RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (Full Version)

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DS4DUMMIES -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 1:38:42 PM)

You need to go back and read my posts a bit more carefully. I stand by my thoughts no matter how little you may have been able to understand about the points I was making. (...and Joy, I do not mean that in an insulting way - I really DO believe you didn' t wholly grasp the points I'm making...but then in hindsight I may not have presented it well either....). No matter though, your views are valid to you and rightfully so and I respect your reitertation of them.

I will add this. I've spent a LOT of years in the D/s world and I do understand the issues that come with being a Dominant/Master to a woman quite well, perhaps at least as well as most people here. (But how can we know it for "any" woman - I can't....) Do I know everything?  Hell no! I am still learning, in literally every arena in life - especially this one. I have in place what anyone else has - the sum total of my experiences, observations, and thoughts  - to rely on when I respond to a post such as the original one. Have a look up there at the last post exchange I responded to. You and your Master had come to a joint agreement where he was willing to committ to you. That is FAR different than the case I was making. No insult was intended to you or to he.

Just don't drop me from the Christmas card list :)

DS4.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES

LOL.....Ohhhhh....no you don't :) . You're not going to get away with THAT sort of observation unchallenged. You assume all "under consideration" labels/situations are valid, healthy situations and that is simply NOT true.


i assume no such thing.  i know that there are plenty of people who will take the simplest of terms and turn it into anything they want.  Redefining terms, seems to me, to be a major past time of many people on this site.  Anything can be perverted and turned into something that isn't healthy and goes against it's intended purpose but, that doesn't change the fact that it's intended use was healthy to begin with.

quote:

There are not simply two camps as you say. I'm not misinformed at all. Far from it.


i stand by my statement. 
 
You made my case for me, when you made this statement about people who choose to use the term "Under Consideration": 
quote:

the obvious insecurity present in a man who, unwilling to make a commitment of his own,  can't endure competition or a woman having any input but his own.  Does a submissive woman, REALLY want a scared, insecure little boy to lead her?"


That tells me that you are very much misinformed about both the meaning and purpose of this term and about the character of the people using it.
 
You don't have a clue about my Master or about me.  my Master is quite secure and He made a commitment to this slave before Wwe even met.  That was the message to all others who read that i was "Under Serious Consideration" of becoming the slave of Master David.  He made the commitment to me that, as long as everything continued  as it had been online and on the phone, He was going to take me as His slave as soon as Wwe were able to meet.  And, my stating this to the rest of the CM community gave me a very secure feeling about His intentions.
 
Master David is no "scared, insecure little boy."  Again, this sort of remark only reaffirms my belief that you are very much misinformed about the purpose of using "Under Consideration" and the character of the people who choose to use it.

quote:

I know multiple women for whom this "consideration" stuff was nothing more than so much insecure garbage designed to hide the problems with someone by not allowing the woman a chance to get other inputs.


Well, i sure hope that you set these poor women straight and showed them "the way."

quote:

In my personal view of a D/s relationship and all of the things that comprise it or orbit it, it is not only about consent - it is about INFORMED consent. INFORMED consent. One added word - huge difference....

DS4


i couldn't agree more, which is why i said back in Post #: 131, on this thread that
quote:

The important thing to remember, as far as i see it, is for the prospective Master and prospective slave to be sure that they have a clear understanding as to what exactly is meant by the use of that "term" and what is expected with it.  It's no different than making sure that there is a clear understanding of any other terms used between the people involved, such as "Master", "slave", "property", "pain", "serve", etc., etc.  It's not just a matter of "common sense".  It's a matter of maintaining clear communications and asking questions.


slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."



DedicatedDom40 -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 3:28:17 PM)

I dont have a problem with the "Under Consideration" function within the l/s as a mechanism to avoid a pattern of collars simply being "thrown about", but the external communication barriers are simply folly, and are really what seperate the men from the boys.  Natural dominance should, without instructions, breed loyalty even in a tenuous situation where there is lots of external discussions with others.  Those who seek to limit external discussions in a sub's profile, in my view, simply lack that class of dominance and are using the bravado which the anonomity of a keyboard provides to subsitute for that native control. 

