Married subs

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roland23 -> Married subs (8/1/2007 3:27:27 PM)
In the past three decades in the BDSm scene, I've encountered dozens of married female subs. That is, married subs whose husbands are too busy with their hectic careers and sports cars to notice that their wives have secret desires. How have people dealt with this?

BitaTruble -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 4:00:42 PM)
I'm not sure what you're asking. Are you asking how does a husband deal with a wife with those desires or how to deal with people who are cheating? Can you be a bit more specific, please? Celeste

roland23 -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 4:05:04 PM)
How have subs and/or doms dealt with married people?

BitaTruble -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 4:11:55 PM)
Before I Top anyone who is married, I speak to their spouse first to make sure they are consenting to their wife/husband's play. Often times, the spouse will be invited to watch or even video tape the session but it's not a requirement they be there. Celeste

Lordandmaster -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 4:15:16 PM)
I specialize in confused married female slaves who experiment with d/s with me behind their husbands' back, and soon discover that they've bitten off more than they can chew. Nervous breakdowns are par for the course. Oh, and every once in a while the husband finds out and pops a blood vessel or something.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 4:19:46 PM)
If I were to consider playing with someone otherwise involved, then I'd have to know firsthand from their SO that they have permission and exactly what they have permission to do. The sub in question would have to be interesting enough to me to put up with the limitations that them having an SO would put on the relationship - time constraints, possible fall out with the spouse, etc.

proudsub -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 5:27:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: roland23 In the past three decades in the BDSm scene, I've encountered dozens of married female subs. That is, married subs whose husbands are too busy with their hectic careers and sports cars to notice that their wives have secret desires. How have people dealt with this? I was one of those subs, but it was because i was afraid to tell Hubby about my desires. He found out about my 6 mo. affair with a dom and He forgave me, partially blamed Himself, and wanted to learn to be my Dom. That was 4 yrs ago and things are going well. I was very lucky.

Drifa -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 5:37:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: roland23 In the past three decades in the BDSm scene, I've encountered dozens of married female subs. That is, married subs whose husbands are too busy with their hectic careers and sports cars to notice that their wives have secret desires. How have people dealt with this? My Lady and I have hectic lives. We live waaay out in the boonies and commute an hour each way to our jobs. During the week we are both tired when we get home and so we tend to each do our own things. For her, it's old Westerns. For me, it's MMORPGs. However, I don't have any "secret" desires. I have my Lady's permission and enthusastic approval for the online erotic play (all conducted within my MMORPG of choice). When the weekend rolls around, she wakes me in the early morning, which is her favorite time, and we spend quality time together. The "catch" is that I have a "no hands/no toys" rule for online play - which usually means that unless I have a playmate who can roleplay a TRULY hot story, then I am not getting to orgasm since I am not allowed to masturbate. What happens instead is that my adventures have me all stoked and ready for my Lady's desires. Come the weekend, I'm required to tell her about what I've been up to, a kind of erotic storytelling that likewise is fun and enjoyable for both of us, and usually leads to discipline. I cannot even begin to imagine keeping that kind of thing secret from my Lady. And the rare times I am allowed a live playdate, then my Lady arranged it and set the boundaries for it.

daddysliloneds -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 5:41:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster I specialize in confused married female slaves who experiment with d/s with me behind their husbands' back, and soon discover that they've bitten off more than they can chew. Nervous breakdowns are par for the course. Oh, and every once in a while the husband finds out and pops a blood vessel or something. as sarcastic as this may sound to some, i found this to be true more times than not from speaking to many a dom through-out the years[:D]

onmykneesforhim -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 5:57:38 PM)
I perferred non married, their time constrants are one thing and the poly dynamic really takes things over the top. So now, I just dont deal with them. Lesson learned. quote: ORIGINAL: roland23 How have subs and/or doms dealt with married people?

ThomasPayne69 -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 6:28:58 PM)
I'm dealing with my first married sub, and yes, the nerves can be overwhelming. I keep thinking she'll get over it...become desensitized...to the guilt/nerves/whatever. Not sure, though...this is my first encounter with a married woman in any sort of extracurricular context.

marieToo -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 6:34:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: roland23 How have subs and/or doms dealt with married people? With married people 95% of the relationship is going to exist in your fantasies and in an IM box. And the other 5% is going to be jockying around schedules to try and squeeze in a monthly fuck meeting. Been there, done that from all ends---been the cheater AND the cheatee AND the "other woman". I'm not judgeing it from a moral standpoint because I understand the "rationale" when people are stuck in that mindset, but since Im no longer married, I don't have to make the necessary compromises to accomodate all the limitations that come with married cheaters; communication is fowled up and grossly compromised, contact is limited, issues have to be put on hold, and the entire ball of wax is completely corrupted when people do this shit behind a spouse's back. I have also learned that when they tell you the spouse knows, it turns out to be a lie. Little by little you see the clues; they can't call you on the phone much, they cant talk online until the wee hours, they cant tell you what profession they're in etc etc. So unless I can confirm with the spouse that the marriage is an open relationship, it isn't something I'll ever consider again. I may have learned this lesson in the hardest possible way, but at least I've learned it.

