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Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 5:27:26 AM   
sub7boy


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/15/2007
Status: offline 		I see a lot of complaints from women in the online BDSM world that the men that message them are not genuine, or are simply looking for a quick fling.

I sympathise with the problem, and with the complaints, but also see that very few women in the online communities are willing to make much effort to change this. If you do find a message from a genuine guy, it doesn't take long to write back "thanks for your message, but you are not what I'm looking for right now" or "thanks for you message, lets chat" but instead it seems that if you are a male who is genuinely interested in BDSM, you will be ignored by women no matter what.

The replay rate I have had so far from women on BDSM sites is around 20%. And that 20% is by and large from women who - no offense to them - are out of my league. Honestly I'm not looking for a supermodel here, just someone I could be compatible with, and with an intelligence level at least equal to mine.

What does it take to find a decent woman these days!?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 5:29:18 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know, but I have the same problem with guys not replying to me.  For all the complaints that no one ever e-mails them ... then when they are e-mailed, they don't reply.  It happens to everyone, not just one group or another.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to sub7boy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 5:49:38 AM   
Laure


Posts: 42
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		It is tough to reply when an e-mail says,  "Hi, tell me more about yourself"!  ....uumm.....I am 44 years old.  Which year would they like to hear about?   

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 5:51:21 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		for me, I would want to hear all 44 years

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Laure)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 5:57:24 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

for me, I would want to hear all 44 years


does this mean i should start writing a novel to send in answer to these kinds of mails?

i was born a poor black child back in 1962.......lemme find my writers cap

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 6:03:46 AM   
anguissette62


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/31/2007
Status: offline 		Lack of a reply *is* a reply. 

For years I scrupulously replied to each email, even if to only say "no thank you."  I'd say a good 15-20% immediately write back in reply to "no thank you" with either 
  1. "Yeah, another phony bitch.  Why I'd waste my time on a fat wannabe like you. . ."
  2. "Come on, you know you want my thick ten inches, slut.  You just like to be begged, don't you baby. . ."
  3. "Why not?  I've got a big toy bag."

Having a profile on a site related to BDSM does not automatically mean I wish to be abused. 

So, no reply usually is a "no" reply. 

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 6:31:14 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Come on, you know you want my thick ten inches, slut.  You just like to be begged, don't you baby. . .

Would you mind if I used this after personalizing it a bit ?
(uhhhhhh---10 inches?  Uff da!!!! I need to do some work on that part)

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to anguissette62)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 7:44:24 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		As LA says, "No answer IS a reply."


I imagine it's because of your profile. It's rather dull and doen'st just out at me. You say you're looking for friends but then complain that you can't find a relationship. Make up your mind. If you want a relationship, what are your expectation and what do you have to offer? Post a picture, too, or at least attach one (a nice face shot) when you email.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to sub7boy)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 7:46:58 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anguissette62

Lack of a reply *is* a reply. 

For years I scrupulously replied to each email, even if to only say "no thank you."  I'd say a good 15-20% immediately write back in reply to "no thank you" with either 
  1. "Yeah, another phony bitch.  Why I'd waste my time on a fat wannabe like you. . ."
  2. "Come on, you know you want my thick ten inches, slut.  You just like to be begged, don't you baby. . ."
  3. "Why not?  I've got a big toy bag."


Having a profile on a site related to BDSM does not automatically mean I wish to be abused. 

So, no reply usually is a "no" reply. 


What she said. You're paying for other men's rudeness. Women on sites such as this have learned that we don't get rude emails if we don't respond but if we send polite no thank you notes, we do get hit with nastiness.

No response is a response of no. Accept that and go on. And if you're getting a response rate of 20% then you are doing far better than most men here who would be lucky to claim a response rate of 2 or 3 %.

(in reply to anguissette62)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 7:47:18 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

it doesn't take long to write back "thanks for your message, but you are not what I'm looking for right now"


To reply like that often invites more messages urging us to give them a chance or meet and let's find out, or they reply with yet another form letter, outlining their wonderful qualities.  It's best not to reply at all, hopefully they can figure out that no response, is indeed a response of not interested.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sub7boy)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 8:23:08 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		What's really funny is that I have a response rate of about 100 percent. Granted, I RARELY actually contact someone, but I have yet to really run into a situation where no one has responded to me. Of course, I'm not writing them asking to "do" them or have them "do" me, or any drivel like that.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 9:20:33 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub7boy

What does it take to find a decent woman these days!?



Finding a decent partner has never been easy. Who told you it would be otherwise?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sub7boy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 9:26:34 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		The same effort it takes to find a decent man---smiles

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to sub7boy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 9:30:42 AM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline
quote:

What does it take to find a decent woman these days!?


patience, honesty, patience, persistence, oh, and did i mention patience?

sometimes it takes years before you find someone. i should know, i'm STILL looking.


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to sub7boy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 9:37:00 AM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Come on, you know you want my thick ten inches, slut.  You just like to be begged, don't you baby. . .

