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Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 6:20:36 AM   
saseblubutrfly


Posts: 39
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		A little bit of background so you might understand where I'm coming from. Yes, my mother raised me to be strong and independent. My dad was around and yelled at me and my sister a lot. My ex husband yelled and cussed at me for 3 1/2 of our 5 year marriage, soooooooo.......my defense is that the ears turn off automatically. I'm under consideration with a Dom and yesterday on my drive home we were just chatting about normal things, work, my personal goals etc. All of a sudden, he turned on me. He started yelling and cussing at me because he said I was giving him attitude. I apologized several times as that was not the intention. He said the attitude was in my tone of voice. I wasn't talking to him any different than I had before. Little did I know that our conversation had gone from one of friendly chatter to my responses and tone should have been "Yes Sir". Needless to say, this tenderhearted 90% sub/10% hard hearted Domme was a crying, sobbing, blithering pile of nothing. After the cussing and yelling started the ears turned off and I can't tell you the conversation after that. All I remember me saying is "Yes Sir" and "I understand". I felt about 2 cenimeters tall after the phone call.  When I got online with him last night he told me that I needed to work on my tone of voice. He also told me that his reaction was a response to my attitude. When I also explained to him about my dad and my ex he acted like he gave a flying rat's ass. Then again in about 2 seconds he had turned on me again. I can't take this. Am I being too sensitive? How do I know when conversation changes?
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 6:41:43 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		*hug* (if that is ok)

I'm sorry but it it sounds like you learned that this person isn't the best match for you. Someone who goes off like this is unlikely to change even if you ask him to do so. If he knows about your background it would suggest to me that he may have purposely behaved this way to manipulate you.

It's your call now. Do you want to be with someone who falls into either of those above categories?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 6:50:28 AM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		Sensitive? Try perceptive. Try awake and aware. Sounds like this one is not your best match...keep looking and good luck!

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 6:51:46 AM   
spiral23


Posts: 1053
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		this sounds so wrong....even if you were gaining an attitude in your voice..to be pulled up and reprimanded in such an abusive and negative way is very unhelpful..to have it pointed out and disciplined maybe..to be belittled and shamed no...

you explained calmly why it upset you so much and he ignores it is even worse...it obviously pushes your buttons...and that needs working on...but doing it by more verbal abuse...is just wrong....hes not listening to you...are you to sensitive...maybe...but can you tell when conversation changes ..prob not...he may have an agenda to why hes doing the verbal abuse...but it doesnt sound like a helpful one to you..that you can grow and deal with the issues you talked about....

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 7:05:46 AM   
SlND3R3LLA


Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		You did the right thing, you talked to him like an adult about why it bothered you so much.  It bothers me that he didn't listen to you, and then flew off the handle again. 
 
If you were my sub, I would want to know why you had the reaction you did, I wouldn't just blow you off when you tried to explain it.  Perhaps you are seeing the "real" side of him that he has kept hidden all of this time.  It's amazing how long people can wear the masks they have chosen before the other person peeps out from behind.
 
I would evaluate the relationship and what it brings to my life.  I would normally say to talk to him about it, but you already did that, so now you have to make the decision whether this is going to be a healthy relationship for you to exist in.
 
Good luck.
 
~sin, Masters slave

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 7:13:35 AM   
instynctive


Posts: 2726
Status: offline 		Yeah, he's a douchebag... move along.

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(in reply to SlND3R3LLA)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 7:18:34 AM   
Ayanaev717


Posts: 72
Status: offline 		No, no, no. I don't like reading things like this. You are not there to be abused- NEVER. I congratulate you for getting out of a bad situation with you ex. You do not need this in another relationship ESPECIALLY a D/s one.

Consider he is not your rightful match. You need someone who is sensitive to your emotional wounds and knows how to handle them gently not curtly. Please for you safety- DO NOT continue. It is not safe. And safety is paramount in all relationships including D/s.

Always,

A

< Message edited by Ayanaev717 -- 7/11/2007 7:20:58 AM >

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 7:19:19 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		You 'may' be hyper sensitive to harsh words and voices because of your background but that in no way negates your feelings or reaction to this dom.
To me it sounds as if he has some anger issues & is lacking in a creative vocabulary (there are soooo many wonderful words, I always wonder why people just stick to the swear words most of the time!). He has done this twice to you now which to me shows he has the habit of doing so.
Simply ask yourself if the emotional distress he causes you is worth it.

You are under consideration, well so is he. I wish you the best of luck with this.

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~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 7:20:28 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Seriously- if he doesn't like your atttitude, he can turn to you and say "I feel like you're having an inappropriate attitude right now, are you aware of that?" give specific feedback on what signals gave him that impression and what specific behaviors he would like to see change over time.

You're just getting to know him- and I think you learned that you've attracted yet another male to you who will revert to yelling and cussing rather than mature communication.  Time to stop the attraction and remember next time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to instynctive)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 7:38:57 AM   
SubinMaine


Posts: 1888
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline 		wow, sounds like he has a very short fuse, not a very "good" thing at all in this type of relationship. i agree with the others, he doesn't sound like the right match for you...keep looking and best of luck.

