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RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 9:30:54 AM   
Bobkgin


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From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Being selfless does not mean an inability to receive. More an inability to take. Consent becomes even more essential (if possible) for the selfless than the selfish.




That's the thing. If you aren't actively taking in pleasure in what you are doing to me, then as far I'm concerned, it's a waste of time. I want the dominants I play with to take pleasure in what I give to them.


But you have already granted him consent to do what he does. The consent you gave was most likely more generic ("do with me what you will" kind of thing). But you cannot say you have not consented to the activities that involve you.

He is not taking the gift, he is receiving the gift you've consented to give him.

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RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 9:31:28 AM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Ah, but what happens when you learn the "I" is an illusion of our senses and that "We" are all that has ever been?
 
What becomes of one's personal ego when one realizes it isn't "one" and never was?
 
Enlightenment and self-awareness ask such questions.


Pyschology major?

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and all these wonderful "intelligent" questions really only matter if you think they matter.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 9:34:45 AM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Being selfless does not mean an inability to receive. More an inability to take. Consent becomes even more essential (if possible) for the selfless than the selfish.




That's the thing. If you aren't actively taking in pleasure in what you are doing to me, then as far I'm concerned, it's a waste of time. I want the dominants I play with to take pleasure in what I give to them.


But you have already granted him consent to do what he does. The consent you gave was most likely more generic ("do with me what you will" kind of thing). But you cannot say you have not consented to the activities that involve you.

He is not taking the gift, he is receiving the gift you've consented to give him.


I never said I didn't consent. What I have said is that if the act isn't at least partially selfish, if he isn't actively taking enjoyment in it, if he doesn't want it, if it's selfless... then I can't be bothered with it.

You speak in passive terms, of receiving it. This is fine, if it works for you. But you need to understand that it simply doesn't work for everyone.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 9:36:28 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		If this is nothing but an attempt to push self enlightenment - then when you are the divine, and the divine is within you - you not only reach enightenment but the very height of selfishness.  Bah - edited because that makes more sense... looks like this is running around in circles though - or badly phrased(to begin with?)
 
Peace
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 8/3/2007 9:54:53 AM >

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 9:42:08 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
What becomes of one's personal ego when one realizes it isn't "one" and never was?
 
Enlightenment and self-awareness ask such questions.

Well now you're going back to what I posted on page 1 of this thread- being simultaneously I and We, We and not We.  Which isn't anything like what your original post was getting at, or you didn't explain it well.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 10:53:39 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Why do people have such an aversion to the word selfish? We are ALL selfish to some extent. How much is healthy for the relationship depends on the dynamic You have.

I'm selfish... to an extent

I also have a duty of care that means I don't harm My girl, leaving her needs unadressed within the relationship would harm her. she is worth looking after and I don't HARM what is Mine.

she knows I am selfish enough that unless it is a matter for the duty of care to kick in, then My needs come first before hers (If My needs are sorted I better placed to ensure her needs are met).

she knows if My want and her want are in conflict, she is reqired to submit. I am selfish enough to ensure that is the case.

But not so selfish as to place a mere want of Mine before a need of hers and she trusts I am good at telling the difference between those wants and needs of BOTH of us.

The fact that I have got an ego that Zaphod Beeblebrox would be envious of is another matter

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 8/3/2007 10:54:18 AM >

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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 11:03:50 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		You cannot possibly be enlightened or self-aware.  ;)
 
John

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Sri da Avabhas

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 11:18:13 AM   
Kidsphoenixx


Posts: 68
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline 		*off topic*
Bobgkin, anagrammed is King Bob.


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T.A.N.S.T.A.A.F.L.


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RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 11:20:40 AM   
Aileen68


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kidsphoenixx

*off topic*
Bobgkin, anagrammed is King Bob.



Ha...and here I think of hobbits every time I see his name.

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 11:21:40 AM   
RavenMuse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

You cannot possibly be enlightened or self-aware.  ;)
 
John

Projection is such a negative thing and reflected in such a closed-minded comment


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Rover)
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RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 11:24:02 AM   
Alumbrado


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kidsphoenixx

*off topic*
Bobgkin, anagrammed is King Bob.



Or 'Big Knob'... or  'I. B. Kbong'.... or....