Using it as a mechanism of compliance testing? Come on... You could tell'em precisely what you want for breakfast or something, or how you want your closet organized, and see if you get what you ordered. Hell, there's tons of ways to compliance test someone that doesnt involve limiting external communications.

I have no problem with speech restrictions between Dom and Sub as a part of power exchange dialog (nondialog?) confined between the two, when interacting only between each other, but external communications restrictions are simply a sign of weak boys without natural dominance hiding behind demanding words.




slavegirljoy -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 4:11:45 PM)


DS4, i appreciate your thoughtful response to my last post.  i have gone back and read your posts on this thread more than once and i feel fairly certain that i grasped what you have been saying.  i believe that you are concerned about subs being taken advantage of by unscrupulous or fake "Doms" or "Masters", who use "Under Consideration" to improperly manipulate the unsuspecting sub/slave.  If i didn't read you right, i hope you will help me to better understand what you are saying. i know that there are plenty of people online and in real life who will use whatever means they have to get what they want and have no problem using others to get what they want.  i also know that there are some very gullible people (not just subs but, Doms, too, and not just online but, in real life, too) and some get burned by trusting to readily.  People who do not become well informed about things they are being asked or told to do by someone they don't know are subject to being taken advantage of or hurt.  It happens all the time.  And, that's not unique to BDSM or to being online and it's not unique to only those who use "Under Consideration." What i have tried to express in my posts is that it is possible to find someone online who is honorable and honest and has integrity and is confident and secure and means what he says and says what he means and isn't trying to BS someone just to get what he wants, without any concern for the poor sap on the other end and, uses "Under Consideration."  It happens.  It happened for me, with my Master.  And, from some of the other responses on here, it has happened for others, too.  Not everyone who uses "Under Consideration" is up to no good or is worried about not being able to hold onto what he has found.  For me, i felt very good when my prospective Master said that He wanted to take Oour newly developing relationship from, "just getting to know each other" to "Under Serious Consideration" and that He wanted me to write to the other men i had been communicating with, to let them know of this change, as well as posting it prominently on my profile.  That was something i considered to be a positive step toward reaching my desired goal of becoming His slave.  At the risk of offending some, i felt like He had "marked His territory", with those words, kind of like a male animal marking his territory in the wild. Maybe there are more than "two camps" on this issue but, it just seemed to me, as i read through the posts, that people either 1) said they had positive results from using it and saw no reason to do away with it for those who wanted to use it or, 2) couldn't see any value in it whatsoever and wanted it's use stopped.  Maybe there were some middle-of-the road responses but, they didn't stand out. Of course, people need to be informed about who they are investing their time and emotions on and what is to be expected of them and what it meant by this term and that term, etc., etc.  But, just because you happen to find a particular term or a particular approach, used by some in finding and developing a potential D/s relationship, to be objectionable or unreasonable or a sign of weakness and insecurity, doesn't mean that is the case, although i'm sure it probably is sometimes.   Still, to just declare that "Under Consideration" is a joke - an insecure child's way of preventing the loss of something they do not even own yet." is, in my opinion and from my experience, just plain wrong.  Of course, my Master didn't own me yet, when i was "Under Consideration."  If He had, i would have been "Owned Property of" rather than "Under Consideration of."  But, my Master had staked His claim on me, as Wwe had discussed together and mutually agreed to and Wwe both wanted to make that point clear to anyone and everyone looking at my profile.  If i hadn't wanted to proceed any further with Him, i would never have accepted His offer to take me "Under Consideration" and i would have said "Adios" to Him and moved on.  Being "Under Consideration" wasn't forced on me.  It was something that i wanted and welcomed. Everyone has a right to decide how best to find and develop potential relationships and not everyone is going to do it the same way.  The use of any particular approach or words, including, "Under Consideration" or "Owned Property" or "Master's 'lil piece of meat", is a personal matter.  Some of these appeal to some people and repulse others.  But, why should any of them be banned, just because some people don't like them?  And, as i said before, "If you don't find any purpose for it or you have some objection to it, then don't use it and don't bother with someone who does use it.  Simply ignore it and them." BTW, there are 126 Days until Christmas!  Still plenty of time to make that list.[:)] slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."


quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES

You need to go back and read my posts a bit more carefully. I stand by my thoughts no matter how little you may have been able to understand about the points I was making. (...and Joy, I do not mean that in an insulting way - I really DO believe you didn' t wholly grasp the points I'm making...but then in hindsight I may not have presented it well either....). No matter though, your views are valid to you and rightfully so and I respect your reitertation of them.