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That which yields is not always weak...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 7:51:10 AM   
cumulus


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

All of a sudden, he turned on me. He started yelling and cussing at me because he said I was giving him attitude.

 
Swearing, in and of itself, isn't a hanging offense. Now if he's outright calling you names and getting verbally abusive, that's something else entirely. There is a slight chance that he perceives his behavior as part of your relationship dynamic, but that's for you to determine. I've seen several D/s couples that have this type of humiliation built in to their relationship. If this isn't the case, then I'd have to agree with the other posters on this topic. It's time to move on.

_____________________________

Regards,
Cumulus

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 7:56:26 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Awww, butterfly. I'm sorry.

A Dom who is worthy of you will go slow, learn your triggers, and help you work through them instead of shoving you into bad feelings. The only thing his swearing and yelling is going to do is to teach you to fear him or (and?) hate him.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to cumulus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 8:00:16 AM   
saseblubutrfly


Posts: 39
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

The only thing his swearing and yelling is going to do is to teach you to fear him or (and?) hate him.


That's exactly what it did. I tuned him out, ears off.

After reading the posts, fear him....NEVER, hate him on the other hand.....ALWAYS.

(in reply to slaveish)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 8:06:30 AM   
instynctive


Posts: 2726
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

That's exactly what it did. I tuned him out, ears off.

After reading the posts, fear him....NEVER, hate him on the other hand.....ALWAYS.


"Hate him"?

Don't waste any space in your brain for that.  Simply ignore/forget his existence.


_____________________________


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(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 8:07:38 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Seriously- if he doesn't like your atttitude, he can turn to you and say "I feel like you're having an inappropriate attitude right now, are you aware of that?" give specific feedback on what signals gave him that impression and what specific behaviors he would like to see change over time.

You're just getting to know him- and I think you learned that you've attracted yet another male to you who will revert to yelling and cussing rather than mature communication.  Time to stop the attraction and remember next time.


No, he can't....it seems that this is but another online relationship....Where everything can be lost in translation.

Have you met?

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 8:07:54 AM   
instynctive


Posts: 2726
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cumulus
Swearing, in and of itself, isn't a hanging offense. Now if he's outright calling you names and getting verbally abusive, that's something else entirely. There is a slight chance that he perceives his behavior as part of your relationship dynamic, but that's for you to determine. I've seen several D/s couples that have this type of humiliation built in to their relationship. If this isn't the case, then I'd have to agree with the other posters on this topic. It's time to move on.


Some of us are capable of producing desired humilation/etc. with nothing more than a well-phrased whisper...




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(in reply to cumulus)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 8:15:07 AM   
saseblubutrfly


Posts: 39
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		I've met him twice and honestly, I think I had rather look at the devil than at him.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 8:27:37 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly
He also told me that his reaction was a response to my attitude

No, his reaction was exactly what it was - his.  I know it's cliche but no one can make anyone feel or act any way.  Just like me and you, he chooses each and every reaction he exhibits.  My Master hasn't exactly loved my own attitude throughout every minute of every day of the last 14 months but he has never once  screamed, cussed at, or belittled me so that I felt 2 inches tall, as you said.  Knowing Him as I do, I'm fairly secure in the knowledge that He never will.  That's not how He acts nor does He see it as appropriate.  He is fond of saying that unless He (or any master) can "master" His/their own emotions/feelings/reactions, etc., how in the HELL can He/they master a slave? 

This is not to say that a master should never curse or get upset, of course, but displeasure or anger needs to be expressed appropriately and "going off" in unpredictable ways like this guy did is just nonsense.  If you're just driving along talking and the "rules" or expectations change mid-sentence, how are you ever going to know how to speak/act to keep him from exploding?  And, even if you do err, why is it necessary to belittle you and raise his voice, especially knowing what a negative effect that specifically has on you due to your past?  Do what you will but I would heed the advice of everyone else so far and decide if you want this kind of unpredictable and negative behavior as part of your life.  Bless you.............luci


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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 8:28:10 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		I have the same reaction to violent yelling...I end up in a ball on the floor crying and shaking...

Strange thing is, my husband, whom I love compleatly, screams violently at traffic. Sometimes its bad enough that I will draw my knees up to my chest and cover my ears and cry. He knows how it effects me, and tries very hard to not do it, but its a reaction that he has and Ive learned that its not directed at me and we go on with life. Violent yelling, whether its swearing or not, if its directed at you is a form of abuse, and there is no reason for you to subject yourself to it. Especially since this is a relationship that is only just beginning, there is nothing invested enough to make it worth trying to fix together...go on and find someone more compatible, and more sensitive to your issues.

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to instynctive)
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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 8:41:41 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

I've met him twice and honestly, I think I had rather look at the devil than at him.


Then use your noggin and get the hell away from this guy.

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 20
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