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RE: Help im Desperate - 8/20/2007 5:54:35 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		Ok, usually I'd go with the "you're an idiot and here's why" approach, but hey, I'm in a good mood today.

First, I'm not a munch guy myself, so I understand being hesitant. And I'm not really interested in older women (with some exceptions), so I understand where you're coming from with that. I will, however, second what's been suggested :looking either for university groups or TNG (The Next Generation- typically age restricted to 18-35 year olds) nearby. From a really cursory look, it seems like you'll be able to find a couple different groups within reasonable driving distance. I'd recommend giving them a shot, because really, the most you'll lose is a couple hours of your time.

If you're dead set against munches, that's your business, and not a death knell for your chances... it'll just make it a little harder.

As for whether or not a pro is the way to go, it's not a bad idea, no matter what. But as far as being your only outlet... ask yourself if you want a long term relationship, or just a meet and beat. If you just want physical sensations (even if it's just for now), then yeah, go to a pro. She'll take your money, you'll get what you want, and everyone walks away happy.

If you want a long term thing, then open yourself up to searching areas that aren't that close to you. Sure, a three hour drive (or a six hour drive) can be annoying... but if you're in a relationship that satisfies you, it can be worth it. Lots of people are willing to drive a couple hours if they think there's at least some connection- don't rule that out as a possibility.

Final thought... you're a little screwed just by numbers. Sub males outnumber female dominants pretty handily. There's a huge number of guys wanting the attention of just a few women. This seems bad... but there's a silver lining. I've found BD/SM communities are pretty close knit. Those few women very well might know each other. Don't be rude or impolite to someone just because you don't want to submit to them- you never know who they're friends with, or who they might want to introduce you to. That's the same reason I'd suggest trying munches/etcetera that might have an older crowd... just because they're older than you doesn't mean they don't have friends closer to your age.

But that's just my advice. Feel free to ignore it.


< Message edited by SmokingGun82 -- 8/20/2007 5:58:38 PM >

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to Cuckme4Life)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Help im Desperate because I want instant gratificat... - 10/10/2007 6:36:10 AM   
musikman1


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I REALLY should heed my mama's words about sarcasm. :)

You said: and i have searched the munches online and i dont want to be around middle aged people who have done all sorts of stuff

Hmmm, possibly you are looking more for a kinky date than a Domme?  I have ALWAYS preferred the older, more experienced Dom or Domme because they've "been there, done that," and were GREAT at taking newbies and making us feel comfy while "kinking us up." (so to speak)

You said: i would be out of place and really uncomfortable

I guess my theatre upbringing doesn't all me to empathize.  In the theatre world, age is meaningless.  If you are 16 years old lad and appearing in The Music Man, and you run into a 75 year old lady who appeared in The Music Man 20 years ago, you both have common experiences to relate: the dancer that fell off the stage during a Saturday Matinee, the time that the guy playing Harold Hill forgot the words to Trouble, the lighting board that blew out right in the middle of Shipoopi..

Experiences like this sort of molded me away from the "age" issue. One of my fondest dating experiences was when I was a  19 year old kid, conducting his first full orchestra, and I was "picked up" by the 32 year old flight attendant that was playing 2nd Violin..  Oh MY, did that "middle aged" lady teach me a few tricks.. It's funny now that I think back, the age difference wasn't even on anyone's mind.. 

Of course, that's ME, not you, and just because I'm uninhibited with folks of "other" ages, doesn't mean that you are wrong because you feel uncomfortable.  It just seems odd to me, as true Dom/me "play" isn't (shouldn't be) predominantly about sex, but rather the interesting road that we subs take getting TO sex..

But that's just me..

You said: i think the best answer is visiting a young experienced professional who knows what she is doing.

I have to admit that in this "American Idol I'm-going-to-be-an-instant-star" world, that the idea of knowledge, experience and training seems a bit passe.. 

If you are visiting a YOUNG Domme (let's just say for example, 21 years old, same as you), just in what years of her life did she get enough yearrs of experience to be able to claim to be a "professional?"  Do you want a beginner (no matter HOW hot she looks) tieing you down and declaring, "Let's play with this new sounds set that came in the mail today!"

Or even just "slightly" kinky stuff, would She know how hard to paddle you, how tight is too tight to tie you up, how quickly to thrust that 10" long/3" wide strap-on into your virgin bottom (or mouth)?

I mean, consider this: YOU know what "kinks" you are expecting from this Domme.  How many others would you like Her to have "practiced" on before exposing Her to YOUR body? 

Figure out how long it will take YOU to look up information on each and every kink that inhabits your fantasies, and imagine how long it would take YOU to get comfortable "acting" as the Dom so that YOU could be comfortable enough to do it to complete strangers that you know NOTHING about.. after all, THAT is the Professional Domme's stock in trade.. having the experience to kinda do an "instant evaluation" with this 21 year old guy that "didn't want to wait and wanted to have kinky fun RIGHT NOW.".  Multiply the time to learn one activity times the number of activities that you would idealy like to have the Domme perform on you, and THEN, after adding all that time up, SUBTRACT it from 21 years old, and then really THINK in your mind, what age a 21 year old would have to START at in order to be an "experienced professional" at the age you ideally wish your Domme to be..

I can give you a really good f'rinstance.  One lovely Lady that i am serving at the moment is VERY good at a certain discipline of what you might call "edge play."  And She is fairly known for this activity.  To Her surprise (She has related to me, I don't think there's any big "confidentiality issue" here) She has been consistently approached by "professional" Dommes from around the country, ages 23-35, asking Her to "train them" in how to perform this particular activity correctly and effectively.  She really doesn't have the "Teacher Gene" in Her, and doesn't really desire to train Others (although I have suggested that She needs to put an online training course together, since it's obviously something that subs are craving, but some Dommes don't feel comfortable performing with no prior experience).

How would you feel going to one of these "professionals" and requesting that activity.. or rather, how would you like to be the "crash test dummy" that She practices on, and maybe gets and right and maybe not?

(And the audience goes "Ahaaaaaaaaaa!")

Just food for thought.  Possibly you really need more of a kinky girlfriend than a true Domme so that you two can learn together, and you can "bring Her up right," learning your particular kinks and fetishes..  It really sounds like you want "kinky sex" more than a "lifestyle experience." 

And, unfortunately, finding a kinky girlfriend is not going to be easy either. 

I might seem that a "quick fix" might not be in the cards for you, given your specific pre-requisites..

But, this advice is worth TWICE what you paid for it! (big grin)

mm1


(in reply to UR2Badored)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Help im Desperate because I want instant gratificat... - 10/10/2007 10:41:37 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		It sounds to me, that he has very specific ideas in mind of what the "ideal Domme" should be and look like.  Ethier he will grow up and find out differently, ( and like it.) or he will grow up and get bored with the lifestyle and go do something else.  I agree with musikman, do some actual research,(that does not include porn!) on this site for instance,  contact a couple of Pro-Dominants, talk to them, get to know them as people.  You really should look into that TNG group, even if you don't want to go to the munches, they often offer classes/workshops, host/sponser play parties demonstrations.  My local TNG group usually comes together to the public play parties. (for safety and comfort. easier to go somewhere where you know people.)  And lastly but not least, the munches maybe full of people who you aren't attracted to, but they do have good ideas,alot of experience and are fun to talk to.  (and they may know of a young Domme who is looking for a newbie sub!)

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to musikman1)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Help im Desperate because I want instant gratificat... - 10/16/2007 2:23:25 PM   
musikman1


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LadyLynx,

Well said!  What fun it would be to be a beginning sub and run into a beginning Dom/me and learn together!! 

mm1

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 44
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