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What would you do in this situation? - 7/10/2007 5:44:40 PM   
LadyKrystie


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/30/2007
From: Tampa Bay, Fl.
Status: offline 		I usually have a pretty good imagination when it comes to coming up with punishments to fit the crime...  But one particular scenarion kind of has me stumped.  What would you do if at some point - Say you and your subbie are sitting on the sofa watching TV together, and you decide you want him to sit on the floor at your feet...  And he refuses (maybe he's in a bad mood, or being obstinate, whatever).  You firm up your tone, and order him to...  He refuses.  You threaten with punishment for disobedience, and he digs his heels in and settles himself more firmly into the sofa and gets one of those "Hell no, make me, bitch" looks in his eyes.  I'm a big girl, but still physically weaker than alot of the men I know when it comes to brute strenght.  So I know I can't drag him off the sofa, and force him on his knees if he's outright being a pain in the ass.  I'm curious to know what some of you would do in that situation.  If A.  He was just a sub/slave and B. If he was your partner/husband.  Thanks a bunch.  ;)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/10/2007 5:56:13 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Ma`am i hope You dont mind me answering. If i was a submissive then " Do as i say or there is the door " would grab my attention very quickly. As would " Okay lets forget this and go back to being vanilla " if i was married or a partner.

Then when they relented a 1000 word essay on "Obeying commands" would focus the mind.

i truly cant see why any submissive would push a Mistress so far, even in fun. Maybe initially, in a playful manner, but once i got that glance i would move fast.

(in reply to LadyKrystie)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/10/2007 6:05:35 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		if this was a partner that I shared a home with... maybe the relationship would go beyond that night but the D/s would cease right there & then until such time this sub would get serious about the commitment made to this type of dynamic (there would be some rather lengthy discussions on the horizon)

to willfully disobey in this manner suggests that the structure nor the consent to this type of structure is no longer there

maybe they aren't into it like they thought they would be at the onset
maybe they are getting what they need out of it
maybe they lost interest altogether

the relationship can be salvaged but to attempt to enforce the D/s might sabotage any chance of maintaining this relationship

If this was purely a dating situation where they didn't live in my home, I'd probably tell them to go home & take a time out... if this was something that had happened previously... this would definitely be a case of immediate release/dismissal




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MstrssPassion


(in reply to LadyKrystie)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/10/2007 6:17:11 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		If a submissive outright refused to obey, and they did not live with me, I would get up, leave the room, and mention on my way out how they could find the door. I would not engage them until they had gone home and contacted me in a calmer mindset. If they were visiting from out of town I'd let them know the location of the closest hotel, but I would not continue to give them my attention.

If my submissive lived with me and was a lifepartner, I would get up and leave, period. That is, if I thought the sub was doing it to act out and get attention. If a sub said no, I don't feel like it and it was likely to be a health issue, I'd be more compassionate. But when it got to an outright battle of wills, I'd walk out of the room. If I'm the one in authority I won't be egged into discipline.

~E

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/10/2007 6:28:43 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I'd get up and turn the TV off and order him to strip.Then I would have him kneel on some uncooked rice for about 30-45 minutes while having his nose pressed into the corner and think about what submission REALLY means. Ignore him while he is kneeling there.If he won't take his punishment perhaps its time to consider taking back your collar and seeking a man who has an actual submissive personality who would cherish a D/s relationship.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to LadyKrystie)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/10/2007 6:44:31 PM   
KaramelGoddess


Posts: 404
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline 		Firstly there would be a talk about whether or not he still wishes to submit.  If not, then it's a shaking of hands and ciao, check you later.  If he DOES still want to submit...then this:  If he's a pain/humiliation slut... I would simply ask him to leave and ignore him for hours, even days.  I agree with politesub... a written assignment or research essay of some sort would be in order too.
~Kara


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(in reply to LadyKrystie)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/10/2007 7:59:17 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		I'd go for honest communication.  As in, "Okay, so you do not want a D/s relationship with me, and you withdraw your consent?  If that is true, then I would have to say that we no longer have a D/s relationship."

If he's just a kinky playmate, that's the point at which he's out the door.  If he's a partner, it's time for a very serious discussion about the boundaries of consent in the relationship, and the effect that the non negotiated withdrawal of consent has on absolutely killing my interest in doing D/s with someone.  I'm really not into "submissive when it suits me, disrespectful and rude when it doesn't."


(in reply to LadyKrystie)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/10/2007 8:21:29 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		I am with Mistress Passion and Najakcharmer on this. I am assuming we are in a relationship and living together. I would remove myself from the room...sitting there and continuing to watch the television is a form of passive acceptance of the behavior.

It may not be the right time for a discussionn, so I would wait until I was calmer and perhaps he was more receptive. Then we would discuss the boundaries of our relationship as we both understood it and make a decision regarding continuing or changing the status.

