i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....???

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i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but....??? - 7/21/2007 6:05:39 PM

playfulotter

Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Have other submissives had this problem when in a new relationship with a Dom.....Do You need Your Dom or Master or whatever You call him to contact You at least every 24 hours and when he doesn't You let him know how You feel and he says something like "chill out"..are men and women just different in this regard...i think if you are really into someone You want to have at least some kind of contact with them in every 24 hour period (be it phone, computer or in person) but maybe i am just wrong and men and women are different in how they interact.....just looking for other points of view. Thanks,rhonda

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Post #: 1

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 6:11:25 PM

LadyIce

Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

I don't think it is needy to have expectations of someone you are hoping to be in a relationship with.
I think you need to let your new partner know about your needs.
This is one time I am glad I am the Dominant, I demand frequent contact everyday.

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 2

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 6:26:14 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: playfulotter

Have other submissives had this problem when in a new relationship with a Dom.....Do You need Your Dom or Master or whatever You call him to contact You at least every 24 hours and when he doesn't You let him know how You feel and he says something like "chill out"..are men and women just different in this regard...i think if you are really into someone You want to have at least some kind of contact with them in every 24 hour period (be it phone, computer or in person) but maybe i am just wrong and men and women are different in how they interact.....just looking for other points of view. Thanks,rhonda

I also need contact once every 24 hours. When Valyraen and I were long-distence we called each other once a day and talked for an hour or so.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 3

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 6:39:11 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Angel and I arent in constant contact anymore, but he needed it when we began. It was his idea ot speak every day, and for about 4 months thats what we did. Even now, we are online about 2-3 times a week since I dont get to see him as often as we'd like. But in the beginning, it isnt uncommon for a submissive (male or female) to want that kind of reassurance. It is not necessarily unusual for a Dom or Domme to want it either, but there isa chance the Master you speak of is just not the constant contact type. Let him know what you would like (not what you need...) and see if theres a comfortable compromise that can be made between your desire for reassurance and his comfort with frequent contact.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 4

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 6:41:12 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I absolutely agree with you and no, you are not needy. It is very important to me to have a partner keep in contact, whether by phone, text, email.

It is always a red flag to me when someone says they are "too busy" to answer a call within 24 hours.

Whatever fledgling connection I have with them at that point, starts to lessen.

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A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 5

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 6:45:53 PM

DreamyLadySnow

Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

I think it's a personal thing and may also be a man/woman kind of thing. I don't need that much contact, especially at first. Others do. Throughout my life I"ve noticed that guys don't always think to call/email whatever daily.
It wouldn't send up red flags for me, either way, unless a boy was TOLD to contact me and didn't.

LS

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 6

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 6:48:56 PM

LadyIce

Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreamyLadySnow

I think it's a personal thing and may also be a man/woman kind of thing. I don't need that much contact, especially at first. Others do. Throughout my life I"ve noticed that guys don't always think to call/email whatever daily.
It wouldn't send up red flags for me, either way, unless a boy was TOLD to contact me and didn't.

LS

I agree women need more reassurance and contact normally than men.
That is one reason it is great to be in charge, in this case.
I don't think it would be unreasonable for a submissive to ask her Dominant for regular communication.
She needs to get clarification on this, in case he is not willing to remain in close contact.

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 7

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 6:50:29 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: playfulotter

Have other submissives had this problem when in a new relationship with a Dom.....Do You need Your Dom or Master or whatever You call him to contact You at least every 24 hours and when he doesn't You let him know how You feel and he says something like "chill out"..are men and women just different in this regard...i think if you are really into someone You want to have at least some kind of contact with them in every 24 hour period (be it phone, computer or in person) but maybe i am just wrong and men and women are different in how they interact.....just looking for other points of view. Thanks,rhonda

I guess the "needy" portion would have to be judged by the Dominant you are interacting with.....and yourself....If it is a "need" of yours then ..it is what it is...If said Dominat has no issue with that need, then hurrah!..if he does..then you need to decide how much of a "need" it is...and if this possible relationship is a good "fit" , so to speak..Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 8

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 6:53:16 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

What I prefer is a partner (Dom, whatever) to WANT contact with ME at least every 24 hours.

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(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 9

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 6:59:01 PM

LadyIce

Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

What I prefer is a partner (Dom, whatever) to WANT contact with ME at least every 24 hours.

