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RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 1:37:57 PM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:


I think plenty of people due to poor self image on many levels look toward the BDSM and Leather community because they see a large group of fairly unattractive, overweight people and think they look good compared to the rest. It's a false sense of security.


BoiJen,
I did this in the beginning....now I could care less how I look compared to others....I get up there in front cause I know im gonna go home with a bruised ass....

and as to you having self image issues...how could anyone as cute as you have issues? I mean really...everytime I see your picture I just wanna steal you....

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to SlND3R3LLA)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 1:38:42 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I know it helped me with my own body image issues when I went to our local clubs playspace for the first time.  After seeing girls half my age nude, I decided I looked damned good for 44! 

I'm another one who thinks I look much better clothed, but I guess eventually ya gotta get over it and just get nekkid!

Oh and I will admit that although I think it's wonderful that people are comfortable enough to wear whatever, no matter what their body type, I still have a hard time figuring out how some folks could put on some of the stuff I saw and think woweeee I look hot.  But I guess that's my problem, not theirs, huh?  LOL!

(in reply to octavia)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 2:17:35 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		The only thing that bothers me about all this is: did you feel you were ugly because someone else told you, in whatever way, that you were ugly? Do you now feel beautiful because someone told you are beautiful? If so, you're basing your sense of self worth on what other people say about you instead of developing your own internal sense. That can be disasterous, because, as some point the other person will disappointed about how you look and your self esteem will crash. You're beautiful because you're you, no matter what anyone else says.

Master Fire




_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to octavia)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 2:42:51 PM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		Yes I felt ugly because someone else told me I was, when I was younger I didnt know any better...I thought all my peers knew what they were talking about. Now I enjoy it when my husband tells me Im beautiful, but thats only coming from him. I just shrug if someone else tells me that, same as I shrug if they tell me something negative. I feel compleatly comfortable with my body the way it is now (ok, other than your average "darn I need to loose 10 pounds" that I think we all feel) Confidance comes from self worth, and I think I am definantly worth feeling good about myself. Do I like it when someone Im intimate with tells me im sexy? Hell yea...but it doesnt define me.

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 2:50:03 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati

Yes I felt ugly because someone else told me I was, when I was younger I didnt know any better...I thought all my peers knew what they were talking about. Now I enjoy it when my husband tells me Im beautiful, but thats only coming from him. I just shrug if someone else tells me that, same as I shrug if they tell me something negative. I feel compleatly comfortable with my body the way it is now (ok, other than your average "darn I need to loose 10 pounds" that I think we all feel) Confidance comes from self worth, and I think I am definantly worth feeling good about myself. Do I like it when someone Im intimate with tells me im sexy? Hell yea...but it doesnt define me.


My dear, your features are what models are made of..........



_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 2:52:09 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, she's a lookah.

But beauty is in the mind; it's not in the flesh.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 3:14:37 PM   
jflynn


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/9/2004
From: Boston, Ma
Status: offline 		I think everyone just gets over it at their own pace.  I know that I had a TON of body image issues when i first got into this.  It just sort of came in steps.. Eventually I could be nude for both my tops, and then their friends, and a few others.  Clubs were a huge mental thing at first.. and the first time I went to one.. I was sure that someone was just going to point at my bony and skinny body and laugh at me.  I remember seeing one fellow and his sub, and they looked so good.  Tanned, and legs of bikers on both of them, plus lovely abs.

But I had an understanding and also insistent top.  They knew how to push me just hard enough to get past my fears.  So, it was a big nudge from them, and a big leap of trust in my own body, and hey.. I was naked around strangers at a club.  And it was great.  And it unleashed my inner exhibitionist.  I consider that a great result of getting past that fear.  And I learned to adore my body, and find pride in it.  :)

(in reply to SlND3R3LLA)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 3:20:13 PM   
zindyslave


Posts: 601
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		I go through times that I feel beautiful and times I feel ugly. It can last for months or days...it just happens at times. I don't rely on anyone to tell me I am pretty but it does feel good to hear it. My Master doesn't tell me that I am pretty often but when I am in the mood that I don't feel pretty or whatever he will tell me and sometimes he will for no reason. But I don't depend on that to feel that way myself. But I do remember being like that when I was younger like in middle and high school but that was mostly because my peers were making fun of me almost all the time because I was different. But I grew up and I don't feel like that anymore but that is just me, everyone has different views of themselves. Just like my mom didn't feel beautiful or pretty unless my Dad told her she was. 

