RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck!

RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

MisPandora -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/29/2007 11:45:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 It's probably because of all the negative responses he got on here. Any time a male sub ask these types of questions , the blame is automatically put on him and he gets put down by the majority of the dommes in this forum. He put himself out there and asked for a critique. Honestly, if he can't handle that after soliciting it, he'll never be able to stand up to the scrutiny of a tough domina. In reality, this is a good test to see whether or not a gentleman can follow instructions, act with grace in the face of adversity and maintain a pleasant demeanor. We've seen first hand how some of you fellows act....

thetammyjo -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/30/2007 6:25:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo quote: ORIGINAL: chains314 Ive spent quite a few years now trying to find a Mistress but without any real look is there any tips anyone can give me?? thanks. I dint see were it seas he is new at this I think of the OP writing back is a big problem right now in this thread. I asked for specifics about what he has done. Honestly how can any of us offer what might be helpful advice or suggestions until we have an idea of what he has done? It's probably because of all the negative responses he got on here. Any time a male sub ask these types of questions , the blame is automatically put on him and he gets put down by the majority of the dommes in this forum. While I can understand that, I think the advice offered so far is only based on assumptions or looking at his profile. Profile is useful if he only looks online and only here. If he does anything else we have to know about it or all he can get is frankly nothing but general comments some of which may be insults. Just speaking personally he could look through the early responses and only replied to those who asked for more information or which offered what he thought might be useful. It is really easy to let ourselves get upset and side tracked by posts (I do it, no minor attempt here to claim perfection) but when we come seeking help or advice we have to be actively engaged or we get nothing that will even remotely help us.

SlaveSubtoserve -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/30/2007 12:33:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple maybe if your first words weren't akin to "punish me I'm a bad boy" you'd have better luck. you sound like a do me who has no interest in real submission but wants to wank off to a spanking. There is nothing wrong about him expressing that he wants to be punished or what ever he desires. It is WHAT HE WANTS. It seems that most dommes in here think that a male sub doesn't have the right to express or think what he wants or desires. A lot of dommes in here seem to think it's all about them (do me dommes), and they expect a male to have a blank mind or someone who can't think for himself. One minute dommes complain about male subs not knowing what they really want and than the next minute dommes complain about subs who do express and know what they want. SO what is the correct approach for male subs? Female bottoms/subs don't have a problem to only find sexual control so why is a male sub wrong for wanting it? I believe in give and take. If a domme can give me what I want, I will go out of my way to give her what she wants. But she has to get turned on by what I like to or whats the point? So she does get some thing out of what I desire also. Why would a domme agree to take you on the first place if what ever the sub desired didn't turn them on? There is some one for everyone out there isn't there?. You get a lot of people in this scene who try to make out that there is only one rule to BDSM and that means you mostly get controlled in a relationship perspective and not so much in a sexual way. No one is right and there is no "one rule". This guy is simply a bottom who needs a top, just like me. Not some domme that wants her sub to do her dishes or weed her bloody gardens because they are too useless to do it themselves. But some subs do like this type of thing so each to their own. What bothers me is that the dommes who want to control a sub in a whole relationship and not only in a sexual way, seem to think they have a right to criticize a sub who only wants it in a sexual way. Does that mean a sub has the right to criticize a domme and call her a "do me domme" if she expects more control in a domestic and commitment view rather than in a sexual way? Do these dommes honestly think that these male subs/bottoms are wrong and they don't have the right to express what they want and they shouldn't be in these types of sites? Anyone who has a kink (no matter sexual or not) is entitled to be on this site and to express what they want, no matter sub or domme. If you feel that BDSM should only be "one rule" than it's fair for our societies to accept vanilla sex but not bdsm. ......excellent comments Nick! Great name for those Dommes who really are only as you say 'relationship Dommes- and not sexual' or as i might refer to them as 'Martha Stewart Dommes' ---- very well said.

