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Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 11:03:33 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
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From: South Florida
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I had an interesting converstation with a submissive today about how difficult it is for a male sub to find a Mistress to serve (given the sheer imbalance of the male/female numbers in the lifestyle). Somehow the subject of strap ons came up. He is someone who has never engaged in any type of anal play but is fast coming to the conclusion that he may have to change his mind and submit to a strap on in order to please his Mistress.

Now, he is not my submissive and I don't forsee him ever becoming so, but there is chemistry there.. But we did discuss my taking his virginity since we do know each other and he knows I am not cruel or sadistic. (He is not a pain puppy).

My question is this: If he does indeed plan to submit to a strap on with a future Mistress, would my taking his virginity somehow be "morally" wrong? Virginity is quite often a cherished thing and maybe his virginity is not mine to take but belongs to someone he hasn't met yet?

I would love to hear whatever thoughts and opinions you have. Thank you.

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Post #: 1

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 11:14:46 AM

AAkasha

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Taking a man's virginity can be incredibly erotic. Nothing really compares, in my opinion. I guess the issue you are struggling with is whether or not he will hold some value in it and somehow regret it later? I don't know that men feel this way about that kind of thing so much; I think most would look back at their "deflowering" as a mind blowing experience. What I do is make sure that it's something done with class, passion, a high level of intensity and all the right preparation, so that no matter what, he does look back and think of it as "first time, best time."

Once he has it, he will want more of it...so make sure he knows he is opening pandora's box. I guess that would be my main worry; once you kind of lead a man down this path, especially a "virgin," he usually becomes crazy about it and wants more. I think the cruel thing would be to give it to him once then send him on his way, leaving him with just a taste and then no outlet. At least plan to keep him around long enough to show him the ropes....

Akasha

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Post #: 2

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 1:01:18 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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If he doesn't want to do it, he shouldn't have to. There are those of use who DON'T do strap-on play. Making him do it, or convincing him to do it, when he doesn't would be the part that's morally wrong, in my book. He can choose if he wants to do it and he should be able to choose the people he wants to do it with. If he's asked you to take his virginity, I see nothing morally wrong with that.

Master Fire

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Post #: 3

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 1:26:30 PM

thetammyjo

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I think another way is for him to learn about his anus himself and do insertion there himself. Go at his own pace and learn how things feel. That information could be useful to a future partner.

One risk of going to someone to lose virginity is that it may turn off potential partners who might like the idea of being 'the first' -- since as a culture we generally do not include masturbation in the same category as sex with others, I think it is less likely for that to cause future concerns.

I know that I for one have been more pleased by partners who were familiar with their own bodies through masturbation than those who were entirely clueless about what felt good and what to do.

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Post #: 4

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 1:31:42 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
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BossyShoeBitch,

quote:

MasterFireMaam:

If he doesn't want to do it, he shouldn't have to. There are those of use who DON'T do strap-on play. Making him do it, or convincing him to do it, when he doesn't want to is the part that's morally wrong, in my book. He can choose if he wants to do it and he should be able to choose the people he wants to do it with. If he's asked you to take his virginity, I see nothing morally wrong with that.

I agree with MasterFireMaam. The only thing I'll add is what Akasha noted, opening Pandora's box of anal joy and then dropping the boy off a cliff might not be the nicest introduction. If you're going to fuck the boy and don't intend on establishing a relationship with him, at least give him your attention more than once. It will probably take a few tries before he relaxes into you and really allows you to fuck him anyway. Introduce him gently and lovingly, leave him with a good experience, and I don't see a problem.

quote:

BossyShoeBitch:

I had an interesting conversation with a submissive today about how difficult it is for a male sub to find a Mistress to serve (given the sheer imbalance of the male/female numbers in the lifestyle).

By finding a mistress to serve, I'm assuming he meant "finding a mistress for a relationship". Certainly, there is no problem finding a professional mistress. All a sub needs is money in his pocket and gumption, and he's good to go. The long-term relationship front is quite different, but I don't think the problem is an imbalance of numbers. When you remove wankers and professionals, in my experience, the number of mistresses and subs left is about equal. Seemingly, the problem is that there are just not that many people who truly want this kind of long-term relationship and/or who have the relationship skills for it. When you add in distance and other mitigating factors, as a mistress or a sub, it becomes quite difficult to find your matching partner.

