RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck!

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earthycouple -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 6:47:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple maybe if your first words weren't akin to "punish me I'm a bad boy" you'd have better luck. you sound like a do me who has no interest in real submission but wants to wank off to a spanking. There is nothing wrong about him expressing that he wants to be punished or what ever he desires. It is WHAT HE WANTS. It seems that most dommes in here think that a male sub doesn't have the right to express or think what he wants or desires. A lot of dommes in here seem to think it's all about them (do me dommes), and they expect a male to have a blank mind or someone who can't think for himself. One minute dommes complain about male subs not knowing what they really want and than the next minute dommes complain about subs who do express and know what they want. SO what is the correct approach for male subs? Female bottoms/subs don't have a problem to only find sexual control so why is a male sub wrong for wanting it? I believe in give and take. If a domme can give me what I want, I will go out of my way to give her what she wants. But she has to get turned on by what I like to or whats the point? So she does get some thing out of what I desire also. Why would a domme agree to take you on the first place if what ever the sub desired didn't turn them on? There is some one for everyone out there isn't there?. You get a lot of people in this scene who try to make out that there is only one rule to BDSM and that means you mostly get controlled in a relationship perspective and not so much in a sexual way. No one is right and there is no "one rule". This guy is simply a bottom who needs a top, just like me. Not some domme that wants her sub to do her dishes or weed her bloody gardens because they are too useless to do it themselves. But some subs do like this type of thing so each to their own. What bothers me is that the dommes who want to control a sub in a whole relationship and not only in a sexual way, seem to think they have a right to criticize a sub who only wants it in a sexual way. Does that mean a sub has the right to criticize a domme and call her a "do me domme" if she expects more control in a domestic and commitment view rather than in a sexual way? Do these dommes honestly think that these male subs/bottoms are wrong and they don't have the right to express what they want and they shouldn't be in these types of sites? Anyone who has a kink (no matter sexual or not) is entitled to be on this site and to express what they want, no matter sub or domme. If you feel that BDSM should only be "one rule" than it's fair for our societies to accept vanilla sex but not bdsm. Take a look at my profile and ALL of my journals then come back and critique what I told the OP.

MHOO314 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 6:48:30 AM)
*do me do me do me do me do me do me do me----* [:'(] *peeeeeeeuuuuuukkkkkkk* *buy a brush, take down your pants and spank the monkey, don't need a Mistress for that.*

DianeB269 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 6:50:44 AM)
I love it here........[:D][:D] Diane

spiral23 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 6:58:24 AM)
is it just me who can see the funny side in male subs who want to be punished, bitching at Dommes in a way that would get them punished!... as Diane said i love it here [:)]

Mistsensation -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 7:10:55 AM)
Your profile seems a little sparse to say the least, this could suggest that it was written in haste and that it's not genuine. You are up against lots of fakes/wannabes etc - you only need to read the boards to realise that, so maybe put a bit more information about yourself and what you are actually looking for. Is is a casual kick round the bedroom once in a while? a longterm 24/7? a relationship that will turn to 24/7?. Also what do you have to offer (im not talking money), what are your good points, your ideas, dreams etc. Try to make your profile a little more real. Good luck in your search

