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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 7:15:02 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Granted many people are lazy about forming questions and not being clear when posing them. I too maybe wearing some blinders and usually assume that the questuioner is asking a legit question. From what I have seen with many people, some are quite articulate in writing and some people are not.

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 7:15:57 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
This may not be the way you're thinking, but it sure comes off that way in your post.

juliet


you are entitled to your judgement and feelings with regards to the post... and others are entitled to theirs.

My post stands as is..I make no apologies for it

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 7:18:25 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

Granted many people are lazy about forming questions and not being clear when posing them. I too maybe wearing some blinders and usually assume that the questuioner is asking a legit question. From what I have seen with many people, some are quite articulate in writing and some people are not.


yeah.. and just because someone is alittle less articulate.... doesn't mean they are a flake or idiot.   In fact, a good BS'er can be very articulate but no absolutely shit...... I suppose we might listen alittle better to the content and less to the performance.

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 7:23:51 PM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		ah come on, for a while there it was kind of amusing to watch everybody fall over themselves to provide him with his mental masturbation i had to be careful to ask CrimsonMoan later if she wanted a brownie! fortunately she knows me a little and knew i was just having a mild dig at kevin, not her

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 7:25:49 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		Any relationship can be a minefield - thinking in terms of two-dimensional XY co-ordinates - flat earth. Trying to have a BDSM oriented one - and I use the term loosely for the scale of BDSM activity is near infinite, is more like a minefield in 3D or space - far more difficult. Yeah, some of your comments about singles coming in looking for community may be accurate, but its certainly stepping off the cliff a bit in terms of complexity from that of "safe" vanilla relationships. So why would we choose to deliberately complicate our lives?
 
Don't look at me for that answer. No idea mate. Or at least I don't feel like contemplating the question right now.
 
But one human's stupid question might be another's pathway to salvation.


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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 7:31:24 PM   
Petronius


Posts: 289
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think most of the questions are stupid; most of them strike me as reasonable queries about interesting-to-important topics.

Rather I think that the questions are asked by people utterly unserious about the answers. How else to explain their utter indifference to their own discussion within a day or two of starting it.

I often want to say "Here are the books written by the experts on the topic you presented. Why the hell are you asking people on c.m. when you could get the information from the experts?"

But let's not forget the people who may not pose the original questions but have a long track record of hating adults who actually discuss things. You can identify them by the ongoing series of off-topic posts they make ... day after day ... on topic after topic.


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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 7:44:10 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		When we already know the answer (or think we do), the questions can seem stupid, especially if the answer seems obvious. Case in point: I was at an event where there was a female-only space being offered. I happened to stop a man from wandering in (he'd obviously not read the sign and was making a simple mistake). I explained that it was female-only and that, with respect, he wasn't allowed to enter. His responce was, "Oh! Female-only? How does that work?" Honestly, I could only stare at him and fumble, "Well....it means...female-only...as in 'not you'." Probably not the best in tactful answers, but the question caught me off guard. So, is it that people as stupid questions or is it that people ask questions that we see (or think we see) the answer to plain as day?

I tell my students that there aren't any stupid questions, to put them at ease and to encourage them to ask about what they don't know or understand. Most appreciate the effort. I don't laugh at their questions unless they do. If we laugh together, I'm usually saying, "Oh! I asked that very same thing!" or something like that. Sometimes, people just need encouragement.

Master Fire


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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 7:45:27 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		When we already know the answer (or think we do), the questions can seem stupid, especially if the answer seems obvious. Case in point: I was at an event where there was a female-only space being offered. I happened to stop a man from wandering in (he'd obviously not read the sign and was making a simple mistake). I explained that it was female-only and that, with respect, he wasn't allowed to enter. His responce was, "Oh! Female-only? How does that work?" Honestly, I could only stare at him and fumble, "Well....it means...female-only...as in 'not you'." Probably not the best in tactful answers, but the question caught me off guard. So, is it that people as stupid questions or is it that people ask questions that we see (or think we see) the answer to plain as day?

I tell my students that there aren't any stupid questions, to put them at ease and to encourage them to ask about what they don't know or understand. Most appreciate the effort. I don't laugh at their questions unless they do. If we laugh together, I'm usually saying, "Oh! I asked that very same thing!" or something like that. Sometimes, people just need encouragement.

