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RE: Agressive Dom - 7/17/2007 9:51:01 PM   
angelsub642


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Ty LA, i will remember that for future reference

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/17/2007 9:53:12 PM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelsub642
So here's my question: Are some Doms like this only here for trolling and luring female submissives in a aggressive manner just to get laid? Or are there true Doms out there that will actually stop when being told to? And is there a way to tell for sure either online, in person, or on the phone that the other person will stop if being told?


Yes, some men just want to get laid (some women do too, but it usually is not a problem, though I have had more than one be a little too pushy after I said I wasn't interested).

The only way to know how they react to "no" is to say it to them and see how they react. You did well by meeting in public, one thing you could try in similar meetings would be to see how they react when you say "well, it's been nice meeting you, I need to get home and grab some sleep".

(in reply to angelsub642)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/17/2007 9:55:11 PM   
angelsub642


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Sadly i wasn't thinking at the point in time, we were talking online and he asked if he could come over. i asked if we could go for coffee to talk more, and yes we evidently ended back up at my place. Naw, i know this lifestyle can be more dangerous than vanilla. Hope this answers your questions/concerns

(in reply to solitudesmiles)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/17/2007 10:02:47 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Look, you proceed at your own pace....Always meet somewhere that is public....Use your gut.  I'm not trying to be nosy, but have you ever took home a guy that you didn't know all that well?  If you did it was because their was a mutual attraction and your gut said it would be okay.

Don't talk on the phone for a month or your next post will be on Aug 20th and be titled "Doms that lie about their appearance" You establish a connection if it sounds cool meet....Don't send out naked photos .....Don't talk to much about your kinks or fantasies...If he takes it in that direction right from the get, give him the boot....It's your bod you decide when you are ready for it to get abused...lol.

Be smart...Use your head and things will be cool.

_____________________________



(in reply to obis)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/17/2007 11:50:47 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I guess I should have made it clear that I was being sarcastic.  I think this is a perfect example of why safewords are an exercise in self-delusion.

Bad, bad Lam.

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Umm like did you have a safeword?


quote:

Aileen68
Just out of curiosity...how would a safecall had helped if he decided to not stop?


With the advancements in the forensic sciences coroners can now determine whether the deceased had a safe call in place as well as the exact amount of times the safeword was utilized prior to her death....It's all rather amazing and I would have to use really big words to explain all of what we scientist call "technical crud" in order for you all to understand the process.

I cannot recall how many times when the deceased's family has arrived at the morgue I have heard them say, "she might be dead...But at least she had a safe call in place."  It gives them comfort and closure....I overheard one couple as they were staring at the remains of their daughter whisper, "What was her safeword?"...Then they both simultaneously mouthed the word "rutabaga"...It was one of the most touching moments I have ever experienced.


< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 7/17/2007 11:52:01 PM >

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 5:23:55 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I guess I should have made it clear that I was being sarcastic.  I think this is a perfect example of why safewords are an exercise in self-delusion.

Bad, bad Lam.

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Umm like did you have a safeword?


quote:

Aileen68
Just out of curiosity...how would a safecall had helped if he decided to not stop?


With the advancements in the forensic sciences coroners can now determine whether the deceased had a safe call in place as well as the exact amount of times the safeword was utilized prior to her death....It's all rather amazing and I would have to use really big words to explain all of what we scientist call "technical crud" in order for you all to understand the process.

I cannot recall how many times when the deceased's family has arrived at the morgue I have heard them say, "she might be dead...But at least she had a safe call in place."  It gives them comfort and closure....I overheard one couple as they were staring at the remains of their daughter whisper, "What was her safeword?"...Then they both simultaneously mouthed the word "rutabaga"...It was one of the most touching moments I have ever experienced.



Well it appears as if domiguy and I were one of the few that recognized your finely honed sarcastic skills.  You may just be getting too subtle for the masses LaM.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 5:31:16 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Rosebud------------------

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 5:35:37 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		 
 
LOLOL
...pooor Richie Petrie...
 