Would you mind if I used this after personalizing it a bit ?
(uhhhhhh---10 inches?  Uff da!!!! I need to do some work on that part)

Ron


I figured that was you...lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 9:39:50 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub7boy


The replay rate I have had so far from women on BDSM sites is around 20%. And that 20% is by and large from women who - no offense to them - are out of my league.



Why are you writing to women who are 'out of your league?' Perhaps if you were a bit more selective in chosing to whom you write, you'll find your response rate goes up commensurately.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to sub7boy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 9:41:01 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

for me, I would want to hear all 44 years


Damn, Ron, that was downright charming. Made me kinda swoony.

::fans self::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 9:44:16 AM   
missbehaeven


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/25/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings All,
 
As has been pointed out many times on similar threads, no reply is a reply in itself.
I used to respond to every message I received, even from people who weren't compatible with me for whatever reason, whether it was an age difference, geographically incompatible, they're married,or completely mismatched profiles.
After a while though I noticed that I'd then get mail in return asking why I felt that way, and several arguments why I shouldn't.  
That got old.
I still reply to well written posts that appear sincere, but now I make it clear if they're not what I'm seeking, and I wish them well in their continued search, and end the exchange there.
I no longer reply at all to the one line messages that read "Wanna chat?", or the messages from married men that read.."Hi, my poor sucker wife doesn't understand my needs which I can't believe I didn't state clearly enough to her because I've been a natural Dom for 35 of my 36 years, and by the way, I'm going to be in your area, well away from my wife finding out, for business, and wanna get together?"
Well, sometimes I will reply to them and ask politely if they'd be so understanding if their wife developed a NASCAR racer fetish.
Anyway, I'm rambling..Don't take it personally if you don't get a response.
Think of CM as just one tool, a useful one, for trying to find people who share your interests, not as a lifeline to a happy relationship.
Explore other options such as local organizations and become active in community munches.
 
I wish all well...miss

(in reply to sub7boy)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 9:48:01 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I youve gotten replies, then obviously the women didnt think they were out of your league... or they wouldnt have replied. Unless these were all "no".
Remember your medium here, you are on the internet. How are we to know which emails are from the genuine guys and which arent, so that we can make out replys a little friendler?  Theres no filter for "genuine". May first emails are polite, and the stupidity doesnt take hold until a second email, positve or negative reply. Replying, even with a no thankyou, is often taken as an invitation to start a dialog which is unwanted. So, to avoid that, we might not reply. Some genuine guys cant take no for an answer. So, instead of wasting both our time playing email ping pong over "are you sure you dont want me?" "Yes, Im sure" "Give me a chance" and the like, I just dont reply now if i dont see something I want to pursue or discuss. And even then, some guys write back followups, to see if we got the first...

Looking for a partner is hard, looking online is harder. With all the silliness I run into online now, I thank my lucky stars I found one good one out of the mountains of junk I recieve.

DV



_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to DrkJourney)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Lack of Replies? - 7/19/2007 10:08:11 AM   
MistressDaisy73


Posts: 165
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		I think I have seen this complaint about, oh lets see... over a thousand times. I also see complaints "dissing" people who write in their profiles something like "if you msg me, please have more than one sentance" or "if you email me, please be able to constuct a proper sentence", etc.

Personally, I WOULD say that in my profile, but I like to stay on friendlier footing. :) (Just call me Mistress Daisy, the friendly Domme) SO, I say none of that in my profile, and I get barely coherant one sentance emails from subs asking if I am interested. I used to reply to almost every email, regardless and just say "no thanks" but, here are my reasons I don't do that anymore:

As someone already pointed out, that often gives a person the opportunity to say "why not" or otherwise continue an unwanted exchange.

If I responded to every badly written email I receive (and I don't get a ton everyday, just some days) I would really be kept busy, as, sorry to say, most of the emails I receive are NOT in even a semblance of proper writing.

It is often obvious, even from those emails that are not terribly written that they have not read my profile.... or even the short version. (ie. I get asked all the time, "I am coming to Chicago next week, can I see you there?" Or "How far is Chicago from suchandsuch?" and my profile CLEARLY states I live near St. Louis (in TWO places). Even idiots can pull up a mapquest or something and see that St. Louis is 300 miles away from Chicago.----ok sorry to vent that but it is a HUGE pet peeve) And, if they did not take the time to read my profile, why take the time to write them back. My profile isnt even long for heavens sake.

If I get a decently worded email, I usually respond, unless they appear to not have read my profile. And, unfortunately, there are many who use a form email and just mass send it, hoping to cover a lot of ground to get their few takers. More power to them, but don't expect me to write back.

I will say I have been fortunate enough to only feel it necessary to block 3 people in the several months I have been on CM, and that most subs have not been rude. GOOD BOYS! (and girls) to all of them. :)

But, to the OP, do not let it discourage you. Figure out more clearly what you seek. Try to find ways to engender responses by making your profile more informative, post a pic, and pesonalize each email (if you are not already doing so) having CAREFULLY read the persons profile.

Best of luck to you!

M. Daisy

(in reply to DrkJourney)
Profile   Post #: 20
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