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RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 11:25:18 AM   
Alumbrado


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

You cannot possibly be enlightened or self-aware.  ;)
 
John

Projection is such a negative thing and reflected in such a closed-minded comment



You forgot to add your smiley, like Rover used, so no one would really think you were missing the joke.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 11:47:15 AM   
RavenMuse


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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado
You forgot to add your smiley, like Rover used, so no one would really think you were missing the joke.


That would be because I DID miss the joke.... just enough of a chink in the ego to admit it


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 11:47:56 AM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		GROUP HUGGG!!

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 11:48:40 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		It's all good. ;)
 
John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 11:59:54 AM   
CreativeDominant


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Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

As too often occurs, ego surfaces whenever an individual feels threatened. It is a defense mechanism, to bloster will power and inspire action.
Actually, that's a lack of preparation, whether mentally or physically or spiritually for the confrontation.  Inflated ego is present when you bluster into the confrontation anyway.

quote:

It is also a security blanket, lulling us into believing no improvement is required (not knowing enough is also a form of threat to the individual).
Actually, my ego is what reminds me that improvement is always required.  It takes ego to do what I do as a professional...you have to believe you are good at what you do or you cannot do what must be done...and a well-modulated ego to realize that there are indeed others better than you at what you do and, as incentive to increasing the ego and bolstering that increase, telling yourself that you would do well to learn from them...and then go seek them out.

quote:

However, it is my belief that ego should play no part in bdsm, especially no role in the decisions of a dom/domme/mistress/master.

From my point of view, these individuals have a responsibility to ensure everyone benefits in a manner appropriate for the individual.

I don't see this leaving much room for ego or selfishness.
Again, I disagree.  I think that if you are going to bring a cat o' nine tails down on someone's cute rounded ass or tie someone up in mid-air or control them in certain areas of their life and guide them in others, you better not only have the guts and intelligence and experience to do so, you better believe (ego) that you can and that you just might be the best individual to do it for this person, even while modulating that with the thought that there could well be someone better.  As for selfishness...there are good kinds of selfish and bad kinds.  To want to help someone to become a better being in the way they wish and to have it be your hands and mind and manner that does so...yeah, that could be considered selfish...but to me, it is a good kind of selfish.

quote:

True, there are other forms of relationship where there might be little pressure to dispense with ego: one night stands, casual settings, etc.

But I do not see ego benefitting any long-term relationship. More likely the relationship will break up as a result of arguments spawned by fits of ego.

What do you think?
I think that it is a lovely, let's-all-have-a-hug-and-ignore-the-other's failings/accomplishments-because-we-don't-want-to-do-anything-to-either-deflate-what-may be-a-fragile-ego-or-inflate-what-may-already-be-a-healthy-ego worldview.  It is not my view and in all honesty, I don't think you will find many who feel that, upon reflection, a healthy dose of ego is a bad thing.

MOO...YMMV
The right ego is a good thing.

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RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 4:38:03 PM   
completenz


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		lol
i remember telling his folks when we were there for dinner that there are '3 of us in this relationship, Him, me and His ego!!!' They laughed and nodded and the conversation went on to discuss the strong ego that all the males in His family exhibit.
He, and His ego, are perfect for me. i love them both

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 5:02:57 PM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		ego?
I dont see ego as such a negative.....we all have a sense of self = ego ...it just depends on how inflated or deflated that ego is which makes it lean towards a negative or positive...??
 
egocentric ( self-centered or selfish).....egotistical....those lean towards the negative when talking about ones ego... just my opinion .
 
Cyndi
 

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RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 6:51:06 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I have been pondering this ego question...and I came up with one of my own..whilst some have said that ego is natural to all to some extent or other.Especially when it comes to most Dominants...what about the ego of a sub/slave?..It seems to me that in a lot of cases Dominants seem to pursue the lessening or even the disappearance of ego in their "s" types...yet if considered "natural" or even inate..then why dispose of it?...Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

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RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) - 8/3/2007 7:39:20 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

I have been pondering this ego question...and I came up with one of my own..whilst some have said that ego is natural to all to some extent or other.Especially when it comes to most Dominants...what about the ego of a sub/slave?..It seems to me that in a lot of cases Dominants seem to pursue the lessening or even the disappearance of ego in their "s" types...yet if considered "natural" or even inate..then why dispose of it?...Tempting


To a selfless D/M, it makes perfect sense to diminish the ego of the sub/slave (assuming the sub/slave's consent is given).

I'e always found relationships to be most beneficial for all when all involved are focused on giving rather than getting.

I've also witnessed the truth of the corollary.



(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 60
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