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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 2:55:20 AM   
robertolapiedra


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Hello themischievous1. In a D/s context punishment is generally not the same type as you would find in a parent child dynamic. It is more akin to recieving a 200$ speeding ticket or getting suspended from work for unacceptable behavior.

The sub who feels like a child when he/she is being punished has a non D/s related problem. Do you think all doms feel like parents when they sanction their subs? Maybe some do not like the word, then just call it a sanction or a consequence. RL.

(in reply to themischievous1)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 3:20:37 AM   
robertolapiedra


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: robertolapiedra
Hello Mistoferin. We agree. Some dynamics are "willful" based and the dom is not expected to correct disciplinary issues. However when things are not functioning, he always has the option to pull the plug on the D/s and force the issue at the communication level when things get less "willful".

The downside for a dom is that this is verrrry scary, as many fear the risk of things not starting up again, or that major "unfavorable" negotiations would ensue. On the sub's side of things, there may be fear of being rejected and he/she may over concede stuff and make things even more difficult for him/herself in the future.


I'm not sure I fully understand what you mean RL. I've spent a whole lotta years in power exchange relationships where punishment wasn't part of the dynamic, but I don't think I have ever experienced a Dominant pulling the D/s plug or times when it was not functioning. Communication is always open and ongoing. I don't know, sometimes I read these boards and I feel like an alien from another planet.




Hello again. I did not say that this is used often. I use it when the situation warrants it to favor better communications. Pulling the plug on the D/s aspect is just "landing the plane to make repairs". I will not dominate someone who is not submitting. The TPE just goes into 50/50 vanilla mode until things are resolved with communication.

You use this rarely in a longterm relationship. My first D/s longterm lasted 17 years and this present one has been going on for 7 years. I used it once because of postpartum related problems which had been going from bad to worse for 14 months. The D/s was not helping anything so I stopped it. It resumed three weeks later with the proper adjustments to life.

Even if I do not use it often, with time and experience I now realize that I should have use it much more often, as it would have saved a lot of time and stress in some needed readjustments. Just my opinion. RL.

PS: we are all aliens in cyberspace.


(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 3:35:12 AM   
dawntreader


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Many have made excellent points here that i whole heartedly agree with.
 
 my own personal philosophy which carries into all aspects of my life including relationships is one of "choice and consequence". So, in answer to the question, if i refuse the consequences of my actions, i have negated the dynamic of the relationship by my choice to disobey and in refusal of the consequences.

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to taintedgypsy)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 5:25:21 AM   
Elegant


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First important concept to remember: Punishment is not always corporeal.

To punish is to inflict a penatly for an offense. Master Archer does not use corporeal punishment. He prefers punishment to be an action that has positive benefits for me and him. (example: When I was constantly putting us behind schedule because of excess primping he had me go an entire month without wearing make-up).

If I were to reject the punishment he has gien I would be rejecting my own slavery.


_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to dawntreader)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 5:53:25 AM   
CelticPrince


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Damacles,

It has not happened to me, the subject came up with a sub that I am mentoring and I considered a good subject for her to see and read on the boards as input from others.

CP

(in reply to Damocles809)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 5:59:41 AM   
CelticPrince


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RL,

Thanks for your input on the adjectives, but they are really not mine. They are rather the sort of descriptions that one reads in submissive profile; thus I lifted them for the post.

CP

(in reply to robertolapiedra)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 7:09:33 AM   
DarkDaddyZ


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer
When a punishment is ordered then one submits to punishment or one does not submit to it.
Not submitting to the punishment breaks the power exchange. It is refusal of an order.

That about sums it for me


_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to Archer)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 7:16:50 AM   
DarkDaddyZ


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Following up (so many individual comments I want to respond to):

In my opinion, punishment shouldn't be taken lightly AND it shouldn't be regular, if I'm in a relationship where I find that I need to be punishing all the time, then clearly I have some fault in communicating or we have some type of break down and the relationship needs to be evaluated.  If I do have to punishment now and then, then I do expect my partner/slave/sub to accept that punishment.

However, I don't expect the slave not to struggle with what ever physical aspect of punishment should be. I don't ever expect a doormat or a robot, this is power exchange to me.  Some punishment may be easy to accept, some may not.

And punishment is a serious form of corrective action and should only be used when necessary.  Punishment isn't always pain play, I mean if my partner is a masochist, then pain play will do nothing but turn US on.  I also admit that because I am a light to medium sadist (depending on who you ask) that there are times that I can get sexual excited from punishment.  I keep it in check because that sends mixed signals. Bita got it right when she said she doesn't want to be punished or avoids doing things that merit it (or words to that effect). To me that's all about!

Happy Monday!


_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to taintedgypsy)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 7:21:56 AM   
MHOO314


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

In reading profiles when I have time I always come across the issue of punishment, the sub needs it! earns it! uses it as guidance! etc.

But little is said as to the course of action when the punishment is rejected.

Any thoughts?

CelticPrince


he got sent home, never to return.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 4:59:06 PM   
CelticPrince


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mist,

Because it is punishment rejected, it has to be in an established relationship.

In my view it does not follow that one could reject the premise of punishment in "negotiations" in that at that point there is no relationship>

CP

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 5:01:52 PM   
CelticPrince


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MH,

Short and to the point!

Claps

CP

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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 5:08:52 PM   
asubmissiveheart


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I never realized submissive's had the option of rejecting punishment!