 

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 5:40:28 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		  ::thinkin:::
 
 and has decided, i continue to come to these message boards just to view LAM's "picture" ( or whatever they call those things, techno words boggle da brain ) ..
 
isn't life grand ?
 
smiles

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 7:11:38 AM   
soultoshare


Posts: 519
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		angel,

I to have invited someone to my home on the first physical meeting, but I have chatted with them for at least a month before they get that far, so i have something to gauge them on.  But it all boils down to the vibe I get from them when i meet them...in a public place, far away from my home, and with various routes to take home to see if they follow me...not paranoia, it happened once.  ALWAYS follow your instincts.....if you think back to the meeting,was there anything that you weren't comfortable with about him, but ignored?  If there was, take my advice...don't ignore the yellow or red flags again!  Use your past experience with your Dom as a yardstick to judge others by....unless it was a bad relationship...you know what I mean.  If they don't meet the standard, then you're outta there!

Not exactly the same thing, but my scary experience occurred during the third time we were together......he got drunk, and started talking about how useless he felt and how he'd just like to end it all.......he passed out in my bed, and when he woke up, I told him he needed to leave.....he refused to..it was only when I threatened to call the cops that he finally decided it was a good idea to go.  The point here is that you never know the person completely, and he may do anything at any time.  He was insistent upon staying all night.... I wanted him out, I was really afraid of him at that point.

Yes, I have met and/or chatted men that are only out to get laid.....they are usually the same ones that start out by asking about your personal measurements, or by telling you that they are fully aware of how much you "want" them or their cock, or start hollering "kneel before me, bitch", etc.  I call them chest-beaters.....they seem to have this collective thinking that sub = cheap, easy lay, or someone desperate for them.  Sorting thru them can be a real pain in the ass.  It is way to easy to be taken in online, it's the meeting that tells me if there will be more happening.  Mine usually last a good couple of hours in a public place. 

I'm glad that nothing more happened to you.  Please, be careful, as stated, safe calls aren't the lifeline people think they are, the same goes with safewords. Only you can be responsible for your safety.

BTW DG, thanks for the AM chuckle! 

_____________________________

This is where I should say something witty.....well, "SOMETHING WITTY!"

**********************************************

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain.



(in reply to angelsub642)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 7:16:48 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating

 
 
LOLOL
...pooor Richie Petrie...
 
 


Now that's a good safe word(s)....."Richie Petrie".....What Dom could continue wailing on....After hearing that?

_____________________________



(in reply to Cyntilating)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 8:00:58 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Most Doms tell you exactly what you want to hear.
They are great at agreeing what you seek or desire matches them.
Often that's just a front as they want to take all they can get away with and unfortunately even more.
Those are the trolls and predators you hear about all the time.

The good news is some of them are being for real and mean what they say and indeed are good Dominants or Masters that have things in common with you.
Most of the ones that are for real are not trying to rush in and play with you right away.
They are trying to qualify your quality to see if you're worth investing their precious time in.
Those are the ones I look for, not the impulsive ones looking for instant gratification with no control.
How's someone supposed to control you when they don't even control themselves? is what you have to ask yourself.


I see you already know you must have lost your mind to have this man in your home when you'd not even met him yet.
I hope next time the initial meeting will be in a public place & you only divulge where you live to people you trust in the future.

Take the lesson, be grateful it was not a harder lesson you learned from, and don't let yourself fall in that trap again or it may be a worse lesson next time.
I'd also like to say there's no reason to hurry in and play with strangers.
Take your time to be sure you like someone as a human being and get to know them some.
It will end a lot of not knowing who's putting his hands on you or how far he'll try to push.
suzanne

(in reply to angelsub642)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 8:43:18 AM   
MusicalBoredom


Posts: 620
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: Louisiana/New York
Status: offline 		Before the internet took off, I used to meet people with common interest through other people with the same interest.  I know there are still community groups and scenes but I'm not sure we use them the same way anymore.  Back in the prehistoric times, you met people in group settings and people vouched for other people.  If all of that worked well and there was a match then you might end up in a one on one situation but you would have had others already made the introduction and have some some real life face-to-face experience with the other person.

