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RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 7:28:53 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		Hisbellaluna - that actually makes perfect sense.  It's sort of like a protocol version of dating...a 'consideration collar' is analogous to dating someone exclusively, whereas a permanent collar is analogous to marriage or engagement or some other serious lifetime type commitment.

That I can totally respect and understand.  I think the OP and the replies were talking more about people who talk for a week, and then are under consideration but not actually dating or anything.  They're just off limits to anyone else until the Dom decides if he wants to date them at all.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 7:35:46 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		where does the dicklicking fit in here, I am confused.

Am I the only one?

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Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 7:39:46 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

At least you're still cute and cuddly :)


Yay! 

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Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 7:43:46 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		I think the original poster was just trying to help. My take on it anyway. xo Soph

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 7:58:48 PM   
HisAlphaSlaveJ


Posts: 52
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Hisbellaluna - that actually makes perfect sense.  It's sort of like a protocol version of dating...a 'consideration collar' is analogous to dating someone exclusively, whereas a permanent collar is analogous to marriage or engagement or some other serious lifetime type commitment.

That I can totally respect and understand.  I think the OP and the replies were talking more about people who talk for a week, and then are under consideration but not actually dating or anything.  They're just off limits to anyone else until the Dom decides if he wants to date them at all.

[quote/]

Yes you got it!

In our house we do use a protocol that works for us, this may not work for you, but it does work for us. First you are "of service" a servant (non sexual), then after meeting you and their is a mutual interest in all three parties as a triad...not a V, then it progresses to "under serious consideration" (still non sexual) Master did place a very personal object around her neck...although not a "collar". Then it progresses to submissive in training, learning, exploring, more visit's a "courtship" if you want to give it a title. Then it turns into a 24/7 live in situation and a "training collar to his house" and then, when all parties are on the same page, the commitment of a collar and a formal collaring ceremony  in the community with our friends and family happens. It may seem like a lot of steps, but we feel that a "collar" is not something that you just hand out, it is a long term commitment. a commitment that is a journey, it is not how fast you can get there, but the experience and beauty from the journey itself.

Sincerely
Alpha Slave J

< Message edited by HisAlphaSlaveJ -- 8/18/2007 8:01:57 PM >

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RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 8:06:25 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		(Fast Reply to No One)

Hey, what a great idea! We should all get together and form a comittee. The Anti "Under Consideration" Coalition. We can write angry emails to everyone who uses this term to describe their dating process.

I can be the first one we send an email too. Because while I have my own little red flags go up with a Dominant who uses the phrase a little too gratiously, reading 6 pages of a thread of really nothing more than angry, judgemental opinions makes me want to use the term "Under Consideration" in my relationships to spite everyone.

I guess the new acronym should be "Your Kink Isnt My Kink, but Your Kink is Ok...Unless its "Under Consideration" with Speech Restrictions...Then Your Just a Criminally Negolient Abuser"

YKIMKYKOUUCSRTYJCNA....Christ, thats long.

I've heard a few people advocate "free thinking" in this thread...so heres a little...perhaps the methodology of restricting communication, particularly with other dominants, serves the purpose of helping to get the new submissive focused on THEM and develop that mentality?

I cant vouch for its effectiveness, but I've heard that a few times regarding the "why" of communication restrictions and utilizing my "free thinking", it shoulds pretty logical to me.

Why don't we send angry emails to other people who substitute vanilla terms for fantasy terms?

How about people who call their girlfriends/boyfriends "slave" or "Master"? Or their marriage an "Ownership?" What a bunch of fantasy wankers?

I utilize a peice of paper where I write all the things regarding my relationship down to help define structure...and I even..."gasp"...call it a "slave contract". What a clueless fantasy moron I must be.



