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Jealousy - 8/7/2007 6:07:06 AM

masterslb

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Please help me find a way to get over jealousy...i know there is no place for a sub to be jealous...but to overcome this i need to focus any advice?

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 6:14:50 AM

slaveish

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No place to be jealous? Who told you that? It is an emotion and our emotions are in place for a reason. Jealousy can be improperly placed or expressed, and jealousy can be destructive, but it can also let us know that we are not in the situation that is right for us. What else can you tell us - why are you jealous?

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 6:15:30 AM

Milivoje

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In my personal opinion jealousy is a sign of personal insecurity. From what I have experienced, jealousy can only be "cured" with your partner.

If you feel safe and secure in a relationship, there is no need for jealousy. If jealousy occurs, that can be a remnant of fears accumulated in past unstable relationships.

My advice is:

1) Talk with your partner about that.
2) Talk with your partner about that.
3) Talk with your partner about that.

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 7:21:31 AM

OsideGirl

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Both of the previous posters are correct.

It is unrealistic to tell someone what to feel or not feel.

Our emotions are our emotions and they shouldn't be invalidated. Having that happen eats away at our psyche and eventually destroys relationships.

Jealousy has a lot to do with feeling insecure about our situations. The reality is that within a relationship we need to feel "love" the way we need to feel "love", not the way our partners deem we should feel love. It takes interactive discovery to find what works and what doesn't. When we don't, we feel that we are not firmly set within the relationship.

Some Dominants feel that it is beneath them to make that kind of effort. They just feel that everything should just be the way they want it, without putting in the emotional work that it takes to get what they want.

One of my friends said one the best things ever to me: The hardest part of being a Dominant was figuring out what was beyond my control and learning how to deal with it.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 7:51:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 7:56:03 AM

earthycouple

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You can only feel what you feel. To do less is a disservice to you and those around you. How you handle it is another question all together. You need to sit down and talk about your feelings, why they are there and how to best handle those feelings together.

Good Luck

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 8:19:00 AM

Milivoje

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirlOne of my friends said one the best things ever to me: The hardest part of being a Dominant was figuring out what was beyond my control and learning how to deal with it.

Does loving ones slave make a Master weak? In my opinion NO.
My personal experience: The relationship with my slave started off in quite a strange manner, she did not know much about this lifestyle and had little or no practical experience. I thought it would have been better for her not to submit to me as I have a tendency of being quite inpatient. Our beginnings were not as most people think, straight into action. Our relationship developed from the very beginning. It was full of "eye openers" for her and for me. I found out that I could be patient, as she was a quick learner. She found out that "the less she was in control" the more pleasure she received.
In time we became closer emotionally, which in return reinforced our positions as Master and slave.

Is there jealousy? No. Why? We talk.
Simple.

Or not so simple...?

< Message edited by Milivoje -- 8/7/2007 8:20:32 AM >

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 12:00:08 PM

SirDominic

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Gonna go against the grain thus far. Your emotions are under your control. They are, after all, your emotions. Who else is gonna control them? And jealousy (along with guilt) are the two most useless emotions of all. They serve no positive function, they are just destructive.

To the OP, get yourself a book on how to deal with jealousy. If you need more than that, seek counseling. You can become jealous free, if you are willing to believe you can, and you are willing to work at it.

But only you can do it. No one here, including me, can tell you the path to getting over your jealousy.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 1:14:57 PM

BeruBetto

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I would assume it's either insecurity or lack of communication. I don't feel jealous with my domme because I know she won't leave me and she won't care about me any less. But the main reason is because we communicate about everything - nothing is kept to ourselves. And we take into account what the other says and alter what we do to make each other comfortable. You should be able to talk to your master or mistress about your jealousy problems and if (s)he cares (s)he'll really listen.

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 4:03:06 PM

subnstudent

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I'd say you're just insecure with your relationship. That's going to happen from time to time, so just talk to him and try to find out what's bothering you. Sometimes words can help, but when you only know what the symptom of a problem is and not the problem itself, you're not going to be able to solve it, IMO.

