does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex?

does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (Full Version)

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biracalsub4wmDom -> does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 2:43:33 PM)
hello. i am curious about some of the dominants thoughts on this. does everything have to be about hardcore sex?? ok, i'm new. i've only been on CM for a few weeks now. but in that time i have chatted with several dominant men. and one thing that i am noticing is that EVERYTHING out of their mouths is about sadistic, hardcore sex. now, i realize that this is a BDSM website, and yes, that is considered a sex website. so many of you are probably sitting there thinking... "if this girl doesn't want to talk about sex, why the heck is she here?" i get that. lol. but i was under the impression that this whole lifestyle was about more than just weather or not your pu$$y is shaved; if it's ok for me to pee on you; or if you like to take it up the butt. am i wrong? now, i like sex JUST as much as the next person. but personally, i am looking to be intellectually, emotionally, & mentally dominated as well....not just sexually dominated. am i the only one?? are there any dominant men out there who are interested in more than just kinky sex talk & an easy fuck? or am i barking up the wrong tree. any advice for a newbie??

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 2:47:45 PM)
Online the social customs are very often eroded or ignored by many. The best part of the internet is its freedom for people to just come out and say or looka t or do whatever their minds take wthem- without skulking around in a big hat hoping the neighbors won't see you buying or bringing in kinky porn. Unfortunately, this tends to go too far for most people who don't realize that social customs are very important. Just ignore the ones who don't work for you and enjoy the rest.

sweetNsmartBBW -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 2:49:54 PM)
"but personally, i am looking to be intellectually, emotionally, & mentally dominated as well....not just sexually dominated. am i the only one??" No, you are not the only one. I feel the same way. Not a Dominant Male....but have run across many here like the one's You described. Very interested to see what sort of responses this gets.

Satyr6406 -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 2:52:18 PM)
Actually, I make no bones about the fact that I am looking for a relationship that is HEAVY D/s with some BDSM undertones. I am faaaaaaaaar from being a sadist and while I enjoy engaging in some BDSM activity, I don't see it as "foreplay" as so many other seem to. Peace and comfort, Michael

domiguy -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 2:52:50 PM)
Silly, silly newbie....I understand what you are saying....But most of the women out here are only looking to get a spanking and guzzle some pee. It would be refreshing to find someone who's interests lie elsewhere. Well gotta run....Need to down a shit load of asparagus....The '07 pee drinking competition has been brought down to the quarter finals....My gal is in second place...You definitely get bonus points from the judges if your pee is a bright yellow....Wish us luck!!! By the way KatyLied has been the pee guzzling champ on CM for the last three years.....Thirsty?

beargonewild -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 2:54:27 PM)
Greetings biracialsub, here like any where else one has to weed through the masses to find what is suitable for you. Just like in the regular world of dating, a person has to separate through the chafe to find what they want. In this lifestyle, it's no different. Yes there are Doms who are looking for sexual domination, there are Doms who are looking for non sexual domination and any combo in between as well as Doms looking for the whole 9 yards so to speak. My best advice is to keep looking and the Dom who is perfect for yourself will find you. At one time or another, we all went through this! Wish you the best in your journey.

SimplyMichael -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 2:58:39 PM)
Considering what you just listed is foreplay for some of us, you are still justified in seeking what you want. Trust me there ARE people who want that but they are harder to meet online, not impossible, just harder.

PONYSEEKER -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 2:59:06 PM)
I know for me I first check for sexual compatability then move on to other things. I find many of the woman that are subs dont like a lot of the same things I like yet still contact me. Some are not even into BDSM really.

