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RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 1:49:19 PM

Phin

Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
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what restrictions placed on a sub during their "under consideration" is between that sub and that Dom. the restrictions may be a part of understanding weither or not that sub will follow the direction of the Dom. That is defanatly something I would want to know before I collared someone.

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"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to cwytch)

Post #: 81

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 2:00:15 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Er...what if you say "in my opinion that is sick and disgusting"?

I think lots of things are sick and disgusting, ranging from unmanaged pubic hair on women to scat play to cockroaches. But that's totally my opinion.

(in reply to cwytch)

Post #: 82

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 2:49:07 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

There seems to be no end to the reasons for me to scoff at those who are "under consideration", engaged in said "consideration", or even those who take it seriously (such as the OP).

Yeah, that's judgmental. Yeah, it's just my opinion which doesn't make me right. Yeah, you're welcome to have a different opinion and to express it.

John

I was told(written an e-mail) by mod eleven that "it DOESN'T work that way here"...being judgemental isn't allowed she said....whats in quotes is exactly what she said btw, when i replied to an e-mail she sent me and said..."it just my opinion and people can disagree if they want"...

Cripes, choose someone else to use as an example. I've spent enough time having my posts moderated. That huge bullseye on my back isn't a tattoo.

John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 83

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 3:52:05 PM

HisAlphaSlaveJ

Posts: 52
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisbellaluna

FR...

i am going to try and reply to the OT without getting into a heated response about the rest of ya'lls replies...

1) you can't ban/stop the abuser's tacticts...you can only educate the potential victims...
2) even if you could...would you want that ability out there? who decides what is abuse and what is not? i'll agree on this point, isolating anyone while they are "under consideration" or "being trained" is an abusive tactic, also used by cult leaders...(i did a report on it in 9th grade...we determined our teachers were cult leaders)
3) if life didn't have any lions or tigers or bears or thunder storms or thorns or other "scary" things...how would we appreciate the roses and butterflies and whips and chains and knives...whoops, am i a little partial on the good things?

in summation...let the idiots be idiots, they will show their true colors....

oh and on the whole under consideration...i am...and in training...it was explained fully to me before i agreed to it...what it means, i agree with wholly...thats all that matters...
missing her Sir and sister greatly, specially night time cuddles...falling asleep in his lap...dammit, sleeping is hard away from them....
His bella luna

I guess the difference is We trust You to be a adult, and as said adult You are responsible for You. I find it very funny that potential Masters/Dominants/Poly Family's that want prospective, consideration or training submissive's and slaves to stop participating in the community that brought them into this lifestyle.

I can understand putting prospective, consideration or in training on your profile or tag line just so there is no miscommunication on your status and hopefully cut down on "unwanted" advances, trolls, seeking email but notice i said hopefully...it does not always work.

"rolls eyes" at the email account and password Domination...geez trust is a part of this lifestyle, if you can't trust their judgement as a adult how are you going to build a relationship with them without trust?

p.s. I am proud of the volunteer work you do in your local San Antonio group! Keep up the good work!

< Message edited by HisAlphaSlaveJ -- 8/18/2007 4:21:43 PM >

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(in reply to Hisbellaluna)

Post #: 84

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 3:57:00 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HaveRopeWillBind

Celtic,
On a pratical level that may be so, but on a moral level it opens a whole can of worms including abuse and poaching.

When did authority become moral? Morality is a non-issue until we start making choices.

Authority is amoral. Choice is inherently moral. That is the order of things.

_____________________________

(in reply to HaveRopeWillBind)

Post #: 85

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 4:41:35 PM

Hisbellaluna

Posts: 127
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisAlphaSlaveJ

p.s. I am proud of the volunteer work you do in your local San Antonio group! Keep up the good work!

thanks sis...if only the people we rent from weren't so stupid...*bangs head on wall* ok, now at a state of half consciousness i can relate to them on their level...all that work and no party...i even bought decorations this month dammit, and they were good...thinks about setting them up around the house just for fun lol (they are summer decorations, last month for them to make sense...hmmm maybe a hawaiian vacation theme for december lol...)

oh and on the OT...adults...be adults? what a concept...

_____________________________

Formerly known as chellekitty...

Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward. --Antigonus of Sokho

(in reply to HisAlphaSlaveJ)

Post #: 86

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 5:40:42 PM

TheChastiser

Posts: 95
Joined: 10/16/2005
From: Hemel Hempstead
Status: offline

imo, this under consideration stuff is a bit of nonsence.

perhaps its just a warning off of others whilst a prospective dom decides if he actually wants a particular posession? yanno, the lets meet you first, see if you are what i want, perhaps a play session just to try you out, and then i'll decide if i want to take this any further. a mixture of foolish stuff really.

its a tom cat habit really eh? spray the area with urine to keep the other toms away from ones territory. although in the 'consideration' thing, its sort of a temporary territory, cos its not actually a sign of intention.

as to stifling communications whilst within this consideration thing, i would say unreasonable in total. perhaps limit sexual chat and anything to do with meeting others. other than that, whats the harm in normal conversation? after all, at this point, you dont actually own the individual.

Mike

_____________________________

Let Me unchain your mind and your sexuality will follow.

(in reply to Hisbellaluna)

Post #: 87

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 6:15:21 PM

DS4DUMMIES

Posts: 180
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Serious Reply

Oh what the hell - I might as well pour gasoline on it.....

"Under Consideration" is a joke - an insecure child's way of preventing the loss of something they do not even own yet.

"Daddy...you HAVE to buy me this toy because it might not be here tomorrow and somebody might buy it!!!!!! "

If I am courting a woman, and have refused to make a commitment - then she is free to see/write to/speak with ...or even sleep with - any man or woman on the planet. Only when I myself am willing to make the very SAME commitment I am asking her to make....do I have any right to exercise ANY control over her on any level. Imagine how far you'd get telling a real estate agent you'll live rent-free in a house until you decide it is worth buying. I have seen many of these "under consideration" scams pulled on people and it's a joke....it's like phony "mentoring"...where supposed "teachers" ..."play" with their "students"...another laughable scam. All of the benefits and none of the responsibility.

Here is the bottom line - if you can't meet a woman and truly devote the time needed to get to know her and to literally WIN/EARN her hand through YOUR actions - and the good impression YOU make....then isn't that just too bad ? Grow up...you're not an 8 year-old.

Women are not used cars. You don't put down a fully refundable deposit to keep her on the lot while you make up your mind or in most cases I know of - shop for a better deal. Why should her life go on hold while you play "Buy It Now " on E-Bay with her, but hold off sending the check? I'd be embaraased and ashamed to ever be so insecure a man, that I essentially am admitting ( by placing her "under consideration") that I might/could not measure up to any competition I may have for a woman's hand. She has a right to find the very best man she can and if someone else is better for her than you and she is happy then you know what?....you do the classy, gentlemanly thing - you hug her, you thank her for considering YOU...you wish her well and you resume looking for someone of your own.

ASK her if she agrees to any restrictions you desire to have in place. Surrender given, means a hell of a lot more than surrender demanded. But don't defile the rest of us by the ridiculous assertion that she is "not" submissive if she does not agree to give you the keys for a non-committal test drive, or that this sort of thing is "normal" in the D/s world - it is anything BUT normal.

If in courting her, if you are THAT good...if you are that PERFECT for her....it will all work out without need of Gestapo tactics. In case there is a bit of confusion as to the meaning of the word "courting"...look it up. It's a classy art increasingly lost on many in the D/s "community".

As a Dominant, I feel I have NO rights, NO claims, NO authority with a woman unless and until I have earned by MY actions, her respect, her devotion, her surrender and ... perish the thought ... her love.

End of rant.....

Ds4

< Message edited by DS4DUMMIES -- 8/18/2007 6:29:21 PM >

(in reply to punkdom)

Post #: 88

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 6:28:53 PM

HisAlphaSlaveJ

Posts: 52
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheChastiser

imo, this under consideration stuff is a bit of nonsence.

perhaps its just a warning off of others whilst a prospective dom decides if he actually wants a particular posession? yanno, the lets meet you first, see if you are what i want, perhaps a play session just to try you out, and then i'll decide if i want to take this any further. a mixture of foolish stuff really.

its a tom cat habit really eh? spray the area with urine to keep the other toms away from ones territory. although in the 'consideration' thing, its sort of a temporary territory, cos its not actually a sign of intention.

as to stifling communications whilst within this consideration thing, i would say unreasonable in total. perhaps limit sexual chat and anything to do with meeting others. other than that, whats the harm in normal conversation? after all, at this point, you dont actually own the individual.

