RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms

RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

housebitch -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/8/2007 7:57:28 PM)
ok, this is my first post ever on CM. Usually i am over on the 'personals' side of the site, running into (some) similar frustrations as coco. However, when this thread was pointed out to me, i had to respond to coco's question- as well as some of the other comments throughout the thread. First, to coco's original question, there is a simple answer. There are ALWAYS more females than males on any site that involves anything remotely sexual. Anything from this site, to 'hook-up' sites, all the way to the match.com's of the world. It's probably at least 10-to-1. It's the same thing when you go to a bar- men tend to outnumber women. And it really has nothing to do with being Dom or sub. It's just a male/female thing. And i have to say, after posting a profile for a female friend of mine and monitoring the email for her (to free up her time and keep her from having to deal with the 'scumbags') even i started to see men as scumbags. Males were attacking like pirranah- it was just email after email of one-liners about 'f**ing' her and pictures of penises. (Needless to say, that was not what her profile was requesting!) :-) Anyway, my point is that it is no wonder that women learn quickly to avoid 'dating' sites and bars for meeting men. btw, yes, i realize there are exception - i like to think i am one of them - but my point is that the bulk of overly-active, obnoxious guys ruin it for everyone. oh, and btw, i'm a sub located in S. FL as well. :-) Maybe should have mentioned that up front... Regarding the comment about whether this is 'sexual' or not- i am reading that to mean whether 'sex' (oral or intercourse) is an assumed part of everyone's S&M play. For some people BDSM is just kinky foreplay before sex, for others sexual acts are not* a part of what they seek- and i'm sure there exists all levels inbetween. i'm actually suprized to see that even discussed on a forum such as this- it makes me think of all the 'vanillas' i've tried to explain this lifestyle to that have no clue about it and assume that when people go to a Dominatrix it is to get a 'happy ending' after their spanking. sheesh... However, if the comment just meant that there is a 'sexual nature' to this lifestyle, i would have to say that is the great bulk of it, yes. While as a submissive, part of your satisfaction should come from that 'good feeling' you get from making your Dom/me happy (like the good feeling you get helping a little old lady cross the street), let's face it, the majority of what drives our submissive behavior is our sexual desire for it. Now, i have to admit, that is coming from a male subby point of view, and i wouldnt be at all suprized if it is different for a female sub. i can't claim to have any insight on that... Now, for the comments about 'service subs" from littlesarbonn. Are you really getting tons of requests to come over and clean dommes' houses with no regard to your wants and needs? delay for effect... That sounds awesome!!! :-) i also happen to be a 'service sub', so i'd like to comment on that, if i may. Again, some of us really do want to be 'service subs'- and just be given a list of chores and an arrogant "git 'er dun, bitch" and we're happy. (Granted - as a sidenote before people go to my profile and tear me up - i do have other interests, and am also open to other uses of me besides mopping floors, if it interests the Domme.) However, i'm not somebody that needs or even wants a Domme to be dressed in head-to-toe latex, tying me up in intricate rope bondage, and whipping my ass, etc. i just don't want her to have to go thru all that work on my account... i would actually prefer to be a 'regular,' (i use that term with fear of retribution here) vanilla woman's houseboy- cleaning, rubbing her feet, or running to the store to buy tampons for her if that is what pleases her. And sex doesn't neccessarily be a part of that. It's funny- the reason i responded the way i did to littsarbonn is because i am really having difficulty finding what he says he gets all the time. (not to whine- i'll be ok.) One last comment- i was a little suprized as i read thru my first entire thread on CM at the amount of assumptions people make about each other. i thought people would be a little more open-minded and understanding that what might be someone else's 'thing' might not be your 'thing', and so on. We all have our own turn-ons. Some people want a lifestyle 24/7 TPE thing. Others want to top-from-the-bottom and control a scripted 'session'/roleplay. Some want sex, others don't. Some subs want to truly serve their owner's needs and please them, other subs have a specific fetish or fantasy that they want fulfilled by a Domme that happens to enjoy being on the top side of that same fantasy. If there's one thing i've learned from being on the receiving end of "you're a freak" comments from vanillas, it's that even if something doesn't turn you on, understand that it may turn somebody else on and that doesn't make them any better or worse, it doesn't make them right or wrong- it just makes them different from you. My apologies up-front (as a 1st-time poster) to anyone i may have offended with my commentary. I hope i wasnt a hypocrite with my last paragraph there...

