DS4DUMMIES -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 5:47:05 AM)
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MaamJay; Yours is an enlightened approach, given the facts you have laid out. You are not trying to isolate the potential partner, and that is very different than what I and others were railing against. I'm not sure the OP was "generalizing"....I've hear a LOT of women discuss this "consideration" situation that includes isolation, surrender of email passwords, etc. THAT, is the thing that isn't healthy in my view. Your approach, is far different and far more legitimate. DS4 quote:
ORIGINAL: MaamJay quote:
ORIGINAL: MissHarlet Under consideration to me means .. WE ....submissive and Dominant are getting to know each other and think this has good potential for becoming a permanent relationship(and yes I place the line that I have someone under consideration in my profile at the time they place it in theirs)... I place no restrictions on a submissive I am considering ....they choose those for themselves at that time( if I have no trust then we have nothing anyway) . However, I think it gives fair warning to other submissives and Dominants that our attention is focused on each other and we are not looking for others at that point in time. Just my opinion and way of doing things .. and if that makes me an idiot in others minds then so be it. lol I have my own idiot list that would probably not make sense to anyone but me. Hear hear! That is also how I use the same term. It means that this person has progressed beyond the "getting to know you" stage, has visited, appears to be a good fit in Our household and so is now under serious consideration for being a full time member. It's not, especially in a poly household, as simple as saying someone is either IN or OUT as Susan suggested. There are a lot of practicalities to be worked out, relocation, accommodation, finances, pets (does your dog get on with Our dogs and aged cat?) etc etc. I am not about to make spontaneous and hasty decisions about whom I want to live with on a daily basis, and I certainly can't speak for Master as to whom He wants to share His house with. We both have to be happy with My choice of 24/7 sub. As an example, I have many vanilla friends whom I love dearly ... but relatively few of those could I consider living with! And one I can live with ... I can't travel or holiday with ... the one time we tried it was almost the end of a beautiful friendship! Finding someone who fits both in personality and kink and D/s desires isn't easy and I'm definitely not going to offer a permanent collar until I am confident that this is what all 3 of U/us want. Master didn't collar me until 2 years after 24/7 living together ... granted I came with complications such as a hubby who was going to be sub and then wasn't and it wasn't until decisions were made about the future that Master felt it was right to collar me. I won't do velcro collars and neither do I hand out "under consideration" gifts like candy. This is a serious step to Me, not sure if anyone remembers the old friendship ring idea that was trendy in My youth, but this is equivalent to "going steady" but not quite engaged! I have NEVER put restrictions on a sub as to whom they can/cannot speak to ... I am encouraging My new sub to meet others, to post here, and to attend her local munches etc. I want her to speak to other subs and Dom/mes ... BUT she is to make it clear to Dom/mes that she is not available to be courted, she can be a friend only. she wants it that way and I want it that way. she doesn't want others hitting on her. I have NEVER monitored a sub's emails or asked for passwords etc etc ... and neither does Master monitor mine and never has. They are capable of handling that for themselves though I suggest they bring anything troubling or that they are unsure about to Me (as i have done with Master). In terms of the restriction not applying to the Dom/me ... My sub knows she is the only one under consideration for 24/7 in Our house and knows I will be honest with other subs I talk to in that. However, I do enjoy playing with other subs, especially males, and she has no problem whatsoever with My continuing to talk with them. In fact, while she was here I had a coffee meet with one ... and she and Master came along as well (wasn't the lad a brave boy for showing up to meet all 3 of U/us!). she thought he was lovely and hopes that someday he will come for a play session ... and she'll be here to watch! So ... for Me, My version of "under consideration" is rational, practical and useful. If other people don't agree ... well fine, I'm not telling THEM they have to play by My rules, I am just clarifying what I choose to do so hopefully people can understand and perhaps even consider another viewpoint. (Am I just being naive here? LOL!) However, the OP erred in suggesting anything such as this practice could be banned here ... inappropriate ... and made several sweeping generalisations that detracted severely from his post. I do think his basic concern, that such restrictions hastily applied are a bad idea, has merit. The way he went about raising that alarm? Well, that didn't work! Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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