LadyPact -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/30/2007 1:08:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLynx LadyPact, I agree with you about local community, If I didn't have one close by, I think I would of been to scared to start exploring. That's exactly why I spend so much time in Atlanta! I love the pic for your new profile!

pollux -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/30/2007 4:15:24 PM)
Hrm... Looks like naughtynick81 got placed on moderation. Anybody know why? I hope it's not for this thread. I think it's fair to disagree with him, but I don't think he's violated any of the forum rules here.

stockingluvr54 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/30/2007 6:54:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pollux Hrm... Looks like naughtynick81 got placed on moderation. Anybody know why? I hope it's not for this thread. I think it's fair to disagree with him, but I don't think he's violated any of the forum rules here. I hope not either....?? I was enjoying the exchange and can relate to much of what he said and also found it interesting to hear the Ladies responses. Both have valid points....imo

LadyLynx -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/30/2007 9:32:09 PM)
Thanks LadyPact!! one of my fave outfits! While I think that his replies overall were alittle too negative, they did provide a "devil's advocacy" to the postings, makes one think.

goddessAVA -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/31/2007 6:46:12 AM)
I love sparring with naughty boys like nicky-I am not sure what happened but they removed an ummmm contentious answer I posted on this thread about not taking oneself to seriously. He did seem to put some thought into his posts, maybe we should start a naughty nicky thread?

LadyLynx -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/31/2007 6:49:22 AM)
heh. sounds like an idea, or maybe a general naughty boy thread, with an invite to nick to participate. Are you intending this thread to be silly or serious, or both?

golfguy -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/31/2007 9:26:42 AM)
I dont think there is a standard thing called a submissive. i feel there are many types. To find a domme that meets a certain type is extremely difficult.Example.; goddess cava likes sex in the mix. someone else states no sex just duties. Perhaps there is some way dommes can get this across in there profiles a little better.I know"they dont have to ".I have taken advice from several dommes. One says say more.Othes say you talk too much.Others say your spelling is terrible.On and on. True the domme is in the drivers seat.Many to choose from. I know if i met with a domme for considering me for service, she would take me on in a heartbeat.Sounds a little bragosious but true. P.S. dont nail me to the cross on this please. just suggest some ideas for a frustrated sub. thank you. ,ladies

MistressCass -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/31/2007 10:03:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 [Think about it this way, if a female sub had the exact profile as mine or the OPs, she would get lucky within minutes on this site. But it takes most average looking guys years or they will never get it. It's been 5 years for me. Do you think men are validated to complain about this? The women (sub or domme) seem to complain about getting too much attention while any male is seen as a pathetic whiner for complaining about getting no attention. Who has the bigger problem and why is it validated to complain about the less bothersome problem but not the bigger problem? When a male is getting no attention, everyone automatically puts the blame on him and they over look the fact that the women on these sites are so judgmental and picky it's just about impossible for the average looking guy to get what he wants. No matter how I present myself, my average looking status wont even qualify for the below average looking women on this site. Its not fair. If a female sub made the same thread as the OP, most people wouldn't put the blame on her. But does such a complaint exists from females? If some of the women in this site spent less time looking in the mirror and paid more attention to their offers, they might be really surprised. The numbers are against you. At least in real life. It's not fair, I agree. But whoever told you life was fair, LIED to you. (When you are #2, you have to try harder) I started going to munches at the request of a Domme friend of mine. Why? Because she was the only Domme there. She was lonely , as well as overwhelmed by the attetion of the male subs who turned out. There were a lot of Doms there. And only 2 single female subs. I doubt the online ratios are that much out of line with what I saw at munch after munch after munch. I found a sub.....(only need 2 more and I'm happy...[:D])....and it wasn't online. It was a friend of a friend.....face to face, real life contact and referal. If you (or anyone else) has been looking 5 years you might want to consider finding a local group to visit with and get known.....you just never know who you might impress and have them pass your name onto someone who wants someone just like you. Barring that, you could consider doing what all the Dommes/Mistresses are suggesting, cuz even if they are "do mes" they still have veto power over who they do and don't take under their wing.

