Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (Full Version)

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asubmissiveheart -> Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 10:42:43 AM)

I just read someone's profile and journal, and then answered a post here on this board.
I am thinking maybe I was a bit harsh, but I have seen this same individual come here for sympathy
many times.
I am asking the question, "Do you really want to hear the truth or do you want a pat on the back, and
approval for any and all of your actions?"
As adults, we have the right to do anything we want, and make impetuous and foolish choices.
At what point do we take responsiblity for those choices, and listen to what others really think?
Or do we even want to hear what others think?
If we do not want to hear what people really want to tell us, why would we post on these boards?



earthycouple -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 10:44:59 AM)

I seldom want platitudes and hand holding.  I'm a big girl and I don't mince words or expect them to be minced with me.  (lest you are Domiguy *S*), thanks though!

Provided you are speaking of me (which makes sense) I don't believe I've come here for sympathy many times...but "many times" is a relative term, aftere all



asubmissiveheart -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 10:47:28 AM)

That is a great answer, I think you can handle the truth.
I take my hat off to you then, ma'am.



MHOO314 -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 10:48:07 AM)

I'm with D---I will hear what people think, I'm pretty tough, that however, does not mean I will listen or change anything based on those opinions.



kyraofMists -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 10:48:12 AM)

Many people will say that they want to hear the truth.  However, for some that means "I want the truth as long as it validates my opinion."

Personally, I want to hear what other people are thinking and I will let them know what I am thinking. 

Knight's Kyra



asubmissiveheart -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 10:49:32 AM)

Thank you Knight's Kyra, ma'am.
I have noticed many people ask for other people's opinions on here, but it seems
to me they have already made up their minds and are only seeking validation.



cuddleheart50 -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 10:51:11 AM)

If I want sympathy, I wont come to a message board ...I will go to my family who support me not matter what.



CuriousLord -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 10:55:15 AM)

People want to be convinced what they want to believe is the truth.  In some ways, they're willing to make sacarfices against it being exactly what they want if such sacarficial admissions contribute surficiently to their belief that the entire scheme is true.

This can be seen well a lot in the religious aspect, where religious are willing to make concessions to scientific beliefs to maintain the apparently viablity of their system, yet they're not ready to drop it in favor of the obviously far more plausible truth since such a truth is more than surficiently contrary to what they want to believe.  Hence, more protestiant leanings and "spirtuality".

PS-  This also implies that people tend to move towards new ideas in a compromise of desirability and believability.  If it's more belieavable- more logical- it has to be surficiently desirable as well, or it'll be tossed.  In another example of how this is determental to the perfect-truth idealism, one is often inclined to believe in something that's less logical, should it be surficiently desirable.

If you can monopolize on what people want to hear, and tie it into some "truth" that causes them to act in a manner in line with your own desires, you can strongly manipulate people.



DrkJourney -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 10:56:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: asubmissiveheart

Thank you Kyrao, ma'am.
I have noticed many people ask for other people's opinions on here, but it seems
to me they have already made up their minds and are only seeking validation.


oh I've seen those...there is one in particular, a Dom, that does this, but I think he only does it for attention, in my opinion.   The ones that actually try to give him advice, he doesn't respond to, then he keeps whining about people not trying to help, and only come on his thread to cause trouble....the ones that flame are the only posts that get any attention from him.  If he does say anything to the "helpful" ones, it's usually to turn on them, but he usually only responds to those if the thread is about to die.   

Maybe I'm wrong, but doesn't seem like people like this want help at all, unless I'm missing something.  Just makes me feel foolish for honestly trying to help



domiguy -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 11:06:01 AM)

I don't believe I would ever come out to the forum seeking advice on a personal level....First off, I would probably get creamed....lol....And deservingly so.  If I can't figure it out by utilizing my own noggin....Or those of close friends...then it is probably something I should totally stay away from or kill.

Now, I am heading out to lollapalooza....It's 1:00 pm going to see Iggy Pop...Modest Mouse and unfortunately will probably stand in the back of the crowd to take in a little bit of the headliner, Pearl Jam.

I should have come out earlier to get the opinion of those, about bands that were performing earlier...To see if anyone thought there was someone worthwhile to "check out."....Too late, time to be leaving.



BitaTruble -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 11:06:52 AM)

~FR~

I don't, generally, put my relationship issues up as public fodder on message boards. If I did, I'd take the good with the bad. When I get lashed by someone whose opinion I respect, I try to look at my situation from their eyes and examine myself from that perspective.