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 4:05:46 PM

KiandPhoenix

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I find that the first thing to do is not push it on your partner, but be sure to open up to them and let them know your feelings. Seconded you need to find out what is making you jealous. I am with the people who believe that there is nothing wrong with jealousy. It is an emotion like any other, and finding out why it happens is part of what you need to do to either repeat the emotional experience, or not.

I tend to find that an imbalance is usually the cause of this emotion. Someone is getting more attention, or a different type of attention, than you. Once you have found out the root of whatever is causing it then you can address it productively. Don’t play blame games, and don’t let it ruin a good thing. Just accept it for what it is, and use it as a tool to help you develop your relationship, and to get to know yourself better.

I will end with one of my examples. I have a friend now who I dated for three years in a vanilla relationship. We were open to other sexual partners, but over the three years it only happened a couple times for her, and never for me. I had no issues with her doing someone else in the same room as I was even while I played EQ. I had a huge issue with her having cyber sex. Make since? Probably not. She was willing to cyber with a dozen other people, but not me. She excluded me from that part of her life, and left me unbalanced in it, because she would share that part of herself with others but not me. Once I brought it up, she stopped doing it rather than try and cyber with me in the same house. It worked out well enough by her solution, but there could have been others. Point being I found the root, addressed it, and worked it out. Being willing to work out issues is why we are still friends today. Hell she still comes to my big family Christmas with over 100 people, all because we could ask “why”, and address it.
~Ki

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 4:09:12 PM

windchymes

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Another instance of "since I'm A Sub, I Can't Feel Human Emotion" ?

You feel what you feel. If you decide you don't want to feel jealousy, you need partners who don't put themselves and you in situations where you feel jealousy. In other words, partners who want you to trust them and who live a lifestyle conducive to being trusted. On the other hand, if you feel jealousy when he smiles at a waitress, you might need to kick up the maturity level a notch or two.

Please don't get into a situation of "I'm a Dom And Can Do Anything I Want And You Can't Feel Jealous Because You're a Sub". Unless you want to be in one.

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 4:31:00 PM

favesclava

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you're not alone. i struggle with this more times than i care to admit. i'm to talk about it with Master. i am the lowest slave with 2 others who have been with Him for many years. feelings cant be helped . its how you react to them that matter. does your master show he cares ? does he listen to your concerns? does he allow alone time for the 2 of you? or is there a legitimate reason for you to feel thus?
i have been a slave for 7 months. so i'm still in the baby stage. learning and assimilating . so when i get jealous i try to remember how He treats me , and my place in His life.
although i reacted badly last time . i did get a talking to. i did not act out in front of the other girl. that is not allowed.
i will struggle with this but i know i'm better off with Him than without Him so i will keep trying.
i guess what i would like to tell you is trust, talk , dont keep it inside and let it fester till the monster gets out of hand.
best of luck

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 4:55:46 PM

FrankAr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterslb

Please help me find a way to get over jealousy...i know there is no place for a sub to be jealous...but to overcome this i need to focus any advice?

Greetings lb,

Why is it any different for any sub or slave or Dom or Domme or Master or anyone to get jealous ? It is just a natural feeling in a relationship that is brought about by an incident. Did something happen to bring about this feeling?

Before I do step into a relationship with any female, there is no jealousy. The door is over there if there is. If she starts then I have no need for it, she has to accept my life and my judgement. If she feels insecure then that is her problem and she has to get over it quickly or the door will hit her arse on the way out, simple.

Be well.

Frank Ar.

< Message edited by FrankAr -- 8/7/2007 4:58:12 PM >

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RE: Jealousy - 8/7/2007 8:30:38 PM

NefertariReborn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterslb

Please help me find a way to get over jealousy...i know there is no place for a sub to be jealous...but to overcome this i need to focus any advice?

Greetings lb,

Why is it any different for any sub or slave or Dom or Domme or Master or anyone to get jealous ? It is just a natural feeling in a relationship that is brought about by an incident. Did something happen to bring about this feeling?

and then

If she feels insecure then that is her problem and she has to get over it quickly or the door will hit her arse on the way out, simple.

Be well.

Frank Ar.

That seems wonderfully contradictory...if it's a natural feeling why is the door an option?

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RE: Jealousy - 8/8/2007 3:26:36 AM

FrankAr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterslb

Please help me find a way to get over jealousy...i know there is no place for a sub to be jealous...but to overcome this i need to focus any advice?

