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RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 8:46:26 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Getting yelled at and or cussed at tells me something is wrong. And if I try to talk it out and it continues or happens again. I think it's time for the door. And would gladly use it or show them to it. I've been told I can strip a person down without raising my voice or use of a single cuss word.

In my experiance... one with such a short temper like the one you've described... can turn from verbal abuse to physical. Best to think this one out carefully. Not gonna tell you NOT to stick with it. It's not my place. This is your choice. I just hope you think it through more and carefully. Good luck to you.

Jessica

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to GhitaAmati)

Post #: 21

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 8:50:18 AM

Dane

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/12/2007
Status: offline

This guy is out of control of himself, and he blames his lack of control on your tone of voice. It's a classic situation where an abuser says the victim "made him" do it. A dominant, more than any other person, must take personal responsibility for his actions.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 22

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 9:15:09 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

I'm with others on this one. Nobody can make you react a certain way. It's your own choice how you react. What I would have done in a situation like this, is that I'd tell the person that I feel he/she is giving me an attitude and concequently ask why that is. No need for humiliation and cussing to get to the root of the problem. Maybe you have a harsh tone of voice when you speak, due to your past or otherwise. And the task ahead then would be to obliterate that tone eventually. Negativity and humiliation are not likely to yield good end results. Just my 2 cents.....

(in reply to Dane)

Post #: 23

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 9:51:57 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I hope you have dumped him by now. It's obvious this guy has a short temper and the inability to communicate without being an ass. For myself, I cannot handle being yelled at. I know some people get enjoyment from it, but it is a bad place for me. You acted absolutely like a reasonable adult when you tried to explain. HE acted like a child stomping his feet and having a tamtrum. That seems more like domineering and not dominant.
~Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Viridana)

Post #: 24

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 9:55:46 AM

corsetgirl

Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

You have definitely described my marriage very well. My ex husband was a verbally abusive man as well and I now know the difference between dominance and abuse. This is a very clear indication that this dominant is abusive to you and if you choose to be with him, he will only break down your self-esteem.

I would rather be alone for awhile than be with someone who is verbally and emotionally abusive to me.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 25

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 10:29:21 AM

nyrisa

Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline

To me, someone who is yelling and cussing at you has either lost control of their emotions, or is using it to control, manipulate and intimidate someone they perceive as being weaker. In the first case, I would not be able to respect or trust someone who has so little control of himself. In the second instance, it sounds like the prelude to establishing a relationship of emotional and possibly physical abuse. This early in a relationship, he is probably testing the waters to see if you will tolerate this treatment, and if so, you can probably expect the intensity to ramp up quickly. Please don't allow someone to be so hurtful to you.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 26

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 10:41:45 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

I've met him twice and honestly, I think I had rather look at the devil than at him.

And you are still considering this as a viable relationship?

Listen to your gut.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 27

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 11:45:15 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

Leave him now hun...you deserve MUCH better

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 28

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 11:45:30 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Your mistake was in getting involved with him in the first place without telling him about your hypersensitivity to out of control anger from men. You compounded that by not asking him in detail about how he is when he gets angry, what did he do the last time he was furious at his ex, his boss, his best friend.

This is a deal breaker for you, or ought to be. Ask about it in the future, and tell this man that his anger management problem has caused you to conclude that he is unsafe and untrustworthy for you. Tell him goodbye.

If you accept it, and his false promises not to so repeat this behavior when you tell him goodbye, expect it to get worse not better. And don't be surprised if he proceeds to physical abuse, while claiming he is just punishing you.

Your call. And you may want to get some help in dealing with leftover self esteem issues which have left you susceptible to men like this, and the help would prevent you from making such a mistake again.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 29

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 11:56:13 AM

uwinceismile

Posts: 365
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline

consider yourself very lucky......
lucky that you are under consideration, and not already in this relationship.
consideration means that you, or he, can walk away....
ill send you the funds for a new pair of tennis shoes....
run like the wind!!!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 30

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 12:44:34 PM

HardnRuff

Posts: 213
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

If He cant control Himself He cant control you in My opinion .