If he was having a bad moment there would be a disciplinary action to fit the situation. Do let us know how it turns out.

Bright Blessings!

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Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to Najakcharmer)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/10/2007 10:03:49 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		The scenario the OP described i couldn't fathom....seriously...to disobey like that...i cant even fit that into my brain.

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*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to Cloudz)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/10/2007 10:21:32 PM   
Red82


Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		Yep. Walking away from the situation is exactly what I was thinking. Not only is he not in a place to disobey, but also not in a place to have your will bend to him.

When he finaly came to you, (and this is just what I think would happen to me if I ever disobeyed someone I belonged to), he would not be allowed on ANY furniture for quite awhile. Awhile not being a few hours, or even a day, but at least a week. There would be no TV, he would find new ways to clean the house, and he would be writing a paper on what being submissive was, on what he did EXACTLY to be punished, and what he shall do to better himself in the future to not disrespect you in such a petulant manner. Maybe even one on communication if he objects that he was "in a bad mood" or "going through some shit".

Thats when you inform him he either complies, or theres the door. Its not like he didnt know what he was getting into.

Thats just my two cents.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/11/2007 2:11:42 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline




quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

I'd go for honest communication.  As in, "Okay, so you do not want a D/s relationship with me, and you withdraw your consent?  If that is true, then I would have to say that we no longer have a D/s relationship."

If he's just a kinky playmate, that's the point at which he's out the door.  If he's a partner, it's time for a very serious discussion about the boundaries of consent in the relationship, and the effect that the non negotiated withdrawal of consent has on absolutely killing my interest in doing D/s with someone.  I'm really not into "submissive when it suits me, disrespectful and rude when it doesn't."




We're in agreement here.  I'm having a hard time believing that he'd still be on the planet to hear me after behavior like that, though.  I really have little tolerance for "make me" shenanigans.





_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/11/2007 2:59:33 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I'd get up and turn the TV off and order him to strip.Then I would have him kneel on some uncooked rice for about 30-45 minutes while having his nose pressed into the corner and think about what submission REALLY means. Ignore him while he is kneeling there.If he won't take his punishment perhaps its time to consider taking back your collar and seeking a man who has an actual submissive personality who would cherish a D/s relationship.

~Lashra



Hi Ma`am, yes that would work pretty quickly. The rice trick sounds very painful. For me, the most painful thing though would be being ignored.

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/11/2007 3:54:05 AM   
MsStryker


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/16/2006
Status: offline 		Wow. I am still reeling from that scenario. My mind is spinning so I hope what I write makes some kind of sense.
How I dealt with that would depend on my mood and how I felt about the person normally. I can say though it would do alot to alter my mood for the worse. This is one of those willful situations no one likes to get involved in, as we all know we can not really make another do something they do not. Actions & Consequences.....
I find this a breach of trust and incredibly disrespectful.
However my aim would be to avoid getting in that situation.. I would say what I wanted, act accordingly to the response,  if my wants were not important enough to the sub in question they would be ignored until they made it up to me. Then there would be punishment and then forgiveness when it was all over. Or he would be tossed out on his ear and I would make the rest up as I went along.
I do like the kneeling on rice suggestion..... files it away for future consideration. Thinking I will reread all the posts again tomorrow, theres alot of lovely advice here and one can never have too many tools for dealing with life.
Ms Alizbeth


(in reply to Politesub53)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/11/2007 4:37:27 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		Negative attention is better than not attention at all.  I would see defiant disobedience as manipulative behavior, so I would immediately withdraw my dominance by not allowing my sub to serve me,  and by doing everything for myself until my sub questioned me as to why I was acting this way if they havent figured it out by then.  Then, I respond with the answer that they withdrew consent when they willingly disobeyed me, and I refuse to dominate without consent.  At that point, the sub can either fall in line, immediately through apology and obedience, or the sub can do nothing.  Regarding the latter scenario, I remind the sub, when Ive had enough, that Im not into vanilla relationships, therefore this one must come to an end.  Thus ended my most recent 24/7 relationship.

(in reply to MsStryker)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/11/2007 5:46:27 AM   
LaMistressa


Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		Depending on my mood, I would either simply walk out, or I would ask him the capital of Thailand, punch him in the nuts and say "Bangkok!" and then walk out (because I am always looking for an excuse to use the Bangkok joke.)

Seriously, in a D/s relationship this level of disrespect is unacceptable. Your physical strength has nothing to do w/it (although you can always lead a person by the ear, regardless of their size and strength.) It sounds like it is time for a lot of communication on this one.

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/11/2007 6:06:11 AM   
FavoriteGuy


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline 		I am some what less deep into the scene that some on this board, so perhaps take my reply with a grain of salt since I lack a fair amount of experience...

To me, it seems that he is testing your authority and rather than addressing the short term issue of getting him to kneel at your feet at this exact point in time, perhaps you should focus on the long range issue of establishing your authority in the relationship.

