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territorial behavior - 8/1/2007 10:11:04 PM

MrsDiablo

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline

This is just something, that is pesting me. So, let me just get some opinions here..I have a wonderful sub..who I cherish, and love to death, and he does have a profile on here, which I do have access to, he may be owned, but he can still make friends, and have a social life..lol..anyway, he alerted me to check his messeges, and when I did I found that another Domme had written him, and wanted to know if he was owned why was he on line daily, he replied to her, and metioned he was in fact collared, and such, she than proceeded to write him again to ask if he wanted to to chit chat some time, and get to know one another, to see if there was a compatible thing there..Now, I am not jealous, however I find it a bit disrespectful in a sense....I have other friends that tell me, I am being territorial, and what have you..I would like to assume, that there is a certin level of respect for one another, maybe I am wrong.

Post #: 1

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 12:40:48 AM

MsLilac

Posts: 151
Joined: 5/31/2007
Status: offline

Hi there,

I have to say that I would find that disrespectful also, and I don’t think you are wrong in feeling that.

I openly admit that I am very territorial, doesn’t mean I will act upon my impulsions though. Have you contacted the Domme yet?

_____________________________

I’m sorry, I don’t do autographs

(in reply to MrsDiablo)

Post #: 2

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 12:43:10 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsDiablo

This is just something, that is pesting me. So, let me just get some opinions here..I have a wonderful sub..who I cherish, and love to death, and he does have a profile on here, which I do have access to, he may be owned, but he can still make friends, and have a social life..lol..anyway, he alerted me to check his messeges, and when I did I found that another Domme had written him, and wanted to know if he was owned why was he on line daily, he replied to her, and metioned he was in fact collared, and such, she than proceeded to write him again to ask if he wanted to to chit chat some time, and get to know one another, to see if there was a compatible thing there..Now, I am not jealous, however I find it a bit disrespectful in a sense....I have other friends that tell me, I am being territorial, and what have you..I would like to assume, that there is a certin level of respect for one another, maybe I am wrong.

chatting is one thing. Sir has no problems with me chatting with *anyone*.

but if i were asked about compatibility? that's someone who doesnt respect my relationship with Sir, and is trying to undermine it to lure me away. i have "friends only" marked on my profile, and i still get those sorts of emails occasionally

kitten, who in those cases is allowed to be as rude as she wishes

(in reply to MrsDiablo)

Post #: 3

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 1:40:44 AM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

Okay okay okay...I have the same thing going on for me in that I like making friends and all but I turn down any open requests for those looking for more. I'm pretty clear about that. The Lady is territroial. And I really like that. Those who get to know me tend to ask if there are any more where I come from. And when I tell Her this She gets a little testy at first and then She grins for a while saying stuff like "yer Mine...all Mine...hahahaha!" and does a little kitten wiggle while She celebrates a little more. Makes me feel really good about myself actually.

So what if you want what's your's not to be approached and feel something about it. As a domme that's your choice.

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 8/2/2007 1:42:17 AM >

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 4

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 2:11:39 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I would feel that was rather rude too. I have a new fem sub under consideration, and while I am encouraging her to make other friends, it's hands off as far as anyone else asking about compatability etc. Good on your boy for alerting you to this. I would drop a nice but firm note to the other Domme clarifying Your position regarding Your sub and politely requesting she limit her communication to chit-chat only.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 5

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 2:52:48 AM

MissOchistic

Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline

Agreed with above posters. I talk with plenty of men and women as friends or simply good conversation, and I'm not offended when one wishes to stop speaking after hearing that I am owned and collared.

However, when they act like they can change my mind or pursue it after they know better, it crosses into disrespect, and the friendly chit chat is over.

_____________________________

"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 6

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 4:56:32 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

'Baaaa" I follow the masses on this one. Robert not only gave me his CM password but when a new email came through he didn't even read it without me at his side. When a local pro something or other emailed him inviting him (not me, not us) to an event I wrote and told her I thought that was wrong. She copped this hilariously funny attitude and told me I better watch myself because she doesn't tolerate my attitude. I couldn't help myself. I wrote her back and encouraged her to put me in my place....I never heard from her again. ****I'll wind up dead in an alley in ten years and as I die....I won't be able to help thinking....was it, was it...oh no...it was her! RETRIBUTION***

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to MissOchistic)

Post #: 7

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 5:01:34 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Sorry to state the obvious, but Dominas love power and often will fight for the position of alpha female in the pack. Cruising other women's subs makes them feel very superior. Afterall, if the other Mistress was worth her salt, she would be able to "keep her dog on the porch".

