RE: So I'm not into munches... (Full Version)

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LATEXBABY64 -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/5/2007 7:28:39 PM)

nothing wrong with not being into munchers



phoenixsub999 -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/5/2007 8:32:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: paleseptember

Perhaps the best thing to do would be to find a sister subbie in your area and go to parties and/or munches with her. 



LOL, sorry, but that was kind of chicken and egg for me.

When I first got interested in learning more about the lifestyle, I knew no one and all the friends and family at the time were not the types who I could talk to about BDSM. The only thing I could do was look online or try munches and clubs on my own - I'm not the "life of the party" type either so it was quite stressful and awkward for me. 

I do have to say, while I'm not a 'public play' type, I do think it is still a good and, most importantly, SAFE, public place to meet people, get a sense of whether you can trust them, see things firsthand (especially the equipment and the gear that people have) and try things for the first time - if something were to go wrong, there are people there to help you.

Surprisingly, I did find that in like-minded company, I wasn't as body-shy as I thought I'd be and there were others around doing the same thing or even more...interesting things.



RRafe -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/5/2007 10:43:05 PM)

Fast reply. I go to demos and vendor fairs,or meet people online. Not really big on public or munches-too many politics.



MidMichCowboy -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/5/2007 11:39:31 PM)

Now this is a post I really understand. I don't want to scene or play. I just want to do. I want to meet someone who is comfortable going to a Rocky Horror Picture Show Saturday night or a wine tasting or symphony. I want someone who loves when I grab her (maybe while even at a social function), push her against the wall and give a passionate kiss. A lady who loves kneeling at my feet after I've spanked and raped her, as we discuss .. whatever.

If you find an answer .. please share it.




Perplex -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/6/2007 12:09:23 AM)

It's like everything else in the great art of he-ing and she-ing...luck and hope play a big part in it.  Instead of trying to match along narrow confines of the ever moving bar of 'vanilla' or 'kink' just find the partner you want on all fronts and the sex will follow, assuming it was meant to work it will.

life isn't a chickflick but you can be assertive enough early enough with a new date not to waste time on someone who isn't going to turn out to be what you want.  Also think about where you are meeting people..if you want a Biker dude, mebbe the library isn't the first place to start looking conversely if you are the strong cerbreal type you probably won't find him at nascar.

and relax.  NOthing worth having is immediate.  Build your life the way you want it and it's surprising what comes of it down the road...statisitcally there are very few "old maids" in the world so eventually you will find someone, if you can master your own shyness and worry about your pride it can be the right someone. just take control of what you want and don't be afraid (or shy or pridefull that it's supposed to be like in the movies when the music comes up and the credits roll) to demand what you want the way you want it.  Kismet is a funny thing it works best when you are looking at something else. 

to translate all that into non-crunchyhead, a lot of people let thier own crap get in the way of what they want,  they want things to be perfect and easy, life isn't perfect or easy, why should love be, it takes work and a personal demand you get what you want the way you want it...or you end up settleing.  Don't worry so much if somebody new thinks you're a freak cuz you want bondage...if you do want it and he thinks that, it wasn't going to work out anyway so screw what he thinks. 



SirMichealspeach -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/6/2007 7:40:03 AM)

While i don't think there is anything wrong with not liking munches, for Master and i its a way to keep in touch with friends inthe lifestyle. Due to work , kids, and other life things we don't get to socialize as  often as we would like. So our once a month munch lets us catch up with friends, have a good meal and enjoy each others company. Some months someone will have an "after munch play party"  these are usually restricted to  those people who have attended several munches and the group  overall likes and trust them.. In no way is there ever D/s stuff done at a munch..it is only a meet and greet and gives new members a chance to get to know others in the lifestyle without pressure of sceneing.
Sir Micheals peach



mylittlesub -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/6/2007 7:48:42 AM)

I think munches are being given too much emphasis to be "all" - for me, I've always viewed them as a way to 'mingle' with the local community who might have some of the same interests as me and my Master.  We've met many lovely people at munches, but it was only after we arranged to have dinner/lunch/coffee with them separately that we were really able to get to know them.  Think of munches as a tiny ripple in the pond... one that might lead you in a completely different direction if you simply follow the 'lead' it might give you.  Maybe information at a munch will steer you toward a major leather event in your community... which might in turn enlighten you to local lifestylers who host courses, discussions, and guest speakers... which might in turn expose you to some people in alternate settings that can make you feel comfortable to begin making friends... and which might in turn lead you to be introduced to others who are not so "public" that they prefer meeting based on references.... do you see how in time this might lead to something interesting?