Mike

Mike,

I will address this issue straight forward and without malice. People who live this as a lifestyle and not a playstyle, get to know people, meet in person, spend time online, personal email, IM's, go to events, go to Dungeons and do all sorts of personal one on one with people and yes some do use the term "under consideration" because the goal is not to throw collars out like candy, and a collar is a very important achievement in our household. see we do thing's the old fashioned way and in person and make sure that the relationship is a good fit spiritualy, emotionaly and leave the physical or "sex" part out until after the relationship is on a 24/7 basis. so instead of grouping everyone into on giant "tom cat" or "teritory" group, maybe you should look at the individual and their situation.

p.s. look at my signature and you will understand

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(in reply to TheChastiser)

Post #: 89

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 6:36:27 PM

Hisbellaluna

Posts: 127
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

ok...this is in reply to a theme of responses not to anyone imparticular...that theme is that a consideration collar means that the slave is now under lock down but the Master still gets to stick his dick in anything that doesn't move fast enough...no one said it like that, but it sure seemed implied to me...and i have not responded so far because i don't feel a need to defend my relationship, but i have noticed that no one has had anything positive to say about a collar of consideration or even indifferent, it has been touted as soley a tactic for abusers and wanna-be's...not the case...it may be for some...but not for all...
personally...when i finally beg a collar, and have steel around my neck 24/7, it will be for a long, long time...there will be only 2 situations i *want* it to be removed in ...but don't get me wrong, i don't want the situations...1) Master dies...inevitable...but, i am not going to be by myself, forever after he's gone...2) i decide, after a long period of growth and development, that with Master's permission and help and blessing, i will find another to be alpha to...
in the mean time, we are all committed to eachother...but Sir doesn't throw out velcro collars to anyone...its serious...its a commitment...and i am honored to have a collar of consideration...over time i will earn the right to beg his collar...and the right to be branded and have my name inscribed on me...

just my view on things
His bella luna
beta slave under consideration and in training to TxSadistMaster
sister to HisAlphaSlaveJ

_____________________________

Formerly known as chellekitty...

Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward. --Antigonus of Sokho

(in reply to HisAlphaSlaveJ)

Post #: 90

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 6:37:45 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

I'm not sure why you are bringing this topic up because this topic is a personal preference for both parties involved.

If a Dom chooses to not permit His sub or slave to speak with others than so be it. i have never been allowed to speak with another Dominant without prior permission and when and if i am ever granted that permission they know that i am collared and there isn't a chance in hell that i would ask for release.

Now all of this under consideration crap to me is crap. Either the Dom wants you or He doesn't there is no in between for me and it's something that i would never allow to go on.

A submissive deals with so much while in the early stages of this lifestyle with a Dominant, there are emotional and physical beariers that take trust and for me if I know someone isn't all that interested, if they havn't made the committment I cant trust that person to take control, I cant trust that person enough to give control. So i get what your saying there.

Exploration is one thing but to me Under consideration is just another way of a Dominant saying I'm just going to use you and still play the field with others.....that may not be the case everytime but that has become my perception over the years.

~meticulous~

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 91

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 6:41:02 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

DS4DUMMIES you are my hero

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 92

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 6:49:39 PM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

If, however, they have progressed to the point I am considering making them mine, and they are considering taking my collar, I will have say so who they communicate with.

There seems to be a fasinating correlation between "under consideration" and collars.

Yes, we are all adults,consenting at that....and no one in their right mind as the power to take consent away from
anyone ..... as I have been admonished.

As I have said, everyone sees this term differently and I really do like one definiton here the best... just as the term slave is dished out differently....

As an adult, Sir didnt need to tell me I was under consideration, cause I already knew it...knew I was at that point as he was.

So maybe in conclusion, the use of words is more protocol than folk realize...just like "being released" or the term "collar (along with the physical appliance)" or slave and many countless other bdsm terms that folk need to use.

Owned is still active in our vocabulary ... so I guess, its one word I sympathize with while not others.

Sir's owned submissive girl: not collared, not slave, not ever under consideration, cause the journey didnt need those words to make us work

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 93

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 6:51:10 PM

umisprite

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

Ds4, will you marry me?

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Post #: 94

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 6:53:12 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