ElanSubdued.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 5

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 1:35:43 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

quote:

thetammyjo:

I think another way is for him to learn about his anus himself and do insertion there himself. Go at his own pace and learn how things feel. That information could be useful to a future partner. (snip) I know that I for one have been more pleased by partners who were familiar with their own bodies through masturbation than those who were entirely clueless about what felt good and what to do.

This is excellent advice.

ElanSubdued.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 6

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 2:09:29 PM

DrkJourney

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Lots of factors here;

one, if he's really not into anal, I don't think he should do it. It might take a little more time, but he can find someone that doesn't require this service

two, if he really does want to try, it might be nice for his first time to be with someone who is loving and caring. I understand what you are saying about his virginity belonging to his future owner, but who's to say that this person won't hurt him, and ruin him from ever wanting to do this again? (I've run into a few of those) Then maybe he'll feel obligated to stay with her and indure this pain because he thinks that's how it really feels...at least with you he would know the real feeling.

three, is where I contradict myself...lol. Now if you do this, it might be like feeding a cat, once you do it's hard to get rid of them...there is a possiblity that he could become attached (been there, got the t-shirt)

I guess it just boils down to the two of you having major talks and finally deciding what the two of you can handle in this situation

sorry, I've been no help at all....LOL

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Post #: 7

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 2:24:50 PM

switchsecrets

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if he's not a 40 yr old virgin, i'd hold off on the anal the first go-around! just kiddin. but, really if he's truly a virgin and he's willing to submit himself to you, have you considered starting off with conventional intercourse? then, either he should experiment with toys or start off with some small toys, plugs... but, just to take a strap-on to the poor lad first time out, doesn't sound right. losing my virginity was a pretty emotional thing and then having her just leave me, hurt me for quite a long time. i have my doubts that he's really a virgin. it's possible he's saying that only to gain your interest. i had friends that used to say that too.

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 8

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 2:57:11 PM

EmpassionedRogue

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the only virginity that is really criticle Ma'am, is vaginal intercorse. i dont really believe itll make a huge differance. altho he may become more attached to you. and they are right. if he likes it... he will want a lot more. him haveing a slim toy to practive with first... good idea. porn, lube, good slim vibrator against the anus... mmm... he'll do it himself i believe if set up properly

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Post #: 9

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 3:29:48 PM

chiaThePet

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Joined: 2/4/2007
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You could probably answer Your own question. If You were the other

Domme, how would You feel about someone else taking his ass first?

i'm saving myself for bondage.....er.....marriage, yeah that's it, marriage.

soooooooo, is an anal virgin boy worth a few more beads? (pun intended)

chia* (the pet)

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Post #: 10

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 3:37:53 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
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From: South Florida
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OK.. Maybe it's time for a bit of backstory here.. I really didn't mean to come off as a heartless bitch..lol!

This particular sub is someone I have known for about 8 months (he is the person I have to thank for telling me about CM) and although we have "chemistry" together, we are probably not a good D/s match for each other.
So we talk to each other every now and then about this and that... Eventually we get to talking about how his search for a Mistress is going (usually not going well). So today, we were having the same such conversation and he was telling me how several of the Mistresses he has been interested in were very adament about anal/ strap-on play..
So I told him that I would be happy to "break him in" and he seemed fairly into the idea. (He is fairly easy on the eyes and if I am being honest, I have wanted to "play" with him for quite a long time.) If he asked me to use him after that, I would be only too happy to do so. In the vanilla world, this sub could pick up a new girl every day of the week if he chose too.
So I told Michael about this chat and of course he just had to bring up the morality of it (grrr).. which of course led me to start this thread...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to switchsecrets)

Post #: 11

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 3:47:09 PM

DrkJourney

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Joined: 5/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

OK.. Maybe it's time for a bit of backstory here.. I really didn't mean to come off as a heartless bitch..lol!

This particular sub is someone I have known for about 8 months (he is the person I have to thank for telling me about CM) and although we have "chemistry" together, we are probably not a good D/s match for each other.
So we talk to each other every now and then about this and that... Eventually we get to talking about how his search for a Mistress is going (usually not going well). So today, we were having the same such conversation and he was telling me how several of the Mistresses he has been interested in were very adament about anal/ strap-on play..
So I told him that I would be happy to "break him in" and he seemed fairly into the idea. (He is fairly easy on the eyes and if I am being honest, I have wanted to "play" with him for quite a long time.) If he asked me to use him after that, I would be only too happy to do so. In the vanilla world, this sub could pick up a new girl every day of the week if he chose too.
So I told Michael about this chat and of course he just had to bring up the morality of it (grrr).. which of course led me to start this thread...

