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RE: More minorities in the lifestyle - 7/31/2007 12:48:54 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

I am a dominant black man who has been in the lifestyle for sometime. I've never felt excluded or unwelcome at any bdsm lifestyle function. My experience is that people in this lifestyle are very accepting of  all who express interest bdsm. I'm sure there are some exceptions, there always will be.

Kane


What a refreshing and welcome point of view.

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RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 7/31/2007 2:40:20 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

LotusSong, the fact is, there is already a "White Wallop"....the vast majority of public lifestyle events ARE mostly (and often only) white, it is just not spelled out that way. groups like BlackBeat exist because many people of color do not feel welcome in an environment where they stick out like a sore thumb, and honestly are not treated precisely like everyone else. most people, especially when in large groups, subconsciously discriminate against those of a different race, whether they realize it or not. BlackBeat gives lifestylers of color the opportunity to come together in one place and just feel plain normal for a change, and not like a token.




This is a thought off topic and nothing to dowith the race issue.  Something that I have found over the years in all this.
 
I found the quickest way to be accepted in any gathering/group is to volunteer to make things happen.  No one ever objects to someone wanting to get involved.  There is a little red hen mentality in the BDSM organizations. Everyone wants to GO to a party, but no one ever wants to help to make it happen.  I assure you all that if you make yourself available to help make things happen, you will be welcomed with open arms.
 
Now back to daddysprop comment above:
 
I'll speak for myself here.  I love meeting people of all varieties.  Being white comes with the expectation that we are going to be unaccepting.  I am so afraid of doing or saying something "wrong", I probably come across as 'stilted', afraid, overly nice or condesending.
 
Here's an example.  I was in a conversation with a black domme in which I used the phrase "you go girl!"  The silence was deafening.  She thought I was making fun of her when in effect I was using a phrase of support that I felt she would relate to.  I have this habit of picking up the language pattern of the person I'm interacting with.  (You should hear my west virginian accent and see my ratty ASL :)   I guess I should have said kewl or groovy or something. 
 
So as for me, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells so avoid situations outside my kind.  I just don't know HOW to act, because I have no idea what kind of land mine might be unintentionally set off.
 

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 7/31/2007 2:43:24 PM >

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RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 7/31/2007 4:35:38 PM   
subnaturale


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline 		I just read 99.99% of the posts thus far...  and now i need to figure out everything i have going on in my head!!!   first on my agenda is to figure out where i fit in:  a minority is less than the majority.  now in society's terms:  i am white (majority)  female (minority) submissive (not sure where that fits in, but guessing a minority with all the "Doms" that have hit on me over the years) 

i am owned, Sir is not white...... so it seems, that W/we are both minorities living in a very prejudiced world






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Profile   Post #: 103
RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 7/31/2007 5:14:54 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subnaturale

I just read 99.99% of the posts thus far...  and now i need to figure out everything i have going on in my head!!!   first on my agenda is to figure out where i fit in:  a minority is less than the majority.  now in society's terms:  i am white (majority)  female (minority) submissive (not sure where that fits in, but guessing a minority with all the "Doms" that have hit on me over the years) 

i am owned, Sir is not white...... so it seems, that W/we are both minorities living in a very prejudiced world



Don't worry, I'm certain somebody is spending Millions of Dollars targeting your guys vote for the next presidential election. LOL...  

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Profile   Post #: 104
RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 7/31/2007 5:17:16 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		The thread just went where I don't think I could really contribute to it anymore, I liked what you had to say, BBBTBW

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RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 7/31/2007 5:33:19 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Many nice thoughts out here.....Of course, I hope that everyone realizes that my comment was  an attempt at humor....If it failed....Blow me.

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RE: More minorities in the lifestyle - 7/31/2007 9:03:00 PM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I understand more than given credit for :)

 
Based upon your words from the responses previous to this one, you don't understand.  But as I said, I don't expect you to.
quote:


I hope you understand now why organizations like Black Beat etc... are named the way they are.  It is not to exclude.  It is to INCLUDE and encourage.  If you feel excluded or left out, it is of your own insecurities that have nothing to do with the name, founders or participants of specific groups.

 
And you need to know other groups were not created to exclude.  If one's first issue is to see if there are any people of their race there then it is their own insecurities that keep them from participating.  When I see something race specific, I tend to pass it by because to me, it is saying YOU stay out.  You see?  Whites think the same as Blacks.  We each look for subtle nuances to assure our own acceptance.  
 
 
Perhaps the problem is that you stay out.  You don't even try to experience what there is to offer.  I on the other hand don't let the title of something keep me out if they claim they are accepting of everyone. 
quote:


Why would I pass it by?  I'd do so out of RESPECT.  I'd feel that it was created because there was a need and being the name spelled it out, I would be crashing the party, so to  speak.
 