SaintAllie -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (7/31/2007 4:37:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple maybe if your first words weren't akin to "punish me I'm a bad boy" you'd have better luck. you sound like a do me who has no interest in real submission but wants to wank off to a spanking. There is nothing wrong about him expressing that he wants to be punished or what ever he desires. It is WHAT HE WANTS. It seems that most dommes in here think that a male sub doesn't have the right to express or think what he wants or desires. A lot of dommes in here seem to think it's all about them (do me dommes), and they expect a male to have a blank mind or someone who can't think for himself. One minute dommes complain about male subs not knowing what they really want and than the next minute dommes complain about subs who do express and know what they want. SO what is the correct approach for male subs? Female bottoms/subs don't have a problem to only find sexual control so why is a male sub wrong for wanting it? I believe in give and take. If a domme can give me what I want, I will go out of my way to give her what she wants. But she has to get turned on by what I like to or whats the point? So she does get some thing out of what I desire also. Why would a domme agree to take you on the first place if what ever the sub desired didn't turn them on? There is some one for everyone out there isn't there?. You get a lot of people in this scene who try to make out that there is only one rule to BDSM and that means you mostly get controlled in a relationship perspective and not so much in a sexual way. No one is right and there is no "one rule". This guy is simply a bottom who needs a top, just like me. Not some domme that wants her sub to do her dishes or weed her bloody gardens because they are too useless to do it themselves. But some subs do like this type of thing so each to their own. What bothers me is that the dommes who want to control a sub in a whole relationship and not only in a sexual way, seem to think they have a right to criticize a sub who only wants it in a sexual way. Does that mean a sub has the right to criticize a domme and call her a "do me domme" if she expects more control in a domestic and commitment view rather than in a sexual way? Do these dommes honestly think that these male subs/bottoms are wrong and they don't have the right to express what they want and they shouldn't be in these types of sites? Anyone who has a kink (no matter sexual or not) is entitled to be on this site and to express what they want, no matter sub or domme. If you feel that BDSM should only be "one rule" than it's fair for our societies to accept vanilla sex but not bdsm. I'm a bit late getting to this thread.. However on the whole I agree with this post. regards Allie

SlaveSubtoserve -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (8/1/2007 9:03:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveSubtoserve quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple maybe if your first words weren't akin to "punish me I'm a bad boy" you'd have better luck. you sound like a do me who has no interest in real submission but wants to wank off to a spanking. There is nothing wrong about him expressing that he wants to be punished or what ever he desires. It is WHAT HE WANTS. It seems that most dommes in here think that a male sub doesn't have the right to express or think what he wants or desires. A lot of dommes in here seem to think it's all about them (do me dommes), and they expect a male to have a blank mind or someone who can't think for himself. One minute dommes complain about male subs not knowing what they really want and than the next minute dommes complain about subs who do express and know what they want. SO what is the correct approach for male subs? Female bottoms/subs don't have a problem to only find sexual control so why is a male sub wrong for wanting it? I believe in give and take. If a domme can give me what I want, I will go out of my way to give her what she wants. But she has to get turned on by what I like to or whats the point? So she does get some thing out of what I desire also. Why would a domme agree to take you on the first place if what ever the sub desired didn't turn them on? There is some one for everyone out there isn't there?. You get a lot of people in this scene who try to make out that there is only one rule to BDSM and that means you mostly get controlled in a relationship perspective and not so much in a sexual way. No one is right and there is no "one rule". This guy is simply a bottom who needs a top, just like me. Not some domme that wants her sub to do her dishes or weed her bloody gardens because they are too useless to do it themselves. But some subs do like this type of thing so each to their own. What bothers me is that the dommes who want to control a sub in a whole relationship and not only in a sexual way, seem to think they have a right to criticize a sub who only wants it in a sexual way. Does that mean a sub has the right to criticize a domme and call her a "do me domme" if she expects more control in a domestic and commitment view rather than in a sexual way? Do these dommes honestly think that these male subs/bottoms are wrong and they don't have the right to express what they want and they shouldn't be in these types of sites? Anyone who has a kink (no matter sexual or not) is entitled to be on this site and to express what they want, no matter sub or domme. If you feel that BDSM should only be "one rule" than it's fair for our societies to accept vanilla sex but not bdsm. ......excellent comments Nick! Great name for those Dommes who really are only as you say 'relationship Dommes- and not BDSM oriented or sexual' or as i might refer to them as 'Martha Stewart Dommes' ---- very well said. ....oops- a mistake was pointed out to me as i had mistakenly excluded above- did not mean to imply that non-sexual Dommes were of that ilk- only that those who did not do either activity might be....

