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VeryCurious07 -> RE: adult babies--- real and very much a lifestyle!! (12/29/2007 2:28:57 PM)
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Okay, I have read through this thread very carefully and asked a few questions before deciding to craft a more detailed response. I have little knowledge of the lifestyles of people who are fetishists, and am largely unfamiliar with a lot of the terminology, such as “bottoms”, “top’s” etc, but I think I can figure out what they mean by the context you folks use them in. I am a writer and the huge work I am engrossed in, at the moment, is an exploration of my own fantasies and fetishes applied to a global matriarchal socioeconomic scale, so I want to start out by saying I am not here to judge or in any way attack anyone in their desires or lifestyles. A warning: This post is going to be very long, and my experience on message boards has taught me that most members don’t like lengthy posts. So my suggestion is that if you are not interested in reading what I have to say then feel free not to.
That said, I would like to say that I do not consider myself to be a true AB but I do have fantasies, both of being lovingly dominated, controlled and yes, diapered/changed and treated like a baby on some level. Knowing very little about the communities that these sites are based upon, even though I am in my early forties, I am exploring these boards in an effort to learn more and understand the mindset of fetishists like yourselves, regardless of your leanings, particular fantasies or desires.
Now, while I share similar fantasies to many of the infantilists here, I have to make a brief observation. It seems to me that many people who are engrossed in this particular fetish are either very insecure or very strong willed. The global observations of many members here that some of you folks have come to an only slightly related board to proselytize seems pretty accurate to me. Actually, I completely understand where you are coming from, those of you who are trying to use veiled questions to convert others to your lifestyle. It comes from both a deep insecurity about the fact that this particular fetish is somewhat looked down upon even by other so-called fetishists as well as the fact that it is only natural to want everyone to universally share in your beliefs, convictions, desires, and in this case, your particular fetish. If I may venture an opinion: I have powerful fantasies, and I think that every single one of you consciously or unconsciously shares these desires and only needs to be led to it by me or others like me.
This is obviously absurd, though I feel this way in my heart, as most people do, if they are truly honest with themselves. However, I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt that my feeling this way does not make it so. In other words, my heart and mind are in balance, and I am well aware that those of you with different fantasies and lifestyles as me, also (on some level at least) believe that I should share your desires, even though that is probably not the case.
CuriousPuppy, in a weird way, don’t you feel in your heart that your fantasy is so universally sensual that I too must share it? Of course, it’s obvious by your posts that you do not, for one second, believe it, and are tolerant of others. In other words, you are not succumbing to your prejudices and biases and imposing your desires on others like some people are surreptitiously doing in this thread. The whole “try it and you will love it as much as I do” argument fails, simply because most of us have a pretty strong and intuitive sense of what we want and desire without having to be told.
For example, I am not gay. The thought of sharing sexual relations with another man is not in any way a turn on to me. However, I know a lot of gay people who thoroughly enjoy it. In fact, I would suggest that most gay people, and I have met more than a few, believe, at least on some level, that the whole world is gay. However, most are intelligent enough to know this isn’t true, just because their emotions say that it is. Many gay people I am friends with have tried, some subtle and some overtly, to get me to experiment with them, believing if only I would try it I would invariably like it. I wouldn’t, just as most of the people in this forum wouldn’t like to be a mommy, daddy or baby. Yet my emotions tell me that every one of you should and does want this! How could both conditions be true?
If you want the answer to that question ask all the major religions who honestly believe that everyone else is going to hell except for their followers, because “if you don’t believe as I do you are wrong and either need to convert or be persecuted!!”
Folks, for those of you trying to win converts here, take a lesson seldom learned by organized religion. That is that there is no right or wrong here, only people with different needs, desires, personalities, wants and leanings. AB’s, if you can truly remember this then you will not condescend to the slave owners here and try all sorts of intellectual machinations to convince them that you and your kind are exactly what they are looking for. You aren’t.
That said, let me also say that I agree with the majority of people here in this discussion. I would also like to thank those of you who have elucidated their positions on why AB people are not necessarily good subs and, are in fact just the opposite in many ways. I never thought about it before reading this thread, but my particular fetish lends itself to high maintenance behavior, and “slaves” are, by definition, the servant, and therefore should be low maintenance. In effect, the master seems like they are more high maintenance than the slave, from what I am reading here, and that actually makes a lot of sense, even though I never thought of this consciously before.
I suppose this is one of the main reasons why I have always had a nagging feeling of doubt about this fetish and my exploration of it. Because, as someone who has always been good with women, I intuitively (though admittedly not consciously) realized the difference that you folks have put into very eloquent and often blunt language.
First, let me say to all of you male AB’s that you have a chance to learn something from these people, and most of you seem to be squandering that opportunity in argument, debate, posturing and defense of your desires and fetish. What you men are failing to realize is that, your fantasies aside, women are hard wired to be attracted to men who are strong, independent, self-assured, confident, intelligent and, dare say powerful.
You are erroneously believing that slaves, in the context of this message board, must be weak willed, inarticulate, powerless and insecure. Listen to what the women, in particular, are saying here. They are giving you a veritable roadmap into the female psyche, yes even that of a master or Domme. Yet, you are letting this information slip through your fingers in your mindless prattling about why they should want you just as you are. They won’t, and I am sorry to say this to you, neither will most women.