You are correct, most things are created because of a need.  This creation doesn't automatically exclude others....but for the most part is designed (regardless of the name) to include those in need as well as interested parties.


quote:

 
I dunno.  I think I offend everyone because I truly don't give a shit who is what or where or how.  When I get hit in the face that a separatist attitude is still out there, it still shocks me is all. 


I am not offended.  I had hoped that you would see that you are not excluded.  Just take a look at the website. www.blackbeatinc.org   Look at the presenters.  This is a good mix of black and white presenters...Everyone can learn from everyone else.  If you feel that the attitude is separatist that is within your mind, not in the mind of the founders or other interested parties.

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RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 7/31/2007 9:14:47 PM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong


 
Now back to daddysprop comment above:
 
I'll speak for myself here.  I love meeting people of all varieties.  Being white comes with the expectation that we are going to be unaccepting.  I am so afraid of doing or saying something "wrong", I probably come across as 'stilted', afraid, overly nice or condesending

 
This is exactly one of the problems.  The overly nice thing makes most people uncomfortable and makes them feel like the sole cactus in the dessert.  You know how if you go to a new church and they are welcoming all the visitors and they ask you to stand and everyone is staring at you?  Thats the feeling of discomfort that becomes apparent.
quote:


Here's an example.  I was in a conversation with a black domme in which I used the phrase "you go girl!"  The silence was deafening.  She thought I was making fun of her when in effect I was using a phrase of support that I felt she would relate to.  I have this habit of picking up the language pattern of the person I'm interacting with.  (You should hear my west virginian accent and see my ratty ASL :)   I guess I should have said kewl or groovy or something. 
 
So as for me, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells so avoid situations outside my kind.  I just don't know HOW to act, because I have no idea what kind of land mine might be unintentionally set off.
 


I was going to tell you to go to an event with a minority escort as an experiment.  See how people treat you, even those you know.  But, maybe you do understand.  That is the feeling when most times I walk into an event.  ALL eyes on me watching my every move to see what I will do next.  How much more uncomfortable can one get?

Rather than do things outside yourself to try to relate, just be  yourself.  If they dont' accept you at that point, they never will, flip em and find some where you are more comfortable. 

This is the reason Black Beat was founded.  To give people a place to go to be comfortable....However if you stop yourself before you even try, you might be losing out on a great experience.


< Message edited by BBBTBW -- 7/31/2007 9:24:17 PM >

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RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 7/31/2007 9:21:35 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		BBBTBW, you hit the nail on the head BINGO.
When you are the only person of another race at any event, you do stand out.
People will stare and most people would feel like they are on display.

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Profile   Post #: 109
RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 7/31/2007 9:32:34 PM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

The thread just went where I don't think I could really contribute to it anymore, I liked what you had to say, BBBTBW


Thanks DarkDaddyZ.  I look forward to meeting you at Black Beat.

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RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 7/31/2007 9:36:24 PM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

BBBTBW, you hit the nail on the head BINGO.
When you are the only person of another race at any event, you do stand out.
People will stare and most people would feel like they are on display.


MzMia,

You summed up in a few words what I was trying to say....Thank You  See you at Black Beat

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Profile   Post #: 111
RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 7/31/2007 10:41:25 PM   
suggababy23


Posts: 73
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline 		What an interesting thread. Seems like it took me forever to get to the end.

I am a black submissive and I have to join the consensus here and say that yes, it is difficult to be in the minority in a crowd. I am very personal about my participation in BDSM activities. Its hard to try to explain to someone that any Black woman would voluntarily submit to a man. It goes against everything my momma ever taught me. Now I belong to several groups, and my main group is a largely White crowd. But luckily when I came out I had the pleasure of meeting a few other Black who were already members. Race has soo very little to do with this. Its really the culture.  I am a minority in a minority. Most of my Black friends in the lifestyle are dominants. Black submissives are like needles in a hay stack. Which is partly why I am so exciting to attend my first Black Beat this year. I can't wait to meet more like myself :)

But honestly, its not that serious. Its nice to have someone who you can relate to and who can relate to you but thats just the tip on a massive iceburg. Being Black has never detered me from venturing out into the lifestyle and pursuing friends and partners. If anything, its been beneficial. Like someone else said, I tend to stand out in a crowd. (which isn't always a bad thing). I have no adversions to any race. I have no preferences. If a man is dominant, attractive and intellegent, he has my eye.

I had this long post in my mind but I think this is all thats really important. Short and sweet, I guess.

sugga

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RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 8/1/2007 11:29:43 AM   
koimizu


Posts: 64
Status: offline 		For the local scene here (atlanta area and beyond)  i have run across a handful of Dominants who were notably black and yes, black submissives/slaves like myself are as rare as unicorn steak.  ELUSIVE1, sadly there is not a racial divide but that is mainly because there isn't enough of one side to make it so.

