RE: Yellin & cussin

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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/12/2007 11:11:29 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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Situations like this is why I have those 3 simple rules in place that were discussed in a thread on "house rules"...

1. Civility and courtesy must be used in communication

2. Patience

3. Communicate, communicate, communicate

Those rules hold for myself as well as for any submissive I am dealing with. If I cannot be civil and show courtesy to someone, how can I expect them to do so with me? Being dominant does not give me the right to be verbally abusive. If I don't like the attitude or mannerisms a submissive is using when talking to me, I believe my first question would be "are you aware that your manner is coming off as belligerent/angry with me/sarcastic/whatever?" Then, when she asked what I meant or, even if she did not, I would point to what gave me that indication.

Patience...Getting angry over someone's attitude is understandable when it is a repeated thing AND when you have taken measures to understand their attitude and correct it and the problem continues. However, anger does not mean a need for raised voice or cursing at someone: it may mean that the dominant needs to remove himself for a bit, calm down, then come down and speak to the submissive again about her attitude, explain to her what indicators are there that are pushing HIS buttons and then take corrective measures...depending on the dynamic that could range from discipline to dismissal with all kinds of steps in-between, including getting help for her in dealing with past issues while disciplining her to enforce the dynamic.

Communication of the dynamic you had growing up and about your feelings about that dynamic and how it influenced you should have taken place at the beginning and, depending on how much it has affected you, a sustained effort to communicate that clearly to him and a sustained effort on his part to communicate either his understanding of it/dismissal of it/plans for changing the resulting behaviors.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/12/2007 12:08:49 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
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Great reply creative. you made some awesome points there!

~meticulous~

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/16/2007 3:35:29 PM

wwwkevinww

Posts: 276
Joined: 7/15/2004
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I have a personal issue with yelling and cursing. I find its totally pointless, and while one is venting the recipient is forced to either ignore or withdraw, it causes an unneccessary power struggle and unhealthy dynamic.

I'd strongly suggest reading: DO I HAVE TO GIVE UP ME TO BE LOVED BY YOU to anyone who wants to learn how to be open and honest and avoid these types of power struggles.

power struggles are not the same as power exchange....instead of fighting for control your enjoying giving over control....

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

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Post #: 43