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RE: Moth to the flame - 9/1/2007 9:16:18 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I've always maintained that I am submissive and enjoy the things I do because that is what's normal for me.  I don't find any of it bizarre or abnormal or a "fetish".  I don't have to be tied up to get off, but I enjoy being tied up.  You are what you are, and so it's incumbent upon you to be the best you can be.  Just because some dominant out there remarked on your profile and suggested changes doesn't mean that you should make those changes.  The only person you have to please is your dominant and yourself.  If you don't have a dominant, then, that only leaves one person to please and it sure isn't the one in your email ;).



_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to RaynaSub)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Moth to the flame - 9/1/2007 10:43:20 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: notbad2day

How is it that we are drawn to the lifestyle?  I don't find myself particularly submissive in the vanilla world, but for some reason am drawn to the bottom when thinking about the lifestyle.  I mean I'm even willing to rewrite my profile in an attempt to satisfy a dominant female who feels I'm...confused.  Go figure.  Any comments or words of advice fellow grunts?

It makes me wet.  It has nothing to do with my inclinations or personality or how I walk in the world.  for me it is a kink which makes me wet and that is good enough.  And good enough for my Owner.



_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to notbad2day)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Moth to the flame - 9/3/2007 4:44:10 PM   
Bishonenjim


Posts: 33
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		Self-Reflection of how I interact, what I enjoy, how I deal with people, and who I think I'll fall in love with lead me to this lifestyle.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Moth to the flame - 9/19/2007 10:46:33 PM   
notbad2day


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: arayofsunshine55

It makes me wet.  It has nothing to do with my inclinations or personality or how I walk in the world.  for me it is a kink which makes me wet and that is good enough.  And good enough for my Owner.


I am afraid I tend to agree with arayofsunshine55.  It is the kinkier side of the lifestyle which has the greatest attraction for me.  When a Dom says 'it is not about sex,' then I have a feeling it is the control thing...hence to dominate.  It satisfies their needs.  Perhaps they are unable to enjoy sex…feel repressed maybe.  Now I do not wish at all to offend any dominate individuals out there, so please accept my sincerest apology.  Those who deny sex, as in not part of their play, should really acknowledge that they may have some real difficulty establishing a sexual relationship.  Possibly even intimacy.  Frustrated and lonely...therefore the anger is expressed in dominance and control.   In a cuckold relationship what does the sub get?  To please the Dominatrix...oh boy, nothing better than being cuckold.  Nice try, but I see no pleasure in that.  Giving myself to a statuesque and confident Woman for her gratification...sexually...is something I can more relate to more, I guess.  No, I’m not a male chauvinist pig so to speak, but rather all man.  In touch with a gentler side I can massage feet, legs, back…whatever you wish.  Hold the door for you, pay for the meal, and pick you up on time…that is not submissive, just manly.  Compliment you, show pride in you, heck I even get giddy when I am around You.  I’m not a girlie man.  Don’t think I could do the sissy thing either.  Besides, I have a beard (trimmed) so I would look pretty silly in lipstick and eye shadow…let alone pantyhose and heels.  Hmmmm.  Comments on the kinkier side?  Comments period?  I remain attracted to You, Domina, as in a 'moth to the flame'.

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Moth to the flame - 9/19/2007 10:51:15 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I like to coin myself as submissive within my sexual orientation, NOT within my personality. The difference being, to a trusted partner, I want to submit, but out in the world beyond my private relationships, I'm really not submissive at all, I like being the boss, I like organizing and getting things done right, and I am most certainly assertive in conversation. Don't fit yourself into someone's catagories, just figure out what you want, and be clear about it to others when you know.

(in reply to RaynaSub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Moth to the flame - 10/8/2007 4:18:24 PM   
Hime


Posts: 149
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: notbad2day
How is it that we are drawn to the lifestyle?


Whether it is physical, mental, emotional, or even spiritual.  Being pulled in a certain direction may just be our souls way of reaching out for deeper understanding, growth, and expression.

Then again....maybe it's just pure and simple FUN! 

quote:


I have value...why do I seek it from someone who wishes to dominate others?


Only you know the exact answer to that so, I'll just share my opinion.

Although you know that you have Value, there's probably no denying that it's a wonderful feeling to be sincerely appreciated by someone whom you highly Respect, Honor, and Love.

And, when a Dominant has chosen you above all others and, devotes a portion of herself into fulfilling your needs, nurturing your strengths, and helping you to overcome your weaknesses - that is a huge validation of 'not your self worth' but of how special and important you are to her.