GoddessinDallas -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (8/1/2007 9:59:17 AM)
A Domme is NOT going to meet a sub at a public first. I don't. What a waste of time! The trepidation is part of the FUN. I am not here to cater to them. www.dominatrixdallas.com

LadyLynx -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (8/1/2007 12:51:01 PM)
What exactly do you mean by your statement, GoddessinDallas? sorry but the sentence doesn't seem to scan right.

MistressCass -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (8/1/2007 1:08:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessinDallas A Domme is NOT going to meet a sub at a public first. I don't. What a waste of time! The trepidation is part of the FUN. I am not here to cater to them. Hmmmm.....I guess I would have to ask "Pro or Lifestyle" before I could respond to that. Cuz I most definately DO meet for the first time in public......I am still a woman and he can still overpower me if he is a psycho....fortunately for me I have only met 2 psychos since I joined the lifestyle.....but since I never gave them my land line phone number, address or real name and I met them IN PUBLIC I felt safe when I got home from the encounter. (Sullied but safe)

LadyLynx -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (8/1/2007 1:30:51 PM)
I am always inclined to meet someone in public for the 1st time, hell even for a couple of times. If one feels safe enough to let someone they don't know into their home, (And I don't concider emails and chat to really be conducive to getting to know someone.) then ok. BUT when it comes to someone who has little or know experience, who doesn't have alot of idea of what to realistically expect,(like our OP.) then I feel meeting in public is the best thing. "but,but we wouldn't be able to talk about kink--" If you just have to talk about on the 1st visit, if it's nice out, go outside! I don't know what the weather is like in England, but here in Michigan, it is really nice, (though maybe to hot. doesn't really bug me much.) Or go to a gay bar or go to a place where the seating is private. Respecting another persons safety checks is not catering to them in my opinion

Subboy06 -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (8/1/2007 1:46:57 PM)
I made the mistake of meeting a Domme at her home for the first time to socialize. I was very clear that I did not want anything to go where either of us would end up removing our clothes and was not interested in playing. I was hoping on making a good impression and was eager to show that I was not some horn dog looking for sex. However I ended up getting chickenhawked a term used in the community around me as meaning an experienced Domme taking advatage of a newbie. There was no negotiation, no safeword, and no aftercare. I was dominated almost completely out of fear and then sent home immediately afterwards with my boxers on backwards. If we had met in public I feel it would have been much harder for her to end up putting me into the position that I found myself in. Since then I now follow my own rules much closer to the letter and am curious as to why you don't think you should meet in public? (sorry for the long story to ask one simple question)