_____________________________

" Weapon Of Ass Destruction" † Bitch tested slut approved †

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 31

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 3:18:52 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you don't like someone yelling and cussing at you, find a partner who doesn't. It's that simple.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 32

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 3:19:07 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

No, you aren't being too sensitive. I think you're being quite perceptive. Personally, I find it rare that I ever have to raise my voice. Granted what works for me works for me. Others have different methods. My concern is most fully focused here...

quote:

When I got online with him last night he told me that I needed to work on my tone of voice. He also told me that his reaction was a response to my attitude. When I also explained to him about my dad and my ex he acted like he gave a flying rat's ass. Then again in about 2 seconds he had turned on me again. I can't take this.

I try to not be judgemental but, to me, this isn't a Dominant. Having brought up the subject of your issues with him regarding previous males in your life, he went right back into being exactly what you fear. This connotates a habit and not someone that is concerned about your mental and emotional well being within a relationship. I think you've already answered your own question about what you should do. This situation is not something you find to be viable simply by reading the last line of your post alone.

On a better note, this is something you were able to learn about him prior to taking the relationship further. You're recognizing the red flags that give you pause. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you come to take. I do agree with the other posts that urge you to remove yourself from the situation and walk away.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 33

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 3:28:59 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

hi hon
i am with the others on this one. he is not the one for you, move on. you deserve better.
hugs
c

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 34

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 3:36:09 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

I go with the douchebag thing. You don't need us telling you this he isn't right for you. If you are questioning it and you'd rather look at the devil..then, there's no question what to do.

(in reply to completenz)

Post #: 35

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 4:08:08 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dane

This guy is out of control of himself, and he blames his lack of control on your tone of voice. It's a classic situation where an abuser says the victim "made him" do it. A dominant, more than any other person, must take personal responsibility for his actions.

I agree fully with this POV...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Dane)

Post #: 36

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/11/2007 9:02:52 PM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

RUNNNNNNNNNNNN!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 37

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/12/2007 4:13:00 AM

maledave7

Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

It is good to be honest about how you feel. You did try to explain it. Sometimes other people are more sensitive to how we say things. I believe that it is important that the other person is at least willing to listen and to try to understand what you are saying. I feel you need to look at your relationship with him. You need to ask yourself if you want this kind of relationship in your life.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 38

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/12/2007 4:26:53 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I don't think you're being too sensitive. I think you're dating. And isn't it fortunate that you found out so early in the relationship - before you were really emotionally connected to him that this was something that wasn't going to work out?

Personally, I'm not interested in telling someone all the things they can't do when it comes to their behavior. I want to see how they really are. And unlike Celeste, I don't feel it's my responsibility to have to tell a grown man to act like an adult. It's not a failing of mine that I don't like someone yelling and cursing me. It's a failing of theirs if they do it. If I tell them - as if this is somehow my fault - that I can't handle their tirades, all I'm going to get is them being careful around me. Being careful sounds like a nice idea, but the problem with that is that what I'm going to be seeing is only their best behavior and I really don't want that. I want to see the man I'm getting to know - warts and all (the metaphorical kind) - so that I can make a determination for myself what is good for me.

Furthermore, I don't feel it's hypersensitive at all to not want to be around out of control men. It's knowing yourself and what you want - and don't want. When a man who calls himself a dominant reacts in such an out of control fashion then it's not hypersensitive of me to be angry, distrustful and want to steer clear of him. It's just good common sense. It's just darn healthy.

In the end, I'm not going to waste my time trying to convince myself that wanting to be treated in a respectful manner even though I'm a submissive (as if that's supposed to make a difference) is anything close to some sort of failing on my part. I would not see this as hypersensitive. I'd see it as being smart.

So, hey, yup, you cried. Yup, you had your feelings hurt. And yup, it appears you're done with this relationship, but know what? It'd be worse if you stayed and just kept taking what he was dishing out all the while, rationalizing that you're just being too sensitive and that it was somehow your fault for not telling him about the things you learned early in life that you didn't want for yourself.

So, good for you. I'm sorry this didn't work out, but I'm glad you found out early on in the relationship.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 7/12/2007 4:40:52 AM >

(in reply to maledave7)

Post #: 39

RE: Yellin & cussin - 7/12/2007 8:44:26 AM

greeneyes1962

Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline

I can't handle people with anger issues. I also shut down, and shut out the noise of it.
I grew up with a father with that, and my ex also was like that. I don't know how i sur-
vived 23 years.

Master does not have anger issues, which is one of the many reasons I love him so much.
He is able to communicate well, without yelling. However, because of 40+ years of
conditioning, I am just now getting over the fear of being yelled at all the time.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 40

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