RE: Insecurity

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imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 11:01:22 AM)
Michael.... you are a true treasure, and thanks for this thread. I have a few insecurities and suck at hiding them. My insecurities have less to do with my abilies and more to do with being "left" and/or "abandon" i also have stumbled upon the relationship of a life time...and my heart and mind are on over load trying to process it. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop...because this HAS to be to good to be true....i had even considered leaving the relationship at one time because "IF" it fell apart i would be devitsated...and walking away seemed like a better alternitive. (twisted logic i know, i'm glad i wised up and didnt do that) Fortunately for me my Master has the patience of Job...LOL...and lets me know He loves me as often as my insecure heart needs it.

Aswad -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 12:10:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Trust in Good Intentions - meaning assume the best until proven otherwise. A simple but rather profound idea, not always easy but still worth working at. This one is worth a thread on its own. I've been trying to stick to that for the better part of a decade now, not just in relationships, and while it can be hard, and I fail at it at times, I think what I have gained from it is well worth the effort. Spreading this one around will undoubtedly do a lot of good for those who take it to heart, and those around them. quote: So, who else cares to share their insecurities? Where does one even start? Great thread idea, though I'm not the kind to leave bits of my heart on Internet Archive and Google.

slaveluci -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 1:07:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati In fact we have had people come up to him and say "what the hell are you doing with her{me}, you are HOT quote: We do swing, and there have been times where the female half of a couple is more than willing to screw him, but the male half of the couple really aint interested in me Ghita, I didn't realize there was such a preponderance of blindness in your local area[;)]. WTF? You are hot girl. Don't let those losers get ya down. It's their loss.........luci

NefertariReborn -> RE: Insecurity (8/7/2007 7:56:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst I love it that a dominant can admit to being human. It is a refreshing thing to see. That is what I love about being part of a couple. You can be vulnerable, honest, open and the fear lessens. I have fears. My number one fear is a theme throughout my life, "not being good enough" I was born in East Los Angeles in a hispanic neighborhood. We moved to a very anglo area when I was 6 years old. The very first thing I am consciously aware of understanding fully, was when the school I was transferring to believed that any child transferring to their school district from East L.A. wouldn't be able to keep up if entering in mid year. I wasn't allowed to go to school until the next season started. When I was able to join their district I was bored stiff because they were reading things I read in kindergarden. I learned never to read ahead because if you are must recite out loud no one could understand that you weren't back on page 10, you were ahead on page 30 and the words were not the same. I learned that having an accent was not acceptable, so I didn't speak much until I had no trace of accent and I could speak like my classmates. I learned to change who I was so that I could find companions. I couldn't change my color but I tried. I learned it wasn't wise to be too good at anything. If I excelled at something my legs would be kicked out from under me by kids or adults. I learned that my heritage was hot, but not to take home to meet parents. I learned that "my kind" made grandchildren that were not as important as non mixed grandchildren were. I learned that I was not good enough for him. Insecurities? Heck yes I have them. But the most important thing I have learned to date is this. I am tired of changing who I am to suit people. I can live single and do it with contentment because I do think I am talented, intelligent, creative, loving, gentle, caring, and more than willing to wait hand and foot on someone I care about. And if people cannot accept that, that's ok. I am done not being my authentic self. Kyst Gives you a standing frickin ovation My one word reply to your post _> "Goddamn!"

corsetgirl -> RE: Insecurity (8/9/2007 3:56:16 PM)
Wow, you have definitely opened up a lot of feelings for us all! Oh, I have a bunch of them and a lot of walls that I feel I have to work on them myself. I suppose the main insecurity I have is not being able to find the right dom and being afraid that I am not good enough to be a sub. Like Missokyst, I would like a dom who can accept me for who I am and be a little flexible. If I disappointed him, then accept that I am human and not release me so quickly...

