwhile.
Thanks for the topic

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 7:10:10 PM   
HardnRuff


Posts: 213
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		How about permission to speak? permission to be excused ? permission to greet  others ?

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 7:13:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Depends on management style, comfort, and needs and desires of those involved.

I need to micromanage to a certain extent because I'm pretty darn picky about a few things and it's either micromanage or do it myself (which is certainly a valid option).  But much more than an occasional thing and it would drive me crazy.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 7:14:05 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HardnRuff

How about permission to speak? permission to be excused ? permission to greet  others ?


Personally, I don't mind training but prefer that they have already mastered those tasks when they arrive to me.
 
John

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Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to HardnRuff)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 7:20:24 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I don't, personally, have the energy to micromanage in most cases. I learned this, as a lot of people do, by trying it. There ARE some things where I find that I WILL dictate HOW something is done. I will do this when it is the only way I know to get the results I want. If the slave can come up with something else that gives me these results, they're free to do as they feel is correct.

For example, folding my t-shirts. My mom taught me a way to do it 25 years ago so that they don't wrinkle much in the drawer. Now, if a slave has a way of folding the t-shirts so they don't get wrinkled in the drawer, I'm all for it. Otherwise, do it my way.

Master Fire


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(in reply to HardnRuff)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 7:41:17 PM   
mythi


Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline 		I find that I seek a degree of micromanagement in the beginning of a relationship, and occassionally at other times once the relationship has been established.  This goes for vanilla relationships I've been in as well.  Pretty much any time I'm in territory both unfamiliar and uncomfortable.  It's just easier for me to be told to do something a certain way while I'm learning than to have the added worry of wondering if he'll like it when I'm done regardless of how well what I wanted to accomplish turned out.  Just tell me what you want me to accomplish in the first place and not possibly waste my time or your patience.

I don't however, consider something like asking to pee to be micromanagement.  It's not a requirement for me currently, and I dont like to interrupt him for it if he's preoccupied with something else, but I just feel like I'm being disrespectful of his authority if I get up and leave the room without permission when we're interacting. *shrug*  I guess I consider that more of a kicked up 'excuse me' than any kind of excessive control.  Of course, he could always say no, and sometimes he doesnt answer right away, and those are both annoying and hot at the same time. lol

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 8:11:42 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Permission to pee isn't micromanagement.  Permission to pee, and then which bathroom to use, and then how much toilet paper to use, which brand of toilet paper to use, how to fold the toilet paper when using it, whether to flush while still sitting down or after standing up, how to hang the toilet paper, putting the seat up or down, which scent of air freshener to use, whether to use spray, a solid wick or a plug in, padded toilet seat or hard kind, what kind of soap to use when washing your hands, what size towel to dry them on, and don't forget to turn the light off when you leave the bathroom. 

THAT'S micromanagement.


Bah!  You must know my ex husband....

As to micromanagement in D/s & M/s....I can only speak of my M/s dynamic, and with that I'll say to whatever degree the Master deems it is necessary, it is necessary.  I was more strictly managed in the early days than I am now.  It was necessary then.  Not so much now.  I was scoffed at a bit (still am, sometimes), but I figure that just means they don't know me very well.    But I don't think the word should carry such a negative connotation with it.  It's exactly what some people need, which in my book does not make them any more or less than anyone else, when their heart is in the right place.  Live and let live, eh?

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 8:51:37 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		 

I have this life thing that I work diligently to succeed at.  I am one of those people who thinks that one gets out of something what one puts into it.

While I suppose if I worked hard enough I could micromanage somebody else's life to succeed, part of me wonders why the hell I am bothering to put in the work when she isnt.

I wont do it any more.

Sinergy


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(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/9/2007 9:50:20 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HardnRuff
What are your beliefs on micro managing ?? Is this good in small doeses or more harmful than good ?

 
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I enjoy it in the right atmosphere and under the right circumstances, its relaxing, it makes me feel VERY submissive. Personally, I feel it does a LOT of good, it makes a bottom-type appreciate their 'freedom' a LOT more.
 
quote:
Do subs / slaves want or even need that kind of control ?

 
I love it. I crave it at times, its comforting. I have asked for it a few times; a few partners didn't like that much 'control' or it wasn't within their 'norm' range; MJ an I have talked about it, we both agree it has a time and a place.
 
quote:
 It is alot of work for a Dom. I dont feel as though it is needed in Most cases that I have been  involved . But I seem to think it has its place. Is this a common mistake for new Doms to make ?

