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Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 3:33:51 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I recently stopped all BDSM activity in my life for about 2 months, mostly because I was so busy with the re-modelling of my house, to get it ready for re-sale, I had little time to think about anything else. But I missed BDSM, and the forums here, when I was gone. As soon as I am able, I hope to become more involved in my local community.

I have met someone, and have a (sort of, quasi) BDSM relationship now, but I haven't seen him recently, because I've just plain been too busy (we are not exclusive with eachother, and our relationship is pretty casual, and we both allow eachother to see other people, and he also understands that I've been very busy). Anyway...

This experience got me wondering if I will ever really be able to be happy, if I were ever to run across someone "Vanilla" who was maybe perfect in every other way - except they just didn't want to be involved in BDSM at all. I doubt it (there is another thread on this somewhere now on these forums, too). I've dated one "Vanilla" person since becoming involved in BDSM, and I do appreciate "Vanilla" sex, on occasion, too. Anyway...that wasn't my question really. My question is -

*I am just asking out of curiosity -

1) Have any of you "taken a break" - from a few months to a few years - from BDSM, and  if so - how did it work out for you?

2) Why did you do it?

Any replies are appreciated. Thanks.  Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 3:44:50 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 3:44:36 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Once I jumped into the leather vats, that was it for me so I haven't personally taken a break. Himself, however, did take a break, fell in love and married a vanilla and then they proceeded to make one another fairly miserable until they finally figured out that they really weren't compatible. Himself did try to bring in his wife, but it just didn't take (she thinks BDSM is sick) but they had a pretty amicable divorce and remain friends. It just took the one screw up for him to realize that the smell of leather is just too strong to be denied for him and he's been happily soaking next to me in the brew ever since. :)

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 3:47:48 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the reply, Bita. I know the "Vanilla" person I dated (briefly) felt the same way as Himself's wife did. I knew the first time he expressed that his opinion of BDSM, and that it wasn't probably going to change, I got a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach - like I felt doomed. It was a very short-lived relatonship, even though he was a pretty nice guy in a lot of other ways. 

I just couldn't see me not being able to engage in BDSM - like, forever. I guess it is kind of hard-wired in me, and although I've read research to the contrary, it kind of surprised me when I discovered I truly felt that way. Because I guess I've been thinking for a long time I could just "give it up" anytime I wanted to do it.

I don't consider myself "addicted" or something - more that it is a part of me I shouldn't have to deny, just for someone else's sake who doesn't understand, for the entire rest of my life, I guess. I was honest about why I didn't want us to see eachother in a romantic way anywmore. He said he didn't think he could change - he was just horrified by the whole idea of whips or belts or any of that. I offerred to "start slow" with just spanking, etc. - and he wasn't interested. I was surprised, too - as I'd sort of had him "pegged" as someone who would at least be willing to "experiment". But we are still friends. 

Apparently, I've "converted" from "Vanilla" - and probably for life, I am thinking. I can't swear to that, but that is what I am thinking right now.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 4:02:52 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 3:52:55 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		Yes.  At one time I was forced into a break because the man I married said he was lifestyle then it simply died in the water somewhere.  I was miserable.  It was horrible, and while it wasn't the reason the marriage died, it certainally had something to do with it. 

When I finally began dating again I made it perfectly clear who I was and what it is that I do.  And lo and behold I found the most amazing man who feels like this sort of thing is play for him, but understands my need and supports me fully.  I am a lucky lucky woman in my marriage now and wouldn't trade him for anything. 


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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 3:56:05 PM   
witchywoman313


Posts: 48
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		I not only took a 3 year break from BDSM I took a 2 year break from dating at all, I had some self worth issues that I wanted to work out.  When I started dateing again it was in the Vanilla world and for the most part that just plain sucked. So I diped my little toe back into the BDSM/Lifestyle comunitys and not long latter I met my awsome husband/Master.

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:01:37 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Being stuck in a non-BDSM marriage can really suck, I hear you on that one, earthycouple.
 
Congratulations on finding your match, witchywoman313! 

I appreciate everyone's replies.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 4:02:06 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to witchywoman313)
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:02:56 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Am on a sabbatical now, too many personal issues i need to focus on right now before i can even think about any kind of relationship. It sucks and i crave "things" but such is life. 