I will add this. I've spent a LOT of years in the D/s world and I do understand the issues that come with being a Dominant/Master to a woman quite well, perhaps at least as well as most people here. (But how can we know it for "any" woman - I can't....) Do I know everything?  Hell no! I am still learning, in literally every arena in life - especially this one. I have in place what anyone else has - the sum total of my experiences, observations, and thoughts  - to rely on when I respond to a post such as the original one. Have a look up there at the last post exchange I responded to. You and your Master had come to a joint agreement where he was willing to committ to you. That is FAR different than the case I was making. No insult was intended to you or to he.

Just don't drop me from the Christmas card list :)

DS4.



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 4:25:31 PM)

Under Consideration Speech Restrictions -  if you ask me are a bit of a joke anyways.  Basically, chances are she's already been talking to X number of Doms onlines, and Y number perhaps on the phone.  Sure you can lay down the law, and tell her not to talk to anybody else.  However, does she really or not.

I think a number of sub/slaves go along to make the prospective Domly Dom/me feel good about it.  In reality the sub/slave may still be speaking with somebody though.

If the sub/slave is this much into you anyways, they will be getting rid of these other people without you asking.   If the sub/slave is really into things between you and them, they will keep thier conversations at a friendship level.   Basically, they show signs of true non-forced submissive acts.  They will show a willingness to do these things and will share what they've done with you, knowing you will be pleased.  Call it a form of submissive offering.  

Some of you Domly types out there, just because you lay down the lay don't actually believe for a moment, they are in full compliance do you?   Sure, it might make you feel good and more secure about shit, however, the sub/slave might be placed in a situation where they end up lieing to you.   Not a good sensation for your new prospective sub/slave. 

If you're fearful your prospective sub/slave will run off with somebody else, then there either an insecurity issue, or a trust issue at hand.  I think anybody with half a brain knows what is involved in "Under Consideration" and where their primary focus should be.   Why, the Hell does one need to add speech restrictions to it?  I mean you already got them to agree to exploring things in more depth.

There are scammers and game players online, that use this restriction to manipulate others in a bad way.   Hell, I just saw one profile online.  She was online almost two weeks, she ended up being placed UNDER CONSIDERATION, has it plastered all over her profile.   She was getting pissed off that other men were still emailing her, anyways it did not last for LONG because the DOM was married.  LOL  Dugh!  What a stupid waste of time. 

Personally, if I was submissive and somebody I met wanted to have me placed "Under Consideration" within the same week of talking to them, I would not do it.  If they had a problem with it, and gave me attitude I'd probally tell them to Fuck off then.

I think and honestly feel this whole speech restriction thing, is a bit of joke to a point.   There are those out there that have been burned by it.  There are those out there that feel it's a joke after all, that it's not really gonna stop somebody from talking to others.   Whatever happened to wanting to know you actually have the other person attention and focus without it being forced?  Hahaha...  Perhaps I'm just fucking crazy.  Believe me I question myself every day more and more that I'm online.





Padriag -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 6:22:49 PM)

To no one in particular...

I'm not gonna read nine pages of people commenting, arguing, debating, whining, etc. whether a dominant has the right to tell a submissive they can't talk to another.

Simple truth is, if the submissive chose to give a dominant that authority, then they have it.  Whether its a "mentor", a dom considering them, or their best friend George.  That's just how it is, nobody is going to ban anything, nobody would pay it any attention if they did, and most importantly it does not matter.

It doesn't matter because if someone is already seriously interested in somone else (i.e. "under consideration") then you're wasting your time trying to "poach".
It doesn't matter because no matter how much whining someone does, if they aren't interested in you, they aren't interested.
It doesn't matter because apparently it hasn't occured to some rubes that "under consideration" for some is like wearing a wedding band in a club... a single girl's way of screening guys.

