RE: So I'm not into munches...

RE: So I'm not into munches... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

becca333 -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/18/2007 8:44:29 PM)
I've heard that Renaissance fairs have a lot of Alpha male types. Maybe you could try a few -I know some people who had a lot of success that way.

SimplyMichael -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/18/2007 9:24:36 PM)
BDSM munches, especially in smaller communities tend to self select for people who like sleeping around and playing in public as many have noted. However, while I love playing in public, I am pretty much monogamous. When I am active I pop in and out of the local munches, keeping an eye open and more importantly and ear for rumor of the sort of women I seek. There ARE good dominants in the scene but there are also many who have come into and left the scene. Dropping in often enough that people keep you in their thoughts and mention it to someone else is often how you meet the most interesting people.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/18/2007 9:39:16 PM)
Munches aren't for everyone, and no one is right for all munches. Even in Austin (where there are seriously about a dozen munches EVERY month) there are some I really like, and some I don't like so much. But sadly, dominant men are everywhere and nowhere. If public groups aren't your deal, internet sites really are the best place to start the dating process. And lots of people do make great matches that way. Or perhaps instead of munches, try conventions! Lots of people make great hookups at events like that and the energy is completely different than at a munch.

hsagnev -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/18/2007 9:42:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi I went to a munch twice, and to be honest it wasn't my thing. I'm really not the BDSM-community-type...I'm more the type who prefers to do things behind closed doors, and sees D/s as a personal thing between my lover and me. I have nothing against any of the people I met there, some of them were really great people, but I sort of get the impression that the type of men I'm into aren't the type who go to munches or BDSM clubs. And that really sucks for me, because I'm young, and I'm reasonably attractive, and I do NOT want to be stuck meeting men off the internet. Nothing wrong with it per se, but it just seems so limited. The only other idea I had was to go to more alternative type clubs (there's one in Chicago with shackles built into the wall...it's a punk club, not a BDSM club, but it attracts an eclectic crowd) but so far the only men I've met are subs. I'm obviously not giving up...but it's getting sort of tedious. Should I just make a tank top that says "I like Alpha Males" and be done with it??? One of my biggest problems is that 'vanilla' people think I'm a kinky freak, but 'kinky' people think I'm a vanilla prude. I'm just...particular [&:] Does anyone have any advice, or know of any places that Dominant guys like to hang out that isn't explicitly BDSM oriented? I'll probably go back and try another munch or two...I don't quite fit in but I guess it's better than sitting at home browsing personals ads, right? But does anyone have any other ideas? Just this week I met a guy at a much who told me that he's a dom who first had to be submissive to break into the scene. As for what you say about munches I definitely relate to how you feel. I've been to a few munch gatherings and many ask if I'm a dom, sub or switch and, to be honest, I'd rather keep it private with someone I'm playing with. At least, that is how I feel right now. And, yes, I do feel caught between two worlds; a freak in the vanilla world yet too vanilla for many in the scene. I say you should continue perusing as many social events as possible, that has to be better than finding something though the internet.

ReynardM -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/18/2007 9:57:07 PM)
I just posted kind of a similar question from the opposite (dom) direction. I don't have any real advice for you, but I guess the lesson I've learned from reading this post is that, yeah, maybe I should just keep looking in the normal places and hope to stumble across someone like you who also doesn't hang out in the "scene" but wants the same thing. I like your idea of wearing the triskelion, though. At least, if I saw that it'd change my thinking about how I could interact with someone.

