Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

a question


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> a question Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
a question - 8/18/2007 11:57:27 AM   
Justagrrl


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline 		even being slave do i have the right to say this offends me i dont want this when we started talking attitude they own me or attitude i might like it ? but they dont want to know the girl just the "slave" How do You respond without getting angry or upset..
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: a question - 8/18/2007 12:19:18 PM   
CutieMouse


Posts: 81
Status: offline 		I take it this is with people who answer your personls ad, with whom you don't yet have a agreed upon M/s dynamic?

You do it by setting boundaries. If someone offends you, decide if they are worth your time and attention. If they are, tell them you're offended by ___, and if they respect your feelings, continue chatting. If they don't, move on. If you don't like how someone is addressing you, tell them that. If they respect your input, continue talking to them; if not, stop. If someone just wants to treat you like a slave, and has no interest in you as a person (and being in a relationship where you are appreciated as a person is important to you), then you know they aren't a good match. There's no reason to get angry or upset - people who can't respect your boundaries have simply proven themselves to be incompatable.

I might also suggest if you are interested in people getting to know you as a person, as well as a slave, you might want to reflect that in your profile.

(in reply to Justagrrl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: a question - 8/18/2007 12:26:38 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		You always have a say. Period. The end.

Before you are owned, you have a say and control.

After you are owned, you have a say and control.

Different situations. Same outcome.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to CutieMouse)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: a question - 8/18/2007 12:27:19 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Whether it's online or in person, if they express that they want the slave without getting to know the girl who is the slave, politely thank them and move on. If they press for an explanation, I'd be saying "THIS girl  is the slave you're talking about. If you don't want to get to know me, then you can't possibly understand the best way of enslaving me. And frankly, I don't have the time or inclination to continue discussing this with you. We obviously want different things. I am insulted and offended and I don't stay in situations where this happens. Have a nice day."

And then, I click the little x or walk away from where he is and that's that.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 8/18/2007 12:28:51 PM >

(in reply to CutieMouse)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: a question - 8/18/2007 12:33:24 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Don't get involved with a person like that. You choose who you have a relationship with, you choose to continue a relationship or to leave. You have plenty of power here and it is essential that you figure out exactly what you do and don't need in your relationships. And don't settle for anything less.

So if the 'slave's needs are unimportant' types are a big turn off for you (as they are for me), then just say thanks but no thanks, next, when you get written by one of them. Keep looking for a person with the qualities that you find essential.

For me, I don't have to have my way, but I need to be heard and have him understand where I'm coming from because when we're deciding things, he will operate from a logic only point of view and not take people's emotions into account. And the emotional fallout is frequently more important that the financial difference to me. So he has to hear what the emotional fallout will be if he makes a decision his way and be prepared to handle it. What he can't do and be in a relationship with me is to say "I am deciding this solely on what's easiest for me and I don't want you to have any emotional response that causes me any trouble" because I can't do that. But he knew this from the beginning because we talked about it all first.

Talk about what you need, listen to what they have to offer, and go slow. Meet for coffee ten times before moving to lunch, play in public only for three months - do anything you need to be comfortable. A good man will understand your fears and be willing to go at a pace you can handle instead of pushing you until he pushes you away.

(in reply to CutieMouse)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: a question - 8/18/2007 6:04:11 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Someone who does not seem to want to know me as a person is incompatible.  And I'll tell him so and thank for his time.  Being polite is something many of us have learned early on.  You must be able to say thanks but no thanks.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Justagrrl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: a question - 8/18/2007 9:04:26 PM   
Damocles809


Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justagrrl
How do You respond without getting angry or upset..


You say "Go fuck yourself," but with a smile. 

(in reply to Justagrrl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: a question - 8/18/2007 10:01:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You have the authority.  Until you choose not to.

You respond by realizing they aren't important and are clueless and that you control YOUR reactions to things.  Unless you want them to control your reactions?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Damocles809)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 2:55:33 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		The average sub/slave has an inherent need (read 'attribute') to please.  What you *don't* do, and you'll learn this with experience, is waste that need on strangers who have no appreciation of you equally as a human being and individual worthy of respect. 
 
I would suggest that when it comes to responding, you take your cue from the feelings these people are bringing out in you.  If you feel yourself getting angry and upset etc, there's nothing to be gained dancing all around it in order to keep the peace.  Just be polite but firm in wishing them well and saying 'goodbye' - and MEAN IT!
 
