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Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/6/2005 11:32:13 AM

subimale49

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

Greetings all,

I have been a member of Collarme.com for a few months and a member of Alt for 3+ years. My Profile(s) are very clear in what I am looking for. A personal friend of mine (Mistress) helped me write my profile to attract more responses. The only responses I ever get (few) are from Pro-Dommes looking to make $$$.

I realize that subs are a dime a dozen, but good subs are few and far between. I fall into the latter category. What is a non-Pro Mistress looking for in a play partner? Am I too old (51), or too fat? I thought my 30+ years of experience would speak volumes for me.

Why am I failing to find someone? I am open to suggestions and constructive criticism.

Respectfully,

bob

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RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/6/2005 11:38:23 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Writing something about yourself on your profile, and what type of relationship you seek might help.. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 2

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/6/2005 11:39:28 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

Maybe it's just my computer (it's been a bit screwy lately), but I can't see any profile when I click on your name.

What are you doing beyond personal ads on the computer to look for a partner?

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 3

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/6/2005 11:46:23 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

P.S. Correcting your age on profile would also help, because it is dishonest even if only by 2years to say you're 49 rather than 51 on profile. JMO, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 4

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/6/2005 11:54:43 AM

subimale49

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

Thats a good point. I didn't even realize my profile said 49. I had copied it off my Alt Profile. I will correct both. Thank You.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 5

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/6/2005 1:00:00 PM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24
What are you doing beyond personal ads on the computer to look for a partner?

This is a good question. Bob, are you involved in any of your local BDSM groups?

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 6

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 1:21:02 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Bob, the quality of that photograph is very poor. Your face is in shadow and the posture makes you look heavy. Try this instead, have a friend go with you out of doors during the early evening, when the sun is setting but there still is light outside. Wear comfortable, dark clothes, chat with your friend, relax, have them take photos of you that are spontaneous and natural, not posed. (Light colors make a person look heavier, dark colors make a person look thinner). And follow up on some of the suggestions here, www.soj.org has a directory of all the local BD/DS/SM groups in the USA and Canada. Unless you live way out in the boon-docks, there should be a local munch within a few hours of your work/home. Good luck in your search - Vendaval

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 7

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 3:54:37 AM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

The content of one's profile "outs" fantasies from realities. For example, you proclaim ability to serve well -- which, in my book, mandates excellent attention to detail -- and yet, you've got typos up the yin-yang. Saying you're "highly educated," in the face of a live demo that you can't spell, and couldn't be bothered using a spell checker, is one of those things that makes ya go, "Hmmmm." Discrepancies on any level betray purported sincerity.

I also have no sense regarding who YOU are.... just a roster of your kinks. Surely, you must be more than a puddle of kinks. Suppose you were writing an ad for a vanilla dating service. Would you post a roster of bedroom activities that you expect?

And then there's your "you won't be disappointed" conclusion. Every time I've seen that in a profile, going back for decades, it's turned into code for RUN AWAY IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!!!! For openers, it's presumptuous to do the thinking for a prospective Domme; she can decide for herself whether you're worth her time. Beyond that, if you're such a hot catch, then what you've got to offer should speak for itself.

I agree that a less posed photo would be a nice touch.... but from my perspective, I've never picked guys based on looks. I don't care how gorgeous someone might be if his profile reflects shallowness and/or narcissism.

Sure hope that pro-Domme didn't expect a tribute for helping you put together that profile! (See my note in the reading recommendations thread regarding experts who aren't expert at all!) It's little wonder that you're only attracting pro-Dommes.

Hope this has provided some food for thought for you.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 8

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 4:52:45 AM

Shayna

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

Hi bob;
You know it takes all kinds. I respect your interests and I think it's good to be honest. For me, your interests aren't close to mine. I agree with other posters that the pic is hard to see (though not the most important thing) and your profile is mostly about kink. I find that a turn off and I'm pretty burned out on profiles and emails that provide kink-related introductions. Lately I've found myself looking for sub profiles that don't say anything about kink; your profile is on collarme not match.com so I know you're into some aspects of bdsm.

Again, that's MY perspective. I know we all look for different qualities while scanning the profiles. Best of luck to you - and by the way, I think it's great you are 51. Some of us are looking for men our age!

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 9

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 8:03:09 AM

subimale49

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I have to keep my kinky side private and do not attend local bdsm groups. I don't even know if there are any in my area. I have revised my profile and included a picture in the hopes of finding someone.

(in reply to onceburned)

Post #: 10

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 8:43:03 AM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

Having just read your profile it comes across as "do me".. I would pass it by after reading the first paragraph.. For starters.. saying you need a "STRICT" mistress to me implies that you have to be micromanaged, Something I'm not into.

quote:

While i enjoy most aspects of slavery, my most exhilirating experiences have been being severely humiliated, degraded and treated like total trash. i have a fairly high pain tolerance and i am very familiar with the various paddles, whips and crops. My nipples are always erect and long for punishment.

This screams out to me.. low self esteem, and someone that could not fit with balance into this mistress's life, it also screams out.. "Do me, use me.. and expect little in return except for my consent to use me. There is much more to a healthy relationship then allowing yourself to be used.