homework -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/18/2007 11:35:50 PM)
xoxi, I have to say that you are lucky to be close to a large metropolitan area. You at least have easy access to lots of different choices of things to be involved in. I live in a city where there is one group. The next closest group is two hours away. Not horrible but it isn't exactly convienet. Now i can definitely understand not enjoying munches. They can be overwhelming and intimidating. But i just kept going to munches to see i clicked with. There are the same regulars every meeting but then there are also new people who show up. I find those people who I want to talk and am polite to the people I don't want to talk to. I found people who made me feel comfortable. Plus in our group there are always people who will meet up with me before a play party so we can go together and at all of our events there is a place to socialize and a place to just watch. There is always a great DM (dungeon master) who, if you tell them you are having a problem, they will step in and enforce the rules of the space. All parties i have gone to, if someone asks to play with you and you say no, no menas no. I also have to say when you are meeting guys don't forget just becasue you are a sub doen't mean that you have to do things you don't want. That is why there are things called negotiations. Also that is why you and your perspective other talk and vocalize what you both need in the relationship. You find out what you both want or don't want. The hardest part i think you will find is the time it can take to find someone that fits you the best. But then this is true of any "vanilla" relationship as well. I have to say i found a great Master. He isn't in to beating me very hard. I would have to say our scenes are only a few steps above "vanilla" from a physical stand point that is. But hey that is what is good for us. You have to find what is right for you- this will take communication,patience, and deciding what you really want (reading, classes, and talking to experienced people will help) Good luck

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 12:25:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi The only other idea I had was to go to more alternative type clubs (there's one in Chicago with shackles built into the wall...it's a punk club, not a BDSM club, but it attracts an eclectic crowd) but so far the only men I've met are subs. I'm obviously not giving up...but it's getting sort of tedious. The Exit is another good non-BDSM place to hang out (unless you're talking about that one) especially when they do public play on Thursday nights i'm not a munch, public display/play or fetish party person either however i've met dominant men at certain concerts (like metal/punk shows) i review around town

Phin -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 6:56:39 AM)
wearing the symbol is not a bad idea. Vanilla folk will just think its cute, and kinky folk might know what it is. If I saw a woman wearing one, I would be more likely to approach her about BDSM. It is slightly less widespread than say a collar. although you are not into public play a play party might not be a bad idea. Sit back and be a voyeur, talk to other people, if you are asked to play politely say no thanks, and people watch. I can think of several people that go to a social that I regularly attend that I have never seen play. They attend the social to socialize with like minded folks in a more kink-friendly area than in a public restaurant.

Exquemelin -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 8:53:43 AM)
Well I certainly can't speak for all munches, I've only been to one groups (Not ironically named The Group, not ironically cause irony is when the opposite of the expected occurs, which this isn't) even in my area but my expierences have been pretty good. I haven't noticed the gossipping people are talking of course but the topics run the gamut, from how thier kids are doing to planning for the trip to ShibariCon. Now I've never gone to a play party, and if I did I don't think I'd play, I'd be much more interested in learning proper techniques and whatnot. I wish there were more classes where I was but that seems to be the one thing my area is lacking. One thing I do love about my munch, door prizes, I've gotten a pair of handcuffs and a paddle for showing up and playing a game(kinky word search twice, kinky bingo once, yep I've been three times). The problem I have with mine is it seems to be couple dominated and there aren't many people around my age. I actually did get mistaken for being in a couple with the woman I was sitting with last time, but it seemed to be an honest mistake. Oh, and one time a drunk old guy was there very early but he got sent home in a cab before the munch really started. On the other hand I certainly could understand it not being for you. I suppose it wouldn't be for everybody, although I have no idea where you'd go to meet dominants otherwise other than well, here. Where do I hang out? Well I've got a fantasy football draft coming up in a few weeks, I've got some friends coming for a visit the weekend before that, we're planning on going to the beach, and probably some museums notably the local Armory. Don't know how you'd pick me out of the crowd though. Ex