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 7:55:46 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

When we already know the answer (or think we do), the questions can seem stupid, especially if the answer seems obvious. Case in point: I was at an event where there was a female-only space being offered. I happened to stop a man from wandering in (he'd obviously not read the sign and was making a simple mistake). I explained that it was female-only and that, with respect, he wasn't allowed to enter. His responce was, "Oh! Female-only? How does that work?" Honestly, I could only stare at him and fumble, "Well....it means...female-only...as in 'not you'." Probably not the best in tactful answers, but the question caught me off guard. So, is it that people as stupid questions or is it that people ask questions that we see (or think we see) the answer to plain as day?



*chuckles*  this post is so good we get it twice

but to your point.... I like that.. that is really good point.... Knowing/thinkiing we know the answer... particularly we percieve it as a rather simple type question... well... we let ego get the better of us.

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 8:15:15 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Apologies to the honorable people ahead of me whose posts I haven't seen.

As opposed to you Knight, my introduction was (thankfully, in my eyes) squarely in the public setting.  Discussions, classes, demonstrations, play parties.  I got to see things, in my mind, done well and done (and taught) responsibly.

I also had the good sense to shut up and watch.  It wasn't that I might have had a question.  I figured if I paid attention long enough, I'd get to witness the answer, or a close proxmity.

Once I got that start, I shortly thereafter was introduced to my first partner.  Then, my education came from the 'usual suspect' books at the time (early 90's) of all sexual bents, and more live demonstrations.  By then, I was giving a few myself.

Today's generation have more to glean from, but less in terms of what I will call 'concentrated quality'.  I don't know much about Castle Realm, and I've heard good and bad things, but let's say that's where someone goes to get educated.  Like any website, it's rather sterile.  You can't get instant feedback, and if you can't find 'just' what you're looking for, you either guess or go somewhere like here and ask.  Not that that's wrong, it's just so far different than those of us that came out at a vastly different time.

I'm glad of how things worked out for me, and I'm glad to be able to assist here when/as I can.  That is, when I'm not running into a dumbass question that makes me reply snarky instead of helpful.

Jeff

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 8:43:25 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		The questions that to me are "stupid" fall into a few categories:

  1. Why after two days haven't I met someone?
  2. (blank profile, no pic, nada} Why is everyone here so fake?
  3. How come others aren't as good/noble/true a slave/master as me?
  4. The Master I met last night in chat collared me and I want to know what I am supposed to do now?
  5. Actually, pretty much any question related to chat and probably Gor
  6. How do I get my slave to trust me?  I mean just because my wife doesn't know I am cheating on her, if she was a true slave she would trust me.

The ones I tend to lay into are the ones where people are so grossly unaware of themselves that they ask about why their limits ALWAYS get violated or why dominants always dump the, or abuse the, or some other pattern that SCREAMS out to most of us but the poster is blithely unaware of.

Those who post the most "idiotic" and simple questions but do so from a place of honesty and openness get the best answers I can muster, not matter how idiotic and simple the question might be.

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 8:54:20 PM   
Viciousbabe


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		Most of the time, when people ask questions they already know the answer...they just need it told to them in a different manner. Or perhaps they need reassurance that they are correct in their thinking.

Working with cell phones, I see a lot of intelligent people ask what I would now think of as a stupid question. I'm so immersed (sp?) in that world that questions about voicemail almost make me laugh. You are obviously experienced in the lifestyle, so you've presumably seen it all. Perhaps that is why the new people's questions seem so stupid to you and many of the more seasoned people on this site.

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 8:58:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I will say only the ones asked directly of/about me are the stupid ones- the "How do you know you're bisexual?" and the "What makes you think you have anything worth saying?" kind of thing.

The others I just considering "likely stupid" and from someone who just doesn't know any better or isn't thinking about things well enough.

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 9:17:32 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

er, that's not quite the impression i got out of the OP. Contemplative more like. and yes, a lot of us newbies do go into this single. takes all kinds. some of us have baggage, but then some of us are also a lot older. shedding the baggage and learning by reading first suits some of us. CERTAINLY helps us look out for the "mistakes" or the flags to watch out for when we do wade in. i appreciate the newbie "UM, stupid question" posts as much as i do the more experienced ones.


