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Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 1:18:33 PM   
Vampyrefledgling


Posts: 91
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline 		I was curious as to whether or not it is common for a Dom/me to have spent time as a submissive. Why? Does it aid in making him or her a better Dominant?

~Fledgling
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 1:25:11 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's common enough.  Some traditions still hold that the "proper way" is for a dom to submit before graduating to dominance.  Some simply are curious.  Some are switches.  Some just enjoy the experience of the kink in that way.  Some do it to reassure the submissive. 

Some say it makes them better, some say it doesn't.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Vampyrefledgling)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 1:25:54 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		And some say it can just be really hot.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 1:26:51 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		In my experience, it's not common.  And if you get a reasonable reply as to how it can make one a better Top/Dominant, I'd be interested to know myself.
 
John
 
P.S. - There is some historical precedent to serving as a bottom/slave during the "Old Guard" S/M period. 

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Vampyrefledgling)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 1:35:04 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It made me better because it forced me to deal with all the crap I was giving out to my owner because they were now doing it to ME. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Rover)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 1:41:10 PM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I can see how a dominant person can spend time as a bottom.  I cannot understand how a dominant person can spend time as a submissive.  Unless of course, we are avoiding labels and merging submissive/bottom and dominant/top.

Edited to add: this was a general reply

< Message edited by tricia -- 8/10/2007 1:42:00 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 2:17:54 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Woohoo! Recurring BDSM thread #67!

Let the devalueing of other people's lifestyle choices, orientations and experiences begin!

Now seriously...

I spent some time as a bottom this last weekend.

It was an interesting experience for me. It wasnt erotic, didnt turn me on, get me hot or make me hot. I didnt feal "submissive". In all honesty, it was on par with getting a massage. Purely non sexual sensations with a nice endorphin cocktail at the end.

It did two things for me.

One, I was kind of obtuse and murky regarding power exchange and its place in S/M and bondage. Just didnt really get it. Now I do. I am actually looking forward to topping even more now that I know what it feals like to be on the bottom.

Two, I got first hand experience with what exactly my own toys feal like. Sure, everyone "feels" pain and pleasure in a different way, but I am sure a paddle still feals more or less like a paddle for everyone and not like a flogger for some and a knife for others. The point is I feal more comfortable and confident using my own instruments because I dont feal like I am as blind as I was before.

In the end, the real value from the experience was self exploration. More sense of security in my own orientation and more sense of self because of how little I got out of being on the other side. Another experience where I learned a little more about "me".

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Vampyrefledgling)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 2:20:03 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It made me better because it forced me to deal with all the crap I was giving out to my owner because they were now doing it to ME. 


I have no issue with recognizing individual benefits that may arise, so long as it's not portrayed as beneficial to all Dominants/Tops (as the is often the case, or in this case, as the question is framed).
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 2:23:26 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It made me better because it forced me to deal with all the crap I was giving out to my owner because they were now doing it to ME. 


I have no issue with recognizing individual benefits that may arise, so long as it's not portrayed as beneficial to all Dominants/Tops (as the is often the case, or in this case, as the question is framed).
 
John


I agree. What I listed above was what I took away from the experience. I cant speak for anyone else and cant make the claim that everyone will take those things away.



_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Rover)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 2:26:25 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I agree John.  Some people feel everyone must go through XY and Z. That simply is not so.  We are all different, we all learn in different ways.  We all find what works for us and go with it.  I've been owned, I've bottomed, and of course I've been a top play parner and I've owned slaves.  Thinking back I don't see how any one of those things made me any better than any other thing in life.  Of course they all input into who I am today, but if I had not been owned would I still be able to own? Yes.

For others it is not that way.  Others feel they must walk in the shoes of before they get it.  That's ok too.  There are so many factors in life that helps determine who we are at home, at work, on forums, and in personal interactions of all kinds.  To say that any one thing at any given time was imperative to being who everyone is today is just silly. 

Humans are diverse and we all grow, learn and evolve in different ways and for different reasons.  I'll take mine.  You take yours.

< Message edited by earthycouple -- 8/10/2007 2:27:51 PM >

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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 2:31:42 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

In my experience, it's not common.  And if you get a reasonable reply as to how it can make one a better Top/Dominant, I'd be interested to know myself.
 
John
 
P.S. - There is some historical precedent to serving as a bottom/slave during the "Old Guard" S/M period. 


Uh, because doing things that you're not necessarily comfortable with and that don't come easily for you is like eating your greens. Because it's a centering force for me, because it makes me play out different reactions to scenarios I will subsequently have other people undergo - I've found a whole host of reasons it's made me frankly, fairly kick ass in the estimation of those  I've played with. They're biased, of course,  and it's not necessarily going to make everyone else better, but I definitely will beg to differ whenever it's intimated that this is an empty excercise. For me, it wasn't at all.


(in reply to Rover)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 2:33:51 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I am not going to make sweeping OTW pronouncements that this is for everyone and the best way etc.

