RE: Insecurity (Full Version)

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domiguy -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 7:05:08 PM)

It's cool to admit your frailities....We all have them....If you have an area that leaves you self conscious I think it is fine to bring it up....But not every fucking day....Most people are accepting, in varying degrees, to the majority of the flaws or shortcomings that we possess.

What I do find irritating is if it is something that is being brought up on somewhat of a regular basis.

Let's say that subsusie is conscious of her ass......So she says,"ya know domiguy, I think my ass is getting a little large."  Now since I am not blind and have already seen her ass quite a number of times...It is rather clear that I am accepting of her and her humongous ass. So I might say, "shit baby, we all cool, me, you and your big pooper."
If she keeps bringing it up, it finally is going to start to wear on me....She will soon see that it has become a tiresome, wearing  topic....."Domiguy, did you hear that the space shuttle crashed today?" ....I might respond, "It probably couldn't escape the gravitational pull of your huge ass."

The above means little.....Michael, my brother, you are an exceptionally fortunate dude....Whatever shortcomings you posses I am sure mean absolutely nothing to the women who shares your affections....It is fine to admit our fears and weaknesses....But I think your cause for doubt are groundless....Improve upon what you wish, self improvement is usually not a waste of time.  But I think this woman would probably dig your shit if you were unable to tie a bow and used velcro straps to tie your shoes....(In reality...That would probably be way too creepy for most women to stomach) Anywhooo, Good luck to you....I hope this is a tremendously long lasting and happy experience for you both.



chey -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 7:53:21 PM)

I didn't read every response but hopefully no one here whines about their insecurities continuously!



MHOO314 -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 7:59:23 PM)

wow Michael, I have so much respect for you and this post---smiles---so much realism, tenderness and vulnerabity----also the things great Dominants are  made of.



MadRabbit -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 8:04:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chey

I didn't read every response but hopefully no one here whines about their insecurities continuously!


I was hoping that no one would make any comments like this, undermining a very deep and valuable sharing of the things that are the hardest to admit openly.



sublizzie -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 8:07:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chey

I didn't read every response but hopefully no one here whines about their insecurities continuously!


You haven't been reading SimplyMichael's posts for very long, have you? Or most other people's posts either.

Just my thoughts.....



MHOO314 -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 8:09:06 PM)

You know, sometimes you really are a scream. This was priceless and a typical way of getting a good point across as only DG can.



NefertariReborn -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 8:23:20 PM)

First you bottom for charity, and now this exquisite post.  As I've said before "evolved" beautifully evolved.  I think you rock!



chey -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 9:24:34 PM)

A few posts before I shared some things that were not very easy for me to open up about and also thanked Michael for sharing.

I am not very good at the quote things, so when I made the comment about whinning it was in response to one part of Domiguy's post.  Sorry that it was taken out of context. It was not meant to be rude.



BossyLadyPamela -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 9:29:21 PM)

I was very moved by this Original Post.. very...It was full of that  magic of what human beings are made of..  that magic that inspire songs and books..  pieces of history..  "feelings"
 
I dont know anyone personally or from a far that is on everyday...., without fear and uncertainly of his/her path sometime

This is such a journey each of us are on... and I truly beleive with all my heart and sincere being..if we pay attention to that human spirit magic.. we just get better..as human beings what ever it is that our journey holds.... 

I wish I knew all of you better....... you knew me better.........  this op startled me........it was wonderful.



daddyscherry -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 10:03:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Yes cherry, at least we don't have to worry about our heads never fitting through doorways. I don't know about you, but it has taken me FOREVER to learn to accept a compliment graciously. Even now, I still sometimes wonder to myself "are they being sincere or just offering up false platitudes because it is the polite thing to do?"



La Tigrese
Yes that is a BIG downfall with me, i deflect them because they are hard for me to accept. If someone praises me for something about my intellect or emotions then i can accept that MUCH better...If they compliment the me physically  i have literally thought that they might have eye issues  (i had a bf once and i sincerely thought he may be blind in atleast one eye...To see me in the morning or without makeup to me is an icky thing LOL)

i try to deal but it's not always easy, because i'm thinking, "Can't they see "her"" Or that eventually they will see "her"



Emperor1956 -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 10:08:45 PM)

Ok. Ok.  SM is a cool guy, and as best as I can tell, a damn fine craftsman.  But I can't take any more.  "Its like I married my best friend, but in a TOTALLY MANLY way."




SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Insecurity (8/6/2007 11:14:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

Michael,


If the bear look is what's bothering you then change it. Not for anyone else but for you (no offense BSB).  

None taken.  I completely agree.
quote:

 Because truly, it is only with that motivation in mind, that makes it become successful.

Again, I agree 100%


quote:

Look, obviously this woman is as crazy about you as you are about her. Relax. Enjoy it. Trust that she does and that you're more than worthy of it. Because you are. So is she. Ain't love grand??? [;)]

Thank you SD.. You rock![:D]


Awww shucks. No seriously. I think the two of you together are great and if I ever get up your way I hope to be able to meet you both.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 12:08:37 AM)

Emperor,

I really didn't post this to call to order the "me" fan club but the submissives seem to be the ones, with a few noble exceptions, that are posting about their insecurities.  You are welcome to come in and bask in the adoration as there seems to be quite enough to go around!



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 2:08:36 AM)

Michael, this thread points out your strengths more than your weaknesses. You are sensitive and everyone doesn’t possess such a side due to insecurity and inability to feel the lightest emotional touches. There is a realism in your words that goes beyond the dialogue of the archetypical all powerful Dom who becomes tiring after a onetime light read. Partly, the realism comes from your intellect, but also from your responsiveness to others. The simple fact is that most don’t have IT, but you do.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 2:11:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
Let's say that subsusie is conscious of her ass......So she says,"ya know domiguy, I think my ass is getting a little large."  Now since I am not blind and have already seen her ass quite a number of times...It is rather clear that I am accepting of her and her humongous ass. So I might say, "shit baby, we all cool, me, you and your big pooper."

If she keeps bringing it up, it finally is going to start to wear on me....She will soon see that it has become a tiresome, wearing  topic....."Domiguy, did you hear that the space shuttle crashed today?" ....I might respond, "It probably couldn't escape the gravitational pull of your huge ass."


Now that was more than  funny.



heartcream -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 3:45:19 AM)

cool thread. thank you Michael.

i love when a guy opens up. i find the thing is with feelings of insecurity and the like, is they are so freakin uncomfortable. they make me feel like losing the plot, i feel like i am losing myself. i am learning to not let go of myself so easily..."everyone knows i am a misfit even among misfits...i am inadequate...my hair is... my ass is....no one would love me because... i shouldnt have said/done that...if only...etc." somewhere in there i state to myself. "i love myself even if no one else does... i deserve love..."

feeling inadequate includes so many emotions and a lot of them are hard to handle. the fear can feel creepy, the rage can feel futile and scary, and the heartbreak and despair can be crushing. so then there is also the issue wif how to accept these felings. i find the emotions are worthy to stick wif. i allow myself to shudder shaking, rage, cry, wutever. as much as possible in private or with those i feel trust for.

what i try not to do is to force or push it on to someone else, "am i fat...is my face ugly..etc" i have done plenty of running for assurance and it has truly helped me gain some self love as a foundation. but like domguy said if it is simply repetitive, i would say it is cuz the feelings have not truly been felt or accepted there. pressuring someone else to deal wif it is repeated and well usually after a while one will be forced to feel wut is so uncomfortable. i think it helps to notice, own and feel the feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, rejection. i also feel if i feel too insecure in a given situation it is okay for me to back away when feeling intimidated. not force myself past where i am truly at. ideally i aim to gain self-reliance and self love to help get thru insecurities etc.

i have soooo many insecurities i am not goin to mention them. lol.



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 6:16:54 AM)

I think admiting your flaws, and being able to recognize them, and -not- be controlled by them, is a strength. It's funny I should find this topic here as I have been helping a male friend of mine do just this. Acknowledge his insecurities (Which he sees as glaring flaws.) and realize that being insecure, doesn't mean he has to be ruled by insecurity. It was a very hard process to have him realize, being human, does not equal being weak.

I commend you for your obviously well placed efforts to understand yourself, once you understand a fear, you can avoid being controlled by it, and I think that is a quality trait to see in anyone. I bet your lucky little lady sees that too.


