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RE: completely confused about my place - 8/11/2007 4:53:42 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		I think I'll stick with this story as it unfolds. JillianElaine where are you? Theres been enough said already, that I need not add to the pot at this point in time.But I would like to hear some more from JE. 

(in reply to servantheart)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/11/2007 6:03:57 PM   
OnlyHis


Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline 		But remember we are getting only one side here. Right?????

(in reply to servantheart)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/11/2007 6:34:02 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JillianElaine
i found him incredibly attractive, honorable and true. 


quote:

His mind is quite sociopathic.  He has no emotional feelings.  For him sex is tied up in power over the woman.  In how much they want him and how he can deny them once they have had him.  He goes through 2 perhaps 3 women each week in this manner.  Breaking hearts left and right.


How can you find someone that behaves in that manner "honorable and true"? That's far from honorable. Quite frankly, it's despicable. And he's certainly not telling those other women the truth. He embraces dishonesty, and I'm willing to bet it's not only with them that he does it.

From a psychological point of view: You're the one he strings along to keep from being alone. If sex is a power trip for him it's always a power trip for him. That means including you. That's why he makes you wait: because he can and he knows that you'll still be there...breathless and forgiving. It's a power trip. It's knowing that regardless of anyone else, he can always call you and you'll adore him.  You're being used.

I'm willing to bet that nothing in your relationship will get better. If anything it will get worse. After all, people always try to be at their best in the beginning. Eventually you'll have to make the decision if you want your life to be the constant rollercoaster, or whether you want to save your sanity.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/11/2007 6:35:49 PM >

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JillianElaine)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/11/2007 8:49:32 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		(fast reply) I couldn't begin to give advice here.  However, i do hope for the OP's sake that her partner is practicing safe sex with all these other women.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/11/2007 9:13:32 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

Do you not get it people? She is an experienced submissive, he is an (uninterested) in the lifestyle Dom.

She is safe with this hurtful nilla guy., who breaks her heart every 6 weeks-ish.  She can still visit him or not pick up her phone for the booty call. 




hey, I usually think you are freaking hilarious, but you are out of line here, hon. the OP is very distressed over her situation and I am pretty level headed, but I think she needs to run away from this dude. He keeps hurting her and she is letting him; there is alot of that going on in the forums tonight (full moon?)

everyone is trying to help her, so please don't diminish the situation with sarcasm. perhaps she needs tough love advice, but you are being a bit over the top in the dismissive/snarky tone, that usually, I find funny, but not here.

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/11/2007 9:19:03 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Ditto to what servantheart stated. I just read that book "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, Ph.D., and it described a person much like the OP describes. I think he could be a sociopath as well. Maybe he's not - we haven't got the full details, and weren't there when they interacted, etc. But, in any case, she isn't happy, SO - I'd run, if I were the OP. 

footnote: Sociopaths rarely change their character.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/11/2007 9:25:05 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to servantheart)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/11/2007 10:10:14 PM   
desiresluv


Posts: 41
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline 		Doesn't it all come down to what you want/need out of this relationship? I personally do NOT share...therefore a Dom that was "breaking hearts two or three times a week" would only make me wonder when my turn would come around.  Move on..unless you like the drama...good luck no matter what you do..

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/11/2007 11:29:36 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		SusanofO,

He could be, but we lack the information. I've dealt with sociopaths in the past, even used to work for one (no, that's not an exaggeration, but a literal fact; if he's ever brought into a mental hospital for some other reason, he will not be coming back out unmedicated, if at all), so I quite understand people's worries. But the fact is that he could also be perfectly healthy in that regard, just living by different values from what most find acceptable.

Thus, advising her to run away seems premature.

Advising her to seek qualified advice seems to be the best option.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/11/2007 11:49:39 PM   
Totalmaster4you


Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		jillian,
If he allows you power tools (vibrators) and such that might help during the interim. The way you described this dominant I would say that it is not a healthy long term relationship. As he tells these other girls what they want to hear in order for him to get what he wants he is telling you what you want to hear to keep you where he wants you. Get out now. Even a slave deserves honesty and protection from her Master. If he's having sex with all these other women, the risks of him passing a std are growing greater every time. This is not a question what if's or that's this man has a personality disorder and if I were to guess he actually hates women. Leave now!!
TM4Y

_____________________________

Sometime ago I decided it was time to change my nic. However I didn't wish to disconnect from my original profile. Since then I've signed Touch your mind (TYM or Tym). Opinions in my posts should be taken as my opinion and my opinion only.

