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RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 7:38:21 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: michelleryder

Your right it shouldn't if it's an issue to you. For me it's not.

You missed the entire point. You said if you're secure in the relationship, it doesn't matter if it's in your profile. My point was that your definition goes both ways. It can mean that the Doms/Masters are insecure if "Owned" or "collared" is listed in the submissive's/slave's profile.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to michelleryder)

Post #: 21

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 7:40:00 AM

taintedlove75

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

I went through something similar when I was new. My Master at the time was very far away and much of our "life" was lived online through profiles, email, and chat rooms so typed "symbols" of ownership were very important to me at the time. Even the chat room bracket "collars" (shakes head and chuckles at silly childish self) My Master however never put anything about me on his profile and did not use the bracket collar in chat because, as he explained and what should have made sense, Masters don't wear collars to show ownership. I of course felt slighted and that he was only doing such to make it easier for him to "cheat". Silly of me because I knew he was poly yet I was trying to force my own jealous claim of "ownership" on him. He, being poly explained that having another womans name all over his profile made him far less approachable. It eventually made sense to me because none of that changed our relationship. It didn't mean that he loved, wanted, or owned me any less. This was many years ago and now I don't need all the trappings and pomp and circumstance. All I need is to trust in the relationship and in Master.

All that matters is your relationship to your Master and trusting how they feel about you. If the symbology of the relationship is so important, that is something you should have discussed. The "levels" of collars mean different things to different people. To me, being trained is being owned. If a Dom was training you and asked you to wear his training collar, would you take it off and let another Dom put his training collar on you? Not in my world. To me a training collar is the first babystep of full ownership, when you are not fully taken but the collar says, back off, we are in consideration and there is expressed interest. It makes sense to me for that to be stated on the profile.

I have a statement of ownership on my profile and say what you will, the number of emails I get from interested parties has reduced by about 90%. The emails I still get are from morons who did not even read the profile and therefore easier to ignore and seperate those interested in friendship.

< Message edited by taintedlove75 -- 8/10/2007 7:45:02 AM >

(in reply to abusablepaintoy)

Post #: 22

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 7:42:37 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

ok - i should clarify - we have discussed being exclusive... and yes, i acknowledge i should have put more thought into this and made sure to have these discussions with Him before. So, hopefully, i haven't done too much damage to either myself, Him or the relationship.

I compare it to test driving a car, yes you are driving it but you have not decided to buy it. It just like training for a job, either the employee or employer can terminate for any time in the training period.

This is something that was brought up as well... it's a period of decision-making... to see if this is going to work for U/us. i guess it's my insecurity that made me even question Him about claiming ownership. Do i really need that from Him if i'm wearing His collar for others to see? i know this is a question that only i can answer - but i do sincerely appreciate E/everyone's input. i tend to make my best choices in life when i can see the situation from many different points of view.

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(in reply to SayaNereida)

Post #: 23

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 7:45:42 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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It makes it a little more difficult for me to go out and obtain the quality of pussy that I enjoy when these pesky subs always want me to mention them in my profile. Sheeeesh!.....They are so demanding...Topping from the bottom all of the time....What about my needs?...What about my happiness?...It seems there are too many women that don't appreciate the idea of cleaning off the residue of subsusie when starting in on a nice throat fucking session...Some people!

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(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 24

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 7:47:52 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It's not insecurity- it's good sense. Your brain is going "Wait, this was training, and now he's talking ownership and profiles- this is a big illogical leap. Warning."

See you're trying to do this backwards- you don't collar and THEN try and live up to the collar, specially when someone decides this collar means something completely other than what everyone THOUGHT it meant.

You make sure you are both on the same page and THEN move forward in the relationship.

Don't make the mistake of giving up fulfillment for the sake of "being a good sub" or "having a cool collar."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 25

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 7:49:44 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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This is a contradiction. You can't kind of own something. You either do or don't. If it's exclusive ownership, it's fully taken.

quote:

ORIGINAL: taintedlove75
. To me, being trained is being owned.

If

quote:

To me a training collar is the first babystep of full ownership, when you are not fully taken but the collar says, back off, we are in consideration and there is expressed interest.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to taintedlove75)

Post #: 26

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 7:54:12 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's not insecurity- it's good sense. Your brain is going "Wait, this was training, and now he's talking ownership and profiles- this is a big illogical leap. Warning."

See you're trying to do this backwards- you don't collar and THEN try and live up to the collar, specially when someone decides this collar means something completely other than what everyone THOUGHT it meant.

You make sure you are both on the same page and THEN move forward in the relationship.

Don't make the mistake of giving up fulfillment for the sake of "being a good sub" or "having a cool collar."

Unfortunately, backwards is all i have at this point... another learning time in my life i suppose. i'm hoping backwards is better than nothing at all...

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 27

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 7:54:49 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

My first thought is that someone who won't at least state they Own 'someone', even if they don't explicitly state who.... its likely because that way they can keep on looking without that being an issue.

Personaly. Whilst the girl has no 'right' to expect this, when discussions reach the stage where things are focusing down what needs to be sorted in the run up to submission and the start of a relationship proper..... When I tell her to make the change on her profile, Mine gets changed..... so Mine is often effectivly changed first.

