quote:

Ms Allie,
As I see it, the problem with most of Nick's posts were not so much his ideas (many of which I share), but the way in which they were presented.  Resorting to calling others names does not help one make their point based on any facts or listened to with any credibility by those who don't share your ideas to begin with.  Instead it simply came across as one angry rant followed one after another which got old really quick.  Nick also didn't seem to leave any "wiggle room" in what he had to say for those who choose to live a different variation of this lifestyle than what he desires for himself. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] 
 
To my way of thinking, CM is a wonderful place for all of us to come together to share and discuss our diverse ideas, regardless of our orientation or the specific types of relationships that might appeal to us.  I hope it will continue to be a place where there's ample tolerance & respect provided to all those who honestly come to share (trolls aside), presumably without judgement from others in this lifestyle who each choose to live it differently than the rest of might decide when choosing for ourselves.  Tolerance of others whose acts & behaviors are "different" than what is considered "vanilla" is important to us all.  I hope it will be this way for all who come to share or learn about the lifestyle here on the boards for many years to come. [&:]
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik

quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux


Not that I disagree with you all that much, but you're pissing against the wind, my friend.

No, it's not fair.  It's not fair that you're "average looking" (to who, btw?), and it's not fair that there are 1000 "do-me" Dommes to every one genuine sub/bottom/whatever (or whatever the ratio is this week), and it's not fair that the Ladies (and ladies) here are inundated with mail while our inbox is empty most of the time.

Those are the cards we're dealt, dude.  And if you think this is some kind of CollarMe or kink-centric problem, you're sorely mistaken.  In the mating game -- wherever you choose to play it -- you aren't entitled to anything.  If you want a desirable partner, you're gonna have to work for her -- you have to scratch and claw and sweat and suffer and compete, and even then you still don't get any guarantees.  You can thank evolutionary biology for that.  I wish I had better news, but near as I or anyone else can tell, that's the sitch.

Here's my advice to the OP:

1.  Forget you are on a kinky dating site or a site dealing with alternative sexuality.  Forget it.  Just... forget it.    You're not seeking a pro, right?  (obviously some are, and pro Dommes have a legitimate right to be here and that's ok, but I assume you're not looking for a pro, because if you haven't found one of those after seeking for years, you're in REALLY bad shape)  And you're not seeking a "money domme" who's simply trolling to get inside your wallet, right?  (I do make a distinction between opportunistic "money dommes" and power exchange thru responsible financial domination, which I do think can be pursued ethically) Well, first off, you want to make yourself as uninteresting to those people as possible, and the best way to do that is to make it clear you are a human being looking to establish a non-pro, non-money-related (or not solely money-related, lol) relationship with another human being.  The pros and opportunistic money dommes will avoid you like the plague.

To paraphrase Tyler Durden: you are not your obsessive bundle of kinks.

2.  Take inventory of your strengths, and yes, what you have to offer.  Are you smart?  Do you do interesting work?  Do you have some kind of skill?  Are you good with relationships?  Do you have a fascinating hobby?  What do you like to talk about?  What is interesting about you?  Are you rich? 

Whatever answers you get from all of those questions, focus your profile on those.

3.  Get a hot picture, or as hot a picture as can reasonably taken of you.  If you don't take good pictures to start with (like most of us), this process will suck and be embarassing and take a long time.  Too bad.

4.  Reply to EVERYBODY who writes you, even if they are not a good match.  At the very least, say something nice and thank them for writing.

5.  Participate in the forums.  Be mindful that people are always checking you out, but be yourself. 

6.  Never, ever, under any circumstances are you to LIE about ANYTHING.  Ever.

Do those things, and you will not be looking for a Mistress in 5 years.  I guarantee it.