RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with giving head?

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RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 3:55:07 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

To me, there's a *big* difference between oral sex and oral service. The oral sex part (giving head etc) is more a vanilla context to me and whether or not anyone is "good" at it is more a matter of how it's received at the time. Anything without bite marks is generally a good start.... lol

Oral service is more in keeping with a D/s context and I much prefer this to oral sex. Basically, you don't have to be good at it or experienced etc at all. What you do need is the ability to do what you're told. Considering my girl is generally securely bound and kneeling at the time, "doing what you're told" is even simpler....

To me, oral service is the ultimate manifestation of dominating another and I prefer to do it in front of my large mirrors so I can cue her to see herself at appropriate intervals, all as a matter of reinforcing her place in our relationship (as does being naked, bound and kneeling). It's all in the "head space" lol It is totally about domination and submission and so does not always include sexual release on my part - maybe half the time.... S'pose you could say oral service is about power; and it's definitely about control!

But many a "dom" you find on the Net just wants a good head job. Only you can decide if he's about sex or power/control - and whether one or the other is what you want/like. BTW, it's not something I jump right into; I prefer a period of "getting to know you" - am quite particular and selective where my dick goes.... *wink*

Focus.

(in reply to goodgirlC)

Post #: 21

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 4:59:50 AM

RaineUK

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/31/2007
Status: offline

I think it is very good that you considered this.

Perhaps one way to look at it is you both have a mutual interests and a mind to take that further.

You should tell him some time during you conversation, personally I think at the start.
A clear and honest statement is best;
You know I said I love giving blow jobs and I am really good at it.
I wasn't totally honest about my experience and accept punishment if you still want to go ahead.

This way you have told him the truth and been truthful to yourself.
You also acknowledge and accept responsibility for you actions and words.

In any kind of D/s, M/s it is absolutely essential that you are honest and open as a respectful and well balanced DOM will be making choices for you on the basic of your consent. As unfair as it sounds this does not need to work the other way around. You are presented with the information that is required. There is less confusion and this is the nature of guidance. It is just that guidance and not necessarily the truth; an answer for issues that burden a mind.

The most critical moment is when the sub/slave makes the choice to give control to the DOM.
If you have reached this point and still hide aspects of yourself from him you need to question yourself as to what you are doing.
Think of it as a transition phase, you know what to do and how to behave it's just a matter of making the changes either physically or mentally.
Basically you have projected to you master an image of yourself be that and become more than you are now.
For is it not your own desire and image of you in you minds eye?

I hope this helps and is not too heavy.
Best wishes
Raine

(in reply to habibi)

Post #: 22

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 6:29:14 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Oh please. Life isn't so drama filled.

To the OP...relax and enjoy. Go with the flow. You won't be the first to exaggerate experience and you won't be the last. There is no right or wrong way to give a bj and every guy likes it differently. Just be open to reading his body language and you'll do just fine.

Unfortunately for some, life is nothing BUT drama

Quit worrying. Unless you totally suck at it (and that can be taken both literally and figuratively) no guy is going to complain, he's just glad he's getting a bj.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 23

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 8:25:49 AM

goodgirlC

Posts: 28
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Thanks everybody :) Like I clarified earlier - I did not tell him that I was good at it - We were sending flirtatious emails about things like that recently, and I am *assuming* that he thinks I'm more experienced, mainly because he's been seeing me at fetish events for the past few years. So my assumption bothered me enough to post about it. I feel much more comfortable with it, after everybody's advice :)

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 24

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 8:51:41 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlC

Does anybody else have any advice? I hate to make it a big deal, but I really want him to know. And the weekend is supposed to be fun, I don't want to have a serious discussion about it.

Tell him, and don't give out false impressions.

While there are ways to give great head, it can also be tough to be "bad" at it. Variety and enthusiasm covers a lot of ground.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to goodgirlC)

Post #: 25

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 8:53:29 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Oh please. Life isn't so drama filled.

To the OP...relax and enjoy. Go with the flow. You won't be the first to exaggerate experience and you won't be the last. There is no right or wrong way to give a bj and every guy likes it differently. Just be open to reading his body language and you'll do just fine.

Unfortunately for some, life is nothing BUT drama

Quit worrying. Unless you totally suck at it (and that can be taken both literally and figuratively) no guy is going to complain, he's just glad he's getting a bj.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 26

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 9:15:55 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

You do need to be honest with him. I don't think he's going to be displeased with the knowledge that you don't have as much experience he might have believed. He'd probably be displeased that you kept something from him.

As far as the act itself, he'll either control it or let you have your head, so to speak. There's no right or wrong way to give a bj, there's no science to it and it is really difficult to give a "bad" one. In spite of Focus' post, some men like bite marks! You really just need to learn his preferences. Some men want all the attention on their cock, some think a great bj starts at the left ankle. Just relax, let him know you're really into it and have a great time. Don't be afraid to touch or explore. Pay attention to him and his responses. You'll understand from that what really winds him up!

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 27

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 9:32:01 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

You could just ask him what he likes....and then do that. I'm sure experience makes you better at oral sex, but I bet asking your partner for feedback/preferences and listening to that goes a long way too. Besides, every guy is different and for me in the past what has worked with one guy has not worked with another guy.