Faramir -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 3:02:02 PM)
One piece of advice would be to understand that men and women generally, though not always, approach intimacy from opposite ends. Men, in my experience, reach emotional intimacy through physical intimacy. Also, for some sadists and doms, the physical activities that you are putting down as "just sexual" may in fact be symbolic of emotinal and intellectual intercourse. The action is in a sense the dynamic made flesh, made manifest. No doubt there are also plenty of men who are not looking for that sort of intimacy, and want the physical connection without the emotional connection, in a dehumanizing, using, Ech und Es way. Perhaps the art is in distinguishing.

earthycouple -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 3:05:45 PM)
Nope. Go ask what's his name on the general forums. He plagerized that it's about sensuality. I personally don't engage in sex with my slave til I'm ready and my husband is comfy with it. That doesn't happen with in the first, oh, year or so.

biracalsub4wmDom -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 3:08:59 PM)
thank you for all of the replies so far. i appreciate all of the encouragement. :) quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir One piece of advice would be to understand that men and women generally, though not always, approach intimacy from opposite ends. Men, in my experience, reach emotional intimacy through physical intimacy. Also, for some sadists and doms, the physical activities that you are putting down as "just sexual" may in fact be symbolic of emotinal and intellectual intercourse. The action is in a sense the dynamic made flesh, made manifest. No doubt there are also plenty of men who are not looking for that sort of intimacy, and want the physical connection without the emotional connection, in a dehumanizing, using, Ech und Es way. Perhaps the art is in distinguishing. Faramir... i guess it was wrong of me to "put down" the sexual activites i listed above. i hope i didn't offend anyone. i see your point. for me though, i like to talk about something a little bit more mild in the first conversation. that is simply a personal preference.

Faramir -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 3:23:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom Faramir... i guess it was wrong of me to "put down" the sexual activites i listed above. i hope i didn't offend anyone. i see your point. You're not offensive in having in a center--I have one, everyone has a place where they center, and they value in accordance with that center. Just please be aware of that centering, and aware of the privileging and de-privileging you do.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 3:33:16 PM)
Unfortunately, online contact lends to behaviors that most (not all) of us would never consider doing if we met someone in public. Not many people will ask you if your pussy is shaved 15 minutes after meeting you face to face(unless it's the nurse who is fixin' to shave you for your surgery [;)]), but they think nothing of doing just that online. Not that profiles get read that often, but try to be clear in your profile (I haven't read yours - sorry) about what is most important to you in your desired relationship. It won't stop some, but it may be just the wording that captures your future special someone's attention. [:)] Good luck!

AquaticSub -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 3:58:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom hello. i am curious about some of the dominants thoughts on this. does everything have to be about hardcore sex?? Not for everyone, but for some people it does. quote: ok, i'm new. i've only been on CM for a few weeks now. but in that time i have chatted with several dominant men. and one thing that i am noticing is that EVERYTHING out of their mouths is about sadistic, hardcore sex. You have been simply chatting with a HNG, aka a Horny Net Geek. Either way, you learn that you won't work with them. Take the lesson and move on to the next guy, who might just rock your world. quote: now, i realize that this is a BDSM website, and yes, that is considered a sex website. so many of you are probably sitting there thinking... "if this girl doesn't want to talk about sex, why the heck is she here?" i get that. lol. but i was under the impression that this whole lifestyle was about more than just weather or not your pu$$y is shaved; if it's ok for me to pee on you; or if you like to take it up the butt. am i wrong? Yes and no. The lifestyle is about more then sex. But a dominant wants a slave who he can pee on and you won't let him pee on you... it doesn't matter how great you are otherwise. You won't suit him. It's all matching the things you both want. quote: now, i like sex JUST as much as the next person. but personally, i am looking to be intellectually, emotionally, & mentally dominated as well....not just sexually dominated. am i the only one?? Not at all. But if Valyraen only challenged me intellectually, emotionally and mentally without the great sex... he wouldn't be my owner. He'd be a friend. Without that chemistry and sexual compatibility, he just wouldn't be a match for me. quote: are there any dominant men out there who are interested in more than just kinky sex talk & an easy fuck? or am i barking up the wrong tree. any advice for a newbie?? There definately, certainly are. Stick to your guns and don't settle but keep in mind that they may be simply trying to weed people out. If being able to pee on their slave is a big thing for them, why waste time getting to know someone as a potential slave if they won't let them do that? If you are offended or made uncomfortable by how quickly they talk about sex and sexual activities, tell them you would like to slow down and talk about that when you know them later. Eventually you will find someone who matches up with you, but those who don't aren't wrong. They just aren't a match for you.

