MaDomAura
Posts: 93
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline
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As I am new to CM and exist as a Lifestyle and Pro Domina I have had what is essentially a one on one version of this discussion with several subs. Sometimes thier intent seems to be to manipulate me into "proving" I am a real Domina! Or this is just a common "3p" (Personal Pet Peeve) seen represented in this thread. Below is an email exchange that occured today!
Warning LONG POST!
My comments are in BOLD and this will read as an inline email reply;
With 3 careers, 2 collars out, and my BDSM classes (I teach and will have seminar at Folsom this year) I do ask favour. I do this to support my fetish needs. (I just bought this amazing floor length under bust, leather corset skirt!) as it costs for me to be well fashioned. I am not "pro" just for the earnings, but some compensation for my expenses is reasonable. I don't see why I should pay for all the costs without assistance. In a more conventional relationship a "couple" would share costs, bills, or at least I would be gifted especially lingerie, and B/D goods.
I don't have a better alternative, what would you suggest? I fear that money is obfuscating the scene, which is strange as everything else is negotiated. There should not be a stigma, but that's my opinion. I assume some Pro (and non pro) dommes are just acting. I assure you I am real. I am respected in the WIITWD community, an invited "featured" guest at events, and a valued mentor.
I end up feeling that I justify the tribute/donation. If I didn't ask for resources I would receive none. SO, if you still think that it's empty, or hollow then we both suffer as a result of assumption, or RL negative experience. Too bad.
sub
When money is exchanged, it changes the dynamic. If
not for you then at least for me. I keep hoping,
perhaps unrealistically, that I will someday find a
partner with a strong dominant energy that resonates
with some if not all the elements that I feel I need
in a relationship that mixes true Ds with bdsm play.
Of course, what you say about a couple sharing
expenses is certainly true. Its also true that few
first dates that lead to a commited relationship start
with the exchange of cash. I pretty much always pay
for dinner, drinks, the movie, etc. But I do not lay
down on evelope filled with cash.
Domina
Money is just one commodity, If you place a stigma on exchanging commodities realize that you selected that perception and you have a choice. Many subs enjoy paying for assorted reasons, for others it's neither positive or negative. Cash flow varies, as does the emotional vesting every individual experiences. I don't judge, you know your self and finances and I trust you will act accordingly. Synopses, it's your issue not mine!
sub
I do not judge pro dommes and in fact have been to
pros on a number of occasions. Probably if I had
infinite resources I would go more often and for
longer. I have a list of pros in the area, and now and
then I do go for a session. So I can definitely say
that the exchange of money changes things at least
from my vantage point.
Domina
I am acquainted with a few Pro Dungeons, and some individuals that have or currently offer sessions. I avail myself of Dungeon space from time to time. As you said, you chose to perceive that the "cash" taints the experience. It's your thinking, and as Apple says.."Think Different ®" or not, it's that simple.
I am also compensated for the educational seminars or classes I offer, does paying diminish the value? Not at all, in fact there's an econmic princeple called "implied value". So, what's the difference? I fulfill in both cases and am valued. Some people go to a library, others just buy a book. In both cases that book was purchased, direclty or indereclty. One is not better than the other, they are just different with unique advantages and disadvantages.
sub
If you are doing your pro sessions to add to your
income stream, then i fully understand that. However,
if you have needs that are not being met with your
collared subs, then I suggest that finding someone who
can help you meet those needs should be motivation
enough.
Domina
Well, honestly I am emotionally involved with these men, and while it's divulging personal information, they are not able to contribute as much as we'd like to my expenses relating to lifestyle. I would not choose a relationship based on how much money is available. For someone who has a stigma about donations to a Domme I find it odd you expect me to be motivated to pick affluent lovers/subs! In other respects they meet or exceed my needs. As a Dom I choose to seek other scenes to compliment my needs and grow as a top.
sub
I am curious about something. With your collared subs,
why should it matter to you if they do not enjoy GS
and FE? Should they not simply submit to it because
they are collared? Is it important to you that your
sub is enjoying or relishing the activity? If it is,
then I can say that i do truly relish those
activities. There are others aspects of Ds that I do
not relish. For example, i do not enjoy corporal
impact. That is to say, it is not a turn on. However,
in a Ds context, i do feel its important to be
punsihed or merely submit to impact to satisfy sadism
in my Domme. Just know I won't "enjoy" it.
Domina
IMHO a good Domme discusses and respects established limits. I realize the stereotypical attitude of "do anything tops" I choose to dismiss that archetype. If these my subs don't find any element of GS (et al) of interest, fine I have a plethora of talents/interests that will more than suffice. I am not impressed by the masochistic "Heartless Bitches" who run a script with no regard to a healthy dynamic. So, yes I do prefer my subs enjoy the exchange on *some* level.
Also, I find it stimulating to wait and avail myself to a scene that fulfills my desires, such as GS. I am sure you have heard that variety is the spice of life. I pursue experiences with other submissives for my own enjoyment, period.
Again this smacks of justifcation, which I do only in the name of ensuring my point of view is known. At this time I know I am not looking to "hard sell" myself. The value of the time, and thought to communicate can and will speak to my integrity, my photo's to my desirability, and my predilections are clearly stated. Either you want to submit knowing my wants and needs, or you don't.
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