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LadyPact -> RE: The stupid questions? or is it something else? (7/13/2007 8:37:01 PM)
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Now that I've read the thread, it's all the way around, and back again.
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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Well.. I think if we been on the online forums enough.. we see all sort of stupid questions. But are they really stupid?
Somewhere back on page two of this thing, someone made a very good point. There is a literal difference here between stupidity and ignorance. Stupidity is a lack of intelligence, while ignorance is a lack of knowledge.
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I find it difficult to relate to newbies in alot of ways. The biggest reason is my path to learning was so different than so many people that I have come across.
I started learning years ago with my girl alandra. Back then, we didn't even know a lifestyle of this existed. We focused on us and learning what was best for us.. both in the concept of the authority structure and our sexuality. We didn't go to online, books, communities to learn. We discovered within ourselves. By the time we discovered the existence of the lifestyle we had a pretty natural flowing power dynamic, our sexual life was pretty damn good to. Infact, we went out looking to bring another one into our life.. and stumbled into the lifestyle community. I wouldn't say that I felt at home or anything like that... but did see that there was some like-minded individuals. In short, alandra and I had alot going for us when we came into the lifestyle and never felt a need to belong to it. Even now.. I am much more interested in making quality friendships than feeling like I belong to some lifestyle group.
Knight, I very rarely disagree with you, and I might not even especially be doing so now. For those who aren't lucky enough to make their journey with someone on the same path, I still advocate books, community, and on line research of the lifestyle. When there is no partner, I believe a person needs resources.
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But, that really isn't the case it seems for alot of people. Alot of people actually come into the lifestyle as singles, and more often than not.. with some baggage to deal with. They seem to be longing to belong. And alot of questions that they ask seems to be rooted in a fear/desire not to screwup, so they can feel they belong. So.. are they really stupid questions.. maybe it's just not the right questions they need to ask. Maybe.. they just want to learn so they can belong and/or find what they are looking for
Yes, and sometimes, this is where patience runs thin. I didn't come into the lifestyle via the net either. In My less tolerant moments, I have often been reading threads and thinking, "Why don't you get up off of your a** and go learn a little something? Do you not realize that expecting someone to hand all of the answers to you, without you doing any research at all makes you look incredibly lazy?" Just the immediate thought that comes into My head after I've read the question du jour, which was the same question asked last week, and the week before, etc., etc.
I will admit to being very thankful to LA more than once, for posting the links to the prior threads that have asked the same question over and over, just for the point of how redundant the question itself really is.
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Of course this is just one possibility of why we see these "UM stupid questions" which I wonder.. are they really that stupid?
I won't say stupid, but I will say lack of initiative. I was listening recently to a report on what is being called "Generation Y". In other words, the generation that has had the information of the world via the net at their fingertips. One of the biggest problems they have in coping with in the real world, are the challenges they face when the answers aren't served up to them on a silver platter. In other words, many of them lack the skills to succeed without taking the simpler path.
One point that isn't in the OP, and just a thought of My own (sorry Lewcifer) is there is a distinct difference depending on who asks the hypothetical question. The content of the question isn't necessarily important. Any question that's been repeated on a monthly basis fits the example.
If, for the sake of arguement, a female submissive newbie comes on CM and starts asking the basic, common knowledge questions, people are much more helpful than if the same question is asked by a male of any role. I've noticed that We here are much more tolerant of the questions from females, and give the benefit of whatever knowledge or experience We can offer. It's more often that the snarky attitude is dispensed to the males. It seems We find ourselves much more gracious depending on gender. Maybe that is something We should think about.
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