SirEbonyPhoenix -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 6:49:46 PM)
I've asked myself the very same question because just as there are some "Dominants" who think that BDSM is all about how much pussy or ass they can get, so it is with some "submissives" who think it's all about how much cock they can get also. But those are the types to avoid as they are essentially clueless as to what this lifestyle is truly about, which is much more than the physical act of sex. If anything, it is about trust, honor and respect, which are just some of the elements of what BDSM really is.

arayofsunshine55 -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/8/2007 9:50:47 PM)
you might change up your methodology. I don't chat. At all. And I don't engage in hardcore sex conversation without also general conversation to get to know a guy, and that general conversation is rather deep about values, desires and passions. I'm not yet his cumrag. not everyone wants to engage with me that way. And that's really A OK wth me.

julietsierra -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/9/2007 8:24:30 AM)
You say hard core sex like it's a bad thing! (LOL) Dont answer their hardcore sexual questions, ask some that are more in line of how you like to be spoken to and either they will go away or talk about the things you're more comfortable with. If they don't talk about the things you want, of course, you have the option of walking away from that conversation as well. And like one great inventor said (Henry Ford? Thomas Edison? I don't recall which), upon being asked if he got frustrated over the thousands of failures," I haven't failed thousands of times, I've found thousands of ways this won't work." (obviously paraphrased, but the intent is the same) Every time you come across a "will you ________" kind of person who just is NOT the kind of person you're looking for, you aren't failing to find someone who's right for you, you're succeeding on crossing those people off your list of possibilities. lol...Next time someone does that, and wont' take any kind of hints to move to a less intrusive line of questions, just thank them for being so clear in their intent. Now you know one more person who won't work for you. juliet

mnottertail -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/9/2007 8:32:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom hello. i am curious about some of the dominants thoughts on this. does everything have to be about hardcore sex?? ok, i'm new. i've only been on CM for a few weeks now. but in that time i have chatted with several dominant men. and one thing that i am noticing is that EVERYTHING out of their mouths is about sadistic, hardcore sex. now, i realize that this is a BDSM website, and yes, that is considered a sex website. so many of you are probably sitting there thinking... "if this girl doesn't want to talk about sex, why the heck is she here?" i get that. lol. but i was under the impression that this whole lifestyle was about more than just weather or not your pu$$y is shaved; if it's ok for me to pee on you; or if you like to take it up the butt. am i wrong? now, i like sex JUST as much as the next person. but personally, i am looking to be intellectually, emotionally, & mentally dominated as well....not just sexually dominated. am i the only one?? are there any dominant men out there who are interested in more than just kinky sex talk & an easy fuck? or am i barking up the wrong tree. any advice for a newbie?? No, it doesn't have to always be about hard-core sex, but it does always have to be about me. Ron

biracalsub4wmDom -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/9/2007 8:35:29 AM)
julietsierra..... thank you so much for your reply. very encouraging & i like the way you look at the situation in a positve way. :) mnottertail.....you ALWAYS crack me up! haha!

Focus50 -> RE: does EVERYTHING have to be about hardcore sex? (8/10/2007 2:50:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom are there any dominant men out there who are interested in more than just kinky sex talk & an easy fuck? or am i barking up the wrong tree. any advice for a newbie?? Yes, I'd be one of those! Lol, hardcore or boring lights-out missionary, you can probably find sex most places you look. And when it's online, you're in the realm of sheep in wolf's clothing - where the most pathetic creatures get to be loud and foul alpha bad arses free of social graces and all done from the anonymous comfort of their own dimly lit basement apartment. As others have said, hardcore sex is not such a bad thing in itself but you can do that with any willing vanilla. My need is control and I need a fem/sub for that. Sex is still sex blah blah but it ain't what gets my blood pumping. And for obvious reasons, "online domination" doesn't do it for me, either. You're new and freely admit it - newbies tend to find the horny net geeks first; they offer the easy answers and are expert at jerking the naive around. And now you've reached the next level, info Forums rather than chat rooms. The jerks here are more sophisticated so you'll still need to keep your wits about you - but you're doing ok thus far.... :-) Focus.

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