Let me further make a point with a question:
Female Masters, how would you feel if your slave became so whipped and dominated, so thoroughly controlled and submissive that they NEVER disobeyed you, never ever even questioned you? Would you like this? Oh perhaps for a time you might. However, I can assure you that, just as any woman would (even vanilla women) you would become bored and uninterested in him, losing all attraction. In other words, women need a challenge, regardless of their being vanilla or kinky. A good slave will always be willful and stubborn, or at least have these qualities so close to the surface that he will constantly need the firm hand of his mistress. This is why you should sit up and take notice when the women in this forum explain, in very good detail, that they are attracted to strong men, not powerless pussies. We are predacious beings, and women are no different. Whether you are marrying a vanilla woman who wants to pussy-whip you out of your sports car and into a minivan to take the kids to soccer and limit your friends, or you are in a relationship with a dominating master who wants to put clamps and cloths-pins on your nipples, these women want a man who is strong. Once you are no longer strong, once you are no longer a challenge then vanilla woman or slave owner (it makes no difference) will lose all attraction for you and the relationship will soon be over.
It’s amazing, because without even trying, these women are giving you guys very valuable information into the female psyche, at least in my opinion anyway, but you seem to refuse to even see it.
This is probably why my own fantasy and fetish has never 100% sat right with me and why I share it with so few women. lol It may also explain why I do pretty well with women in real life, because I don’t allow myself to become so immersed in this fetish that it evolves into an obsession which I need to force on the women I date almost oppressively.
You see, I realize after reading this thread that AB/DL’s are actually so demanding in their fantasy (or lifestyle) and need for attention that we have the serious potential to become needy, clingy and so high maintenance that whatever qualities initially may have attracted a potential mate, are lost. I suppose this is why I treat this whole thing as a fantasy and not as reality.
In fact, let me say this: I want to be controlled 24/7 by a woman/mommy or even by a very gentle “master”. I want it in the same way most of you do, except for one thing: I want the fantasy and not the reality. I have come to the unequivocal conclusion that I can’t control these desires and fantasies, but I absolutely can control to what extent I allow them to permeate my actual life.
Has it occurred to any of you AB/DL’s who want to have this as an actual lifestyle (you call it 24/7/360) that you are not unlike the woman with a rape fantasy. The only difference is that most women realize that really being raped would be a horrible, life-scarring thing to happen. Immersing yourself in the fantasy of it, while kept completely safe, is the ultimate expression of this fantasy. Similarly, I would like to believe that most Infantilists who want to wear diapers, are smart enough to know that wanting to be incontinent in your fantasies is fine, but in reality this would be a horribly debilitating illness. Look, I love the fantasy about being controlled, diapered, lovingly talked down to and mothered by a mommy 24/7. However, what a horrible life that would be, were it to ever really happen. Further, while the humiliation, in fantasy, can be a beautiful thing, I can assure you that giving up your manhood, in reality would not. In fact, I would go as far as to say that no healthy woman would ever want to be in a relationship like this 24/7. It would literally suck the very life out of her. Who, in their right mind, would want to spend every waking moment catering to the extreme needs of an adult baby, changing incredibly messy diapers and basically being at his beckon call? Would you even want or expect a woman to literally give up her very life for you?
Wouldn’t it be better if you could find a woman to explore this fantasy with you and that you mutually pretend to be doing this 24/7? Do you really want someone to be your mommy every waking minute or even the majority of your time? Why not just pretend that It is 24/7 with her, even believe it in all your heart, but not try to force it into actually being that way, any more than the woman with the rape fantasy would hang out in dark alleys of big cities at 2:00 AM hoping to really be raped?
I am a very dominant guy in real life, which is perhaps why the fantasy of surrendering to a woman so completely enthralls me. If you were to ask any woman I date, and there are a lot, they would probably tell you that I was the dominant one and that they usually do what I say, in and out of bed. For some reason, women who tend to be submissive are very attracted to me, probably because I have a very charismatic personality in real life and I take care of my body and mind, plus I am a natural leader. In other words, I am balanced. Hahaha you may not know this by the completely nerdy and long ass post I wrote here, but it is true nonetheless.
If I learned anything from this thread I have learned the following: I think I will share this fantasy of mine with girls that I date and am comfortable and intimate with. I will absolutely pretend that they are controlling me and being my “mommy” 24/7. However, I realize that this is only a fantasy, nothing more, regardless of how powerful the imagery and desires are in my mind.
Also, has it occurred to any of you more hardcore infantilists that you really ought to compromise (as many have suggested here) with the woman you want? You really need to reevaluate your “need” for what it really is, a fantasy/fetish that perhaps you have developed an unhealthy obsession with along with some profoundly unrealistic and overblown expectations. You cannot expect a woman to live up to the standards you set. It is, quite simply, not realistic in the world we live in. In addition, you are setting yourself up to fail and fail miserably. Trust me, you need to do some soul searching, because all the stories you read on the Internet aside, I don’t think there are any real women that would want or tolerate what you are demanding. Moreover, what about her fantasies? Is it your contention that there is a woman out there sitting on her couch longing for a guy in diapers that she can care for 24 hours a day, change smelly diapers, bottle feed him and love him as unconditionally as your mother loved you when you were a biological infant? Do you honestly believe that women are dreaming about being the counterpart you so desire, or would enjoy it if you tried to sell the lifestyle to them? Nope. Sorry to say that women have their own fantasies, and you are going to need to come off your high rocking-horse long enough to be the counterpart to her fantasies, whatever they may be? Contrary to your beliefs and desires, the life you want is, quite simply, not one that any sane woman would ever want to give you. It is devoid of any real fulfillment or even attraction for her, and favors your needs so disproportionately that it is a deep seeded obsession and could be pathological.
Okay sorry about the sheer length of this, but I had a lot to say! ;)
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