oh ok....I'll take him in...you twisted my arm....LOL

seriously....if you are both in agreement, and you think you will both feel the same on the other side....go for it

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Post #: 12

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 3:52:29 PM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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Dark Journey,

Thanks for the thoughtful response showing you actually comprehened her post. It ISN'T an easy question to answer but lots of talk and discussion are almost always a good idea.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrkJourney

Lots of factors here;

one, if he's really not into anal, I don't think he should do it. It might take a little more time, but he can find someone that doesn't require this service

two, if he really does want to try, it might be nice for his first time to be with someone who is loving and caring. I understand what you are saying about his virginity belonging to his future owner, but who's to say that this person won't hurt him, and ruin him from ever wanting to do this again? (I've run into a few of those) Then maybe he'll feel obligated to stay with her and indure this pain because he thinks that's how it really feels...at least with you he would know the real feeling.

three, is where I contradict myself...lol. Now if you do this, it might be like feeding a cat, once you do it's hard to get rid of them...there is a possiblity that he could become attached (been there, got the t-shirt)

I guess it just boils down to the two of you having major talks and finally deciding what the two of you can handle in this situation

sorry, I've been no help at all....LOL

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 13

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 3:57:33 PM

BBBTBW

Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
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She refered to him as a virgin, meaning anal virgin, not sexual virgin.

Bossyshoebitch,

This is a sticky situation.....if you decide to do this, definitely give him a few sessions for his mental and emotional well being....however as some have said, you run the risk of his attachment.

On the other hand, if there is a reason you don't see him as your slave in the future, that might be reason enough not to have that type of session with him..

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Post #: 14

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 4:09:57 PM

samboct

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Joined: 1/17/2007
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As a male submissive who's been looking for this kind of play, I'd jump at your offer. Why go through the emotional roller coaster of "finding a mistress" and then discovering that the type of play she's looking for doesn't appeal to you? And if she hasn't made his virginity a point that's in his favor- what's he got to lose? So far, my "virginity" hasn't done anything for anybody else- it may be that like female virginity- there are a few that prize it highly- but for most men, experience is far more preferable.

Turning the question around- would I care if the domme that approached had never done strap on play? Would it be exciting for me if I was her first? Answer- not really- I'm at the age where I expect people to have tried a few things in their life.

And if I can play armchair psychologist for a sec- Shakespeare said it best- "Methinks the lady doth protest too much." Are you sure that you don't really want to try a relationship with this guy? Because from reading what you've written- that kinda comes through.

Sam

(in reply to BBBTBW)

Post #: 15

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 4:40:00 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
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From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct

As a male submissive who's been looking for this kind of play, I'd jump at your offer. Why go through the emotional roller coaster of "finding a mistress" and then discovering that the type of play she's looking for doesn't appeal to you? And if she hasn't made his virginity a point that's in his favor- what's he got to lose? So far, my "virginity" hasn't done anything for anybody else- it may be that like female virginity- there are a few that prize it highly- but for most men, experience is far more preferable.

Turning the question around- would I care if the domme that approached had never done strap on play? Would it be exciting for me if I was her first? Answer- not really- I'm at the age where I expect people to have tried a few things in their life.

And if I can play armchair psychologist for a sec- Shakespeare said it best- "Methinks the lady doth protest too much." Are you sure that you don't really want to try a relationship with this guy? Because from reading what you've written- that kinda comes through.

Sam

You are a good armchair psychologist...

Although I think that was more true when I first met him, my life circumstances and relationships have changed alot since then. It's good to sort of just have a "friend" in the lifestyle (esp. a friend with benefits)...

**edited to add: I wonder how this thread would be received in the Ask a submissive section?

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 7/18/2007 4:41:11 PM >

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 4:48:21 PM

DianeB269

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It's not morally wrong, if you and him are good friends.

Diane

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Post #: 17

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 4:57:41 PM

ocilla

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I have to agree with Tammyjo plus here - He should definitely get familiar with his own ass first.

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Post #: 18

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 4:57:53 PM

DrkJourney

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Thank you Michael.....

It does indeed have many many facets to it...hopefully they'll both come out for the better whatever they decide

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Post #: 19

RE: Strap-ons and (male) virgins - 7/18/2007 5:03:42 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
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someone once said that a male undergoing anal from a strap-on is subconciously gay. not sure if that is true or not and don't care to test that theory

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