BBBTBW -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 7:38:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 Think about it this way, if a female sub had the exact profile as mine or the OPs, she would get lucky within minutes on this site. But it takes most average looking guys years or they will never get it. It's been 5 years for me. Do you think men are validated to complain about this? The women (sub or domme) seem to complain about getting too much attention while any male is seen as a pathetic whiner for complaining about getting no attention. Who has the bigger problem and why is it validated to complain about the less bothersome problem but not the bigger problem? When a male is getting no attention, everyone automatically puts the blame on him and they over look the fact that the women on these sites are so judgmental and picky it's just about impossible for the average looking guy to get what he wants. No matter how I present myself, my average looking status wont even qualify for the below average looking women on this site. Its not fair. If a female sub made the same thread as the OP, most people wouldn't put the blame on her. But does such a complaint exists from females? If some of the women in this site spent less time looking in the mirror and paid more attention to their offers, they might be really surprised. Nick and Griffidh, Honestly, it is ok to want what you want. However, you can't use a fem sub looking for a male DOM as an example. Men and women seek different things initially in a relationship. If a fem sub is only looking for sex from a Male DOM, she is probably going to find it. Men for the most part are not as discriminating as Women when it comes to their sexual encounters. If you want to serve a Woman, you are going to have to step to the woman as she wants you to step to her. If the majority of women that you meet are not looking to sex you up right away then perhaps you need to change your tactics and wait to earn that sexual healing you desire. Sometimes earning it makes it more satisfying than jumping right into it. In my experience the rigors I send a sub thru to earn his sexual reward can be a sexual journey unto itself. Its all about how you think of things. Go outside and get all sweaty mowing my lawn and you might get the privledge of taking a nice cool cleansing shower with me and I might even allow you to dress me after the shower. Thats a pretty hot scene. Maybe you don't agree but with negotiation before you serve things can happen for you. Be open-minded. I don't tell a boy about this potential scene before he does for me what I want him to. He has to be willing to be obedient before he recieves any type of reward. However, he knows that good service is rewarded. You have to go in with the mindset that you are going to do whatever necessary to win favor with your DOMME so that she rewards you in the ways that you feel rewarded. It could be a sexual healing session, it could be a spanking session, it could be whatever you find to be rewarding....but you have to earn it in whatever way she feels is appropriate. Don't go in with expectations, go in with an open mind and heart and you will surely get what you want and need.

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 7:43:25 AM)
To the OP - GIGO (garbage in, garbage out). It looks like you spent 1-2 minutes thinking about your narrative and completing it. That alone wouldn't appeal to me. For me, intelligence and what motivates someone in BDSM is a huge part of why I get in contact and stay in contact with a person. With this profile, you're not even on my radar. Recognize that there are many men out here, and that you must put in effort to differentiate yourself. It's a simple matter of supply and demand. The interests you've articulated are very narrow, and not well-defined. How many women only want to show up and punish someone. Probably not too many. You're looking for play only (from what I can see here), and that also does not appeal to many. Realize that you are narrowing the field of prospective dominants who might be interested in you. To Nick - You mention that for average looking men it can take years to find someone. The truth is, it takes years to find someone compatible regardless of gender. Could I go out and find someone for one-off play today? Yes. Do I want that? No. You mention, with rancor, that some submissive men just want bedroom play and that their desires should be OK. They are, I guess, but there are fewer dominant women who want that. Again, it's a matter of realizing that the pool of people who want what you want is small, and also understanding that the ladies get inundated with these kind of requests -- usually couched in phrases that are unimaginative and poorly spelled. What submissive men who make these complaints fail to understand is that the women whom they are contacting are ... still women. Like in the "regular" world, we want to be treated with respect. Just because we express a frank interest in sex and BDSM does not mean that we want to do this with everyone, or that we (as a whole) want to be approached with sex(uality) first. The rules of common courtesy still apply. Recognizing this is one of the things that differentiates successful submissives from those who are scratching their heads (I won't specify which one), wondering why they can't get any. MSS

chains314 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 7:46:28 AM)
Ive spent quite a few years now trying to find a Mistress but without any real look is there any tips anyone can give me?? thanks. I dint see were it seas he is new at this