(in reply to JillianElaine)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 1:33:25 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Aswad: I agree, we don't have the full story.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 3:01:53 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		It sounds like he is being quite blatant in his contact with other women.  Is this something you and he had talked about? Does he wear condoms? I am a little confused as you mention that he has no emotional feeling and a little later you write that he says that his love is with you. If he wasn't so attractive would you stay with him?

_____________________________

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(in reply to JillianElaine)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 3:46:52 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		My advice...life is too short.  Find someone who gives you those butterflies and treats you respectfully.  You can have both in a single person. 

(in reply to JillianElaine)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 7:21:12 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Aileen,
You have given the best advice yet! i have never understood the mindset that the submissive side of the kneel is meant "to suffer".
i hope the OP looks at this experience from the aspect of a "lesson learned about herself" and moves on to a more fulfilling relationship. Unfortunately many people don't leave one-sided relationships due to their fear of being alone, the mindset of "something is better than nothing" kind of thing~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 4:38:17 PM   
leatherette


Posts: 255
Status: offline 		Oh oh.

How do we know the OP is not the real sociopath?

( I watch too much film noir)

(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 4:47:26 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I dislike all the run advice- just because run isn't a mature wise judgement, it's just a snap reaction one makes in cases of extreme and immediate danger-without forethought of dealing with the after effects.

My advice is very simple- accept the situation as it is and thereby tell him that you're happy and ok with it.

Or decide you are not happy and ok with it and leave.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to servantheart)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 5:12:21 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		LA, the OP had some issues of her own that seems to make that advice less certain, hence it would probably be a good thing for her to talk to someone about it. Someone who can form a bit more of a professional opinion on the guy, and help her with her own confidence issues if she should want that, along with giving some reasonable advice in person.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 9:13:40 PM   
JillianElaine


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/29/2007
Status: offline 		Hm.. when  I posted this.. my hope was for some insight to how i can better control my thoughts and feelings.  Controlling His actions is not an option.

i had thought that i would fine help and assistance from people who could understand things from my side of the knee.  maybe you understand too well, and perhaps i don't understand at all.

my desire is to find a way to make my mind work and stop the anguish i put myself through.  my desire is not to leave him or our home or our life.  He is my Dominant. i did not choose Him to be so unaware of who He is nor of how O/our life would be.  i simply did not realize the torment i would face as my hormones rise and fall.  i do not feel that He is at fault here.  His actions and patterns are constant/have been constant... and as i said... he keeps me safe and protected.

my thoughts automatically go to me being ugly or disgusting or not attractive enough/young enough/thin enough... instead of just thinking that this is not about me... it is about who He is and what He needs...and has very little to do with me.

but it doesn't stop my desire... and lately... i don't know... i have begun considering sating myself outside of Him... and that would be destructive.  therefore... not really an option.  have not and most likley will not take this option, as it would damage my ability to respect myself as an honorable submissive.

As a first time poster, i have to say the response was somewhat soul crushing... adding that first email i received after posting it was a terse slap from a moderator telling me not to post the same thing in two different forums. apologies all around.

And for those of you whose automatic response will be "she is defending him because she is...". Of Course i move to defend Him... He is MY Dominant and He has my devotion.  Forgive my forwardness, but i am feeling a bit beaten up at the moment by everyone.



(in reply to JillianElaine)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 9:19:10 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		Why do you feel beaten up?  What were you hoping to hear?

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to JillianElaine)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 9:47:22 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		I am sure no one was intending to "beat you up".  Quite the contrary, most of the comments emphatically assert your worth and value as a person.

I hope you consider all that has been said, and do what is healthiest and best for you.


(in reply to JillianElaine)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: completely confused about my place - 8/12/2007 9:54:24 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		I would suggest you do not find a way to survive the time between the attentions you need but rather  find one who will give you what you need.  You perhaps jumped into this situation as a result of something else but from what you have written it is not giving you what you need.

I also want to suggest you are not in a safe situation if he is playing with others do you know for sure he is practicing safe sex?  Or is he bringing unknown gifts back to you that you will have for life/death.

I ask you why would you want to be with someone who at your description has no care for you or your feelings or needs as well intentionally hurts other females.  That in itself should give you a wake up call.

If you are going to stay then my suggestion would be to find one who can provide you with the attention you need,  there are many married or otherwise attached Dominants who would fit this bill.

Either way I wish you the best in finding what you need.

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to JillianElaine)
Profile   Post #: 60
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