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A good Dom - 7/28/2007 6:20:40 AM   
saseblubutrfly


Posts: 39
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		I have been told that a good Dom is one that has been in a sub/slave before and had the toys used on him that he uses on his own sub/slave. Is this true or has anyone found it to be true of their Dom?
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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 6:41:16 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Not necessarily. It would be like saying a good sub is one who has been a Dom/me before. Or a good reader is someone who has been an author before. It might broaden the scope of experience but is isn't indicative of proficiency or betterment.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 7:24:29 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish
Not necessarily. It would be like saying a good sub is one who has been a Dom/me before. Or a good reader is someone who has been an author before. It might broaden the scope of experience but is isn't indicative of proficiency or betterment.

Wow....what a great, simple answer.  Nothing to add, just "ditto!"............luci

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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 7:33:51 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		A good dom is one who does not confuse flogging and flaying.

That's my only rule.

Yours,


benji

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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 8:48:27 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Is a good driver REQUIRED to have first been a mechanic?

Master Fire


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(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 9:02:47 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Is a good driver REQUIRED to have first been a mechanic?

Master Fire



*chuckle*  Good comeback MasterFireMaam!

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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 9:04:19 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Is a good driver REQUIRED to have first been a mechanic?

Master Fire



That makes no sense.  In order to be a good driver, you don't need to have been a mech, you need to have been a car.

Yours,


benji

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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 9:28:11 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

I have been told that a good Dom is one that has been in a sub/slave before and had the toys used on him that he uses on his own sub/slave. Is this true or has anyone found it to be true of their Dom?


It's both true and not true. It can help someone understand being a submissive/slave and can enhance their own dominance but it's not required to be a good dominant.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 9:50:45 AM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		No, I havent found that to be true at all.
IMO a good Dom starts with getting to know all of the sub not just her kinky side or  how much pain she can take. 

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peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 9:53:07 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Being a bottom before might possibly help someone be a good top, since they know how it feels. On the other hand, I don't think that someone who has been controlled before makes a better owner; I prefer the sort of person who only operates on the top side of the power spectrum.

(in reply to LaMspeach)
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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 9:53:19 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		I really cannot answer that question as I have only found Dom's who were good at the "playing", not at anything else resembling a relationship.

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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 10:03:28 AM   
Masternslave07


Posts: 203
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		A Dom can never experience submission as a sub/slave would. I don't think a Dom will learn anything more than pain hurts. Which he probably knew already. I would say it is more important that a Dom  understand the role he has chosen and work to be good at it. That seems to me to be a better use of time.

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 10:16:53 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		A good dominant, or submissive for that matter, is a person that is willing to put forth the effort to be good.  It doesn't matter if they've submitted or dominated or not.  The willingness to test a toy or implement or having done so does not indicate submission in the least.  It doesn't even equate to bottoming, for that matter.  I was with a dominant at a flogging demo and he lined right up to feel the double flogging with everyone else.  He was good at aftercare and all that jazz, but ...

He didn't think it was necessary to tell me he had a collared slave in another city.

Good dom?  Debatable to some, but not in my book.  Point is, only you can judge whether a dominant is a good dom, based on your own perceptions and expectations.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 10:19:45 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

A good dominant, or submissive for that matter, is a person that is willing to put forth the effort to be good. 
This is precisely it. I would also add, that a good Dom or sub will also accept that there is always more to learn.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 10:31:23 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

A good dominant, or submissive for that matter, is a person that is willing to put forth the effort to be good. 


BINGO!

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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 12:35:16 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I don;t think so my Master has never been and would never be a submissive.  A good Dom/Master is one who takes the time to learm all about his sub/slave.  Just because he has not used had a toy used on him does not mean he does not know the it hurts/stings he has to ask her while use it if it is too much.  As a sub to a great Dom i am glad he was never a sub.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 1:09:33 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		No, the OP's presumption is not true. It's a myth that lingers from the "Old Guard" gay leatherman days, back when they were the only ones that really had any organization to their inquiry into and participation in BDSM.

IMO the makings of a great dom start with the ability to connect with, read, and think like another person.

< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 7/28/2007 1:10:55 PM >

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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 3:52:07 PM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I have been told that a good Dom is one that has been in a sub/slave before and had the toys used on him that he uses on his own sub/slave.


I think there are lots of things that make a good dominant, however, IMO neither of the above come into it.

I would be looking for his levels of dominance, honesty, integrity and self awareness.

Faith

:: smiles ::

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)
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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 4:08:09 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		The question reflects on the idea that a good leader should already know what it takes to be a good follower. It's a pretty common idea but if you read enough you'll find that even back in the days of the "Old Guard" not everyone started as a slave/submissive/bottom. I would out to you the chapter in Leather Folk where the young man is "adopted by an older more experienced bottom and then the bottom arranges for the young man to be trained in the various skills a "Top must have" .
Cannot recall the chapter's name at the moment but it's my favorite story in the entire book.

Now generally the saing today is much less absolute Some of the very bes Tops started out as bottoms. (insert label you prefer for each role) but generally speaking it is no longer prevelent that a Top starts off as a bottom.
(you can make your own judgement asto if that is on the whole a good trade off or a bad one.)

Personally I see it as a mixed blessing.

(in reply to subsfaith)
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RE: A good Dom - 7/28/2007 6:21:35 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I haven't found that to be true. To be good at whatever it is you want to be you have to learn and understand how to be that. I have served those that have served before and found no difference. I think it depends on the individual themselves if they think experiencing the other side makes them better.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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Profile   Post #: 20
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