hereyesruponyou -> RE: Insecurity (8/9/2007 4:36:08 PM)
I tend to observe that the people who do not recognize and admit their insecurities are the ones who have the biggest problems in socializing with others. I personally tend to be adequate in alot of areas in my life and therefore people expect me to be comfortable in all situations. Geez, just because i CAN speak in front of a crowd or take charge of a situation doesn't mean i want to or am the best person for the job. I applaud you Michael for sharing and giving others a platform to do the same. On a personal note, i have found you a bit arrogant at times, but why not when you are right. Also i personally find your physical appearance to be the type i would go right for....very sexy. It's awesome that 2 great people have found each other and realize how special the relationship they have is to both of them. MadRabbit - i understand what you are saying on many levels. you are beyond articulate and i am sure it is difficult to find people on your level, but i repsect your opinions when i see your posts. they are always well thought out and clear. and you don't write above other's heads. we appreciate you! LaTigress - i wanna grow up to be like you, lol. Ok i may be older, but i mean as a domme. you are inspiring in what you are willing to share about yourself. thanks

Politesub53 -> RE: Insecurity (8/9/2007 4:44:37 PM)
Insecurity is a funny thing. It`s not rational, if it was we would not be insecure when everyone around us was praising us. i was born in the 50s, 7 weeks premature, back then that was rare, the upshot was i only weighed 3lb at birth. Until i was 20 i was very skinny, so constantly got picked on. In many ways it made me tougher, as i would over compensate to the point of recklessness. i started seeing myself as equal to other guys, yet underneath i always felt like the skinny kid on the block. Part of that has stayed with me, always wondering what someone sees in me, or why they dont pick someone more of a hunk. i once asked someone this, and it was the only time she ever ripped me a new arse. She told me in no uncertain terms that if i kept thinking that way it would drive us apart.i know my insecurities cause, and have caused, me problems but i am slowly getting to grips with it. The big danger is letting your fears ruin what you have. i truly hope that doesnt happen to you. It`s easier to think everyone else is bigger, smarter, richer ( or all three lol ) but at the end of the day, you are unique and someone loves you for it. Hang on to that thought as it`s very precious.... i wish you both well. [;)]

sophia37 -> RE: Insecurity (8/9/2007 5:43:52 PM)
It sounds like a pretty new relationship. Time will help as well. Once youve been together for a while, the fears tend to evaporate. Good luck. xo Soph

servantheart -> RE: Insecurity (8/16/2007 10:45:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 Like you, I met my slave here on CollarMe. It has been a fantastic experience for me, fulfilling and gratifying in every way. I grapple with insecurities every day. If she's online, knowing that other dominant men are likely to start chatting with her, and perhaps even attempting to "poach" her for themselves can at times be quite maddening. She has not said or done anything to feed this beast, it is a phantasm entirely of my own brain. It is a long-term trust issue of my own that I am constantly working on. I deal with it by reminding myself I have two options: 1) I can forbid her to chat with other dominants, thereby telegraphing my insecurity to the world; 2) I can allow her to chat but always keep tabs on dominants that disrespect our relationship. Not wanting to magnify my insecurities more than necessary, I choose option #2. Sir needn't worry, for His slave knows she is blessed to serve One such as Him, and is fully aware that none will ever measure up to the Man that He is, "beasts" and all [sm=kiss.gif] Taryn

ShieldWolf -> RE: Insecurity (8/20/2007 3:53:09 PM)
One thing that has always been troubling for me is balancing my own internal insecurity with what my girl needs to see from me. This has led to more than one stressful situation at times and can undermine confidence and cause both involved to inherit trust issues from each others past. Most say this is the territory of personal relationships and perhaps it really is just that simple. I certainly accept insecuritites in my woman as natural and even at times desirable. Those of the Dom/Master persuasion have much more care to take in showing these. Insecurity is not strength or honor. It is not akin to integrity or even most of the time to truth. These are core values that we in this half of the relationship cherish and seek to guide us when dealing with subs and slaves and yes, even other Doms and Masters. This is what makes one of the more irritating aspects of my relationship abundantly clear, she sees my insecurities before I do. If she points it out to me, well then that is a not so good thing usually until I have had time to process this humbling bit of news! Many regrets have come from things I have said or done in those moments when I did not readily accept certain realities.. So a thread like this one is very helpful in recognizing and dealing with the real source of the issue and the feelings that come up...ME. Thank you for your honesty in starting it. I wish you well, ShieldWolf