However, i think it is more a privacy matter and a comfort matter for a lot of them.  Like samnamanslilgirl and daddysprop247, as well as other posters on this thread, there was the issue of not being black enough that just mmade associating with other blacks like myself and non-blacks more comfotable to me. 

Even speaking with my family about my life choice (immediate only!), there was misunderstanding.

Mum frankly is of the opinion that unless someone is older than she or signs her check, they do not get to be addressed as Sir or Ma'am.  She and i have an understanding that if speaking to a friend who is a Dominant, i will not do such within ear shot of her.  Da to quote, felt he got the rearing of his daughter right on levels but it was not as he expected in the least.  First cousin....asked was there money to be made in it.  Otherwise, she was lost as to why i would willingly seek concensual slavery.

The religious and social engineering in the past that formed the whys and hows of a lack of minorities in the Life and BDSM public eye aside, well...in the end it is our choice to come out or not.

Though frankly, the idea of being sought and personally invited to events by others in the Community both black and white makes my little heart purr in pleasure.  Outreach program?  ^_^ *volunteers*


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RE: More minorities in the lifstyle - 8/1/2007 12:14:42 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		several people have mentioned how difficult it has been for them to encounter many black submissives and slaves...i wonder why this is? perhaps it's partially due to the fact that in the black community men and women alike are expected to be strong, independent, kowtowing to no one...therefore black submissives may feel more of a need to hide and be very secretive about their lifestyle inclinations in comparison to Dominants. just a theory.

personally i've noticed no lack in black submissives in the lifestyle, maybe that has to do with our area or the lifestyle circles we associate with. my Master has been a Mentor to many of these submissives, and a friend to many more, and from their end they seem to have trouble finding black Dominants. so i guess it's all a matter of perception and what side of the fence you're on.

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Profile   Post #: 114
RE: More minorities in the lifestyle - 8/1/2007 1:38:59 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		there has never been discrimination in the lifestyle its always been accepting. maybe i would say just not popular among the culture.. i do not see alto of Mexicans in this lifestyle and they seem to be crossing the border every day Lil

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Profile   Post #: 115
RE: More minorities in the lifestyle - 8/1/2007 1:43:24 PM   
PrincessinLatex


Posts: 191
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

there has never been discrimination in the lifestyle its always been accepting. maybe i would say just not popular among the culture.. i do not see alto of Mexicans in this lifestyle and they seem to be crossing the border every day Lil



Oh wow. . .are you serious? There has *never* been discrimination in the lifestyle? Take it from someone who is other than white. . .yes there is. If you chose to put your blinders on, then that's you. It doesn't even have to be racial either. ABs and scat players get discriminated against all the time.

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RE: More minorities in the lifestyle - 8/1/2007 2:35:47 PM   
EbonyPhoenix68


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/25/2007
From: Central Indiana
Status: offline 		After reading this topic, let me say that as a Dominant of color, where I am located (Indiana), the number of minority lifestylers in my area is significantly lower compared to other states mainly because it is a fairly conservative region (Bible belt/Republican/family values) and there may be some fear of going public as far as scening goes. But even so, some of my fellow lifestylers are white and for the most part, the race card is not played. However, it would be great if there were  a few more of my culture and others who would present themselves as Dominants/submissives, but it may take some time for that to happen.

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RE: More minorities in the lifestyle - 8/1/2007 6:44:44 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

there has never been discrimination in the lifestyle its always been accepting. maybe i would say just not popular among the culture.. i do not see alto of Mexicans in this lifestyle and they seem to be crossing the border every day Lil


whoa, where have you been? the lifestyle is made up of people, and people discriminate. tho it's not at all surprising that someone of the majority race would not notice this. sad, but not surprising.

< Message edited by daddysprop247 -- 8/1/2007 6:45:08 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 118
RE: More minorities in the lifestyle - 8/1/2007 7:07:57 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		i am not responsible for other people do only for what i do  i am part american indian i hold my heartage very close and am pround to be a part of the  us... History always find fault to blame on someone or something. while i have nothing against anyone except  those that try to ruin great relationships yep yep. i treat everyone with equalty... to me everyone is just a person ...no matter who what they are. if they feel there is something lacking...  then change it!!! just that simple... i just do not care what people think. lifes to short to worry about it. no one has ever said at any the events certain people where not welcome. maybe its just about what you make it.. just my take on it

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Profile   Post #: 119
RE: More minorities in the lifestyle - 8/1/2007 9:36:02 PM   
abda


Posts: 48
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline 		When I attend events I am the only person of color there. I attend lifestyle events with a Dominant who is white and I have always felt welcomed wheather we are attending a munch or going to the local dungeon. I have asked myself  several times why people of color  in the DFW area do not attend munches. I can understand why they wouldn't want to attend the dungeon because I was overwhelmed when I first went to the dungeon. The reason being is because I was the only person of color there. But after a few visits I do not mind anymore.




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Profile   Post #: 120
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