I would also suggest joining or involving yourself in submissive boards, discussion groups, or interactive websites like this one.  Get to know your fellow submissives, and you'll be surprised at how many "know of someone" or "know of someone who knows someone" who can be introduced to you, just like in the vanilla world :)  Right now I myself know of three wonderful Dominant and single men who are dying to find that special submissive lady - so you're not alone in wondering if there's anyone special out there!

In summary, I would basically suggest that, rather focusing on "finding" someone, you simply immerse yourself in a circle of friends and acquaintances who share your interests, your philosophies, and heck... who might even teach you a thing or two along the way [:D]  Sometimes things happen when we stop expecting them to....

Best of luck to you!!



Evanesce -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/6/2007 8:04:51 AM)

Munches are nothing more than a bunch of kinky folk getting together for a meal.  Some are drama-laden, political clusterfucks, and some, like the two I attend, really are nothing more than friends getting together for a meal.  (I'm about 2.5 hours from Chicago, btw).  I can understand people not wanting to attend munches, particularly if they've had a bad experience (I could tell you stories!), but don't look at one group, visited once or twice, and judge ALL others on that experience.  There are good groups and bad ones.  As for sloshes... all they are is a munch with alcohol.  Nice for loosening inhibitions, but no real difference.
 
I think, also, that the OP has an unrealistic idea of what happens at a play party.  The Kaptin and I host them in our home every month.  Do people have sex?  Well... it's allowed, but in 7 years of hosting parties, only one couple has ever done so.  In fact, most people spend more time socializing than playing.  We've had quite a few people whose first dungeon experience has been in our home, too.  For those people, the Kaptin and I ensure that these newbies find a safe, non-threatening environment in which to get their toes wet if they so desire.  And it's OK to just watch and not participate, and to ask questions.  At our parties, the Kaptin and I (mostly me) are the designated "protectors" for all unaccompanied persons, regardless of which side of the flogger they happen to be on.
 
Since the OP is young, what about finding a TNG group?  There used to be one in South Bend, but I'm pretty sure there's still one in Chicago, somewhere.



EclipseAbove -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/6/2007 9:00:32 AM)

xoxi,

I can relate with not enjoying munches, apprehension about attenting play parties and your difficulties with the goth/alternative/punk crowd.  However, I would strongly encourage you to continue getting out there and being social in those places where kinky people hang out.  The key is to be social.  Stop looking and just get to know the community.  The best opportunity to find someone is when you aren't looking and you are surrounded by people you know.  Also, leave any self-depricating ideas at home or better still, get rid of them completely.

Try a play party or two.  I'm not sure how they are in your area, but here I've "seen" people have sex three times in five years.  And two of the three I really didn't "see" because they were under a blanket or in a dark corner.  Most of the time at play parties, there is far more socializing than anything else.   And those who play in public don't necessarily want to play in public, they may not have a choice.  And even if they do, they may not be willing to not be with you just so they can play in public.  Also, your ideas on who attends seminars or trainings is not in keeping with what I've seen.  Doms attend trainings as participants just as much as anyone else does (at least the ones that don't think they know it all).

Sure there are Doms all over the place, but most aren't going to let you find out that they are "weird sick freaks" in a public place.  So while you may meet many at the supermarket, you'll never know it and even if you figure it out, they aren't going to be likely to admit to it right away.  Imagine if someone you didn't know came up to you and said "I know you are a submissive and you like doing kinky things."  How would you react?