And welcome to the Forums.... :-)
 
Focus.

(in reply to Justagrrl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 7:42:36 AM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

You always have a say. Period. The end.

Before you are owned, you have a say and control.

After you are owned, you have a say and control.

Different situations. Same outcome.


Greetings slaveish,

I thought that once you are owned, being a slave or a female kajira, that your life is then in your Owner's hands.  It is more different than being a subbie.  As a slave , you have an input into a decision, but the decision is the final word of the Master.  The control is of the Master and Owner.  Because once you are Owned and have a Master and Owner, you would have gone through all the COMMUNICATION and then made your decision if He is the one for you.  Then when the decision is made on the females/males side, the Master or Owner has the final say.

So the line of ...After you are owned, you have a say and control...I thought should have been ......After you are owned, you have a say but no control.

Be well.

Frank Ar.


< Message edited by FrankAr -- 8/19/2007 7:43:53 AM >

_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to slaveish)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 9:16:14 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justagrrl
do i have the right to say this offends me i dont want this ....
How do You respond without getting angry or upset..


Of course. Thats why I suggest checklists and communication. A checklist gives a guide as to what you have done, have not done, like, don't like, etc. Its a tool, just like anything else.
 
Their are things that MJ likes, that I am not fond of, we have talked about them, and 'explained' our positions and definitions of those things, then made decisions based on that information.
 
Nothing wrong with getting angry or upset, those are natural responses. Its how you react or act is what changes things.
 
One of my all time favorite lines from a tv show was "Act, don't react." It was from Xena the Warrior Princess {yes, I can admit to watching it..I LOVED it} Be respectfull and honest when you talk with your partner, how you act will set the mood and tone.  

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to Justagrrl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 9:33:40 AM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		slaverosebeauty, That checklist seems like a wonderful idea, thank you.  Do you know where to get it online and how can you check off the list on the computer?  I have only seen lists you can copy on the machine...lol.sorry, not computer savvy :)

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 9:35:24 AM   
shyinini


Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with all of the above  ......
 
just a girl....  this slave .......... only property
 
and then you ask them (d type) to respond to you as a woman of great worth in your third paragraph...  ??

might i suggest you present yourself as a woman of great worth...not just anyone's slave, not as just a girl, not just property....  but highly prized property that only one might claim for you are just not anyone's girl, but your own until YOU make the choice 

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.


(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 2:14:51 PM   
PAcpllooking


Posts: 73
Joined: 5/14/2004
Status: offline 		Until you commit you have every right in the world to say or do what you want.
Once you commit as a slave, thats it no choices.

William

((putting on the flame suit))

(in reply to shyinini)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 2:35:00 PM   
Redoubt


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline 		as the others have said... you may be a slave... but you're not their slave... at least not until you choose to be.

And that choice is where the power exchange dynamic comes into it... without your permission, they really have zero control over you. You can be polite, you can be rude, you can be a total bitch... you will of course get the "You're not a slave" response, but you should always reply "I am, I'm just not yours"

Anyone who does not respect your wishes prior to (and some would argue, long after) being taken as a slave, is not worthy of owning anyone. Because you are only a slave to someone as long as you choose.

Good luck searching for your one

(in reply to PAcpllooking)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 4:35:24 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justagrrl

even being slave do i have the right to say this offends me i dont want this when we started talking attitude they own me or attitude i might like it ?

Depends on the relationship. I wanted that so I found an owner who wouldn't dream of taking it away from me. He wants to know whenever I'm upset. He might not change things, but he wants to know.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Justagrrl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 4:39:52 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Only from your point of view.  In my opinion (and only in my opinion) a slave ALWAYS has the option/choice to walk away.

(in reply to PAcpllooking)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 5:54:45 PM   
MasterGremlin


Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		One word  "NEXT!!!"

Sincerely,
minxy

(in reply to Justagrrl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: a question - 8/19/2007 6:50:06 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		grrl,

That is why the lifestyle permits prediscussion on limits.

CP

(in reply to Justagrrl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: a question - 8/20/2007 12:10:51 AM   
Justagrrl


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline 		thank you for all the comments and help, it is helping in my search

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> a question Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094