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RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 7/25/2007 5:51:35 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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I enjoy playing in public, mainly because he can't fit a spanking bench or a cross into his studio apartment and my mom might get even more suspicious with kinky furniture stuff into my room. There are more toys and more ideas and more energy floating around in a public space and I think that can greatly affect a scene for the better or worse. There are also people there with more experience than us who are willing to teach and give advice.

Personally, I love the energy. I love being exposed and vulnerable in front of other people. Recently, we decided that we relied a little too heavily on the energy coming from others so we haven't played publicly for awhile. We are working on connecting to each other privately and creating that energy ourselves.

At first, I enjoyed public play more than private play, but our private play has come to mean a lot to me. If I had to choose one over the other, I would choose to play privately.

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Post #: 61

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 7/25/2007 6:29:06 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver
There are more toys and more ideas and more energy floating around in a public space and I think that can greatly affect a scene for the better or worse. There are also people there with more experience than us who are willing to teach and give advice.

Personally, I love the energy. I love being exposed and vulnerable in front of other people

I'm finding most people are saying the energy of the public environment is a big part of what they enjoy. That and simply the social aspect of hanging out with those of a like mind.

quote:

Recently, we decided that we relied a little too heavily on the energy coming from others so we haven't played publicly for awhile. We are working on connecting to each other privately and creating that energy ourselves

Interesting. It's good that you saw that happening and did what you felt necessary to prevent it. Great point that no one else has brought up yet. Thanks so much for your answer........luci

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Post #: 62

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 7/27/2007 2:52:23 AM

MasterMagnus321

Posts: 86
Joined: 10/4/2005
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Very interesting question- it leads Me to wonder about the physiology of an exhibitionist- does the thrill somehow trigger the "fight or flight response" mechanism, and wash the experience with adrenaline or other pleasureable, natural excretions? Or is it a deep need for validation in the minds of strangers?

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Post #: 63

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 7/27/2007 2:59:34 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Why not both? Why not some elements for some folks, other elements for others?

Not to mention the old standby's; the taboo of exhibitionism, the brazen desplay of one's own sexuality, the social capacity to demonstrate dominance, ownership, or overwhelming physical excellence?

Lots of things motivate us to have great orgasms ;)

Stephan

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Post #: 64

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/4/2010 10:42:42 PM

WingsofGossamer

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/28/2009
Status: offline

I personally enjoy public displays. Not everything and not all the time, but it is the act of being in public that brings on the rush. Once, I was told to pick up a Dom at the airport dressed in librarian type clothing. I was also to be wearing my collar with the leash attached. I dropped it down the front of my outfit so as not to be to bold. He, without hesitation pulled it out of my outfit and marched me right out of the airport. The whole scenario was exciting BECAUSE it was where others would see. So, I believe, at least for me, it would NOT be so exciting to do if only done in private. It was the boldness of the act, because it is not typically acceptable for one person to lead another around on a leash in public. While I find excitement in being on a leash with a Dom's hand leading it, doing it in a public setting made it 1000 times more exciting.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 65

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/5/2010 4:11:19 AM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
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If anyone could only play in public it would be a fair indication that they were raving bonkers

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Post #: 66

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/5/2010 6:03:53 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
So, I was thinking that if Master and I had to do what we do only in public and not privately that, as much as we love it, we would choose to stop rather than be on display.

In private I have no restrictions and no dungeon monitor looking over my shoulder. Give me that same dynamic in public and I'd be much more open to public play. That's the single biggest reason that public play does not interest me - the restrictions and the DM's.

Okay, so that's two reasons.

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Post #: 67

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/5/2010 6:15:20 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: reynardfox

If anyone could only play in public it would be a fair indication that they were raving bonkers

Or that their private spaces did not have the equipment that they want, or that they live with others.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Post #: 68

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/5/2010 7:50:31 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I'm not an exhibitionist - mostly like my body, and am ok in a thong (usually with something over my nipples too, if only tape). One time, the person I was playing with, who I felt submissive toward, and had been hinting at a relationship, wanted me to forgo the panties. We were right by the door to the social area, so lots of people going back and forth, or watching. I just was too distracted to get in the right headspace, and started crying because I felt vulnerable and uncomfortable. It wasn't humiliating to me, exactly, and I wasn't embarrassed about my figure or whatever being judged. I just felt very raw and a little violated. He let me put the undies back on, and we moved to a quieter area. After 10 minutes or so, I was ok to start playing again.

Some scenes are much more fun with a audience, though I don't normally play to them. My femsub playpartner and I did a schoolgirl catfight scene a couple of months ago that wouldn't have worked as well without an audience. The next time we're at a really big party, I'm going to "forcibly feminize" her by having her dress in guy clothes, then literally ripping them off of her and wrestling her into a cocktail gown and heels.

It just wouldn't work right without the audience. Most of the time, the world narrows like other people have described, and I ignore other people, whether I'm topping/dominating or bottoming/submitting.

Most of the parties I attend are with a small private group that meets in different homes, and is potluck rather than paid. They're usually more my style than the really big ones. Up until a couple of months ago, my playpartner and I only played in public. Now, we're comfortable enough to play at each others' homes, but it's nice having the equipment and socializing. I've been in relationships with no public play, and didn't particularly miss it, but I am glad its an option when I'm with a new person. It feels safer to explore in public.