 
A relationship is work, regardless if mirco-management is invovled, so its a bit more effort, sheesh its not a big deal. If its a bother then don't do it. I think that the only mistake it that peopel think that a slave beign micro-managed is a bad thing or that it says that the slave is not capable of doing things on their own, etc. Its actually a form of high protocl and mosre stingent M/s.
 
quote:
I know when I was new at the life I tried to micro manage way to hard and it caused more problems than it did good .Whats the take on it ?

 
Its like most other things in this lifestyle, do what works for you. When you are new, I don't suggest trying to micro-manage since it takes more effort and control than a newbie is use too. Not everything in life is easy. Do what works for you.  

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(in reply to HardnRuff)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/10/2007 1:32:59 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		there is no blanket statements that ever always apply. 
learning anothers likes, dislikes, wants and wishes is one thing.
being micromanaged to me only comes after that. 
personally i dont need it, nor do i want it. 


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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/10/2007 3:28:04 AM   
SlND3R3LLA


Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		My Master hates to micromanage.  We had a talk about this the other day.  I asked him why he didn't give me tasks or rules to follow..or why I didn't get punished when something wasn't done he wanted done.  He asked me if I knew what needed to be done, I told him I did, then he said "Well, you should do it then, shouldn't you?".  I couldn't come back with anything more than "Yes, I suppose I should" (not my best line ever).  He said, I am not going to punish you, because if something is not done, chances are that is why you didn't do it...so I would.  Yes, that is logical and he is probably a tad bit right.

Master just doesn't have the time, nor the energy to manage everything I do.  He is right that I know what needs to be done, I am an adult of reasonable intelligence and there isn't a reason for him to have a list for me everyday.  I will admit that I miss a bit of this, not because I don't know what to do, but because of the extra control it gives him in my life.  It's just the way things are though and I will continue to exist without it. 

~sin, Masters un-micromanaged slave

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And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/10/2007 4:24:31 AM   
Areflectionofyou


Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		micro managing works in alot of cases and shouldn't hurt a relationship if the two involved are both aware that this is what the Dominant expects of him/her

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/10/2007 5:30:36 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

wingchymes:
Permission to pee isn't micromanagement.  Permission to pee, and then which bathroom to use, and then how much toilet paper to use, which brand of toilet paper to use, how to fold the toilet paper when using it, whether to flush while still sitting down or after standing up, how to hang the toilet paper, putting the seat up or down, which scent of air freshener to use, whether to use spray, a solid wick or a plug in, padded toilet seat or hard kind, what kind of soap to use when washing your hands, what size towel to dry them on, and don't forget to turn the light off when you leave the bathroom. 

THAT'S micromanagement.


See, thats my definition of micromanagement too...way too much time involved.....much more fun things to do with all that time...

quote:

  HardnRuff:
How about permission to speak? permission to be excused ? permission to greet  others ?


The hubby and I have a very laid back household life, I pretty much do everything however I want as long as certain things get done. I cant think of anything around the house that he really cares HOW I do it, as long as I do it. BUT we do go out to the occasional formal Leather social, and while out I do follow a much more strict form of protocol, like asking to be excused, if I may go get a drink, if I can sit or stand, I stand in a specific way, I greet others and introduce others in a specific way, I stand in a specific position reletive to where he is, I walk in a specific place behind him. He doesnt constantly tell me where to stand or what to do, I already know the protocols and am expected to follow them. That isnt quite the same as micro-managing. Now if he constantly told me which foot to move when im walking, and told me where to stand and where to sit, that would be I think.

quote:

   if a slave has a way of folding the t-shirts so they don't get wrinkled in the drawer, I'm all for it. Otherwise, do it my way.


I just hang everyhing...

_____________________________

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/10/2007 5:58:21 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HardnRuff

How about permission to speak? permission to be excused ? permission to greet others ?


Goodness unless we are actively doing something together why would I want to be bothered with giving the above permissions?

We are actively together, yes, Fox will look at me or ask for permission to leave or more often just asks if I need anything right now. We both know if I call for him he will come asap.

As for greeting others, we have general guidelines in place for that. If he can't remember them then he isn't being a very good slave and is likely to get a boot out of my house.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to HardnRuff)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: † Micro managing † - 7/10/2007 9:50:47 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		For a weekend, I think it would be hot. Beyond that, annoying in all ways. I do have a mind of my own and can figure out that the sheets need to be washed and the dog needs to be fed. Specific problems that need addressing and I may need help with I don't consider micromanagement.

It's also a waste of his time, he has better things to do than stand over me and tell me to add exactly 1/4 tsp oregano to the meatloaf.

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 40
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