Not everything is what it seems, and this certainly isn't a day care where submissives need babysitters.  Some days, I think some of these "doms" are the ones who need the babysitters... or at least need to take a nap.



DS4DUMMIES -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 6:59:26 PM)

Isn't it great when people actually communicate and try to see each other's views? It turns out we likely see things in an almost similar way, once you consider the nuances of each position. Your assessment of my position is accurate. Thank you as well for your thoughtful response. Your David is a lucky man - his lady is one to be proud of. :) 

I'm looking forward to Christmas now...lol.

Respectfully;
DS4

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy


DS4, i appreciate your thoughtful response to my last post.  i have gone back and read your posts on this thread more than once and i feel fairly certain that i grasped what you have been saying.  i believe that you are concerned about subs being taken advantage of by unscrupulous or fake "Doms" or "Masters", who use "Under Consideration" to improperly manipulate the unsuspecting sub/slave.  If i didn't read you right, i hope you will help me to better understand what you are saying. i know that there are plenty of people online and in real life who will use whatever means they have to get what they want and have no problem using others to get what they want.  i also know that there are some very gullible people (not just subs but, Doms, too, and not just online but, in real life, too) and some get burned by trusting to readily.  People who do not become well informed about things they are being asked or told to do by someone they don't know are subject to being taken advantage of or hurt.  It happens all the time.  And, that's not unique to BDSM or to being online and it's not unique to only those who use "Under Consideration." What i have tried to express in my posts is that it is possible to find someone online who is honorable and honest and has integrity and is confident and secure and means what he says and says what he means and isn't trying to BS someone just to get what he wants, without any concern for the poor sap on the other end and, uses "Under Consideration."  It happens.  It happened for me, with my Master.  And, from some of the other responses on here, it has happened for others, too.  Not everyone who uses "Under Consideration" is up to no good or is worried about not being able to hold onto what he has found.  For me, i felt very good when my prospective Master said that He wanted to take Oour newly developing relationship from, "just getting to know each other" to "Under Serious Consideration" and that He wanted me to write to the other men i had been communicating with, to let them know of this change, as well as posting it prominently on my profile.  That was something i considered to be a positive step toward reaching my desired goal of becoming His slave.  At the risk of offending some, i felt like He had "marked His territory", with those words, kind of like a male animal marking his territory in the wild. Maybe there are more than "two camps" on this issue but, it just seemed to me, as i read through the posts, that people either 1) said they had positive results from using it and saw no reason to do away with it for those who wanted to use it or, 2) couldn't see any value in it whatsoever and wanted it's use stopped.  Maybe there were some middle-of-the road responses but, they didn't stand out. Of course, people need to be informed about who they are investing their time and emotions on and what is to be expected of them and what it meant by this term and that term, etc., etc.  But, just because you happen to find a particular term or a particular approach, used by some in finding and developing a potential D/s relationship, to be objectionable or unreasonable or a sign of weakness and insecurity, doesn't mean that is the case, although i'm sure it probably is sometimes.   Still, to just declare that "Under Consideration" is a joke - an insecure child's way of preventing the loss of something they do not even own yet." is, in my opinion and from my experience, just plain wrong.  Of course, my Master didn't own me yet, when i was "Under Consideration."  If He had, i would have been "Owned Property of" rather than "Under Consideration of."  But, my Master had staked His claim on me, as Wwe had discussed together and mutually agreed to and Wwe both wanted to make that point clear to anyone and everyone looking at my profile.  If i hadn't wanted to proceed any further with Him, i would never have accepted His offer to take me "Under Consideration" and i would have said "Adios" to Him and moved on.  Being "Under Consideration" wasn't forced on me.  It was something that i wanted and welcomed. Everyone has a right to decide how best to find and develop potential relationships and not everyone is going to do it the same way.  The use of any particular approach or words, including, "Under Consideration" or "Owned Property" or "Master's 'lil piece of meat", is a personal matter.  Some of these appeal to some people and repulse others.  But, why should any of them be banned, just because some people don't like them?  And, as i said before, "If you don't find any purpose for it or you have some objection to it, then don't use it and don't bother with someone who does use it.  Simply ignore it and them." BTW, there are 126 Days until Christmas!  Still plenty of time to make that list.[:)] slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."


quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES

You need to go back and read my posts a bit more carefully. I stand by my thoughts no matter how little you may have been able to understand about the points I was making. (...and Joy, I do not mean that in an insulting way - I really DO believe you didn' t wholly grasp the points I'm making...but then in hindsight I may not have presented it well either....). No matter though, your views are valid to you and rightfully so and I respect your reitertation of them.

I will add this. I've spent a LOT of years in the D/s world and I do understand the issues that come with being a Dominant/Master to a woman quite well, perhaps at least as well as most people here. (But how can we know it for "any" woman - I can't....) Do I know everything?  Hell no! I am still learning, in literally every arena in life - especially this one. I have in place what anyone else has - the sum total of my experiences, observations, and thoughts  - to rely on when I respond to a post such as the original one. Have a look up there at the last post exchange I responded to. You and your Master had come to a joint agreement where he was willing to committ to you. That is FAR different than the case I was making. No insult was intended to you or to he.

Just don't drop me from the Christmas card list :)

DS4.



theq -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 7:37:22 PM)

If the two of you want to remain on a dating site together....but don't trust each other (serious issues brewing there....for the relationship)...then...

Why not open a joint account, post using it and only get IMs through it. Both update their other accounts to make reference to that one and never log into the other accounts as long as the relationship lasts? Nobody gets "private" notes then...but I have a feeling that isn't what these......Dominants (or whatever)....are looking for.

Q



chey -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 8:58:44 PM)

I have a serious question then. In this situation I am involved very real time with a dominant man, not collared but still becoming very serious. The relationship is real and moving forward, I am not being tested to see how good I can be, or if he really wants me. I've not been ordered to stop talking to anyone or to do anything silly. However I have been telling other men that I am seeing someone I am very interested in and we are working on a relationship. Thank you for the interest but right now my interest lies elsewhere. I thought saying I was under consideration was a much easier way of putting it with less words. LOL....um...maybe not! So I think I will stick with I am not available or interested at this time, my heart is somewhere else!

I guess under consideration sounds a little like he is not sure if he really wants me. I don't think I like that!

Come to think of it I didn't even ask a question did I? Oh well!



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 9:31:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chey

I have a serious question then. In this situation I am involved very real time with a dominant man, not collared but still becoming very serious. The relationship is real and moving forward, I am not being tested to see how good I can be, or if he really wants me. I've not been ordered to stop talking to anyone or to do anything silly. However I have been telling other men that I am seeing someone I am very interested in and we are working on a relationship. Thank you for the interest but right now my interest lies elsewhere. I thought saying I was under consideration was a much easier way of putting it with less words. LOL....um...maybe not! So I think I will stick with I am not available or interested at this time, my heart is somewhere else!

I guess under consideration sounds a little like he is not sure if he really wants me. I don't think I like that!

Come to think of it I didn't even ask a question did I? Oh well!


Chey, you sound like you're living too much in the real time babe, and not enough online.  It's really strange to see a submissive actually being submissive and not needing a hundred rules layed out before her as to how to properly submit.  LOL.  Damn, now my whole fantasy world has become shattered by reality.   I need to turn off my computer and get offline now.  



slavegirljoy -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/20/2007 9:54:37 PM)

Thank you, DS4.  It really is great to be able to communicate and discuss and even debate and, sometimes, come to an understanding about our similarities and differences.  For me, that's what makes spending time on this site enjoyable.  It's good to know that i actually got what you were saying.  Sometimes emotions can cloud the issues and can interfere with being able to get what's really being said.  i'm glad that we were able to reach some common ground.  Thank you for the very nice compliment, even though i know that i'm the one that's lucky.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES
Isn't it great when people actually communicate and try to see each other's views? It turns out we likely see things in an almost similar way, once you consider the nuances of each position. Your assessment of my position is accurate. Thank you as well for your thoughtful response. Your David is a lucky man - his lady is one to be proud of. :) 

I'm looking forward to Christmas now...lol.