pollux -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 7:50:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire Nick, this isnt your personal mision to bash dommes. It tends to be all about us, becasue WE are the ones that the submissives want to serve. Not vice versa. However, mentioning what you want is NOT a bad thing. If it sounds like an actual request for punishment, and not a corney line out of a bad porno. When a submissive talks about enjoys a Domme that will punish them, and a Domme that enjoys punishing is looking, then theres a match made in heaven. When a sub puts something like "Ive been bad" then it sounds like they are looking for nothing more than wank fodder and we move along. Talk more about yourself, what you want and what you are offering. Set yourself apart, why would we want you as opposed to the tons of others that are looking. What makes you a catch? Talk about yourself as much as youd like, not in terms of I need or I want, but I would like and I I would like to share... Put a little more effort into making yourself noticable and you will get noticed. There is too much competition on here to be a minimalist. DV Think about it this way, if a female sub had the exact profile as mine or the OPs, she would get lucky within minutes on this site. But it takes most average looking guys years or they will never get it. It's been 5 years for me. Do you think men are validated to complain about this? The women (sub or domme) seem to complain about getting too much attention while any male is seen as a pathetic whiner for complaining about getting no attention. Who has the bigger problem and why is it validated to complain about the less bothersome problem but not the bigger problem? When a male is getting no attention, everyone automatically puts the blame on him and they over look the fact that the women on these sites are so judgmental and picky it's just about impossible for the average looking guy to get what he wants. No matter how I present myself, my average looking status wont even qualify for the below average looking women on this site. Its not fair. ... Not that I disagree with you all that much, but you're pissing against the wind, my friend. No, it's not fair. It's not fair that you're "average looking" (to who, btw?), and it's not fair that there are 1000 "do-me" Dommes to every one genuine sub/bottom/whatever (or whatever the ratio is this week), and it's not fair that the Ladies (and ladies) here are inundated with mail while our inbox is empty most of the time. Those are the cards we're dealt, dude. And if you think this is some kind of CollarMe or kink-centric problem, you're sorely mistaken. In the mating game -- wherever you choose to play it -- you aren't entitled to anything. If you want a desirable partner, you're gonna have to work for her -- you have to scratch and claw and sweat and suffer and compete, and even then you still don't get any guarantees. You can thank evolutionary biology for that. I wish I had better news, but near as I or anyone else can tell, that's the sitch. Here's my advice to the OP: 1. Forget you are on a kinky dating site or a site dealing with alternative sexuality. Forget it. Just... forget it. You're not seeking a pro, right? (obviously some are, and pro Dommes have a legitimate right to be here and that's ok, but I assume you're not looking for a pro, because if you haven't found one of those after seeking for years, you're in REALLY bad shape) And you're not seeking a "money domme" who's simply trolling to get inside your wallet, right? (I do make a distinction between opportunistic "money dommes" and power exchange thru responsible financial domination, which I do think can be pursued ethically) Well, first off, you want to make yourself as uninteresting to those people as possible, and the best way to do that is to make it clear you are a human being looking to establish a non-pro, non-money-related (or not solely money-related, lol) relationship with another human being. The pros and opportunistic money dommes will avoid you like the plague. To paraphrase Tyler Durden: you are not your obsessive bundle of kinks. 2. Take inventory of your strengths, and yes, what you have to offer. Are you smart? Do you do interesting work? Do you have some kind of skill? Are you good with relationships? Do you have a fascinating hobby? What do you like to talk about? What is interesting about you? Are you rich? Whatever answers you get from all of those questions, focus your profile on those. 3. Get a hot picture, or as hot a picture as can reasonably taken of you. If you don't take good pictures to start with (like most of us), this process will suck and be embarassing and take a long time. Too bad. 4. Reply to EVERYBODY who writes you, even if they are not a good match. At the very least, say something nice and thank them for writing. 5. Participate in the forums. Be mindful that people are always checking you out, but be yourself. 6. Never, ever, under any circumstances are you to LIE about ANYTHING. Ever. Do those things, and you will not be looking for a Mistress in 5 years. I guarantee it.

slave2MasterD -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 8:10:53 AM)
Well, one thing i can say to you Nick is that you need to remove pics 1+2 from your profile and make pic #4 the primary ... those first two pictures on your profile SUCK and #4 is really very nice. No one is going to bother looking past your current primary (hair hidden under a cap and a sneer on your face) to see who's hiding behind the profile. As for asking for what you want -- that's a good thing. After all, if you don't ask and tell others what you want, you'll probably never get it. What the ladies here are trying to tell you and the OP (very clearly) is the manner of the asking - be clear, concise, respectful, intelligent, put some personality into it, etc. Good luck! s2MD

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 8:17:13 AM)
I like pic 2 as well. The beguiling expressing on his face makes him seem like a very different person from the first pic -- more maleable. Sweet! MSS

slave2MasterD -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 8:29:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive I like pic 2 as well. The beguiling expressing on his face makes him seem like a very different person from the first pic -- more maleable. Sweet! MSS i agree that his facial expression in #2 is nice, but i'm not personally a fan of the unshaven/unwashed/scruffy look. :-) s2MD

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 8:31:12 AM)
I guess that's the earthy/pagan part of me coming out! (smiling raffishly) MSS

slave2MasterD -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 8:35:26 AM)
Nothing wrong with that! But i still believe that number four is the real winner... Nick doesn't look 'average' at all in that photo and he'd do well to use that one as his primary... just my opinion. :-) s2MD *YAY! i just realized i lost my ice cream cone ... hated that thing as people seem to believe it's real*

