GhitaAmati
Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline
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Michael, I wanted to thank you for your post....and let you know I just printed out your OP to show my Sir when he gets home.....Im now trying to figure out a respectful way to say "see...told you you werent the only one who felt that way, now get over it"...but knowing me Ill just say exactly that and he'll just laugh. Insecurities are a funny thing, we all have them, we know we all have them, but they are so damn hard to admit sometimes.
When Sir and I first started spending time together, almost 5 years ago, I had been active in the erhm.."public scene" for quite a few years. He had only been in a few relationships where he had gone to maybe 5 actual play parties in his life. Because of a previous job of mine, I had been at an event almost every weekend for 4 years. Then later, I took him to meet the members of my Leather household when we got the opportunity to travel to my previous home. After hearing about all their state and even a few national titles....he leaned over and whispered "and why arent you with them instead of me? They are definantly better at all this than I am.".......I probably could have come up with a better answer than "Because they are all gay."
He has constantly had this fear that Im going to find someone who hits better than him and leave, or if he isnt a good enough Dom im gonna go find someone else. Which in my mind is absolutly silly because He is honestly the best Dom/friend/lover I have ever had and could not imagine ever wanting anyone else, no matter how much experiance or titles they may have.
The other odd thing is I constantly have insecurities that he is going to realize that he could get a so much better looking chick than me. In fact we have had people come up to him and say "what the hell are you doing with her{me}, you are HOT". That normally pisses him off compleatly but in a way, I see their point. I know my Sir could walk into any room anywhere and have any chick he wanted without even trying. We do swing, and there have been times where the female half of a couple is more than willing to screw him, but the male half of the couple really aint interested in me. It is extreasmly depressing, because to me, its a failure to him. He is losing out on experiances he wants, because I cant live up to the expectations and desires of other people. I have been trying everything I can to loose the weight I gained from having kids, but I know Ill never be a barbie look alike and it scares me.
ghita~
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I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen
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RE: Insecurity - 
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