realtuffdom -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 9:38:06 AM)
Munches are really hard on shy people. Then again, so is practically every other venue for that matter. I went to a munch a few weeks ago, and I tried speaking to the people around me, but the much older woman sitting to my right had turned her chair away from me (even before I sat down, so it wasn't personal), so I was right off the start cut off from half of the room because this woman made one hell of a huge wall on my right side. So, I was able to talk to the woman directly across from me (who was the slave of the guy sitting next to her), her master, and the guy sitting on my left. I kind of felt sorry for those two guys because they were the only people I could actually talk to, and it really felt awkward. I found myself having to look away from the female slave sitting in front of me because she was wearing a massively inappropriate blouse (for a family restaurant) and no matter how I looked in her direction, it always felt like I was jus staring inappropriately, even when I was trying really hard not to. Anyway, I was fortunate that there was a talk going on this evening because otherwise it would have been a very socially awkward situation for me. I'm usually pretty good at engaging in conversation (regardless of the shy thing), but sometimes there's an atmosphere that radiates that states "You don't belong here" because everyone knows everyone else, and no one is actually going out of his or her way to welcome any of the new people who show up. It was this evening that made me realize how much I really dislike munches, but to be honest, it's about my only touch to any community I have as my old contacts are in the Bay Area, and Stockton really isn't close enough (no matter how close it looks on my little map). So, what's the point of this post? To gripe and complain? No, actually not. What I have decided to do is try the munch again, but this time I'll see if my one friend in the scene in this area is interested in going with me. In the past, that's usually how I've been able to manage going to a munch. I know she was disappointed that I didn't bring her to this last munch, but to be honest, until she complained, I didn't realize that she would have even been interested. So, sometimes maybe just finding someone local into the scene who you build a friendship with is the kind of person to drag along to a munch, just so you don't end up feeling like that one person that doesn't belong. Of course, that failed with me in the past, as one of my close friends some years back was a hot dominant who was looking for someone a bit different than me (we'd explored a mutual relationship and realized we were much more suited for bizarre friends than relationship material, and we're still bizarre friends to this day). Anyway, we went together as a way to keep from being alone, but like I said she was a hot dominant, and next thing I knew she was the life of the munch, having everyone eating out of her hand, and I ended up being alone at the prom again, even though I brought the prom queen.

MistressDoMe -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 11:19:51 AM)
A lot of us are not into "munches". Why not just focus on the big events and parties. You live in Chicago, there are plenty of parties and events that you can go to. Also, don't give up on Collarme, you might be surprised whom you might meet when you least expect it. : )

Alumbrado -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 11:29:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi That's actually one of the main reasons I'm worried about meeting a guy at a munch or community event ThinkingKitten! If he's actively involved in the BDSM community here, it is logical that he probably would want to play at a play party. And I really couldn't get into that. I just can't...the closest I can come is going through the motions with my eyes closed and pretending it's not happening. I know I sound so negative right now, just saying no no no I don't like this that or the other thing, but trust me it's even harder to live it! I know that people can meet the love of their lives at a grocery store, or on the train, or a million other random places, but it seems so much harder when you want more than just 'vanilla' sex, but less than full blown kink. I guess I just need to keep my head up and not turn bitter and discouraged and stuff. And keep reading the replies...seriously you guys are actually giving me hope! Well, you are obviously aware that the more options you rule out, the lower the chance of obtaining a decent result. I doubt seriously if there is a way to find an Alpha Male buffet for you. On the other hand, even if 90% of the people at munches, or in the BDSM community or in clubs, or through personal ads, or online, are unsuitable, by ruling all of those venues out, you've also ruled out the 10% who did meet your criteria. Of course if you keep on trying these avenues, it will be up to you to do the heavy lifting of saying 'No thank you' until someone suitable just happens to come along.[;)]

SimplyMichael -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 11:44:17 AM)
Also, if you are in and around the scene and single, you tend to go to munches till you are not. I am not a big one for munches, there is one I can almost walk to from my house I have been to a couple of times. I met my last partner at a munch although it wasn't till a year or two later we hooked up but we dropped out of the scene entirely the whole time we were together. Munches are like bars, if you sit in the corner and make it hard to meet you, you will get hit on by the brazen bar flies. If you are a bit more forward, the "nice" guys will hit on you and you just might meet someone who is there to meet a partner and who has no interest in spending his evenings in a bar.

Missokyst -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 11:53:57 AM)
I run a munch. Yeah, it can be dull at times, especially when few people show up. But, once they get started and people get to know each other on groups, emails and in person things are fantastic! I often talk to people how poo-poo munches because they prefer keeping their activity to private areas. LOL well heck, I do too! You will never see me baring my breasts at a munch. No one is going to clamp my nipples at a munch. I never see anyone getting spanked at a munch! Most of us keep our play activity private. A munch is solely for a meal and getting to know other people who might share a common interest. It is no different than going to a PTA meeting, or an office after hours get together. A munch is not for play. The only purpose behind one is so that people know there are others out there who have an interest in kink. It is there so people can feel more at ease with what they like and nothing more. Attending a munch is not playing in public. Attending a munch is showing solidarity for what it is that we do. I can't say I have ever met someone at a munch I wanted to play with. That isn't why I run a list or a munch. I do it so that people who would like to know that they are not alone can see we are normal, everyday people just like them. If you have been to a munch and hated it, then you went to the wrong group. OR you expected something different. My group is just starting to thrive, and the reason is because we genuinely like each other as people. That probably wouldnt have happened if we had never met. Meeting people who do this would be much easier if people would stop thinking of a munch as an area to hook up, and just consider it a place to hang out and chat like buddies. Meeting people who do this is difficult enough without limiting how you make contact. Kyst