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:05:12 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well velvetears, I think it's a good idea, if that's what you think is best for yourself. You should know, too. Good luck. I think it sounds like a smart thing to do, velvetears.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 4:45:12 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:12:42 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I recently stopped all BDSM activity in my life for about 2 months, mostly because I was so busy with the re-modelling of my house, to get it ready for re-sale, I had little time to think about anything else. But I missed BDSM, and the forums here, when I was gone. As soon as I am able, I hope to become more involved in my local community.

I have met someone, and have a (sort of, quasi) BDSM relationship now, but I haven't seen him recently, because I've just plain been too busy (we are not exclusive with eachother, and our relationship is pretty casual, and we both allow eachother to see other people, and he also understands that I've been very busy). Anyway...

This experience got me wondering if I will ever really be able to be happy, if I were ever to run across someone "Vanilla" who was maybe perfect in every other way - except they just didn't want to be involved in BDSM at all. I doubt it (there is another thread on this somewhere now on these forums, too). I've dated one "Vanilla" person since becoming involved in BDSM, and I do appreciate "Vanilla" sex, on occasion, too. Anyway...that wasn't my question really. My question is -

*I am just asking out of curiosity -

1) Have any of you "taken a break" - from a few months to a few years - from BDSM, and  if so - how did it work out for you?

2) Why did you do it?

Any replies are appreciated. Thanks.  Susan



I take breaks from the Pro side that can be a week long or a month long.
It depends on what is going on with "nilla" life.
Having Punk around I dont think I really take a complete break.
Its kinda hard for Me to not be who I am.


_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:17:02 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		If I was a ProDom, I'd probably take breaks, too. It sounds like it can take a lot of energy. Thanks for the reply.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:27:35 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I have read and also heard that some people do get "burned out" on BDSM, and just break from it for awhile (not just ProDoms, either, although i appreciated MistressSassy's reply very much ). I was sort of wondering if there are many people on these forums who've had experience doing that kind of thing. I don't believe admitting it, if you have, means you're not a "dedicated" BDSMer - just that you take breaks from it.

I did miss it a lot these past 2 months, even just reading about it, let alone practicing it. But then again, I lived without it for 45 years, before I "found" out it seems to be an irrevocable part of me. I believe it always was part of me (being submssive and a Switch), and I just didn't know it, maybe, before then.

But - if someone put a gun to my head, or I had a very, very good reason, I suppose I would give it up in practice. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 4:30:53 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:28:07 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

If I was a ProDom, I'd probably take breaks, too. It sounds like it can take a lot of energy. Thanks for the reply.

- Susan


Actually the energy is the part I like.
Its the wannabes that make Me have to step back.

After thinking about it I never really stop being a Domme,even if I dont have sessions,I'll have NSA cleaners like patrice and denise.

Having them is like a break though... 

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:30:32 PM   
curvyslavegirl


Posts: 134
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I've had several different kinds of breaks...the kind where i date vanilla, the kind where i get turned off on BDSM completely (usually after working with  bdsm porn companies that do alot of really fake rigging), and then theres the i'm still in a BDSM relationship but we're both busy/tired so we just cuddle alot type.

Just like any other lifestyle/hobby/sexual interest/relationship/etc it is bound to have ebbs and flows. To be in go mode 100% of the time would be exhausting!

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:36:30 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		MistressSassy: My reply to you came out wrong. I wasn't meaning to imply that being a ProDom takes energy because one is "working" too hard at something (hope I didn't insult you un-intentionally, because I think you're a good person). I imagine wannabe's would take energy. I know wannabe male Doms take energy (he)!

curvyslavegirl: That is what I am referring to - I appreciate the reply. I was just wondering how and why folks do that. I think I've done it more than just this past 2 months. Once about 1-1/2 years ago, for about 6-9 months. I can't put my finger on why, except for one significant event I was dealing with at the time. I do love BDSM, I just sort of drifted into other things (plus, It was also a busy period in my life, for reasons I won't go into now). Now I am thinking if I tried to permanently give it up, it would almost kill me. I do think I could walk away from it only IF I knew I could get  re-inviolved anytime. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 4:38:49 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:38:06 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I recently stopped all BDSM activity in my life for about 2 months.  But I missed BDSM, and the forums here, when I was gone. As soon as I am able, I hope to become more involved in my local community.