Stephann, when I'm in public, I don't want any orgasms, great or not, especially if I'm playing casually. Casual play can feel really good and feed certain things for me, but I rarely want the energy getting very sexual when there are spectators. Sometimes, when I'm with someone I'm involved with, it works out that way, and I'm so lost in the moment I don't care who's watching, but I still haven't wanted outright sex or orgasms. Everyone's different, though! In private, it tends to be much more sexual, and of course, orgasms are great them.

One thing no-one has mentioned so far is that it's easier to find someone for co-topping, if I want to learn something new safely, at public parties. Sometimes I can arrange it privately, or there's a class that is good. I've found the best way to learn something new safely is to team up with someone who knows what they're doing, and work one-on-one with them. In a class, the teacher can't give me that level of attention and focus. It's usually still a fun scene that way, too, rather than a relatively dry lecture mode interspersed with play.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 8/5/2010 7:51:35 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 69

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/5/2010 8:13:51 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I wouldn't worry about offending people. You could ask people what their favorite ice cream flavor is, and someone will find a way to start an argument.

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Post #: 70

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/5/2010 9:27:21 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I play at parties. I am not an exhibitionist. I made that choice because it is necessary that I force myself out of the box which I built around me. I don't particularly enjoy being "on display" and for the most part, I am not. When I play, my mindset is taken out of being in a room full of people I may or may not know, because my top, directs me to that space. I do not view attending parties as a chance to show off. It is just physical sensation with a skilled top. I do not particularly enjoy watching people either, but I DO love the sounds.

Given the option to have a committed partner who plays with me privately, vs playing with a great top in public, I would choose private. Because I have no option to play with a committed partner, playing at parties works for me. Since I am neither an exhibitionist, nor a voyeur, AND I do not dress to impress the masses (I often wear casual clothing), it should be obvious I am not there for the show. I am there for sensation.

In the past, I have given it all up because I was not in a relationship. Having done that I see no point to denying my needs... been there, done that. I still miss the sex, since I prefer BDSM with sex, but the masochist in me requires that either I, or someone else relieve my anxiety by indulging my need for bdsm.

I can truly see the mental/emotional push to ONLY do this in private and in a relationship. But, having done that for years and only that, what I see now that I am looking back is that I forced myself into a martyr role of longing for something that was gone. Fuck that.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 71

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/5/2010 9:31:16 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I play in clubs simply because they have all sorts of cool stuff I don't have in my basement.
Strictly utilitarian. That's me.

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Post #: 72

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/5/2010 10:59:25 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

So, I was thinking that if Master and I had to do what we do only in public and not privately that, as much as we love it, we would choose to stop rather than be on display. This made me think of the other side of the coin. For all you folks who love public play and/or dressing up in fetish clothing, exhibitionism, etc......if you could only do it in private and never again in public, how would you feel about that? Would it affect how exciting it is for you? Would you still be willing to engage in everything you do publicly (and enjoy it every bit as much) if only you and your partner where present in a private setting?

I would not give up anything that I am -- I couldn't. I started OUT in the BDSM realms long before my foray into authority-exchange with the House, and while it was still "underground" and only -barely- emergent (you could find play partners through classified ads, but that was about it), before there was an internet, and when "public" play parties didn't happen -- the only time one went to a play party, it was because one was personally and individually known in the community, and one had been vetted extensively before being invited, face-to-face so the inviter could look the invitee in the eye, to whatever event it was that was coming up. Most of the community didn't know about the few truly "public" events, except for some of the most notorious among them, like Black Rose -- and most of the community, even those who were pretty "out" were still afraid to be seen at anything as large or public as Black Rose... so the thing is, most of us who have been around a while have already HAD to confine our activities to the shadows and closets and dark corners -- so for myself, I can't imagine EVER wanting to go back to that state of existence.

While there are annoyances that come with being more public (and I am one of the most open and public, even in my own circle of companions), there is freedom in getting to -choose- whether to be public or private about how one participates, and I am pleased to see how, over the past 2 decades, things have been made -more- available, and more accurate information has become available for those who are willing to look and to question the pat answers they're given. I would hate to go back to the years of ignorance and hiding. It wouldn't stop me being who I was, though -- that just isn't possible. Even if it wasn't exhibited as forthrightly as I am able to do now, with discretion but without apology, I would find other ways to continue to be exactly who I am.

Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/5/2010 11:03:22 AM >

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(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 73

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/6/2010 8:22:53 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Being an introvert and a very private person; if my choice was public or nothing I would pick nothing.

However, folks, this is a three year old thread if it matters.

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Post #: 74

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/7/2010 9:15:15 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

Good catch, DesFIP

When I saw this first pop back up the other day, I couldn't remember initially what the "hypothetical question" was. I've enjoyed going back and reading the older responses and am really enjoying the newest ones. If it's not a problem, I think it'd be great if folks keep giving their input. So many new faces and new views. Thanks...............luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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Post #: 75

RE: Hypothetical Question................ - 8/7/2010 9:20:04 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal
I wouldn't worry about offending people. You could ask people what their favorite ice cream flavor is, and someone will find a way to start an argument.

<<<<This is what it turns into over the simplest things sometimes indeed, how true. I originally posted this a little over three years ago and I've since come to know that what you said above is sadly true. Sometimes we're just spoiling for a fight, I guess, and any issue will do. Eh, it ebbs and flows, but overall most people are usually fairly sensible around here, I think

.........luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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Post #: 76

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