When i met my Master on CM, i was already corresponding with other potential Masters, on this and 2 other sites. After my future Master and i had chatted online and spoken on the phone but, had not yet met in person (since there was 200 miles separating Uus), Wwe realized that there was a very real potential for Him to offer His collar to me and for me to accept it, if everything went well when Wwe did meet. It would have been dishonest of me to continue to allow other Doms to think of me as an "available" slave because that wasn't the case, any longer, as far as i was concerned and as far as my future Master was concerned. i wrote to the other potential Masters, who i was already communicating with, and informed them of this change in my availability. i also modified my profiles to let all others know, up front, that i was no longer actively seeking to meet a Master, since i was now "Under Serious Consideration" of becoming the slave of Master David. This statement, placed plainly at the top of my profile, was meant, not to disallow communications with others but, simply to make it clear that they would be wasting their time to write to me, unless it was to offer me congratulations or best wishes or something. If anyone wanted to ignore that statement and write to me, any way, they certainly had that right. But, since i was spending my time concentrating on one particular Master, they were not likely to get a reply from me and shouldn't expect one. i have never been denied the ability to communicate with anyone, either when i was "Under Consideration" or after becoming the slave of Master David. The only time there are "speech restrictions" placed on me is when my Master gags me or tells me to "shut up." Other than that, i am allowed to communicate with anyone i choose. Of course, since my Master has full access to my mailbox, He reads my mail, often before i do, since He is online a lot more than i am. To me, the use of "Under Consideration", like pretty much everything else, is not for everyone but, some people find it useful, kind of like a collar or a ring. If you don't find any purpose for it or you have some objection to it, then don't use it and don't bother with someone who does use it. Simply ignore it and them. Why get all worked up about something that doesn't hurt anyone? Would it have made a big difference to anyone, if i had written, "i am no longer seeking to meet a Master, since i am now concentrating my time and effort in developing a M/s relationship with Master David", instead of "Under Consideration"? Would that make people feel better about it, even though it means the same thing only in a lot more words? slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

(in reply to punkdom)

Post #: 95

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 6:57:39 PM

MistressDiane

Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

Fast Reply
I must be way behind in the times. When did the whole under consideration concept get so complex?
I always thought it was simply a polite and more formal way of letting others know that you were involved in an evolving relationship. *yanno....without just coming out and telling someone "hey, I'm involved in a relationship".*
Jeez why does it all have to be so complicated!

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Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 96

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 7:00:38 PM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

There seems to be no end to the reasons for me to scoff at those who are "under consideration", engaged in said "consideration", or even those who take it seriously (such as the OP).

Yeah, that's judgmental. Yeah, it's just my opinion which doesn't make me right. Yeah, you're welcome to have a different opinion and to express it.

John

I was told(written an e-mail) by mod eleven that "it DOESN'T work that way here"...being judgemental isn't allowed she said....whats in quotes is exactly what she said btw, when i replied to an e-mail she sent me and said..."it just my opinion and people can disagree if they want"...

Cripes, choose someone else to use as an example. I've spent enough time having my posts moderated. That huge bullseye on my back isn't a tattoo.

John

oh my word..... why then doesnt that mod kick us all in the pants..we are all judgmental at ssome point during our responses, even though we (and I) think not.

ya...am "branded" as well

Sir's girl

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 97

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 7:00:59 PM

MistressDiane

Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

Exactly joy, that's all I've ever known it to be. We must have been posting about the same time.

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Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

(in reply to MistressDiane)

Post #: 98

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 7:10:59 PM

daniL

Posts: 46
Joined: 4/12/2007
Status: offline

Now, I noticed a couple of people mentioning the 'hypocrisy' of putting a sub under consideration whereas the dom may be able to go and speak with other subs...for me, this seems as if it ignores the fact that the relationship may not [and in varying ways CAN not] have the equality of relationship that a vanilla relationship will have. For me, under consideration would mean that me and a potential sub are just starting to date and have the potential of having a more serious relationship. When I hear a lot of other descriptions of the phrase, however, that's not necessarily the case for a lot of others.

There are people here would are looking for multiple slaves. The slave is monogamous to them, but the dom is not. For them, under consideration is far from ridiculous or strange or hypocritical. In a power dynamic such as a bdsm relationship, why would the sub expect the SAME treatment as the dom? Now, a sub or slave should be treated with respect, I deeply believe that. But showing respect for a slave is different than showing a dom. The stricter the potential relationship may be [which you would find out by talking with the dom, I'd imagine], the more unbalanced the expectations. If a sub or slave chooses to give authority to someone who restricts their contact with doms or subs online, that is their right. Of course there are people who abuse this; there are always people like that. But assuming that we are NOT dealing with abuse, I see nothing wrong with the concept of being under consideration unless it wasn't discussed BEFORE you were being considered...for being underconsideraton.

(in reply to MistressDiane)

Post #: 99

RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restric... - 8/18/2007 7:17:18 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

We seem to be saying the same thing, MistressDiane, only i used a lot more words to say it. People do seem to like to complicate things, sometimes. i guess some people just read more into things. i dunno, it seems pretty simple to me. i haven't heard of any rule saying that everyone has to like everything that everyone else uses. Thank goodness. So, i really don't understand the uproar about the use of this simple little phrase.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

(in reply to MistressDiane)

Post #: 100

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