<snipped to focus>

My question is -

*I am just asking out of curiosity -

1) Have any of you "taken a break" - from a few months to a few years - from BDSM, and  if so - how did it work out for you?

2) Why did you do it?

Any replies are appreciated. Thanks.  Susan


Susan,
 
First let Me say that your absence was noticed and you were missed.
 
On to the questions....
 
1.  Yes, I have taken a break.  It was years ago, and it was a break for a good length of time.
 
2.  As to why I did it, I'd say that it had various factors.  The slave that brought Me into the lifestyle and I didn't match as well as We had hoped.  Since We were no longer 'together' in that sense, I felt a bit out of place in the community.  I realize now that probably wasn't the best way to look at it, but I wasn't as comfortable as I should have been.  His death shortly thereafter probably extended My break, as there were things I wanted to settle within Myself.  (I think that's the most I've said on the subject to date on these forums.)
 
How did it work out?  Well, I'd have to say I'm back for good....  Having the hubby who I met through conventional means in tow.  I'm happier and more complete being in, rather than being out.  As other people have mentioned, you really can have it all.
 
I'm glad your break is over.  Welcome back.

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:39:03 PM   
curvyslavegirl


Posts: 134
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Sometimes it feels like I need it for balance. Lately, i'm feeling like its that i haven't chosen partners who are more suited for my life in a sustainable way.
Its interesting how sometimes I find myself looking for those who have good partner qualities while other times i'm looking for someone who has good Owner qualities. The reality is that for it to last more than a few years it really does have to be both.

Taking a break doesnt have to mean walking away, sometimes it just means taking a break :)

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:39:40 PM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		We stepped back recently due to a combination of personal circumstances (a bit burned out due to years of running parties; moving house; overseas travel etc) but are now back with renewed energies, having re thought a few things that weren't working. It's better than ever. We got a bit close to be able to analyse the problem areas. The break gave us the perspective we needed. Since we are married it was more a break from the scene than BDSM in totality, but I've observed that many people step back from time to time to regroup and refresh.

:))
LH

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RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:41:33 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		LadyPact: Thank you! I missed you, too. I very much missed participating in the forums, but de-activated my profile and membership because I kept getting mail from people I just knew I would not have time to write back, and I felt guilty that I kept getting it and couln't reply in a timely manner.

Thanks for the reply - sounds like your life is wonderful now.

LadyHeart - I appreciate the response. I imagine deciding to take a break from BDSM might need to be a joint decision when one is married to a fellow BDSMer, that brings a different flavor to the question in general, and I thank you for bringing up that aspect.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 4:43:51 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:50:41 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		curvyslavegirl: I think you nailed something with that comment about not finding BDSM partners who you felt were able to be with you in a sustainable relationship. I do believe if I met someone that was really "sustainable" but was "Vanilla", but refused to try BDSM at all, my heart would maybe break (which is why I tend to not go for "Vanilla" guys as much as I used to) . That is a big fear for me, (but that's a whole 'nother story).

I will still date "Vanilla" guys I suppose - but this last "Vanilla" person, even if it was an extremely casual relationship, and we'd barely gotten to know eachother as people, taught me that happening is a distinct danger -

I am just not sure what to do about it (except to completely stay away from "Vanilla" guys), which I am not sure I want to do - for one thing, there are a lot more of them out there. No offense meant to any Doms out there. I prefer Doms, but locally, well, I am not sure how many are "compatible" with me. I should maybe make more of an effort to find out, before I get all depressed about it, though. Some "Vanillas" are "convertible" - and some definitely are not. I am not meaning to insult any Doms out there - this is a local situation I am dealing with. I need to get out more, I guess, and investigate my community - as soon as I have time (which won't be for at least 4-5 weeks).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/27/2007 5:01:00 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Have any "taken a break" from BDSM? - 7/27/2007 4:55:58 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I wasnt offended at all. I enjoy your posts actually.
And think your a great person.

Just thought maybe I would clear up My answer a bit.
I never really did say why or what would make Me take a break completely.
The more I think about it...I dont think I can completely,especially now after meeting Someone local to share ideas with.It was lonely being the only Dom type person around the area.It energizes Me to have a Dom to meet with
and discuss dungeon ideas....Okay thats way off topic sorry.


_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 20
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