_____________________________

http://www.myspace.com/zindygirl

Only when you see the invisible can you do the impossible.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 3:55:10 PM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

My dear, your features are what models are made of


Well I definantly thank you....I must remind you that you havent seen my tits that are loosing a battle with gravity and my abs that lost that "toned" look they had all those years ago. But I love my body the way it is, because I know that the reason my breasts arent as perky as those 18 year old models is because I have three beautiful boys, and if all I had to pay is a little in the looks department to get them, I feel im a very lucky person.

quote:

  I go through times that I feel beautiful and times I feel ugly. It can last for months or days...it just happens at times.


I go through times like this too, zindy...normally once a month I feel all bloated and ugly and dont want anyone to touch me...and then Sir slaps me accross the face and tells me to get over it...and then I try to jump his bones cause getting slapped gets me all horny...and he tells me im all ucky and bloody and the cycle starts all over again....

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 3:58:45 PM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Yeah, she's a lookah.

But beauty is in the mind; it's not in the flesh.


Ya know...Ive been wondering if this isnt LaM's way of telling me my mind doesn't live up to my body? lmao....

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 4:16:03 PM   
SeanPony


Posts: 169
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		Ya I feel ugly sometimes from all the drinking and lewd behavior but then just let it slide haha
Just got to enjoy life and not waste time on worrying about image or lawsuits.

Haha Happy summer

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 4:19:02 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

The only thing that bothers me about all this is: did you feel you were ugly because someone else told you, in whatever way, that you were ugly? Do you now feel beautiful because someone told you are beautiful? If so, you're basing your sense of self worth on what other people say about you instead of developing your own internal sense. That can be disasterous, because, as some point the other person will disappointed about how you look and your self esteem will crash. You're beautiful because you're you, no matter what anyone else says.

Master Fire


i canot answer that question.  other than my mama, i was NEVER told i was pretty when i was growing up. and even then it was "oh you look pretty in (that specific clothing)".   i was ugly, stupid, fat, lazy, ignorant... in reality, i have a high iq, am easily distracted, have a wealth of useless facts at the tip of my tongue....and i was a size 12 because i was generously curved. ok 12 on the bottom, 16 on the top.

so i honestly have no clue about what i really look like.  i've been told i'm pretty, even beautiful, but i dont know.

the one story i've told to many people really shows how i see me...... a few years back, i was in an antiques store, and saw a portrait a few booths away.  it was a beautiful woman, and i made a note to go and check it out when we got up there.  we moved up the aisle, looking at one thing and another, and i kept glancing at that portrait, eager to see the details....i could see she had red hair and a black top, but no real details...

and i cried when i got up there, saw the "beautiful woman" portrait, and it was a wonderfully ornate mirror.  a mirror.  that is how out-of-touch i am with how i really look....because once i realized it was a mirror, i saw the same ugly woman i always do.

kitten, who doesnt know what to say...other that Sir loves me.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 5:38:56 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia
My experience with this has really opened my eyes to the fact that how i see myself even is relative, relative to my attitude about myself.  I had NO IDEA t hat the whole time I was seeing an ugly woman in the mirror, I had the power to change that, to see myself differently just by changing my percpective.  It feels magical to me that I am seeing the same breasts that were there a year ago and today I think they are hot, but a year ago i was conviced that the same chi chi's would never be able to be fully seen in a sexual light and be able to turn anyone on. 

octavia,
I sooooo totally understand where you're coming from here.  Master sees beauty where I previously saw nothing but flaws and need for improvement.  On another thread awhile back, the question was posed about how do you "look good naked."
Here is what I posted:

i make sure to stand in my Master's gaze.  It amazes me how i can be alone and see my body in the mirror and see all my flaws and then later i can be in Master's presence and not see them at all.  The key is that HE doesn't see them.  It's a chain reaction - the beauty He sees makes me feel totally better, forget those flaws i see, and find so much more confidence in my nudity.  This confidence becomes obvious to Him and He delights even more in me then.  It's just me, my beautiful collar around my neck, and a sense of being the most beautiful, pleasing slave in the world (to Him, that is).  That's the best way i've ever found of looking "good" naked.  As someone once wrote: "Beauty is in the eye of the key holder" and i could not agree more.........slave luci