(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 5:23:18 PM   
adoracat


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Joined: 2/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

quote:


Need Your Love and Understanding.

Earn Your Respect and my place Under Your Shadow.

i am Guided by Your Wisdom and Compassionate Command.

i find the call for Punishment follows Failure.

i ponder the existence of Failure, and ponder the existence of Power.  

i then ask, Whom has failed, and Whom should know punishment?

chia* (the pet


if Sir orders me to do something, and i cannot do it, i am asked why, listened to, and correction is made....whether to me for not doing it, or his request is altered.

if Sir orders me to do something and i do not do it, i am asked why, listened to....and probably punished, depending on the reason i give.

there are reasons to punish sometimes, yes.  but those punisments, to me, are loving corrections by my Daddy who loves me.

kitten, who's not ever had worse than a stern lecture, because she keeps trying even when she cant complete something.

(in reply to chiaThePet)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 6:37:56 PM   
CelticPrince


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submissiveheart,

grins,
there are new trails being blazed evey day.

CP

(in reply to asubmissiveheart)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 6:50:59 PM   
Daughterofbaal


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AdoraCat,
You brought up a great point regarding the reasoning behind the refusal. Sometimes life interferes with plans and its just that the punishment might be unreasonable at that time. Also, there are so many forms of punishment, as previously discussed,  that particular way of punishment might be a hard limit
or something that doesn't fit the dynamic. In my opinion, it is not only expected of the Slave to follow through with punishment but it is expected of the
Master or Mistress to create punishment which is befitting the situation. Ultimately it all comes down to communication and establishing why the refusal was made in the first place. None of us can tell you that, only she can.

(in reply to adoracat)
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RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 7:06:36 PM   
Mirysien


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quote:

ORIGINAL: asubmissiveheart

I never realized submissive's had the option of rejecting punishment!


Being submissive does not equal lack of will or mind to go with that will.  I'm assuming you are assuming the punishment falls in the realm of safe, sane, and consentual (-As do most of the replies to the OP.)

Under non-abusive and integrated relationship assumptions, I agree that the submissive had better have an excellent reason for the rejection of the punishment.

(in reply to asubmissiveheart)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 7:42:53 PM   
mistoferin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Because it is punishment rejected, it has to be in an established relationship.

In my view it does not follow that one could reject the premise of punishment in "negotiations" in that at that point there is no relationship>


I am not entirely sure that I am clear on what you are saying. The "premise of punishment" in negotiations to me would be the discussing of the inclusion of punishment as part of the dynamic of any future relationship between the two. I believe that yes, one can reject any future possibility of it's inclusion at that time and thus a decision would have to be made between the involved parties as to whether they felt suitably matched to continue. *IF* you are saying that being submissive means that one can not state that she/he will not participate in a relationship that includes possible punishment....then we would be in disagreement on that point.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 7:47:13 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


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Simple answer ,both Dominant and submissive decide where to go from there. Do you go into heavy communication mode?..Do you say adios?..do you renegotiate? do you compromise?..it all varies depending on circumstance, personalities, agreements, or even how badly do you want to save that particular relationship or not?...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Mirysien)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 7:56:18 PM   
WhiplashSmile


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There are not clear cut answers to this question.  I depends upon the nature of the established D/s relationship.  If Discipline is part of the BDSM relationship dynamics that was agreed upon, and punishment is refused, this could be an indication that there is a problem in the relationship itself.   Like all all types of relationships, can the problem be worked out or does it mean the end of it?

This is something that both parties need to talk about, before entering into a relationship that involves Discipline, and talked about when or if this type of problem occurs.   This basically becomes a control issue in a D/s relationship.

If this is a TPE (total power exchange) relationship, this may be a more difficult problem to work past, if punishment rejected.   Mainly because the expectations involved with TPE are higher in terms of control.  Could be grounds for terminating the relationship.  Again, it's up to how both parties react and respond to such a situation.   What reasons are for refusing punishment?  Was it sane punishment or not so sane, does the punishment deal with the offense, or was the punishment just too over the top and in violated of the slave/subs limits?   

This can lead to the debates about what is and is not abuse.   Again, different strokes for different folks.  S&M levels and whatnot.   So many variables here it's not funny.

When faced with any other problems, expectation can be voiced, and communication is best used to resolve these issues.   If the problem can not be resolved or worked out.  It may be time for both parties to pack it on the relationship.   All depends.        



(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Punishment / rejected now what? - 7/30/2007 8:59:28 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daughterofbaal

AdoraCat,
You brought up a great point regarding the reasoning behind the refusal. Sometimes life interferes with plans and its just that the punishment might be unreasonable at that time. Also, there are so many forms of punishment, as previously discussed,  that particular way of punishment might be a hard limit
or something that doesn't fit the dynamic. In my opinion, it is not only expected of the Slave to follow through with punishment but it is expected of the
Master or Mistress to create punishment which is befitting the situation. Ultimately it all comes down to communication and establishing why the refusal was made in the first place. None of us can tell you that, only she can.


thank you.  *blushes*

i'm not only a sub....i'm a mother, and a wife (not Sir's), and have the responsibility of a household...and Sir understands this.  household duties come first over the things Sir asks of me....in HIS words.

many times mundane things have to take precedence..... like having to stop mid scene so i could pick up a sick imp at school.  i was not punished for that, at all.  *smiles softly*

kitten, whose Sir understands her most of the time.

(in reply to Daughterofbaal)
Profile   Post #: 60
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