pixelslave -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (8/1/2007 1:56:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SaintAllie quote: ORIGINAL: naughtynick81 quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple maybe if your first words weren't akin to "punish me I'm a bad boy" you'd have better luck. you sound like a do me who has no interest in real submission but wants to wank off to a spanking. There is nothing wrong about him expressing that he wants to be punished or what ever he desires. It is WHAT HE WANTS. It seems that most dommes in here think that a male sub doesn't have the right to express or think what he wants or desires. A lot of dommes in here seem to think it's all about them (do me dommes), and they expect a male to have a blank mind or someone who can't think for himself. One minute dommes complain about male subs not knowing what they really want and than the next minute dommes complain about subs who do express and know what they want. SO what is the correct approach for male subs? Female bottoms/subs don't have a problem to only find sexual control so why is a male sub wrong for wanting it? I believe in give and take. If a domme can give me what I want, I will go out of my way to give her what she wants. But she has to get turned on by what I like to or whats the point? So she does get some thing out of what I desire also. Why would a domme agree to take you on the first place if what ever the sub desired didn't turn them on? There is some one for everyone out there isn't there?. You get a lot of people in this scene who try to make out that there is only one rule to BDSM and that means you mostly get controlled in a relationship perspective and not so much in a sexual way. No one is right and there is no "one rule". This guy is simply a bottom who needs a top, just like me. Not some domme that wants her sub to do her dishes or weed her bloody gardens because they are too useless to do it themselves. But some subs do like this type of thing so each to their own. What bothers me is that the dommes who want to control a sub in a whole relationship and not only in a sexual way, seem to think they have a right to criticize a sub who only wants it in a sexual way. Does that mean a sub has the right to criticize a domme and call her a "do me domme" if she expects more control in a domestic and commitment view rather than in a sexual way? Do these dommes honestly think that these male subs/bottoms are wrong and they don't have the right to express what they want and they shouldn't be in these types of sites? Anyone who has a kink (no matter sexual or not) is entitled to be on this site and to express what they want, no matter sub or domme. If you feel that BDSM should only be "one rule" than it's fair for our societies to accept vanilla sex but not bdsm. I'm a bit late getting to this thread.. However on the whole I agree with this post. regards Allie Ms Allie, As I see it, the problem with most of Nick's posts were not so much his ideas, many of which I share, but *the way* in which they were presented. Resorting to *calling others names* does not help one make their points based on any facts or get your thoughts listened to with any *credibility* by those who don't share your ideas to begin with. Instead it simply comes across as one angry rant followed by one *and another* which gets old really quick. Nick also didn't seem to leave any "wiggle room" in what he had to say for those who choose to live *different variations* of this lifestyle than what he desires for *himself. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] To my way of thinking, CM is a wonderful place for all of us to come together to share and discuss* our *diverse ideas, regardless of our orientation or the specific types of relationships that might appeal to us. I hope it will continue to be a place where there's ample tolerance & respect* provided to all those who honestly come to share (trolls aside), presumably *without judgement* from others in this lifestyle who each choose to live it differently than the rest of might decide when choosing for ourselves. *Tolerance* of others whose acts & behaviors are *"different"* than what is considered "vanilla" is important to us all. I hope it will be this way for all who come to share or learn about *the lifestyle* here on the boards *for many years to come*. [&:] - pixel Collared to Majik

thetammyjo -> RE: Looking for a Mistress without much luck! (8/1/2007 2:02:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressCass quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessinDallas A Domme is NOT going to meet a sub at a public first. I don't. What a waste of time! The trepidation is part of the FUN. I am not here to cater to them. Hmmmm.....I guess I would have to ask "Pro or Lifestyle" before I could respond to that. Cuz I most definately DO meet for the first time in public......I am still a woman and he can still overpower me if he is a psycho....fortunately for me I have only met 2 psychos since I joined the lifestyle.....but since I never gave them my land line phone number, address or real name and I met them IN PUBLIC I felt safe when I got home from the encounter. (Sullied but safe) Me, too. Not only is it a question of my safety but also of his. How can any of you know for certain that I'm not a serial killer? How can he? At least if he meets me in a public place it is highly unlike I'll get my chainsaw out in the restaurant. More seriously meeting someone in public also forces them to act like a decent human being first and any scene role second. If they can't be a decent human being then damn I want to know that ASAP. Everyone I have ever trained and ever owned I met via the munches in NYC and then here in Bloomington as well. Folks who couldn't make it to a munch didn't get far beyond that first meeting and that is partly because I am out and I need slaves who are comfortable with that fact. Any one can meet for lunch one-on-one, and I usually do that too, but it's a different type of person who will venture to a munch. The extra great thing about a munch though is that even if you are meeting me, you are also meeting others interested in BDSM. It doesn't work out between us beyond that meeting? Hey, now you can start networking and getting known in the local community. Plus you can talk to people about me, ask questions, gather references -- all things I actually expect and respect from a potential.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125