So many of the questions posed have so little to do with technique .....Most questions have to do with the day to day perils that people would find in "any" type of relationship.....I'm amazed to see people who should have gained some knowledge through their walk through life pose questions that in many cases could be answered accurately by someone who has reached the age of seven.



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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 9:19:16 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		It is easy to spot the wrong answers, but spotting the wrong questions is more an indication of knowing what the hell this is all about. I won’t answer a question if it is stupid in a way that is not unknowing, but in a way that the question has an ulterior motive, much like Michael demonstrated. It doesn’t deserve a serious answer. Realizing all this I rarely ask questions and rarely start topics that ask for serious answers.

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 9:19:44 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

But are they really stupid?



Yes.  Yes they are.

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 9:29:33 PM   
daddyscherry


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2007
From: Daddy's Tower, CA
Status: offline 		i haven't read all of the posts yet because i want to get this out while it's still in my head, so excuse me if i'm redundant.

As far as stupid questions go, one thing that i have learned over the past couple of years with my Daddy is that they questions i thought were important ones when i began are not the things i know now to be important.....i did some things and my whole view changed....and i saw so many facets that i hadn't seen before, things i would never have even contemplated asking questions about.

i think this is partially why my Daddy doesn't want me to ask a ton of questions, rather he wants me to do things and then the anwsers will come, thus changing what the questions would've been.

So maybe the questions that newbies get ridiculed over alot just come from not really knowing what to ask. The know that certain things may make them feel "electric" or "squishy" inside, or peaceful and warm but they don't know enough to ask the really important questions.

Kind of like when you meet someone new, you ask silly things, "What's your favorite color" and that kind of thing....then as they open up and you get to know them the real important questions occur to you.




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For today i won't say just....
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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/12/2007 9:31:57 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petronius

I don't think most of the questions are stupid; most of them strike me as reasonable queries about interesting-to-important topics.

Rather I think that the questions are asked by people utterly unserious about the answers. How else to explain their utter indifference to their own discussion within a day or two of starting it.

I often want to say "Here are the books written by the experts on the topic you presented. Why the hell are you asking people on c.m. when you could get the information from the experts?"

But let's not forget the people who may not pose the original questions but have a long track record of hating adults who actually discuss things. You can identify them by the ongoing series of off-topic posts they make ... day after day ... on topic after topic.





I am going to start a thread on people that love to give stupid answers to
any and every question, anyone posts.
It boggles my mind sometimes to see long drawn out answers to obvious wankers,
that jessica person, the man in the moon, etc.

To me it is rarely the question, but those that take the time to answer the weirdest of
questions, especially with long drawn out dissertations.
If an unknown screen name asks "Should I use a pencil or a pen?"  We are sure to get
page long dissertations on the topic.
It really boggles my mind.

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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/13/2007 12:28:37 AM   
Lewcifer


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline 		From reading many of the questions on here and other forums, I must conclude that quite a few people ask questions out of sheer laziness (ie, can't take a moment to google first) or boredom (not really caring what the answer is).

More interesting to Me is the fact that many of the respondents can't take the time to read and understand the question being asked, and end up answering a question that was never asked... in a tangent of their own not germane to the discussion at hand.



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RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? - 7/13/2007 12:51:43 AM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

So many of the questions posed have so little to do with technique .....Most questions have to do with the day to day perils that people would find in "any" type of relationship.....I'm amazed to see people who should have gained some knowledge through their walk through life pose questions that in many cases could be answered accurately by someone who has reached the age of seven.



actually (and i'm answering this personally of course) i'm not so much on here to find out "techniques". assuming i'll get to know techniques when i venture thru real time. i'm more interested in the 'headspace' questions.

and yeah, a lot of things people would normally gain knowledge of thru their walk in life. personally speaking? i've had one long term relationship, it was extremely vanilla and i knew little to nothing of the BDSM lifestyle. so pretty much EVERYTHING is new to me, and i admit to being fairly sheltered in my lifestyle.

so, taking into account there's probably more than a few of "me" out there, wouldn't you rather ignore the blatantly stupid, and the obviously baiting threads and take a bit of time to explain or at least direct us (sometimes even the wording isn't even obvious to us newbies) as LA does so wonderfully (NO sarcasm there) to where we can find the info without being a nuisance to everyone who already knows the answers? I spent many weeks just reading through threads before I even ventured to open my mouth. others are more forthright. c'est la vie, ignore those you don't want to help, be kind to us others please...

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