But I think that universally, more people could use a er...loosening up, than realize it. And now that I think about it, more people than probably will admit do know how to roll over and get serviced in the bedroom without controlling actively and know how to drift off to happy places. It's not all paddling and whipping.



< Message edited by Grlwithboy -- 8/10/2007 2:40:37 PM >

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 4:36:09 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Some do some don't.... as for making them better.... total nonsense and typical switch claptrap.

It is based on the false notion that everyone is a little switch... Many are not.

I will NEVER experience what a sub does because they submit and I can not. Diffrent mindset = diffrerent experience even down to different physiological responce. So no benifit in understanding the sub experience AT ALL


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Vampyrefledgling)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 4:43:22 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Some do some don't.... as for making them better.... total nonsense and typical switch claptrap.

It is based on the false notion that everyone is a little switch... Many are not.

I will NEVER experience what a sub does because they submit and I can not. Diffrent mindset = diffrerent experience even down to different physiological responce. So no benifit in understanding the sub experience AT ALL




Typical Dom claptrap.  Dismissing the idea that an experience you yourself have never had might possibly be valuable to anyone else. So nice to have it all straightened out for the unenlightened. How about  descending from those heights to something like "I don't think I'd get anything out of it and don't want to do it?"


< Message edited by Grlwithboy -- 8/10/2007 4:44:32 PM >

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 5:35:30 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy

Typical Dom claptrap.  Dismissing the idea that an experience you yourself have never had might possibly be valuable to anyone else. So nice to have it all straightened out for the unenlightened. How about  descending from those heights to something like "I don't think I'd get anything out of it and don't want to do it?"



Try stepping down off that ever so high horse. The notion that such switch tosh would make EVERYONE better is what was being responded to. Learn to read, it starts with "Some do some don't" and then continues from a personal perspective of one that doesn't!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 5:52:18 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Some do some don't.... as for making them better.... total nonsense and typical switch claptrap.
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy

Typical Dom claptrap.  Dismissing the idea that an experience you yourself have never had might possibly be valuable to anyone else. So nice to have it all straightened out for the unenlightened. How about  descending from those heights to something like "I don't think I'd get anything out of it and don't want to do it?"



Try stepping down off that ever so high horse. The notion that such switch tosh would make EVERYONE better is what was being responded to. Learn to read, it starts with "Some do some don't" and then continues from a personal perspective of one that doesn't!



Learn to write. What I read was :

<quote>
Some do some don't.... as for making them (ie: the SOME who do as you didn't specify, rather than "one or everyone") better.... total nonsense and typical switch claptrap. </quote>


Additionally "switch claptrap" and "switch tosh" comes across as classless and dismissive. Which seems to be your point rather than just stating your preference.


(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 5:56:33 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I really don't care what you think it comes across as girlie... did that come over as patronising? ... good. See I can communicate quite clearly.

You have a problem with comprehention that is your problem. It is quite clear. I am not responcible for your sensibilitys. You want Politicaly Correct, try somewhere a little less adult.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Grlwithboy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 6:02:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Actually I thought it was inappropriate and irrelevant to use the term "switch claptrap" in that context as well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 6:23:32 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Now that THAT is over.......

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vampyrefledgling

I was curious as to whether or not it is common for a Dom/me to have spent time as a submissive. Why? Does it aid in making him or her a better Dominant?

~Fledgling


Like some have said, some do and some don't.  It all depends on how you come in.
 
Personally, I've never been a submissive.  I have, however, bottomed on rare occassions.  The very difference being that I'm not a submissive, and was in the position of being in the receiving end (that's not an anal joke) of certain activities.
 
Why did I do it?  Part of it was to learn some things, and some of it was to teach some things.  Like MR said above, it's a really good way to have an idea of what your toys really feel like, other than trying to just test them on yourself.  You get the idea of what it's like on the other side about some things.  A little trip to space usually isn't such a bad thing either.  

(in reply to Vampyrefledgling)
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RE: Spending time on the bottom - 8/10/2007 6:33:39 PM   
theq


Posts: 85
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

because it forced me to deal with all the crap I was giving out to my owner because they were now doing it to ME.


Aye! Here, here. Me too! I too have spent time on the bottom, to a girl who was once my submissive. It was around a 9-12 month period total. I am thankful for the experience as:


  • She helped burn most (at least some) of the arrogance (a trait common in the Dominant realm...and despite what some may think, not really that attractive) out of me.
  • It gave me a perspective of the bottom...a better appreciation of what a submissive may be feeling in certain situations.
  • Gave me an appreciation for just how hard it is to surrender one's will to another...and how it is no small thing to ask for or give.
  • Taught me some things of how NOT to treat a submissive <grins>.


It also taught me how rotten of a submissive I would be and how much it REALLY isn't my thing.

Overall, looking at the Dominant I was before and the Dominant I am now I think there is a clear difference, for the better. I had a fear of the bottom...I think many Dominants might. It helped me over-come that fear. Having said that, it's still not my thing.

Good question, Fledgling...

Q

< Message edited by theq -- 8/10/2007 6:36:44 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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