Once submission happens then with a girl of Mine... if they are on the site, they are named on My profile, if they are TPE rather than just sub then I have full access to their profile and that fact is also noted on their journal as well as Me being identified as her Owner at the top of her profile.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 28

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 7:58:23 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

My first thought is that someone who won't at least state they Own 'someone', even if they don't explicitly state who.... its likely because that way they can keep on looking without that being an issue.

Personaly. Whilst the girl has no 'right' to expect this, when discussions reach the stage where things are focusing down what needs to be sorted in the run up to submission and the start of a relationship proper..... When I tell her to make the change on her profile, Mine gets changed..... so Mine is often effectivly changed first.

Once submission happens then with a girl of Mine... if they are on the site, they are named on My profile, if they are TPE rather than just sub then I have full access to their profile and that fact is also noted on their journal as well as Me being identified as her Owner at the top of her profile.

Ok... so, if He's still looking for others, i have the right to know that, correct? So i can decide if i'm willing to be in that situation... it all makes better sense from someone else's view. i look at the responses and smack myself upside the head for going about this with one eye closed.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 29

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:01:22 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty
Unfortunately, backwards is all i have at this point... another learning time in my life i suppose. i'm hoping backwards is better than nothing at all...

No, you also have the option of "Wait, we need to slow down, let's start at the beginning"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 30

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:02:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty
Ok... so, if He's still looking for others, i have the right to know that, correct?

Is that what you agreed?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 31

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:05:03 AM

taintedlove75

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

This is a contradiction. You can't kind of own something. You either do or don't. If it's exclusive ownership, it's fully taken.

quote:

ORIGINAL: taintedlove75
. To me, being trained is being owned.
If

quote:

To me a training collar is the first babystep of full ownership, when you are not fully taken but the collar says, back off, we are in consideration and there is expressed interest.

To me, when it comes to a person, you can kind of own them. A piece of property like a car has no say or choice in the matter. A car doesn't pick and choose who or what will own them and what the circumstances of that will be. I'm just saying a human being is a bit more complicated than that. Its not all "take it or leave it" or black and white to everyone. There are many levels to go through for some, many shades of grey. Its like what someone else mentioned about going steady. Not full blown ownership (marriage) but the interest has been expressed and, in my world, it is considered very bad form to accept a training collar and not act as if this person might fully own you. Its a trial period, but it is a part of ownership. I'm not saying its that way for everyone but thats how it is for me.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 32

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:06:46 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty
Ok... so, if He's still looking for others, i have the right to know that, correct?

Is that what you agreed?

No. Actually, He has expressed the desire to bring another female sub in to "play" with. i asked if this was something that He needed on a regular basis and was told no.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 33

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:07:14 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty

Ok... so, if He's still looking for others, i have the right to know that, correct? So i can decide if i'm willing to be in that situation... it all makes better sense from someone else's view. i look at the responses and smack myself upside the head for going about this with one eye closed.

If that is what you want and you both agreed it then yes. If you both want different things, or he is asking you to submit to something that doesnt fit right with you, then I would suggest that you aren't compatable. Take all the warning signs you are feeling and work on them.

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 34

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:08:35 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Greetings apiercedkitty,

you have entered into a dynamic, in my opinion, in which you have to rethink the word "fair". If you use it to mean equality, you will be disapointed. A Dominant can do as they choose and you can choose to obey or leave~

edited to add: your last journal entry is pretty HOT!!

i understand i have to throw out "fair" as i've come to define it. And thanks - it took me a couple of days to put that one together... lol

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(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 35

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:08:48 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty
Ok... so, if He's still looking for others, i have the right to know that, correct?

Is that what you agreed?

No. Actually, He has expressed the desire to bring another female sub in to "play" with. i asked if this was something that He needed on a regular basis and was told no.

Did he do this before or after the collar?

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 36

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:11:31 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty
Unfortunately, backwards is all i have at this point... another learning time in my life i suppose. i'm hoping backwards is better than nothing at all...

No, you also have the option of "Wait, we need to slow down, let's start at the beginning"

Yeah... there's always more than once choice, isn't there? And again, thank You very much for all the effort to advise me.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 37

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:11:51 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty
No. Actually, He has expressed the desire to bring another female sub in to "play" with. i asked if this was something that He needed on a regular basis and was told no.

That's not the same as being told you can expect that he will always inform you if he is looking for others or playing with others.

You can expect whatever it is that you have been told/shown to expect. Anything else is an unknown.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 38

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:13:24 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

No. Actually, He has expressed the desire to bring another female sub in to "play" with. i asked if this was something that He needed on a regular basis and was told no.

[/quote]
[/quote]

Did he do this before or after the collar?

Peace
the.dark.
[/quote]

Before. And, in all fairness to Him, i expressed that it interested me. But, i also let Him know about my insecurities (too many to list here probably) and that i would be willing to try it - eventually.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 39

RE: show of ownership - 8/10/2007 8:16:02 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty

Ok... so, if He's still looking for others, i have the right to know that, correct? So i can decide if i'm willing to be in that situation... it all makes better sense from someone else's view.

Correct

quote:

i look at the responses and smack myself upside the head for going about this with one eye closed.

i think alot of us have done this

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 40

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