Sometimes I think we have gotten lazy and perhaps to trusting with cell-phones and the internet.

D

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 8:55:26 AM   
angelsub642


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		We aren't even going to get together again.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 9:42:24 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Just out of curiosity...how would a safecall had helped if he decided to not stop?


Depends on how well she uses it. The idea is to tell the dominant that she has a safe call in place. If she doesn't make the call, the cops are going to be looking for him. No, it doesn't prevent her from being raped or murdered if he wants to do it anyway. Safewords and "no" won't stop someone who doesn't care. It's just another measure of protection.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 7/18/2007 9:43:31 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 9:47:08 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I am so sorry that this happened to you. Just try to remember that BDSM is a group of people, and that like all other groups of people, we have our share of assholes.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to angelsub642)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 10:06:10 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelsub642

Hello to all,
i met a Dom the other day and he was really aggressive as far as trying to get me to cooporate with him in a playing and sexual sense. i kept telling him no and pushing his hands away, no he did not oblige so i kicked him out. We met for coffee and back to my place, and yes i know this was a huge mistake on my part; even though he said over the phone that he will stop if i tell him to, well that went out the window.  i know i should be more cautious, and this was actually the first Dom i've met since my Dom.So here's my question: Are some Doms like this only here for trolling and luring female submissives in a aggressive manner just to get laid? Or are there true Doms out there that will actually stop when being told to? And is there a way to tell for sure either online, in person, or on the phone that the other person will stop if being told?



I haven't read the responses so I may be repeating whats already been said but....

He sounds a bit agressive, but really I think you need to be clearer about what you want and what you don't want.   You don't invite someone to your place on a first date to play checkers - you invite them back to your place to get intimate.  So if you aren't interested in getting intimate - why did you invite him back?  Thats just sending huge mixed signals.  If you just wanted to talk, you could sit at any Starbucks and talk.  Or go to an outdoor concert, or a walk in a park, or a walk in a museum, or a movie, or dinner, or any million other public I'mnotreadytofuckyou type dates.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to angelsub642)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 10:37:43 AM   
angelsub642


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		i used my safeword, and yes he knew the word, i told him to stop, and had to push him away for him to finally back off

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 10:52:33 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelsub642

i used my safeword, and yes he knew the word, i told him to stop, and had to push him away for him to finally back off

I honestly think if you're expecting your safe word to protect you from strangers you've invited back to your home on a first date then you're going to have to think again.
Safe words are to be used between consensual scenes with people you trust to adhere to the standards the safe word affords.
You can scream red red red a million times to a rapist, preditor or murderer and it's not going to do a damn thing.
It can give you comfort much like when you were little and your Mom gave you a flash light to keep the monsters away.
That means a safe word is nothing more than a placebo safety net in reality till someone agrees to adhere to it.
Safe words on private encounters with strangers are basically useless at protecting you if the other person intends to harm you.
Be safe, meet in public the first 3-4X you meet someone, get referrals, talk to the referrals, and then invite someone to use your body once you're sure it's someone you want using it.
suzanne


(in reply to angelsub642)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Agressive Dom - 7/18/2007 10:55:06 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Hm, my dominant doesn't stop when I tell him to.  I wonder if this makes him not true?

Consider yourself lucky.  I made many stupid decisions and somehow have lived to learn from them.  When you invite someone into your home to be alone with you, nothing is going to protect you if something goes wrong.  Safewords and safecalls are not suppose to protect you from psychopaths, that is what good judgment, self-control, and self-defense are for. 

Next time, don't invite someone back to your house until you know you can trust them.  You have learned from this experience that people, dominants included, do not always do what they say they will.  There are places that are intimate, but safe---like cafes, small restaurants, movie theaters if you want some cuddling action? 


_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to angelsub642)
Profile   Post #: 40
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