Respectfully;
DS4



chey -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/21/2007 4:52:10 AM)

Whiplash that made me smile....and this time of the morning I needed it! Coffee is not even done yet!

Believe he has rules but I think he might trust my common sense.  I was serious though when I said I thought saying "under consideration" would be just a simple way to put it to someone who expressed an interest in me, he also thought it sounded fine. But I am able to see the points made by others here about the term and how it is used in most cases.

Bottom line is that no matter what anyone else thinks, we are really the only two who truly matter when it comes to us and what we do. As long as we are communicating with each other we are on the right path.

If he wanted to read my emails though, I'm not sure I would have a problem with it. I have nothing to hide. Sometimes I wonder if that whole "all emails from Doms will be forwarded" thing isn't really just to try to attempt to discourage them from writing in the first place? Who has time to really read them? If I were the Dom (lol....okay I'm giggling a little bit) I would just tell her to delete them unread or something. Or read them and have some fun if you're bored? I don't know. I just can't imagine getting myself all upset over some cyber letter.  Life is too short. Go sit at his feet and enjoy your time together!



TheEnglishDom -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/21/2007 5:40:56 AM)

If someone is 'fool' enough to allow a 'prospective dom, or domme' access to their account, then maybe they are so very green to it all, that maybe next time they will think twice.  One does learn from one's experiences, or does one?

Is a D/s type of relationship meant to be based on trust?  If so, then why does anyone need access to your account/email? 
If you are new, ask yourself these questions, over and over, always ask yourself many questions, about everything in the relationship, it may just keep you safe.  There are so many people out here that do not understand the desires of others, and will not take your desires into account.

Yes there are a lot of new people out there, and they do pick up good, or bad protocols, but as long as it's nothing bad that is happening to them, hopefully they will learn from it all and use that in helping them decide what they want out of a relationship as such.

We can only hope that those dangerous ones out there slowly become extinct, without doing damage to anyone.  They are going to damage the name and role of what others think about it all, but that's evident in all aspects of life and the human race.






chiaThePet -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/21/2007 7:39:27 AM)

OMG punkdom, they're still considering consideration, considerably!

And you didn't even include the words Bi, forced, cum, strap-on, ass, fat,
fat-ass, tribute, cock (big or small), cuckold, or "they done me wrong"
in your post title! A considerable success i must say, all things considered.

chia* (the pet)  



celticlord2112 -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/21/2007 9:31:32 AM)

Perhaps we should stop and reconsider how considerable we want our consideration to be....

AGGGGGHHHHH....it's catching!  (apparently, it's considerably contagious as well! )



TheEnglishDom -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/21/2007 11:38:13 AM)

Well would one consider the condideration given to the considered, and consider the amount of consideration that is considerable to the considered?



SeanPony -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/21/2007 12:06:06 PM)

^^^^^ Hahahah Sweet fucking jesus!



kikinymph -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/21/2007 1:44:26 PM)

Hmmm seems to me that this "under consideration" stuff is kinda like the first steps of actually getting to know someone...intensely.  So let me get this straight, cuz I'm confused... if I were to ever engage in this "under consideration" stuff, then I wouldn't be able to converse with my mentor(s) via phone, face to face, email, im?  What about my actual friends, even if they are dominant or submissive, or switch?  Ummm yeah, no thanks. 
   The BDSM lifestructure is much like the vanilla world of dating and interacting.  There are times when someone is a "free agent" and is kinda bouncing around checking out the local flavor...and then they get serious.  Collars are VERY SERIOUS and not to be messed with.  So why can't a submissive, or a dominant, or switch simply be polite and turn down any advances that are unwanted?  You know, like any of us would if we had a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" out in the 'nilla world? 

I'm kinda happy to be a free thinking submissive... of course, then again I can't serve Himself (or others as he deems) if I can't think and make solid judgements.  If I have a question as to his actions, thoughts, or words, there are polite and appropriate ways to ask about them!