"Trust in Good Intentions - meaning assume the best until proven otherwise.  A simple but rather profound idea, not always easy but still worth working at. "
That hit home, and is probably my biggest insecurity. I hope for the best, but suspect the worst, I have no problem laying my trust upon people, to a point, but there's always the secret doubts, which I try to shuffle away and demolish with reason and logic. I have not yet figured out where this insecurity comes from, though it seems to lay within a seemingly long list of bad choices, so perhaps, it's really rooted in my inability to trust my own judgements when concerning others.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 7:06:16 AM)

heartcream,

quote:

  i shouldnt have said/done that...if only...etc."


We all have inner voices, ones that start with "you shouldn't" and such are called "parent tapes" by an old therapist of mine.  Meaning they are things you internalized from your parents, some of those values are good but some aren't.  They are not "you" telling yourself that and they can often poison things in our life that we otherwise want.

Throw them the fuck out!  LOL, invent new ones of your own for and by you.



GhitaAmati -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 8:29:36 AM)

Michael, I wanted to thank you for your post....and let you know I just printed out your OP to show my Sir when he gets home.....Im now trying to figure out a respectful way to say "see...told you you werent the only one who felt that way, now get over it"...but knowing me Ill just say exactly that and he'll just laugh. Insecurities are a funny thing, we all have them, we know we all have them, but they are so damn hard to admit sometimes.

When Sir and I first started spending time together, almost 5 years ago, I had been active in the erhm.."public scene" for quite a few years. He had only been in a few relationships where he had gone to maybe 5 actual play parties in his life. Because of a previous job of mine, I had been at an event almost every weekend for 4 years. Then later, I took him to meet the members of my Leather household when we got the opportunity to travel to my previous home. After hearing about all their state and even a few national titles....he leaned over and whispered "and why arent you with them instead of me? They are definantly better at all this than I am.".......I probably could have come up with a better answer than "Because they are all gay."

He has constantly had this fear that Im going to find someone who hits better than him and leave, or if he isnt a good enough Dom im gonna go find someone else. Which in my mind is absolutly silly because He is honestly the best Dom/friend/lover I have ever had and could not imagine ever wanting anyone else, no matter how much experiance or titles they may have.

The other odd thing is I constantly have insecurities that he is going to realize that he could get a so much better looking chick than me. In fact we have had people come up to him and say "what the hell are you doing with her{me}, you are HOT". That normally pisses him off compleatly but in a way, I see their point. I know my Sir could walk into any room anywhere and have any chick he wanted without even trying. We do swing, and there have been times where the female half of a couple is more than willing to screw him, but the male half of the couple really aint interested in me. It is extreasmly depressing, because to me, its a failure to him. He is losing out on experiances he wants, because I cant live up to the expectations and desires of other people. I have been trying everything I can to loose the weight I gained from having kids, but I know Ill never be a barbie look alike and it scares me.

ghita~



Missokyst -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 9:47:40 AM)

I love it that a dominant can admit to being human.  It is a refreshing thing to see.  That is what I love about being part of a couple.  You can be vulnerable, honest, open and the fear lessens. 
I have fears.
My number one fear is a theme throughout my life, "not being good enough"
I was born in East Los Angeles in a hispanic neighborhood.  We moved to a very anglo area when I was 6 years old. 
The very first thing I am consciously aware of understanding fully, was when the school I was transferring to believed that any child transferring to their school district from East L.A. wouldn't be able to keep up if entering in mid year.  I wasn't allowed to go to school until the next season started.  When I was able to join their district I was bored stiff because they were reading things I read in kindergarden.  I learned never to read ahead because if you are must recite out loud no one could understand that you weren't back on page 10, you were ahead on page 30 and the words were not the same.
I learned that having an accent was not acceptable, so I didn't speak much until I had no trace of accent and I could speak like my classmates. 
I learned to change who I was so that I could find companions. 
I couldn't change my color but I tried.
I learned it wasn't wise to be too good at anything.  If I excelled at something my legs would be kicked out from under me by kids or adults.
I learned that my heritage was hot, but not to take home to meet parents.
I learned that "my kind" made grandchildren that were not as important as non mixed grandchildren were.
I learned that I was not good enough for him.
Insecurities?  Heck yes I have them.
But the most important thing I have learned to date is this.
I am tired of changing who I am to suit people.  I can live single and do it with contentment because I do think I am talented, intelligent, creative, loving, gentle, caring, and more than willing to wait hand and foot on someone I care about.  And if people cannot accept that, that's ok.  I am done not being my authentic self.
Kyst




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