trustingsubHF -> RE: Insecurity (8/20/2007 6:03:28 PM)
it is so nice to see the inner person come out of people, i love it! i am glad to see that i am not the only one that feels insecure in myself... i have many flaws but i have started to overcome them. no one is perfect, and it seems that You make her very happy, that is all that matters! nice post!!

cloudboy -> RE: Insecurity (8/20/2007 7:55:55 PM)
The strongest, most independent of persons is harshly affected by intermittent intimacy. The fact that your beloved is busy working or with family and doesn't have time for you can sometimes make it worse, because what can you say about that? If she were doing some discretionary thing, at least you could get mad, at least you'd have a justifiable outlet. I have come to believe that relationships go bad or begin to rot when they are neglected. The relationship is like an unwatered plant. In the end, the plant only knows if its been watered or not, the intentions don't matter. So, bad feelings don't always reflect an inability to hold things together (insecurity), rather they can reflect how one is diminished in a particular situation or set of circumstances.

SusanofO -> RE: Insecurity (8/20/2007 8:59:37 PM)
My biggest insecurity revolves around people I know who think I am this super-extroverted person, simply because I am verbal. In real life, I tend to be pretty shy, (or maybe it's just that I operate better with people on a one-to-one basis). I grow insecure if someone is constantly wanting to thrust me into the lime-light, especially if it's only for their own reasons. I can remember my mother forcing me to sing in public, and also audition for plays, etc. I still sing in public today, and I suppose if she had never done that, I wouldn't be singing (she was a music teacher, and she thought I had a good voice). But I went through a period of not doing it at all for about 10 years, simply as a rebellious act, and to assert my own choice in the matter. On a social level, I can throw a party, and I can "work a room", etc. But to be honest, it can really wear me out. I appreciate it when someone lets me make my own decisions about just how much of a "social butterfly" I really want to be. I like people, I really do. But on a social, real-life basis, I really like one or just a few at once, not a huge roomful of them. I'm not anti-social, just prefer more intimate types of gatherings, I guess. - Susan

charlotte12 -> RE: Insecurity (8/20/2007 9:24:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael my brain knows she loves me, just my heart panicks sometimes. Ah truer words were never spoken. When you find the chord that connects the brain to the heart would you please let me know? I have a ton of insecurities too but have been slowly working through them. Since you shared i'll share one. I am scared that i am too needy. However i've found that the more i worry about being needy the more needy i become. Others have said it here and they are right, when i face the insecurities they begin to lose their hold. btw i don't know if it means anything to you but i have always found you quite sexy, your lady too :) Thank you for sharing

FullfigRIMaam -> RE: Insecurity (8/20/2007 10:43:22 PM)
Michael this is your most admirable post ever in my opinion, and I respect this kind of courage, especially in a man. I think that with time, and natural progression of things, some of this insecurity will subside, and yes some regularity in her contact. I don't do well with non contact after regular contact either, and go into panick/blue mode, so I tend to not be into people who need a lot of time/space to themselves, though a reasonable amount I need and expect they do as well... But what is reasonable anyway?! I wish you all good things with this relationship, and hope the contact becomes slightly more routine, so that you don't go into panick mode. As to my insecurities, there are a few, but I can relate only too well, when it comes to public play. I have no real knowledge of rope play except for fumbling on my former "guinea pig boy", so that I would never ever attempt it in public... Fortunately, I don't care about it that much, and bow out gracefully if that is someone's primary kink/need/desire. I may learn some of it some day, but it probably isn't going to happen fast, because I'm incredibly shy in public about simply standing there, never mind actually having to learn something that requires more than what I possess on myself. M