Kiki
Dawg's pet



Hisbellaluna -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/21/2007 2:39:27 PM)

nope, thats not the way "under consideration" works all of the time or even most of the time...its how abusers work on isolating you from anyone who might tell you that they are abusing you...if they were seriously concerned about the person having a negative influence on you, they would do it on an individual, case by case basis



slavegirljoy -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/21/2007 4:03:14 PM)

To nobody, in particular:
 A few things that i have been considering, since this thread first caught my attention. 1) For me, "Under Consideration" was just a part of the process of developing a potential and serious, long term, 24/7, Master/slave relationship that brought me one step closer to becoming the "Property of" my Master, which is why i came to CM to begin with. 2) Everyone who i was corresponding with, prior to beginning conversations with the man who was to become my Master, was "Under my Consideration" as a potential Master, just as i was under their consideration as a potential slave.  But, when i discovered that there was One Man, who stood out above all the rest and who i felt there was a serious possibility that He could be the Master i was seeking, i stopped considering all of the others, while i focused all of my attention, time, and energy on following-up on whether this was going to be IT or not. 3) For me, "Under Consideration" was a 2-way street, since i was considering Him to fill the position of becoming my Master, just as much as He was considering me to fill the position of becoming His slave. 4) There were no Communication Restrictions or any other "act of submission", placed on me during the "Under Consideration" phase of my developing M/s relationship.  There were no restrictions, of any kind, placed on me until AFTER the "Under Consideration" phase ended and i became the "Property of" my Master. 5) For me, i have no secrets from my Master.  i hate secrecy.  i am an open book to Him and He knows all there is to know about me, past and present.  He is my best friend.  He is my trusted Master.  i trust Him with my life.  Why wouldn't i trust Him with full access to my email, which is mostly boring stuff from the various online groups i subscribe to, any way?  If i didn't trust Him to read my email, how could i possibly trust Him to take charge of my life? 6) i am well aware of what "Abuse" is and i certainly don't need an "outside influence" to clue me in on whether i am being abused or not.  Maybe, because i saw a certain level of abuse growing up and worked on a Domestic Abuse hotline for awhile, i have an understanding of abuse that others might not have.  But, i think most people are self-aware enough to know when something doesn't feel right and the only question is, are they brave enough to do something about it?  Most women, who have gotten out of abusive relationships, say that they knew they were being abused but they were "afraid" to tell anyone.  So, even without any restrictions on their communications, they still were not proactive enough to get help.  In fact, most women in abused relationships, go to work every day and have ample opportunity to tell someone and to get help in getting out.  i don't know how any Dom could restrict all communications of his sub all the time, unless he keeps her locked in a cage in the basement, with a gag in her mouth. 7) To me, "uncertainty", especially in a new relationship, is not a "fatal flaw" of a Dominant.  i have seen many references to the idea that a Dominant, who wants to use the term, "Under Consideration" is indicating His "uncertainty" about the potential sub/slave, as though that is a horrible thing.  Well, i happen to believe that uncertainty is a healthy and normal condition, to a varying degree, that should be present throughout the course of a relationship.  There shouldn't be doubt about the sincerity or honesty or trustworthiness of the people involved but, to question the relationship, where it's at, where it's going, how it's going, whether it's where you want it to be, etc., is a very positive thing.  Oh, you can feel "so sure" about someone, at times, and then, find yourself wondering if this is really the right person for you or if this is really want you want and need at this time in your life, and then be even "more sure than ever", a little later.  At least, that has been my experience.  Is there really any such thing as 100% certainty in any relationship, especially in the early stages? 8)  To me, having some uncertainty is a good sign, whether it is the D or the s, because it shows that there is some continuing examination going on, some thoughtful "consideration" taking place, and how else do you get to a point of some "relative certainty", without careful thought and consideration?  It shows me that the Dominant is actually giving me and Oour possible long term, 24/7, M/s relationship some serious examination and isn't just acting on impulse. Anyone else feel this way or am i alone on this?  It wouldn't be the first time, if i am.  Just wondering....... slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."



HisAlphaSlaveJ -> RE: Stop "Under Consideration" Speech Restrictions (8/21/2007 4:44:03 PM)

can we consider this topic over yet?



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