housebitch -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/8/2007 8:05:48 PM)
oh, a couple more things- First, i wasnt sure what coco meant by 'fake'. Did you mean that they just don't exist at all- like the profile isn't a real person? or that you feel a lot of them are guys posing a women to try to take your $? (The famous 'financial Domme' that asks for a tribute up front and you never hear back from them.) or did you mean that they pretend to be Domme, but when you meet or speak with them they don't seem very 'dominant'. I'm curious for a little clarification before i give share my experience. Also, after i posted my last (first?) commentary, i felt remiss to have focused solely on the negative in my last paragraph. i should also have mentioned that there were a lot of great, insightful, profound, and well-written comments throughout that thread on several different topics. To those, well done.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/8/2007 8:15:57 PM)
Going back, but not sure where the quote is so I am not going to bother... The lifestyle isnt necessarily about sexual domination. If that is what you are looking for, then thats one thing. There does not have to be a sexual aspect to all domination. That doesnt make us LESS real, just less fit for someone like you who does need the sex in the mix. Me, I have 2 boys. One is sexual, one is not. I do not consider one more real than the other, just different. My 2 cents, if anyone cares DV

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/8/2007 10:13:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: housebitch We all have our own turn-ons. Some people want a lifestyle 24/7 TPE thing. Others want to top-from-the-bottom and control a scripted 'session'/roleplay. Some want sex, others don't. Some subs want to truly serve their owner's needs and please them, other subs have a specific fetish or fantasy that they want fulfilled by a Domme that happens to enjoy being on the top side of that same fantasy. If there's one thing i've learned from being on the receiving end of "you're a freak" comments from vanillas, it's that even if something doesn't turn you on, understand that it may turn somebody else on and that doesn't make them any better or worse, it doesn't make them right or wrong- it just makes them different from you. My apologies up-front (as a 1st-time poster) to anyone i may have offended with my commentary. I hope i wasnt a hypocrite with my last paragraph there... [sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif] Very well said.. (I knew you would find this thread interesting...)

MaDomAura -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/8/2007 10:30:43 PM)
OK, I may be saying (alright "keyboarding") what many are thinking but just wont say. What does this thread define as a "fake" FemDom? Dare I say that I am a lifestyle Domina, and have 2 collared subs, and I also enjoy sessions as a ProDomme! Yes, I admit it and in fact I am proud! I do find that there's a need for Pro Dom/Dommes and ProSubs too. Nothing wrong, it's an arraignment just like any other negotiated scene. The service I offer is no less valid as a Top than when I am working as a sexual mentor offering lifestyle classes (which I am also compensated for). I am no more real, or fake for the choices I make, but feel free to have an opinion. Now as to the m/f D/s ratio. I have to agree that the on line, bar, and dungeon scene seems to be saturated with males and or subs. I gather the majority of subs are the hetero-males, but females probably don't approach me as often or as aggressively. I do find that I have become increasingly irritated with subs from all "corners" of the planet promising they'd relocate if I would just give word. Please! The first text on my profile states that I am looking for contacts in my area and I will NOT respond to long distance messages. When I gt a message from one of these "boys" I assume thy didn't read a word, just spewed a response based on my photo. It's cliche, but guys with hardons will say just about anything starts to come to mind. I also have a sense that there are more "fake" subs (based on agreed upon perception of D/s ratios here). To say that these subs want the CGI perfect FemDOM droid would be redundant, but I'll say it anyway! Which brings up an issue that fires me up. All these "rules" about what a real Dom/Domme would or wouldn't do. Who are the rule-makers, and why on earth does anyone subscribe to these stereotypes? If I am the top, and I want to have my sub spank me, who cares? I actually enjoy making a sub jump through this hoop, depending on the PE asking them to give me a smack or two is great fun, you can see it in their face! It's beautiful to have a sub who's so willing that they easily comply, wanting nothing more than to please me. I also enjoy watching a sub who becomes worried or confused navigate their own mental roadblocks. Either way, it's fascinating! Ah, I digress. In any search for human companionship there will be hope, disappointment, and if you are lucky a few interactions will be worthwhile and rewarding. It has nothing to do with WIITWD, or orientation. The common denominator is humanity. END THOUGHT/ MaDom Aura

teamnoir -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/9/2007 9:00:03 AM)
For fem doms to male subs, yes, the ratio is always abysmal.