~ xoxo

(in reply to notbad2day)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Moth to the flame - 10/8/2007 6:25:02 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I've always had a thing for bad boys. The real kind, not the poseurs who just get tats and black T-shirts and pretend to be tough. I like men who aren't afraid to get what they want with few qualms about how. One day I met a cocky, kinky SOB who was actually smart and dominating enough to ensure I had no upper hand in the flirtantion, such a unique and incredible turn on compared to nearly all of my other experiences. There was also the fact that later he was strong and rough enough to really, truly turn me on like I'd never imagined (though neither of us had even heard of BDSM) and I knew I'd never settle for less again. Trying to recapture that personality dynamic led me here to CM just two months ago and I'm loving being able to really be myself!

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to Hime)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Moth to the flame - 10/8/2007 7:32:22 PM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		i have been submissive my entire life... the good daughter, schoolgirl, employee, friend, wife... i just never knew there was a name for it and an entire lifestyle included it. my Ma'am gave me the time and information i needed to make my own decisions about what i wanted and needed and now i couldn't be happier.

_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to notbad2day)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Moth to the flame - 12/4/2007 11:14:00 PM   
notbad2day


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		To know ones place is truly a delight...however not to know how one arrived is pain.

< Message edited by notbad2day -- 12/4/2007 11:24:48 PM >

(in reply to Hergirl0824)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Moth to the flame - 12/4/2007 11:25:30 PM   
notbad2day


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		It is interesting that while They may profess to be confident, inquisitive, kinky, dominant...They reach out for sympathy or worse pity from those They wish to enlighten or to impress through Their writings...unable to accept attention from those who attempt to reignite passion and desire with simple erotic dialogue.  Their flame flickers and goes out...the moth moves on.  Sad for both?

(in reply to Hime)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Moth to the flame - 12/5/2007 11:00:04 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: notbad2day

To know ones place is truly a delight...however not to know how one arrived is pain.


Do you know how you arrived at liking cooking, enjoying hikes, or get a special thrill from picking up a much loved book?

I don't know how I arrived at liking what I like most of the time. I just do. The sunshine on my face makes me smile and kittens curled up around me taking naps are some of my favorite memories. I read books for pleasure that most people assume I'm reading for a class. Some things may have to do with a positive introduction to them at an early age, but others are acquired tastes that I experienced later in life.

I am submissive. I enjoy BDSM. I don't know why. I don't really like I need to know why. Nothing bad happened to me. It is just part of who I am, like how I love ferrets even though I never got to play with one until I was about 22.

As for seeking value from someone else... I don't really think that has a lot to do with BDSM. Plenty of people in all walks of life attempt to seek personal value from their partners. That's something you will probably have to deal with on your own.

Best of luck to you,
Aqua

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to notbad2day)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Moth to the flame - 12/5/2007 11:14:16 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Change for yourself, not because some stranger tells you to.
I do not seperate BDSM from any part of my life- even socalled 'vanilla'.  I just am.

quote:

To know ones place is truly a delight...however not to know how one arrived is pain.


Do you lose sleep not knowing why you may be gay, or hetrosexual - or why you might like chocolate?  Or the colour blue?
 
Over analyse and that can causes pain - second guessing can lead to pain.  But all are these are self inflicted.  It isn't the why - it is you.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to notbad2day)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Moth to the flame - 12/5/2007 12:06:12 PM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: notbad2day

quote:

ORIGINAL: arayofsunshine55

It makes me wet.  It has nothing to do with my inclinations or personality or how I walk in the world.  for me it is a kink which makes me wet and that is good enough.  And good enough for my Owner.


I am afraid I tend to agree with arayofsunshine55.  It is the kinkier side of the lifestyle which has the greatest attraction for me.  When a Dom says 'it is not about sex,' then I have a feeling it is the control thing...hence to dominate.  It satisfies their needs.  Perhaps they are unable to enjoy sex…feel repressed maybe.  Now I do not wish at all to offend any dominate individuals out there, so please accept my sincerest apology.  Those who deny sex, as in not part of their play, should really acknowledge that they may have some real difficulty establishing a sexual relationship.  Possibly even intimacy.  Frustrated and lonely...therefore the anger is expressed in dominance and control.   In a cuckold relationship what does the sub get?  To please the Dominatrix...oh boy, nothing better than being cuckold.  Nice try, but I see no pleasure in that.  Giving myself to a statuesque and confident Woman for her gratification...sexually...is something I can more relate to more, I guess.  No, I’m not a male chauvinist pig so to speak, but rather all man.  In touch with a gentler side I can massage feet, legs, back…whatever you wish.  Hold the door for you, pay for the meal, and pick you up on time…that is not submissive, just manly.  Compliment you, show pride in you, heck I even get giddy when I am around You.  I’m not a girlie man.  Don’t think I could do the sissy thing either.  Besides, I have a beard (trimmed) so I would look pretty silly in lipstick and eye shadow…let alone pantyhose and heels.  Hmmmm.  Comments on the kinkier side?  Comments period?  I remain attracted to You, Domina, as in a 'moth to the flame'.