Keep being out there in the community and be patient.



teamnoir -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/6/2007 2:23:10 PM)

clubs, classes, play parties, different munches, different ad boards. Those are my suggestions.



pinksterladygls -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/17/2007 2:09:10 PM)

Hi

I attend the O'Hare Slosh (aka munch)  just about every Friday.  For me, it is a great place to meet people that I've chatted with on line.  I do know almost everyone that goes there.   For me I feel safer meeting someone in a group setting as opposed to one on one in an unfamilar place.   They are like a second family to me.  And most (not all) of the attendess are from the alt web site, tho I have heard a few were from this one also.   And it's my only night of the week that I can get out at times.

I don't recall being hit on at any slosh.  It's a casual, vanilla setting.  Like friends getting together at a local bar after work.  I am sorry for those that have had unpleasant experiences at any slosh.  

I attended my first slosh some 5 years ago.  I went by myself.   I latched on to one or two people that I knew from the chat room &  by the time of my 4th or 5th slosh, I was table hopping and talking with all of the new friends I've made.  I love going to the slosh & adore the friends I've made over the years. 

I've also been to the LRA quite a few times.  I do not care to play in public.  Being shy & inhibited, that's something I have yet to work thru.  When I am there I will sit by the bar or in the smoking section.  I have never felt pressured to play with anyone.  I might have been asked once or twice, but a smile & a no thank you is all that is required if one doesn't wish to play with someone.  I don't see the LRA as a place for swingers. 

Again, I apologize for any that have had bad experiences in the past at a slosh.

Well this is only my opinion and opinions are like a**holes.......everyone has one  :-)

Thanks

pinks


If I can, I'd like to throw out my favorite quote..........

Change the way you look at things...................And the things you look at will change.





pinksterladygls -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/17/2007 4:36:24 PM)

Ooops ! I forgot to mention....... from what I heard, the term "slosh" was coined by the Hosts of the O'Hare Slosh.  I guess just to be different than the "munches".  And that it is held in a bar that also serves full meals as well as appetizers.  Most from what I've seen don't really drink.  Lots of soda & water & coffee drinkers. 



Jeffff -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/17/2007 4:55:22 PM)

D.G., mentioning that out loud is just rude!. I think one should send a card, congratulating her    :)



SolarAndViolet -> RE: So I'm not into munches... (9/17/2007 5:22:42 PM)

There is still very much an active TNG in Chicago, meeting weekly at an art cafe, plus the monthly educational meeting.

I see people have had some rather varied experiences with munches, and thus I see a lot of things written here that I just don't understand. Sure, I've been to some random munches where people were all twice my age, but a lot of really great people were there. Nice and social. Other times, it's a small, quiet affair with people that are relatively close knit. There were KBA meetings, events at Tina's (and before that, Just Fabulous), educational and social gatherings at LRA and GD. Leather SINS does plenty in the area.

When I was with partners, whether I met them at a munch or not, I didn't drop off the face of the planet, and most of the people in this group don't either.

It's not a dating group, though some people do inevitably hook up (name one social thing that doesn't have this occurrence). It's a social group, an educational group (this coming month, Oct 6,  is a discussion with Jack Rinella at the Leather Archives & Museum.. hardly a noteless author, and at a place that welcomes kink and has an auditorium they permit us to use for free.. ), and a place where people can talk about the latest movies in one breath, their kink in the next, and what the hell is in that smoothie the next. We almost never pick a topic as a 'group wide discussion', people talk about whatever they want, and it almost always divides into musical chairs and 4-5 random discussions due to the layout of a cafe.

If you're not into munches, no problem. But I have yet to meet someone who walked in thinking s/he'd be too vanilla for the group that left and said they didn't belong. Usually we go waaay past the time the munches end, just because people are enjoying themselves.

Chicago has a lot going on. There's plenty for everyone. Why more people don't show up is something I can't comprehend, but, then, I've only really talked it over with people who do attend. Anyone want to message me and talk about it or get a feel for this group? I used to be a leader of the group, I used to host the munches, and at one point the group was even a 501(c)7 not-for-profit. Not sure what the current status is.

-Solar




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