I still feel the same way.  Nothing makes me "prettier" than seeing myself through His eyes..........luci





_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to octavia)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 5:59:08 PM   
wwwkevinww


Posts: 276
Joined: 7/15/2004
Status: offline 		I don't promote fad diets but overweight people tend to live shorter lives....exercise and eat right.  I'm overweight myself and supposedly only got so many more years before my expiration date wears out, so gotta extend that date more by following my own advice.

I think I'm goodlooking, but could lose some weight, definitely more than 10 lbs.  I wonder because I've seen really attractive fit women with obese men.....Are those women just into humiliation or they care more about the personality?  I guess there are any number of reasons why, but I've seen this phenomena personally, of course the women get fat too usually when in this type of relationship...

looks aren't the only thing, you can be with someone who is great looking, but if their personality is lacking, their looks suddenly don't matter.....and vice versa, you can be with someone who is average or ugly and suddenly they will look better when you get to know them.....

looks matter a little to me, but I care more about other aspects....

People should try to have a realistic body image, you shouldn't see yourself as thin when your fat, or fat when your thin...you can still be overweight and attractive, but some people will never look good no matter what they do....

being insecure no matter what you look like is always a negative....confidence in and of itself is attractive...

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 6:16:35 PM   
nmjardine


Posts: 116
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

and i cried when i got up there, saw the "beautiful woman" portrait, and it was a wonderfully ornate mirror. a mirror. that is how out-of-touch i am with how i really look....because once i realized it was a mirror, i saw the same ugly woman i always do.
quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

Oh my dear, what you first saw in the mirror is your true image. What you saw afterward is an illusion.

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 6:38:56 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nmjardine

quote:

and i cried when i got up there, saw the "beautiful woman" portrait, and it was a wonderfully ornate mirror. a mirror. that is how out-of-touch i am with how i really look....because once i realized it was a mirror, i saw the same ugly woman i always do.
quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

Oh my dear, what you first saw in the mirror is your true image. What you saw afterward is an illusion.



thank you so much.  i think i probably need to pass that comment on to Sir, he's been trying to tell me the same thing for months now....its helping put it into perspective for me.

thank you again.

kitten, who now has more to contemplate.....

(in reply to nmjardine)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 6:57:02 PM   
welshwmn3


Posts: 126
Joined: 3/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat


so i honestly have no clue about what i really look like.  i've been told i'm pretty, even beautiful, but i dont know.




I do.  You are beautiful, inside and out.  :)

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 6:59:52 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: welshwmn3

quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat


so i honestly have no clue about what i really look like.  i've been told i'm pretty, even beautiful, but i dont know.




I do.  You are beautiful, inside and out.  :)


you're biased.  *smoochies*

kitten, who is amused :)

(in reply to welshwmn3)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 7:07:18 PM   
welshwmn3


Posts: 126
Joined: 3/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat


you're biased.  *smoochies*

kitten, who is amused :)


So is your Daddy (biased, that is).  Yet he's not wrong, is he? *giggles cuz she knows the quandary that puts you into*

Just because I love you very much (therefor possibly making me biased) and think you are incredibly sexy as well as beautiful inside and out, does not make it not so.

You are a very beautiful woman.  Inside and out. 

I have said it, therefor, it is so! ;)

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Body image issues and BDSM - 7/14/2007 7:09:48 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: welshwmn3

quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat


you're biased.  *smoochies*

kitten, who is amused :)


So is your Daddy (biased, that is).  Yet he's not wrong, is he? *giggles cuz she knows the quandary that puts you into*

Just because I love you very much (therefor possibly making me biased) and think you are incredibly sexy as well as beautiful inside and out, does not make it not so.

You are a very beautiful woman.  Inside and out. 

I have said it, therefor, it is so! ;)


*sticks my tongue out at you*

and sighs cause i know you'd tell on me.......

(in reply to welshwmn3)
Profile   Post #: 40
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