Just have fun and don't let nervousness dampen the experience.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 28

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 11:02:11 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Oh please. Life isn't so drama filled.

To the OP...relax and enjoy. Go with the flow. You won't be the first to exaggerate experience and you won't be the last. There is no right or wrong way to give a bj and every guy likes it differently. Just be open to reading his body language and you'll do just fine.

Unfortunately for some, life is nothing BUT drama

Quit worrying. Unless you totally suck at it (and that can be taken both literally and figuratively) no guy is going to complain, he's just glad he's getting a bj.

Oh come on, now you make me feel bad! lol

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 29

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 12:35:05 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

godgirl,

You have received the extremes on your problem. Now I will weigh in also.

The variations of a cockhead and mouth are baisic and unchanged for hundreds of years. For many males, nilla and "D"s alike just the sight of his cock in your mouth with your occational moan of delite might qualify you as an expert for him.

For get not the fact that in reality he might not have had that pleasure too many times and is no "expert" in knowing or not.

So just keep it to yourself and let him just enjoy your efforts // but do not forget to smile when you swallow.

CP

(in reply to goodgirlC)

Post #: 30

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 1:52:24 PM

goodgirlC

Posts: 28
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

CP - He's almost 25 years older than me, and he's from LA. I'd say there's a good chance he's probably had girls in porn give him head - so that's why I'm nervous.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 31

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 2:21:24 PM

JackM1

Posts: 137
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline

hun, let me tell you something about porn; its all a bunch of bs lol! just because they LOOK like they know what theyre doing, doesnt mean they actually do it well. for example, you really think those guys are giving those bimbos the most explosive orgasms of their lives? its all acting; not particularly GOOD acting, but acting non the less. age and location mean nothing; who knows, maybe all of the women hes ever been with gave horendous bj's, or maybe many of them didnt like to do it at all (you know those LA girls...entitlement problems...same goes for the guys actually). just relax, and stop thinking about all of the "what ifs"....you'll make yourself old ^_~

(in reply to goodgirlC)

Post #: 32

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 2:29:12 PM

goodgirlC

Posts: 28
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

That's true, I should just take a deep breath and relax - I'm supposed to be going to have fun! Not get all worried and think it to death.

(in reply to JackM1)

Post #: 33

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 2:30:00 PM

Redoubt

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline

I'm sure he will absolutely hate the fact that you will have to practice a lot ;)

I know I would be willing to suffer through it... some how

(in reply to habibi)

Post #: 34

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/19/2007 6:50:44 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

yes, without mentioning it in a good, caring mannor the fault will never be corrected.

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to goodgirlC)

Post #: 35

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/20/2007 2:31:00 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

goodgirl,

trust me, there is noting to be uneasy about! simply let your mind focus on pleasing his ego/cock (or reverse order) A small note re age, does not mean a thing except a more used cock may be a little harder to make it offer you its gift1

CP

(in reply to goodgirlC)

Post #: 36

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/20/2007 2:37:54 PM

Tinman1960

Posts: 46
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

I lke honesty, but there is a lot to be said for a willingness to please as well - it makes up for a lack of experience in my book...

(in reply to habibi)

Post #: 37

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/20/2007 2:42:41 PM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Be honest and tell Him

Taryn

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to goodgirlC)

Post #: 38

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/20/2007 3:04:58 PM

e01n

Posts: 1472
Status: offline

RL story about porn:
A few friends of mine had the brilliant idea of making some cash by making some amateur porn. So we shot some footage and edited it together to remove the various moments of gagging and sneezing and farting and just the generally not very good parts that come with being human. Left the zits on our asses - that's what *proved* it was authentic amateur porn...

Anyway, in the process of shopping the video to various marketers we got the feedback that the people giving head shouldn't be focused on making the receiver feel as good as they were. They instead needed to focus on having it *look* good...

So that's my advice to you: reverse our feedback - keep your focus on pleasing the other rather than trying to make it look like porno head. Unless that's really what works for them... in which case, go with making it look like what's on screen and look for someone else who might be more grounded in reality in bed... 'cause chances are, they're going to give you porno head as well.

Porno head = bad head. Life's too short for crappy BJs...

(in reply to servantheart)

Post #: 39

RE: Should I give a heads up on inexperience with givin... - 8/20/2007 3:34:16 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

First take a deep breath. Just because you are not very experienced at it does not mean you are going to suck at it.

Actually, your lack of experience can work to your advantage.   I don't know about other Doms, but I'm the type that is very verbal in my requests about what I enjoy having done.   In other words, I'll tell somebody exactly what to do with thier tounge, lips, hands, teeth and mouth.   Hell, for me this is half the thrill and fun of it.

Basically, find out if he's the type to tell you exactly what and when to do it. Let him know that you want him to teach or train you in the best way to do it.   You might be able to skirt the lack of experience altogether, provided he's going to be telling, showing you exactly everything to do.

It's always great to read up on techniques and things to do as well. Attitude counts and goes a long way.   There are some women out that that have given a shit load of Blow jobs and you'd think they'd be ALL good at it!! WRONG!..   it's all about attitude and in wanting to do this.

Let him take control of the whole experience, be honest with him. That you enjoy doing it, but you feel you lack experience. Let him take control of the situation.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 40

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