I have found that when you get a smart, handsome sub, unless he is an absolute newbie, he will have other Domme "friends" hanging around sending email, on MSN, texting etc.

It is really important to assert yourself as the alpha female and direct your sub that he must tell the other women they need your permission to speak to him. That tends to make these other women throw a tantrum and disappear in a huff, which is what you want :)

If your sub has a problem asking his female Domme friends to respect your wishes, you will have problems with your sub.

Face power struggles like this head on. Its not jealousy or insecurity, it is exercising proper authority over your domain

But in answer to the OP, you cannot expect other Dominants to automatically show you respect. You haven't done anything to earn it. Slapping down unwanted attempts to top you (by cruising your sub) will earn that respect.

The only person you can dominate in the whole world is your own sub - nip the problem in the bud starting with him.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 8/2/2007 5:10:16 AM >

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to MissOchistic)

Post #: 8

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 6:48:46 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

In what way is it territorial to expect others to respect the boundaries of your relationship?

If I had a boyfriend or a husband and a woman started cruising him to see if he was available, I'd be ... um ... rightly upset. Same goes here.

Once people become "taken" they seem to attract the covetousness of others. Maybe it's the forbidden fruit thing, maybe it's, as MsC noted, the enticement of taking down someone else's sub. It seems like devolved behavior to me. Feh.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 9

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 7:40:42 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Wow, I have started this three times and erased it because it iwasn't what I felt--ok I DO have a tad of a jealous streak--however, here is where I stand on this issue--

I greatly respect a relationship---collared or not--so much so that I would not a while back engage in a vanilla relationship with a man ( who is also a sub) who was serving another Mistress ( 1. I respect the relationship and 2. My Domina side doesn't start and stop)-----although I do not need log ins and passwords ( I have an UM and chasing one set is enough) I DO expect to know who one is chatting with, and what is the relationship. When we are engaged in the evaluation period, I do NOT expect other Dominas to come flitting about like the sirens from the underworld and I do expect the submissive to let them and Me know what is what---nor do I expect the submissive to be playing the seeking game---however, if I have not made a clear indication of My interest than all is fair game.

In your scenario, its back off Barbie! You have every right to feel territorial.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to MrsDiablo)

Post #: 10

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 8:30:56 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Friendship across the gender divide is complicated.

a. What does one do with his or her attractions?

b. Is the other really content being a friend?

c. The limitation of friendship dulls the imagination and desires.

d. Irrational jealousies.

These are but just a few of the issues.

(in reply to MrsDiablo)

Post #: 11

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 8:51:04 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

There's another school of thought too, which is that **if** you have to control your sub's devotion to you, you don't really have it.

To ramble a little bit, I think flirtation is a healthy thing --- long as you keep it harmless and innocent. (Seems like an oxymoron, I know.) We all need to know we are both desirable and "have game." This is just crucial to our self esteem. Flirtation too, can lead friendship.

I've always had the attitude of "the better man" with my wife. If she can find one who makes her happier, she has my blessing.

I firmly believe that when you are with your significant other, you attention should be on her (or him, as the case may be.)

Lastly, my Mistress and I got into a CM password conflict this past spring. I told her I wanted to keep the account private b/c when I speak to others here, sometimes I am seeking or need confidential advice. Like everyone else, I have relationship issues. Everything isn't perfect all the time. Poly is especially complicated. If my Mistress were looking over my shoulder, then I would simply censor myself, partly defeating the purpose of my place here.

Anyway, about two plus years have gone by and everything's been fine.