ta2dqt -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/12/2007 4:22:13 PM)
Ok...........sorry to say it...........yes..........I dont like the "situation" where i live.............................I live in alaska...............................I dont usually find many "things" im looking for up here........................Up here .............in alaska...................there isnt many things you can find............anywhere else........................ It can be good.............or bad.............just depends on what you are looking for.................... thank goodness...............Im just still glad there are NO BILLBOARDS up here!!..Sure do wish we had more of "other " things things though...................... :S

hardbodysub -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/12/2007 6:54:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smoothcoco Well that is the situation in my area. I am in south florida, and there are about 50 subs for each Fem Dom(not an exaggeration). Most of the Fem Doms down here are sort of fake, few of them are real. Anyone else experiencing the same thing where you live??? Yeh, so what else is new?

person -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/13/2007 2:53:34 AM)
The book “Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns” by Philip Miller and Molly Devon agrees with Smoothcoco’s position that there are many more submissive men than Dommes. They also state because of that phenomenon not surprisingly some women take advantage of the situation. And they regard dominants that refer themselves as “true” doms as “assholes” and “dangerous assholes”.

DS4DUMMIES -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/14/2007 4:57:14 AM)
Sounds like you don't have enough goats and sheep where you are. Studies have shown that cows, steer, and pigs tend to be far less submissive. Something about imminent slaughter that messes with focus. Note that there are lot of dominants in Scotland - and look how many sheep there are. There is a correlation in there somewhere. Sheep are into things like being shaved by their dom - not always thinking that they might next be on your breakfast table which of course is a distraction. But then I think we all realize that. What do you think is keeping those dom type taliban folks sated up there in the Afghan mountains? They aren't doing cattle. It's goats. We shouldn't bomb the caves - we should round up the goats and starve them for sex. DS4 quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I know I have yet to find a plethora of subs/slaves roaming around my little slice of farm heaven............

DS4DUMMIES -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/14/2007 5:01:31 AM)
I think that we can all agree, that a mannequin dressed in leather and holding a whip, could be considered a "fake" FemDom. See how tenuous life is? Change one letter at the end of a word.... from Domin"a", to Domin"o", and what you deliver is wholly different. Life is good. DS4 quote: ORIGINAL: MaDomAura OK, I may be saying (alright "keyboarding") what many are thinking but just wont say. What does this thread define as a "fake" FemDom? Dare I say that I am a lifestyle Domina, and have 2 collared subs, and I also enjoy sessions as a ProDomme! Yes, I admit it and in fact I am proud! I do find that there's a need for Pro Dom/Dommes and ProSubs too. Nothing wrong, it's an arraignment just like any other negotiated scene. The service I offer is no less valid as a Top than when I am working as a sexual mentor offering lifestyle classes (which I am also compensated for). I am no more real, or fake for the choices I make, but feel free to have an opinion. Now as to the m/f D/s ratio. I have to agree that the on line, bar, and dungeon scene seems to be saturated with males and or subs. I gather the majority of subs are the hetero-males, but females probably don't approach me as often or as aggressively. I do find that I have become increasingly irritated with subs from all "corners" of the planet promising they'd relocate if I would just give word. Please! The first text on my profile states that I am looking for contacts in my area and I will NOT respond to long distance messages. When I gt a message from one of these "boys" I assume thy didn't read a word, just spewed a response based on my photo. It's cliche, but guys with hardons will say just about anything starts to come to mind. I also have a sense that there are more "fake" subs (based on agreed upon perception of D/s ratios here). To say that these subs want the CGI perfect FemDOM droid would be redundant, but I'll say it anyway! Which brings up an issue that fires me up. All these "rules" about what a real Dom/Domme would or wouldn't do. Who are the rule-makers, and why on earth does anyone subscribe to these stereotypes? If I am the top, and I want to have my sub spank me, who cares? I actually enjoy making a sub jump through this hoop, depending on the PE asking them to give me a smack or two is great fun, you can see it in their face! It's beautiful to have a sub who's so willing that they easily comply, wanting nothing more than to please me. I also enjoy watching a sub who becomes worried or confused navigate their own mental roadblocks. Either way, it's fascinating! Ah, I digress. In any search for human companionship there will be hope, disappointment, and if you are lucky a few interactions will be worthwhile and rewarding. It has nothing to do with WIITWD, or orientation. The common denominator is humanity. END THOUGHT/ MaDom Aura

sophia37 -> RE: To many Subs, not enough Doms (8/14/2007 7:51:49 AM)
I'd rather be a sub than a Dom any day. Sadly I have to be the Dom at home. A Dom with a Sub who thinks hes a Dom. Man! The world gets confusing. LOL .

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125