Great minds think alike!
Isn't it nice to be on the same page when it comes to "needs"?

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 10

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 6:59:52 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreamyLadySnow

I think it's a personal thing and may also be a man/woman kind of thing. I don't need that much contact, especially at first. Others do. Throughout my life I"ve noticed that guys don't always think to call/email whatever daily.
It wouldn't send up red flags for me, either way, unless a boy was TOLD to contact me and didn't.

LS

I don't believe it is a man/woman thing. I think it shows how much interest someone has in you and how much of a priority you are to them. It also shows respect when I tell someone I wish them to keep in touch.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 11

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 7:01:52 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I don't think it's a D/s thing, I think it's a new relationship thing. Some people require that relationship to be reinforced often, early on, to help them build trust. There's nothing wrong with it as long as it doesn't annoy the other person overtly.

Stephan

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Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 12

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 7:04:53 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DreamyLadySnow

I think it's a personal thing and may also be a man/woman kind of thing.

I might be but I don't know. My ex-fiance once said he wouldn't be worried about me until he hadn't heard from me in a week. Which I thought was odd because I usually called him a few times a day.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 13

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 7:06:50 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

What I prefer is a partner (Dom, whatever) to WANT contact with ME at least every 24 hours.

Exactly! And that is how I knew my Joe was for real and for me. He never left me wondering where he was or when he would contact me. Consideration of your subs feelings is vital in my opinion. Especially if this is a long distance or online relationship.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 14

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 7:08:49 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

Not sure what kind of situation that you are looking for, but for me I am looking for a full relationship....and I don't think it's a man/woman thing, I think it's a relationship thing. I want someone in my life that can't get enough of me nor me of him, especially at first.

I don't think it's needy, in a new relationship it should be natural to want to keep in contact daily, sometimes several times a day in some form or fashion. I like to know he's thinking of me as I am of him.

That's just me

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...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 15

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 7:12:33 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: playfulotter

Have other submissives had this problem when in a new relationship with a Dom.....Do You need Your Dom or Master or whatever You call him to contact You at least every 24 hours and when he doesn't You let him know how You feel and he says something like "chill out"..are men and women just different in this regard...i think if you are really into someone You want to have at least some kind of contact with them in every 24 hour period (be it phone, computer or in person) but maybe i am just wrong and men and women are different in how they interact.....just looking for other points of view. Thanks,rhonda

It's much nicer when there's open communication on a regular basis. Some just don't feel the need for that. You may just be incompatible.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 7/21/2007 7:27:34 PM >

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 16

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 7:45:36 PM

NefertariReborn

Posts: 381
Status: offline

I'm hoping to see more posts from the malesubs and/or Doms. I am in contact with dream daily, and if I'm going to be late I call him. He doesn't ask for this but I think it's important. Hmmmmmm I've never thought to ask him if it would be a bad thing if I only called him once a week. I know if I withdraw because of punishment he freaks but that's a totally different scenario. hmmmmmmmm

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 17

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 8:06:11 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

i have had this issue myself in the past...funny thing about it as i look back at these failed LDR's - the Doms claimed to be "mental" Doms, priding themselves on their ability to capture and control their sub's mind. But with a week at times between any form of communication and no tasks for the interim...not much "mind control" occured.

Great learning experiences for me and helped me determine what works for me...If someone wants inside my "maze of a mind", they definitely need to talk with me more than once a week

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 18

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 8:14:44 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I remember tearful arguments from my first submissive over missed phonecalls and such as we lived an hour and a half away from each other and so we were on the phone. I used to hate talking on the phone and still tend to keep it short.

I tend to need more contact from my lady than she needs from me but with two kids she is kept pretty busy. What really stresses me out is when we do a bunch of calls over a few days and then suddenly nothing. My head starts to go to bad places but it is something we are both aware of and work on together. She knows I need it and I know she is working on it and so we can keep the issue pretty low key but it is there.

Karma?

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 19

RE: i don't want to seem like a needy submissive but...... - 7/21/2007 8:18:30 PM

BabyNyla

Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

I need contact everyday ... if I don't get it I panic. My poor Daddy ... he's in Iraq and I still make him either call me or get on line everyday to say hi to me (I am SEVERLY spolied). But if I don't talk to him I worry and then I can't sleep. He is my first Dom and I have never been so dependent on another person and it freaks me out ... but at the same time it's a good way to learn more about myself as well.

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 20

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