Most of the threads I start are 'idea' based or personal viewpoints so I expect there to be different ways of looking at those sorts of things and I firmly believe you can learn more from someone who presents an idea which is alien to you than someone who believes exactly the same as you. That said I won't see words which may have some substance if they are encased in bile so such are wasted on me.

Celeste



FullCircle -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 11:17:11 AM)

Sometimes in life people need to be pushed off the ladder of self pity before they fall off at a greater height and hurt themselves more. The ladder of self pity is an endless ladder reaching up into the clouds where the higher you climb the harder it is to hear your cries for help. Ok that all sounds like it makes sense I can stop typing now.



asubmissiveheart -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 11:25:24 AM)

I agree DrkJourney, I have seen many  on here that ask for advice.
But they have already made up their minds, and then get angry if you
actually give them advice.
I had to get this off my chest.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 11:27:58 AM)

I came to these boards once and once only looking for advice/solution/confirmation. It was a situation i had never encountered before, but then again i spent 18 years in the same collar and thought maybe my old relationship was just different from the norm somehow.
 
Most folks know me and my family fairly well from the boards so i did get some good advice as well as confirmation that no, i was not crazy or being horribly bratty.
 
There was only one dominant on here who proceeded to state that my post was the whining of a spoiled sub who was not getting her way. My owner ignored that particular person.
 
The thing that bothered me the most, struck me the hardest was the reaction of those here at home to me seeking an outside opinion.
 
Sure some come here looking for all kinds of things, sympathy, validation, wank material but some also come here looking for advice or an opinion outside the relationship. It is up to the individual how they use the words they hear on these boards.
 
 



Level -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 11:39:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: asubmissiveheart

I just read someone's profile and journal, and then answered a post here on this board.
I am thinking maybe I was a bit harsh, but I have seen this same individual come here for sympathy
many times.
I am asking the question, "Do you really want to hear the truth or do you want a pat on the back, and
approval for any and all of your actions?"
As adults, we have the right to do anything we want, and make impetuous and foolish choices.
At what point do we take responsiblity for those choices, and listen to what others really think?
Or do we even want to hear what others think?
If we do not want to hear what people really want to tell us, why would we post on these boards?


Quite a lot, maybe most, people do NOT want to hear what others think. This group doesn't just include the "whiners".
 
We all hurt, and bitch a bit, and do dumb things, it's good to remember that, and hopefully be kind; but it can be..... difficult.
 
PS - your post hurt my feelings, I expect an apology.




BlueCollar -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 11:43:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: asubmissiveheart
I am asking the question, "Do you really want to hear the truth or do you want a pat on the back, and approval for any and all of your actions?"


Over the course of the 27 years of my existence on this Earth, I've found that 9 times out of 10, people simply want a pat on the back.

Sad but true.





Tinman1960 -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 11:48:27 AM)

I'm the type of person that has to have the truth - I can respect a different opinion but not someone that tells me what they think I want to hear - no need for and holding here.



MsBearlee -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 12:02:58 PM)

Wow, some really great questions today...I'm not gonna get nuthin' done!!!
 
Okay, I cannot speak for others, but when I post, I am looking for information most of the time...or sharing it.  Occasionally, especially of late, I post stuff just to get ideas, opinions, another angle by which I can look at something.  I view this place as a place to learn…and I have learned a LOT here; least of all how to better couch my replies! <grinz>
 
One thing I’d like to point out, however, is the fact that sometimes all is not as it seems.  I have a 33 year old son with some pretty severe …challenges.  Were he computer literate and could type…he’d be here doing what he does in real life; looking to stir the pot.  He is desperate for people to like him (and he is VERY likable, but shamed by his…differences), so what he does is try to make people laugh.  And I’ll be damned at what he comes up with to make people laugh.  He goes for shock-effect, and the nervous laughter that he gets in return, he considers success.  It’s sad, really (lordy, suddenly I’m crying).
 
Anyway, one of the things I try to remember here…is that some posters may not be as they seem; they can be both very, very young….or not thinking in the same way most of us do.  I try to remember that, always. 
 
And I hate short, yellow bus jokes; bigotry is bigotry.
Beverly




CuriousLord -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 12:03:22 PM)

In the interest of overly generalized yet profound melodrama, I'd like to point out that one of the truest things an individual can have to live with is that fact that he's a blantant idiot, prone to believe whatever happens to be simple enough for him to understand and surficiently pleasant for his frail ego to take.

Now, how many people do you think are willing to coop to that?  And that's just a very basic truth.



GhitaAmati -> RE: Do people want to hear the truth or get their hands held? (8/5/2007 12:08:14 PM)

I like hand holding...its so intimate...



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