slavegirljoy
Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Focus50
I agree a few of those early replies were needlessly harsh but take it as a lesson learnt. It is a reflection on them, NOT you, that they'd rather be short, cynical and condescending to a newbie as opposed to simply 'X'ing out of a topic they've obviously got little time or patience with.
To the uninitiated, there is a blurred line between D/s and abuse, if any line at all, and in that context, I find your questions reasonable. And I admire your courage for asking on a public Forum, because in theory it shouldn't require courage at all - until some no life gives you grief for daring to be new and inexperienced.
i have read through the replies that have been made to her, so far, and i honestly haven't read anything that i would consider to be "needlessly harsh", cynical or condescending. Some of the replies have been very blunt, but none of them seemed terribly harsh, to me. Simply stating an opposing thought about what someone else has stated, shouldn't be considered harsh or a negative thing. How else do we broaden our horizons and gain any insight, if we only hear our own thoughts repeated or agreed to by others? What's the point to having an open forum, if everyone agrees with everyone else? Posting your personal thoughts on an open forum, just as in any public venue, does take courage, because it opens the door for others to voice their opposing views. But, to me that's not a negative thing and anyone who chooses to use a message board, such as this one, to post their views, should be prepared for whatever responses are made to it and take them for what they are, simply the views of others regarding what they posted. Just telling her that her "theory" isn't true for everyone isn't something i consider to be condescending. It's simply making her aware that her "theory" is not universally accepted. There are a lot of people who look at BDSM in a very fantasy-oriented way and then end up with very unrealistic expectations and can become disillusioned when they find out that the reality of the day-to-day BDSM life is often vastly different from the fantasy. Having and stating naive beliefs about BDSM can also make someone very vulnerable to being hurt or taken advantage of by those who would use that fantasy for their own purpose, without any consideration for the other person. After all, not everyone who purports to being a Dom or a submissive or anything else is what they say and there are unscrupulous people within BDSM, just as in the rest of society. Hearing from others, who have had different experiences in BDSM and who have different viewpoints about it, to me, should be considered a good thing and can help in dispelling some of the false ideas about it. As for abuse (within any relationship, BDSM or otherwise), anyone can use anything to try to excuse and justify being abusive, including, but not limited to, "she asked for it", "he deserved it", "this is what she said she wanted", "he should have known i meant it when i said i was going to make him squeal like a pig", "she enjoys it", "this is just what it is that we do", etc., etc. The key word to remember, in BDSM, is CONSENSUAL. When one person doesn't want it, the consent isn't there and it is then abuse and not kink. As always, just my views. slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."
< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 7/14/2007 6:04:21 PM >
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RE: I have a theory... - 
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I, for one, appreciate your cavaets and think some have done you a bit of disservice in the harshness of their replies. If everyone made a first post as positive in outlook and filled with this sort of wonder, this would be a better forum for it. I hope you stick around. I've actually been doing this longer than you've been alive and yet, I have the feeling you can teach me a thing or two or, at the very least, remind me of a few things I've forgotten so, thank you for that. 
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