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(in reply to sophia37)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 8:13:29 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Actually, in my case, it was just as much about my decision to accept His collar, should He decide to offer it to me, as it was about His decision to offer His collar to me.  While i was "Under Consideration", i was considering Master David, exclusively, as a potential Master, and no others, until Wwe were able to meet in person and decide together whether to become Master and slave, or not.  And, in the case of my Master and me, it only took 2 days, not a week, after Wwe first began communicating with each other online and by phone, for me to decide to change my profiles to read "Under Consideration."  i never dated my Master.  i simply, got to know Him and decided that He was the Master i was looking for.
 i have never been "off limits", in terms of communicating with others but, since i'm not interested in having an intimate relationship with a man, other than my Master, when a man writes to me, i always reply to them that i am already owned. slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi
I think the OP and the replies were talking more about people who talk for a week, and then are under consideration but not actually dating or anything.  They're just off limits to anyone else until the Dom decides if he wants to date them at all.

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 8:18:22 PM   
lilserenity


Posts: 41
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with this topic.. I have been under consideration just once and I will say it was Bulls***..The term is so loosely used.. Yeah if people have a marriage or relationship why come here bothering those who are looking.. They should just make this site strictly a dating site and nothing else it is a waste of time and energy to add a lifestyle or alternative way to life here.. I have seen it all everywhere and been there.. But I have never seen so much misused words or terms used.. The the one that wanted to consider me had a woman at home,thats sad I think. But to each their own.  Players will play as long as they stay out of my way lol.. Good luck  everyone serenity..

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RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 8:21:53 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
Why don't we send angry emails to other people who substitute vanilla terms for fantasy terms?

How about people who call their girlfriends/boyfriends "slave" or "Master"? Or their marriage an "Ownership?" What a bunch of fantasy wankers?


Don't forget "collar" for ring (engagement or wedding), i have seen both on here plenty of times.  i'm sure the list can grow......
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 8:23:37 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Don't forget "collar" for ring (engagement or wedding), i have seen both on here plenty of times.  i'm sure the list can grow......
 


Losers

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Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 8:27:17 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilserenity

I agree with this topic.. I have been under consideration just once and I will say it was Bulls***..The term is so loosely used.. Yeah if people have a marriage or relationship why come here bothering those who are looking.. They should just make this site strictly a dating site and nothing else it is a waste of time and energy to add a lifestyle or alternative way to life here.. I have seen it all everywhere and been there.. But I have never seen so much misused words or terms used.. The the one that wanted to consider me had a woman at home,thats sad I think. But to each their own.  Players will play as long as they stay out of my way lol.. Good luck  everyone serenity..


Well, its clear you have had one bad experience regarding "Under Consideration".

I'm sure many people have had bad experiences with it...just like many people have had bad experiences with simply dating that wasnt call "Under Consideration".

However, if I tried to climb a mountain once and had a bad, unsuccessful experience from it, and my disposition to the public was that "Climbing mountains was complete bullshit", wont you consider me to be a silly person?

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to lilserenity)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 9:30:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl
i have never been allowed to speak with another Dominant without prior permission and when and if i am ever granted that permission they know that i am collared and there isn't a chance in hell that i would ask for release.

This sort of thing always makes me wonder how people function in public?  Are you not allowed to leave the house or answer the phone?  What about family members?  How do you decide who is a dominant and who isn't?  You can't even tell a grocery store bagger "thank you" then because they MIGHT be a dom and you need permission?

And trust me, plenty of collared slaves who need permissions for lots of things are quite easily seduced away.



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Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 9:38:13 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		LA - That is *so* true about those needing the most permissions being easily seduced away.  I remember something an ex of mine (also a Dom) told me...something along the lines of  "I don't have to forbid you to sleep with another man because we both already know you're mine and that alone prevents you from doing it."

I can see how permissions and protocols can be a turn on, and heighten a sense of ritualistic ecstasy, but they aren't safeguards to prevent the relationship from ending, or ensure fidelity or anything.  If you need a set of permissions to ensure fidelity, you might want to look at why exactly that is.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 9:39:54 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I have never really understood what "Under Consideration" means, either. Even when people have tried to explain it to me (and I consider myself fairly intelligent).

Kind of like a bank advertising giving you a "Free gift" if you open an account with them (Well, if it's a gift to begin with, then isn't it "free" by definition?).

I see it as advertising not much - but is dressing up a little (or nothing) all up to look like its really something (that's my take on it anyway. Of course two people can make it mean whatever they want between them) 

It just sounds like one of those phrases the world could live without (to me). Kind of redundant and un-necessary.