slavemaia -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 12:29:18 PM)
i used to go to munches fairly regularly, before i was owned. But i'm not a real kink lover in that there aren't many things one would call kink that i actually enjoy. Some of the munches were fun but i didn't experience what i had hoped i would. i thought i would experience an activity with some protocols in place, but there were none and most of the time the subs were just mouthing off to the doms, which was funny to me, but also not what i was seeking in D/s. i too am more private and enjoy what Master and i share in private. Fortunately so does He. But that's the great thing about this world. We all get to pick and choose. i also understand that it's pretty difficult to meet other like-minded people. When i say like-minded, i mean those whose minds are like yours and not necessarily the general BDSM community. So i had to stick with online and i finally met my Master. But - ha ha ha - it was on a vanilla site. Good luck in your journey.

Alumbrado -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 12:50:20 PM)
quote: Some of the munches were fun but i didn't experience what i had hoped i would. i thought i would experience an activity with some protocols in place Just out of curiosity, where did you get the idea that kink activities or protocol took place at munches?

BoundDragon -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 12:56:45 PM)
I have never been to a munch but I'm curious about them.... trouble is I'm away from the main uk scene so I do not know of any events being held within a reasonable distance to me to go find out for myself. Wish I knew more... maybe one day[:(]

FelinePersuasion -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 1:22:58 PM)
munches in my opinion have never been that interesting or spectacullalr in my experince, you go to a restarant, the munch hhohst picked you sit ddown you eat ddinner and you talk about a pre pickekd discussion, in some cases, in others every one just talks about random things, or about thinggs aboutt an upcoming event, likeone time at a munch hhehre it was decided iff the swinger parties shhoudl be allowed to have drinking at thhem, every one said why not, and so it was that the swinfger parties were now allowed to have alchohl at thhem, but withh rules in plllalce. quote: ORIGINAL: BoundDragon I have never been to a munch but I'm curious about them.... trouble is I'm away from the main uk scene so I do not know of any events being held within a reasonable distance to me to go find out for myself. Wish I knew more... maybe one day[:(]

RCdc -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 2:00:13 PM)
You are lucky you are in Devon - Cornwall is way harder for munches..! If you have yahoo account, register and try - BDSM SouthWest It gives all the munches and clubs in the area. If you have problems just contact me and I'll try and put you in touch with someone. There is also Informed Consent for the UK - lots of links there. Just google! Peace the.dark.

ThudBaby -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (8/19/2007 6:33:08 PM)
I've only been to one munch so far and I was kind of eh about it. I had fun with the people I already knew but I had to leave early so maybe that was part of it. I've enjoyed the sub meetings and workshop (I'd say workshops but I've only been to one) that I've attended. However, you probably aren't going to meet an Alpha male type there unless he's working. I did BDSM for quite awhile under the guise of being "kinky." I was the kinkiest person of all my vanilla friends and I tended to date guys who were receptive to that. And you can get away with that some unless you really want to submit. Most vanilla guys will top in some capacity but Domming (for lack of a better word) is tougher to swallow - or at least, it was for the vanilla guys I dated. I found my Master here on CM. Or rather, he found me. So, maybe don't rule out the internet... Really, what does it matter how you meet the person (internet, grocery store, dialing the wrong number) if you enjoy them intellectually, emotionally, and sexually? One of my Dom friends I saw forever ago on a Craigslist ad and then later ran into him on CM. It seems to be the people who are here on CM are pretty serious about their kink - and from you profile - not that you aren't serious about yours but maybe its a milder version. So maybe it would be easier to turn a vanilla guy kink. I mean, we were all vanilla once, right? =) Good luck!

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125