As a submissive man, I find it thrilling to submit to a powerful woman.  That doesn't mean that I find it thrilling to just do whatever any woman tells me.  There is a world of difference between those two things that I hope you can see.

Perhaps this is simply a cry out from your partner for you to not just be a woman who spits out commands to be followed, but instead to be a powerful woman who's presence inspires obedience.  While I can agree that his approach isn't the *best* way to reach out for that, he may be a bit frightened/scared and just blurting out his "feelings" in a way that he can.


By the way - I also assume that this is a relationship rather than a playful situation.  If it is just some playful situation, I agree to threaten him with a boot in the ass out of the games as someone like that is likely to be more trouble than they are worth.

(in reply to LaMistressa)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/11/2007 6:30:13 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyKrystie

I usually have a pretty good imagination when it comes to coming up with punishments to fit the crime... But one particular scenarion kind of has me stumped. What would you do if at some point - Say you and your subbie are sitting on the sofa watching TV together, and you decide you want him to sit on the floor at your feet... And he refuses (maybe he's in a bad mood, or being obstinate, whatever). You firm up your tone, and order him to... He refuses. You threaten with punishment for disobedience, and he digs his heels in and settles himself more firmly into the sofa and gets one of those "Hell no, make me, bitch" looks in his eyes. I'm a big girl, but still physically weaker than alot of the men I know when it comes to brute strenght. So I know I can't drag him off the sofa, and force him on his knees if he's outright being a pain in the ass. I'm curious to know what some of you would do in that situation. If A. He was just a sub/slave and B. If he was your partner/husband. Thanks a bunch. ;)


Honestly, if Fox pulled that with me, I'd stand up, walk over to the front door, open it and say "get the fuck out of my house."

At that point he has broken our contract by refusing to be obedient and I have no use for him as anything other than my slave. He is fully aware that this is what would happen.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyKrystie)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/11/2007 6:34:32 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I'd get up and turn the TV off and order him to strip.Then I would have him kneel on some uncooked rice for about 30-45 minutes while having his nose pressed into the corner and think about what submission REALLY means. Ignore him while he is kneeling there.If he won't take his punishment perhaps its time to consider taking back your collar and seeking a man who has an actual submissive personality who would cherish a D/s relationship.

~Lashra



While this and other suggestions for punishments are interesting in this thread I think they ignore the fact that the man in the OP has chosen to disobey. Why then would he obey and follow through on any punishment?

Ignoring him might work but I think it places the dominant in a more passive aggressive position.

Talking might work but if there is a reason that he doesn't want to kneel on the floor then it was his job to mention that first thing not to just disobey.

I know, I'm a total bitch in these regards.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/11/2007 6:48:19 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

While this and other suggestions for punishments are interesting in this thread I think they ignore the fact that the man in the OP has chosen to disobey. Why then would he obey and follow through on any punishment?


I am in complete agreement with TammyJo in this regard.

I honestly don't think there is a "punishment" that can correct one who has conscientiously & willfully disobeyed.

This is a situation were you either "make it or break it". By "make it" I mean this: go all the way back to day 1... negotiation/reveal: what are we doing, do we have common goals, define the structure, establish the limits, determine a solid reward/punishment guide, etc, etc, etc. This of course may reveal that you have no way to move forward again into a D/s relationship but then again... really depends on the couple.

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MstrssPassion


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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 7/11/2007 6:51:15 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I'm with the general concensus here ... this is a major breach and he'd be seriously out of favour. If a play partner ... get out and don't darken My door again, I am not interested in wasting My time on a brat. If a livein partner, I would get up, go and put all his stuff in the bedroom in a bag or two and dump it in the spare room. he'd be in there for a while. I would not sit there and tacitly allow the behaviour by staying. Followed when calmer by talks about whether he has withdrawn consent to submit and obey, whether he is 'testing' and the impact of that on both him and Myself. If I don't see GENUINE remorse and repentance ... followed by actual obedience ... eventually it's goodbye time. My (ex)hubby was into defiance though he was usually more subtle and undermining about it ... when pushed he'd be remorseful ... but then never followed through with sustained obedience ... I would count the days until he "fell off the wagon" again and usually I'd not used both hands ... I put up with it for a lot longer than I should have as there were other issues to consider ... as there may be for You ... but truly, You shouldn't have to put up with this.

With Master, i can be playful and sometimes i push that a tad further than i should ... but when He gives me "that look" or says "And who do you think you are talking to pet?" ... i obey and pronto! and i am then very remorseful ... so much so that in the early days Master got concerned as i got SO sorry over what He thought were relatively trivial "wrongs". It wasn't so much what i'd done or not done ... it was disappointing and upsetting Him that hurt me. It doesn't seem that Your sub is driven by that desire to please ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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