SimplyMichael -> RE: Insecurity (8/21/2007 7:42:15 AM)
ShieldWolf, Looking at your pictures I was expecting to read an exercise in chest thumping or at least self aggrandizement but boy was I wrong! THANK YOU for a very heartfelt and moving post! quote: This is what makes one of the more irritating aspects of my relationship abundantly clear, she sees my insecurities before I do. I know for me, having a woman intelligent and insightful enough to help me grow is something I cherish deeply and the fact that she not only accepts the "real" me but loves the fact that I don't put on a false front for her is what makes our relationship so magical. I try and remember that everyone has insecurities, the real difference is how we deal with them. Instead of looking at her ability to see deeply into you as an irritation, try seeing at as being blessed with someone who understands you deeply, who truly sees you and loves you for the person you really are. I find it quite liberating and freeing!

ShieldWolf -> RE: Insecurity (8/21/2007 10:30:18 AM)
Michael, Thank you for your reply. Personally I don't see a whole lot of use in the chest thumping, no one learns from it. Therefore I usually refrain from engaging in it. To be truly able to receive love can be a difficult thing for some and easy for others. This issue of insecurity being one of those things that can put me on the spot to have to not be perfect in her eyes and even more so to let her know I realize this. It ultimately to me is an acceptance of being loved in spite of the ugly. That is truth, therefore that is what I must accept, in spite of what temporary irritation exist. I wish you well, ShieldWolf

atendersoul -> RE: Insecurity (8/21/2007 10:41:11 AM)
From Your posting here, Sir....it sounds like You have a very good handle on this subject because You are addressing them. and that is part of the battle in winning, seeing them for what they are. You are also lucky to have found one that brings You wholeness for this shows very well in what You write here. Within that, it growth...... Truth and trust has always been upmost the key elements for this one and the two things she has quickly found to be lacking with her search.....

rmanrr -> RE: Insecurity (8/21/2007 7:40:54 PM)
Greetings I await the thrashing earth shaking thunder of "Goreans" after I post this. Identifying and living My version of Gor has nothing to do with the fact that I am first and foremost a human being. That said I am no better or worse than any other human being in that I have My fair share of insecurities and faults. What is important is that I speak with My Woman about all of them as well as any I may potentially see in her. Dammit I get scared as hell sometimes about the commitment I have made to her and with her....I want reassurance as much as anyone that I am acting and doing the right thing(s) no matter the level of confidence I feel or the amount of love shared...not to mention the strength of the bond/connection between us. The intensity is sometimes overwhelming, but, that being said....she is worth it...all of it, good and bad, all of Me...as I know I am worth all of her. To the OP...we are also at the moment in a LDR...but that is changing and in the not too distant future.

Grlwithboy -> RE: Insecurity (8/21/2007 7:50:54 PM)
I'll speak to the physical skills part, because the emotional piece of this could be a really novel-length post. But in terms of play skills, it really used to get to me, until I just gave up and accepted that there is ALWAYS going to be someone who blows you out of the water. There is always going to be some in-demand indie pro who plays 8 hour days and has every piece of gear known to man and has done it all twenty times. There is always going to be someone who has built electro torture computers and does this as their main kink while you sit there with your little TENS and figure it all out. When I just decided that my partners are playing with me because I am me, not me because I can create every roller coaster ride of adrenaline the mind of man can dream up - I started having more fun with them. I started exploring rope in public (and found that the rope scene, or at least large chunks of it are refreshingly kind to novices and refreshingly non-judgemental and remember learning all too well.) I started playing more playfully and in a more exploratory way in public, and saving the intensity for home, rather than the other way around. It's good stuff.

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