I understand some people can mean it to be kind of analogous to a pre-marital engagement period - but I've heard about so many versions of what the phrase "Under Consideration" actually means in practice, that I've given up on understanding its use, and I personally consider its use un-necessary.

To me, (bottom-line) it usually means: This person is more interested in you than a random stranger, and is thinking you might make a half-way decent exclusive BDSM partner, possibly, but God knows when that might come to pass.*

*(or if it's a Poly family doing the considering, being considered as a possible future member of that family).

How compelling.

I should be excited by this? Feel honored by this? Hmmm. 

I am not sure I want someone indecisive enough to actually use a phrase like this as my Dominant. 

To me, someone is either "in" or "out" - and if they (or I) aren't sure yet, then that's fine - they should just say nothing then. Someone just doesn't need to pretend they are ready to commit - using a phrase like this - if they are not altogether sure about me. If not, that's okay - just don't say anything then.

If I ask someone how they feel about me, they usually tell me. If I wonder if they are talking to (or bedding) others besides me, I ask them, and they can ask me the same questions, too. If we need to discuss these things further, then  fine. That's enough for me, I guess. Maybe they could be lying (I suppose) - but using the term "Under Consideration" just doesn't do much for me.

If it is supposed to be "reassuring" somehow, it's just not. If it is supposed to make me feel "jealous" for some reason, or feel "not good enough" or whatever - well, it fails in those respects too. It just falls flat for me altogether, I guess.

Sorry to anyone this offends - it's just an opinion.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/18/2007 10:39:07 PM >

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 9:51:06 PM   
welshwmn3


Posts: 126
Joined: 3/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

The OP wasnt refering to a Dom locking his new sub in his basement for a period of time.  He was talking about her email being edited.
DV




Actually, the OP was referring to somebody who's not even a collared sub yet.  "Under consideration" is a far cry from a full collar.

And while the relationship is whatever the prospective dom and prospective sub both agree to it, to monitor all emails for a prospective sub is, at best controlling, at worst, indicative of a possible abuser.  This is, of course, just in my opinion and experience.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 9:54:50 PM   
welshwmn3


Posts: 126
Joined: 3/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Allow the sub to speak to anyone theyd like, then ask the Dom if things are true or not true.  Would someone attempting to manipulate the sub be any more inclined to tell the truth and confirm that something THEY did was unsafe or wrong?

DV




Not for nothing, but I thought by the time a dom was considering a sub (and a sub considering a dom too, for that matter) that there was a level of trust built up. 

Yes, there may be issues where other, jealous, people might email and tell lies and stories.  But if there is a relationship built on trust already, once the initial "Why didn't you tell me that?!" reaction is over, the problems can be taken care of.

That is, if the dom and sub in question have taken the time to build that trust.  *shrugs*  I know lots of people don't.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 10:22:32 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		LOL...my humble apologies Rover....won't happen again...

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Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 10:39:41 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Some people are real fans of protocol, though. For the all-out relationship protocol fans, I imagine this phrase probably could work well (provided  its meaning is clarified so it's completely clear what it means, for both people).

I really don't care what other people wanna do - but I find this phrase "Under Consideration" to be more trouble than it's worth. That could be partly due to my personality, and partly due to my age...

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/18/2007 10:58:31 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/19/2007 12:20:15 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: punkdom

I'm going to take the brunt of a lot of criticism for this, but I'll say right now, I think Collarme and the D/s community as a whole should stop condoning the practice of "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions and ban it from the site.

Gee, insert yourself into other people's business much?  Why the hell should anyone care what other people do with their kinks, unless it directly involves you?  We're adults.  Deal with it.

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(in reply to punkdom)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/19/2007 3:20:51 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
Of course, all of this is the fault of the stalkers and the abusers who use this phrase. No fault can be laid at the feet of the 'unsuspecting' submissive. I mean, let's face it, they are just weak minded individuals who under no circumstances should use any form of common sense.



*chuckle* Oh misty if there was nobody else here I'd still come back to CM from time to time just for you

Just love the way that if you are going to hit the nail on the head.... you use a sledgehammer

*Hugs to ya, sweet girl*


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Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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Profile   Post #: 120
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