I started out reading this thread and it caught my interest.  I read your profile and see nothing wrong with it.  I agree with what has been said by the other posters... over thinking why you are what you are really doesn't accomplish anything.  Go with it and enjoy it.
 
I do, however, suggest you read the parts of this post that I highlighted in red.  You might consider thinking about being less judgemental towards others in this lifestyle.  A Mistress who doesn't engage in sex with a submissive is not necessarily someone who can't engage in an intimate relationship, angry and lonely and using dominance because they are frustrated with their lives.  Some of us view sex and an extremely intimate activity reserved for people we have a deep connection with.  Not something used for casual play with just anyone.  I don't engage in sex with casual play partners.  It certainly does not mean I don't like sex. 
 
As far a cuckolds?  I don't honestly understand their mindset, but, I will not judge them or put them down for wanting what they want in their lives.  To each their own.  I could never engage in a cuckold relationship because I would expect my slave/sub to meet my sexual needs and I am not one to run around having sex with mulitple partners.  But, that's just me.  It's not the same for everyone.
 
In closing, I just want to reiterate... Stay true to who you are and what you want.  Don't feel you need to change anything about you due to something a stranger on the Internet says.  However, attempt to curb your judgement of others, and try to refrain from jumping to conclusions about why some of us do things the way we do.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to notbad2day)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Moth to the flame - 12/8/2007 3:59:27 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		im a submissive and i only just recenty joined the lifestyle. im in the army and have 3 combat tours im a nurse and a father i enjoy bdsm for what it is not how i found it. i do like the release of leadership and control to a trusted partner and the subspace time is great. my best advice is to be honest and true to yourself change only for yourself otherwise it wont be you and you will struggle with it instead of enjoying it. welcome to the boards and enjoy the lifestyle

(in reply to MystressDream)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Moth to the flame - 12/10/2007 12:22:14 PM   
EmpassionedRogue


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline 		there is always choice rayna, even if we do not see it. forest for the trees and all that.

@notbad2day- my friend, youre curious. exploreing yourself and learning new things. go with it. as the saying goes, if it feels good/right... do it. your answers will come in time, as you learn more about yourself.

peace, good luck, and may your path be one of wonder and fulfillment, where-ever that path takes you

_____________________________

- a man can derive no greater pleasure himself, then that of bringing pleasure to a great woman. in any capacity -

(in reply to RaynaSub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Moth to the flame - 2/6/2008 9:15:11 PM   
notbad2day


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		Nurse eh...the need to be needed.  I know it well.  Do we seek that from others thru submission?  Or rather basic human need as in a desire to serve.  I do not know.  To be in the company of strong women leaves me gratified.  I feel needed by them...chosen.  Booyah. 

(in reply to LPslittleclip)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Moth to the flame - 2/6/2008 11:42:27 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: notbad2day

Although submissive I do not find myself in a hurry to be a slave.  I desire more to offer myself to a Domina for a sense of worthiness or as a way to see that another values me.  Odd huh?  I have value...why do I seek it from someone who wishes to dominate others?

This is EXACTLY what Master and I have...He builds me up...He reinforces me....and I Him. I am FULLY His slave btw....


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to notbad2day)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Moth to the flame - 2/7/2008 10:18:36 PM   
suessub


Posts: 71
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline 		I remember this day when I was first in elementary school. Maybe 3th grade. Walking home from school, I can across a pile of loose branches. I climbed on top and found a hole in the pile. I squeezed myself into the hole. So far that the branches restricted my movement. I stayed there for awhile, discovering I enjoyed this sensation of being "bound." As my sexuality awakened, I immediately included self-bondage in self-pleasuring.

So you could say I have always be interested in this lifestyle.

notbad2day: all I think to advise, keep tuning your profile as you understand yourself. This including things you learn from others. It was 35 years since that 3rd grade afternoon till the possibility of entering this lifestyle presented itself. But I fit the one I am with like I could never have dreamed. And all I did was be honest about who I am and took time to let her discover it. In the end, she was the one who told me there would be no going back once we started down this path. She still does not completely see how much I want to be going where we are going.

(in reply to RaynaSub)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Moth to the flame - 2/8/2008 6:42:24 AM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Don't change anything about you for anyone; unless YOU feel the need to.  I wouldn't say i'm drawn to the lifestyle...it's' just how I roll :) Always have been...until I found out there is a name for what I'm into.

(in reply to RaynaSub)
Profile   Post #: 39
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