LadyPact -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 1:55:43 PM)
I'd agree with what some of the others have said. There really isn't much to go on for your profile. A little more detail would help, but don't go overboard on it either. If a profile is too long, it's just as much of a negative as a profile being too short. For some of the other comments that came up in the thread....... I don't suggest getting a girlfiriend. A lot of the lifestyle Dommes (the pros won't care, since your wallet isn't affected by your relationship status) won't be willing to accept you as Their own if you have a SO. The picture isn't bad, but it could be improved. As someone else said, a smile is good. Vacation shots of you are also usually a hit. (Btw, Nick, I haven't looked at the other profile pics that you have, but any of them would probably be an improvement. That disprespectful sneer just doesn't do it for Me.) As for listing on a profile what a male wants..... Sure, they have every right to do so. After all, it is that person's profile and they can do what they want with it. However, if the profile isn't working for you, and years have been put into the search, a new approach might be warrentted. If you're a bottom looking for a top (as from what I would gather most, for example, by the way Nick presents himself) be honest and say so. There is a match for everyone, but some Dommes aren't looking for bottoms, and some Tops aren't especially looking for submissives. One thing that didn't get stressed enough was the suggestions of GETTING OUT TO YOUR LOCAL BDSM COMMUNITY. I can't say enough about that! I just came back from a great night in Atlanta where I had more opportunities to play than I could fill on My dance card. (Going back next week to fill the rest of the requests.) I hope this helps. Oh, and btw, if I seem to be one of those "it's all about Me" types, or I "don't have anything positive to say women," I hope it didn't come across like that.

naughtynick81 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 2:32:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive I like pic 2 as well. The beguiling expressing on his face makes him seem like a very different person from the first pic -- more maleable. Sweet! MSS LOL thank you, some people say I have a split personality. It's probably the gemini in me :-)

thetammyjo -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 2:44:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chains314 Ive spent quite a few years now trying to find a Mistress but without any real look is there any tips anyone can give me?? thanks. I dint see were it seas he is new at this I think of the OP writing back is a big problem right now in this thread. I asked for specifics about what he has done. Honestly how can any of us offer what might be helpful advice or suggestions until we have an idea of what he has done?

naughtynick81 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 2:52:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo quote: ORIGINAL: chains314 Ive spent quite a few years now trying to find a Mistress but without any real look is there any tips anyone can give me?? thanks. I dint see were it seas he is new at this I think of the OP writing back is a big problem right now in this thread. I asked for specifics about what he has done. Honestly how can any of us offer what might be helpful advice or suggestions until we have an idea of what he has done? It's probably because of all the negative responses he got on here. Any time a male sub ask these types of questions , the blame is automatically put on him and he gets put down by the majority of the dommes in this forum.

LadyLynx -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 7:20:24 PM)
Yes but there is usually just as much constructive critisism, In all of the forums there are those who make jokes at others expense. sometimes we take turns. Sometimes I will, although I can be quick to apologize if need be, and offer advice on my next posting. Lighten up, nick. And please do change your profile pic, the 2nd or 4th one I think would do much better. LadyPact, I agree with you about local community, If I didn't have one close by, I think I would of been to scared to start exploring.

pixelslave -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 11:37:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo quote: ORIGINAL: chains314 Ive spent quite a few years now trying to find a Mistress but without any real look is there any tips anyone can give me?? thanks. I dint see were it seas he is new at this I think of the OP writing back is a big problem right now in this thread. I asked for specifics about what he has done. Honestly how can any of us offer what might be helpful advice or suggestions until we have an idea of what he has done? It's probably because of all the negative responses he got on here. Any time a male sub ask these types of questions , the blame is automatically put on him and he gets put down by the majority of the dommes in this forum. Quite honestly Nick, I didn't see him (the OP) getting a lot of negative responses on here. If anything, he had you stirring the pot in a negative and disrespectful manner toward those who replied as you posted your rants in response; which to me, didn't seem to be helping his cause in the least. The OP legitmately needs to work on his profile, telling more about himself and what he has to offer a prospective Domme in order to have any chance of success. [8\|] As someone else said, his profile *is his opportunity* to sell himself to the ladies and show them what he has to offer them as their potential sub and companion. Doing so in a positive and respectful manner is going to get him a lot further in his quest and hopefully garner him some interest. Spending time ranting and venting about the inequities of the nature of the D/s power imbalance; which is presumably why we're all here to begin with, isn't at all likely to get him (or you) any closer to what he desires. [&:] - pixel Collared to Majik

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