Greetings lb,

Why is it any different for any sub or slave or Dom or Domme or Master or anyone to get jealous ? It is just a natural feeling in a relationship that is brought about by an incident. Did something happen to bring about this feeling?

and then

If she feels insecure then that is her problem and she has to get over it quickly or the door will hit her arse on the way out, simple.

Be well.

Frank Ar.

That seems wonderfully contradictory...if it's a natural feeling why is the door an option?

Greetings,

The door is not an option. An option in my eyes is when the person is given a choice. In my life the female has no choice, she does it my way or I will have her use the door, it is not an option.

Be well.

Frank Ar.

PS, it is nice how you snipped the quote to make it look like something else then what was said....

< Message edited by FrankAr -- 8/8/2007 3:28:15 AM >

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Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

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RE: Jealousy - 8/8/2007 5:20:21 AM

Babybass

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feelings - along with thoughts - are areas that not even your Master can control! They are your feelings - and it is up to you to deal with them. There is no harm in asking for advice on how others have dealt with similar feelings but what works for one person will not always work for another! And, even though some people view jealousy as a negative emotion i believe that all emotions are valid and deserve to be explored. Why are you jealous? Often jealousy is only the mask of another emotion - like insecurity. And if you are insecure, why are you insecure? And so on....
Ultimately no-one can tell you how to overcome your feelings - and who says you should not feel jealous! you are entitled to feel however you want! Just because you are a sub does not mean you are a lesser being!
It is true that jealousy is not an attractive emotion in anyone - but you feel like that for a reason and you need to figure out why!!!

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RE: Jealousy - 8/8/2007 6:51:10 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr
If she starts then I have no need for it, she has to accept my life and my judgement. If she feels insecure then that is her problem and she has to get over it quickly or the door will hit her arse on the way out, simple.

This is an example of what I was talking about. A Dominant unwilling to put the effort into the relationship to make it work.

You can make proclamations telling someone not to feel the way they do, but the reality is that they still will, they just won't tell you about it. It will eventually destroy the relationship. If you don't address the "why" and deal with it, it will just continue.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Jealousy - 8/8/2007 7:09:50 AM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

Greetings lb,

Why is it any different for any sub or slave or Dom or Domme or Master or anyone to get jealous ? It is just a natural feeling in a relationship that is brought about by an incident. Did something happen to bring about this feeling?

Before I do step into a relationship with any female, there is no jealousy. The door is over there if there is. If she starts then I have no need for it, she has to accept my life and my judgement. If she feels insecure then that is her problem and she has to get over it quickly or the door will hit her arse on the way out, simple.

Be well.

Frank Ar.

On the one hand you are saying it is natural, or in her nature, to feel jealous, then you say if a girl in your care felt that way you would kick her to the curb. This doesn't make sense to me? You are in essence saying you want your girl to go against her nature, to deny her feelings which are natural, for you. By doing this you are denying her the right to be human and expecting more of her than is reasonable. You say before you step into a relationship there is no jealousy, well thats all fine and dandy, but you cannot predict the future emotions someone will or will not feel. All you will accomplish is having a slave who hides a part of herself from you untill such a time as the emotions eat away at her to the point she cannot tolerate them and she leaves you.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 8/8/2007 7:11:38 AM >

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RE: Jealousy - 8/8/2007 7:49:44 AM

SimplyMichael

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There is a vast difference between being so insecure that even a partner who loves you and who gives you no reason to doubt them causes jealousy. We see this most commonly portrayed by the abusive controlling boyfriend/husband who always thinks his girlfriend is cheating. THAT sort of jealousy is internal and YOU need to work on that, no partner can fix that for you.

Then there is the sort of jealousy that most of us imperfect humans feel at times, that is something that while internal can be helped by a partner. This is where REAL communication comes into play. You need to trust your partner enough to be open about the things they do that most trigger that play. You need to own the fact that it IS YOUR ISSUE not their fault. Then you need to work together to find a way to work through it, perhaps they don't talk to tall blonds without holding your hand or something.

Then there is jealousy because you are sensing or seeing your partner do real acts that either your conscious or unconscious mind know are signs of cheating. Jealousy can be quite valid!

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