quote:

ORIGINAL: shysecrets

She is trying to controll the situation but since she isnt his sub yet it is just beeing controlling and really cant be topping from the bottom.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Anyway, Hi Aquatic, long time no see.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Hi folks,

I think the meat and potatoes have already been served up so I won't linger on em.  It isn't about 'honoring a play date' though, it's about expecting a relationship to be exclusive already, when it isn't. 

Anyway, Hi Aquatic, long time no see.

I don't buy the 'equal' thing.  I would say they have equal rights/obligations/responsibilities, but I don't think there needs to be tacit agreement that the man in question be dominant, that the woman in question be submissive.  There isn't a contract that people negotiate and sign in their interactions; the only safeword in normal relationships is "goodbye."  I do agree, though, she's not topping from the bottom; she's just being controlling (even if you're not meaning to, butterfli.) 

butterfli,

The fact that she's from the States, and is unlikely to lead to a long term relationship is obviously important to you; would you feel the same if it had been a girl from London?  Or your next door neighbor?  What is it, exactly, about his playing or relationship with the other woman has you so upset?  I don't mean that harshly; when you answer that question for yourself, though, you'll find the real source of your frustration here.

Good luck,

Stephan

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

To the OP...

While I understand your hesitation to pursue a further relationship with this man, I also believe that you had no right of asking him to break the date, as it was arranged prior to your coffee date.  What you should have done, and should try to do, if you haven't damaged the relationship already, is to tell him that you appreciate his telling you about his playdate.  Apparently, this playdate is due to happen in the very near future, so I would suggest keeping the lines of communication open with the man.  Once the playdate is in the past, you can discuss your wants/needs regarding monogamy, etc., as you would normally. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Well, my English is back up to speed ;)  Nice to be back in the States, that's for sure.

Stephan

quote:

ORIGINAL: utterlybutterfli


To feastie..
Thank you for your message, I wonder perhaps you if you have read the whole thread , as you'll see I understand exactly how wrong I was already

Yeah, I read the whole thread.  I typically do, when I spend time here.  Regardless, people often need to see the same advice from more than one person to help them in their decision making.  One of the pitfalls of requesting help in one's personal life on a public board is that the thread may not die just when you think it should or how you think it should.

As for what I should do. Well, I didn't know at first. I did apologise to him, not because I was trying to save or resolve anything but because I knew I was in the wrong.
Whether, however, I should be waiting until this playdate is over, so I can see if I have a potential future with him, I'm not really all that sure. He made a choice, that choice wasn't me. I'm not really willing to hang around waiting to be some consolation prize if everything isn't as he hopes it will be. He didn't want me enough, but I'm fairly certain that I'll find someone who does. I am sad about it, as I've said, because I thought, for a while there, he was a lovely man and that we would have made a good match. As y'all know, I've been wrong before..
And I really do think I've said all i have to on the matter now. Life goes on.

He was being upfront and honest with you.  You'd just had a coffee together and conversation.  You were certainly in no position to make him choose and honestly, he didn't choose his playdate over you.  He chose to keep a promise, an obligation already made to another.  There is a lot of integrity and respect not only for Miss USA, but for you, in that.  This woman may be someone he's chatted with for years.  She may be staying with these other people just to meet him, but giving herself a safety net.  A playdate doesn't necessarily mean sex will be involved, and, until people meet, spend some time talking and looking in each other's eyes, they have no idea if their online chemistry will exist offline.  Further, you flaked out and dropped out on him.  He had no reason not to make plans and develop a relationship with another.  People are quite capable of dating more than one person at a time.  It happens all the time.  Personally, my desire for exclusivity kicks in when sex becomes involved.  It's there that I draw the line, a fact I make well known to potentials before the ugly bumpin' begins. 
 
Basically, what you've done here is failed him.  He was honest and trustful enough to share this planned playdate with you, and you gave him no trust to live up to his word with you.
 
Of course, we have only what you've told us here, perhaps there is more to the story that we don't know.  But then, we can only write on what is given.