Odd things can happen here, like a professed Uber-Dom turning into an "owned slave." Don't ask me to explain it, but we just can't control the strange ways of the world.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 8/2/2007 8:54:01 AM >

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 12

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 8:54:53 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

No your not wrong but the other Domme is. She's trying to move in on your slave it sounds like, although she could just want to be friends but if that was the case then she should have contacted you to inquire if that was alright. I know I wouldn't be happy if some Domme started messing with my sub, but then again my sub would tell her in a nice way to fuck off.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to MrsDiablo)

Post #: 13

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 9:31:18 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsDiablo

This is just something, that is pesting me. So, let me just get some opinions here..I have a wonderful sub..who I cherish, and love to death, and he does have a profile on here, which I do have access to, he may be owned, but he can still make friends, and have a social life..lol..anyway, he alerted me to check his messeges, and when I did I found that another Domme had written him, and wanted to know if he was owned why was he on line daily, he replied to her, and metioned he was in fact collared, and such, she than proceeded to write him again to ask if he wanted to to chit chat some time, and get to know one another, to see if there was a compatible thing there..Now, I am not jealous, however I find it a bit disrespectful in a sense....I have other friends that tell me, I am being territorial, and what have you..I would like to assume, that there is a certin level of respect for one another, maybe I am wrong.

Personally I dont think Your wrong at all.
I feel its rude to do such a thing.
But then again I can be territorial with My special submissives.
So maybe I'm just overeacting also...though I doubt it.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to MrsDiablo)

Post #: 14

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 10:03:14 AM

Grlwithboy

Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

But in answer to the OP, you cannot expe

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

There's another school of thought too, which is that **if** you have to control your sub's devotion to you, you don't really have it.

To ramble a little bit, I think flirtation is a healthy thing --- long as you keep it harmless and innocent. (Seems like an oxymoron, I know.) We all need to know we are both desirable and "have game." This is just crucial to our self esteem. Flirtation too, can lead friendship.

I've always had the attitude of "the better man" with my wife. If she can find one who makes her happier, she has my blessing.

I firmly believe that when you are with your significant other, you attention should be on her (or him, as the case may be.)

Lastly, my Mistress and I got into a CM password conflict this past spring. I told her I wanted to keep the account private b/c when I speak to others here, sometimes I am seeking or need confidential advice. Like everyone else, I have relationship issues. Everything isn't perfect all the time. Poly is especially complicated. If my Mistress were looking over my shoulder, then I would simply censor myself, partly defeating the purpose of my place here.

Anyway, about two plus years have gone by and everything's been fine.

Odd things can happen here, like a professed Uber-Dom turning into an "owned slave." Don't ask me to explain it, but we just can't control the strange ways of the world.

We may be separated at birth - this is where I clock in. If someone was trying to "steal" him I'd simply find it amusing - if she actually could, I'd check for snow in hell.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 15

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 11:48:44 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I like that reply best!

I would be upset with myself and my girl more than the other dominant, if she could be stolen.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Grlwithboy)

Post #: 16

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 2:36:28 PM

Ericus1

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/13/2007
Status: offline

Just a quick observation: as a male sub i gotalot more emails from Dommes when my profile said i was collared. I am not sure why that happened. But i always thought it was disrespectful to my Mistress and always directed the other domme to contact my Mistress.

ericus

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 17

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 4:31:24 PM

MistresssAria

Posts: 165
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

I think the other Domme is being rude.......if she would like to talk to your sub, she should contact you for permission.

(in reply to Ericus1)

Post #: 18

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 5:02:28 PM

Majik

Posts: 358
Joined: 4/24/2005
Status: offline

I have no problems with my sub 'talking' to others...be it Dom or sub. I do not have his login or password. I trust him and he always tells me who he gets messages from. If something happened like commented on by the OP I would step in and send the Domme in question a polite message to back off. =]

_____________________________

Explain nothing, your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you.

(in reply to MistresssAria)

Post #: 19

RE: territorial behavior - 8/2/2007 5:14:28 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

I'm sorry to say, but It's no different than in vanilla life when a guy (or gal) with a ring on gets flirted with by someone else (and they DID see the ring.)

Set up guidelines for him as for what to do when these things occur. In my opinion, not engaging at all would be one option. The other, a simple reply that he is owned and is permitted to learn and grow within the confines of his relationship with you. Outsiders inquiring on his training and behavior should kindly mind their own business!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MrsDiablo)

Post #: 20

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