OsideGirl -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 6:36:19 PM)
I've never been interested in dealing with someone that is cheating on their spouse. My personal view on this is that it shows a lack of responsibility and a willingness to lie. People that are there with the consent of their spouse, I deal with pretty much the same way that Celeste does.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 6:40:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: roland23 How have subs and/or doms dealt with married people? When not everyone is aware and consenting, I generally don't.

minta -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 6:53:55 PM)
i am married but not to my Daddy and no my husband doesnt know...my Daddy is also married and his wife does not know...we have been together for almost 2 years. i talk to him almost every day, i have hourly rules to adhere to and i get to see him once or twice a week.... i hope not to many people blast me for writting this but....my husband andi were in the life together for a number of years, i made it very clear to him who and what i was when we met and all was fine until one day he decided to stop, just stop everything. and informed me that i was going to stop as well. i tried for a few years to forget who i was and put it behind me or just plain ignor it but as we all know thats just not possible. having Daddy in my life has believe it or not helped my marriage, like i said blast me if you have the need to but this is the best decision i could have made for myself and my family.

PairOfDimes -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 7:22:26 PM)
How do I deal with married (or partnered) people? I ask them if their spouses have consented--if they're in an open relationship, polyamorous, or otherwise ethically nonmonogamous. If the answer is no, I wish them well. If the answer is yes, I talk further, and if playing seems like a serious possibility, I ask to speak briefly with their spouses to ensure that all is well (and generally, I need to figure out whether I can deal with occasionally seeing the spouse or partner, because that's fairly likely in an ongoing relationship).

MagiksSlave -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 7:35:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: roland23 In the past three decades in the BDSm scene, I've encountered dozens of married female subs. That is, married subs whose husbands are too busy with their hectic careers and sports cars to notice that their wives have secret desires. How have people dealt with this? Im sorry but this is a bad excuse for cheating, they dont notise the SECRET desires, key word secret, how can anyone expect someone to know when its a secret.... i think its a case of they want there cake and eat it to, meaning they dont want to tell their husbands they want to be submissive but they want to get their sub needs met so they go els where. So they blame it on the husbands with that flimsy excuse so they can exuse their cheeting, but the truth is when you go back and read what you just wrote, it puts the blaim all on the wife as no one can be expect to know something that is kept a secret from them... saying "he didnt know my secret desires" is shooting yourself in the foot because in the same sentence you are useing to justafie cheating you are admiting you where keeping it a secret from him and there for he had no way of knowing. ms

Lordandmaster -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 7:42:31 PM)
I wasn't being sarcastic, actually. quote: ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster I specialize in confused married female slaves who experiment with d/s with me behind their husbands' back, and soon discover that they've bitten off more than they can chew. Nervous breakdowns are par for the course. Oh, and every once in a while the husband finds out and pops a blood vessel or something. as sarcastic as this may sound to some, i found this to be true more times than not from speaking to many a dom through-out the years[:D]

nyrisa -> RE: Married subs (8/1/2007 9:50:50 PM)
I am married, and the problem is not that my husband is too busy with a hectic career (although he works his tail off), or his fancy sports car (boy, do I wish we had one!). The fact of the matter is that he has little interest in BDSM, but is willing to allow me to pursue this with a trusted Dom. There is never any question of "cheating" because on the few occasions we have found someone we are comfortable with meeting, my husband has been along and participated. So, although I do not have the capability of giving myself 24/7 to a Dom, I do make a good "time share" sub, for someone who is not seeking 24/7. In our case, it is a question of whether the Dom wants to accept my situation, or not.

biracalsub4wmDom -> RE: Married subs (8/2/2007 5:49:21 AM)
i myself am married..... yes, i'm putting that out there. like the pp said, it's not because my husband is "too busy" or what not. the simple truth is, there is not physical attraction to him on my part. i am one of those people who married my friend, and hoped the attraction would come later... it did not. in addition to this, not only does my husband not know of my "desires", but if he did, he would freak out....call me a whore (and not in a good way), & probably go into some sort of manic depression...leave me & try to take my kids stating "she's warped, and unfit" because of it. we have 2 small children together, and i am basically in the relationship for them. they are my everything. but lately i have found it impossible to further deny what i feel i need. i don't know what the future holds for me, but i know that i want to be happy, and true to myself, and learning about this lifestyle makes me very happy. enough so that i am here, wanting to learn & experience more. i know many people will view this as wrong, and in many ways it is, but it is the only way i know how to handle the situation at this time. and so, here i am....

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