Just my .02
Ms. Eden

Edited for spelling

< Message edited by MaitresseEden -- 7/7/2005 1:07:25 PM >

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 11

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 11:47:39 AM

subimale49

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I would like to thank EVERYONE here for your very useful and very constructive criticism. I will reconsider my options and rewrite my profile to be more in line of who and what I am as a person, not just a sub. One thing to note; just because I mentioned I am highly educated (which I truthfully am), does not make me the best speller. I work in Astro Physics and spelling has not come up when I am working on complex mathematical formulas

I truly thank you all for helping me reach my goal.

Thank You!!

Bob

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 12

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 12:27:03 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Actually I beg to differ about black. It's been my experince in myself and seeing others in black, that it is not slimming. it makes people look like shapeless blobs, and it isn't attractive. I see a lot of people fallin into the black is slimming idea, and maybe a black top or a black pair of pants would work but when they wear both black tops and pants, they're not looking any slimmer they're looking like one undefined blob.

quote:

(Light colors make a person look heavier, dark colors make a person look thinner).

And also, Highly educated or not, it behooves people who're trying to put their best foot forward to spell check, and grammar check. She didn't call your education into question, she called into question the fact that though educated you still had errors in your profile that someone who knew better wouldn't make. I also agree that your profile comes across as all about you, and not about what you can offer or do for the mistress.

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 7/7/2005 12:38:21 PM >

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 13

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 12:28:22 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Don't get me started on fashion...

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 14

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 1:28:49 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49

One thing to note; just because I mentioned I am highly educated (which I truthfully am), does not make me the best speller. I work in Astro Physics and spelling has not come up when I am working on complex mathematical formulas

Bob

As FP said, your education is not being called into question. Your profile is a representation of you and what is important to you. It shows pride. I am sure your resume for an astro-physics position was well thought out and did not contain spelling and/or grammatical errors.
Is this less important?

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 15

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 2:38:12 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Also it takes time. As clichayed as it sounds, some people wait litterally numbers and numbers of years, that time is expounded on the fact that you can't go to real life events.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 16

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 3:01:15 PM

cumslutcockwhore

Posts: 46
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49

I would like to thank EVERYONE here for your very useful and very constructive criticism. I will reconsider my options and rewrite my profile to be more in line of who and what I am as a person, not just a sub. One thing to note; just because I mentioned I am highly educated (which I truthfully am), does not make me the best speller. I work in Astro Physics and spelling has not come up when I am working on complex mathematical formulas

I truly thank you all for helping me reach my goal.

Thank You!!

Bob

i have found that many of the most highly educated people cant spell worth a damn.
Many times i will use WORD or Outlook Express, write and do spell check...but even then spell check missess a word.
i am also dyslexic both on puter and off...severly so with numbers. Still cant remember what Master's cell number is.
When i speak with one gal in chat, she is a lawyer and very educated and spells like shit...well ido to,but itis NOT a refelction on who we are.

If fgiure if someone cant cut slack....esp in chat or email ocasionally...are they worth the humiliationof it?not for me.

ok now i go to your profile to see what all the dommes area talking about.
~~just me

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 17

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 3:48:51 PM

pleasureforHim

Posts: 171
Joined: 7/2/2005
Status: offline

hey girllfriend..i can too spell "shit". ROFLMAO.

pleasureforHm

< Message edited by pleasureforHim -- 7/7/2005 6:30:29 PM >

(in reply to cumslutcockwhore)

Post #: 18

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 6:57:49 PM

TiNeedsHouseboy

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline

Here are three answers for the price of one:

quote:

ORIGINAL: cumslutcockwhore

i have found that many of the most highly educated people cant spell worth a damn.
Many times i will use WORD or Outlook Express, write and do spell check...but even then spell check missess a word.
i am also dyslexic both on puter and off...severly so with numbers. Still cant remember what Master's cell number is.
When i speak with one gal in chat, she is a lawyer and very educated and spells like shit...well ido to,but itis NOT a refelction on who we are.

If fgiure if someone cant cut slack....esp in chat or email ocasionally...are they worth the humiliationof it?not for me.

ok now i go to your profile to see what all the dommes area talking about.

We're not talking about chat or e-mail. Bob specifically asked why his profile was only attracting pro-Dommes. The remarks in this thread target his profile's content and the first impression it creates.

I realize dyslexia is a major headache and presents challenges. Training to circumvent its impediments exist. One example out of droves that I can provide: A former boss of mine went through medical school -- despite his dyslexia. We never would have known, had he not mentioned it. In fact, he wrote one of my letters of reference.

At the very least, for something as critical as your profile, I would think you'd ask trusted friends to proof it for you; the more eyeballs, the better -- just like when proofing a resume. Beyond that, you apparently make an effort to use a spell checker. Bob's profile shows that he does not. Bob's post (quoted below) reflects that he's totally unmotivated to take a minute to use a software tool that's to his benefit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49

One thing to note; just because I mentioned I am highly educated (which I truthfully am), does not make me the best speller. I work in Astro Physics and spelling has not come up when I am working on complex mathematical formulas

Bob

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

As FP said, your education is not being called into question. Your profile is a representation of you and what is important to you. It shows pride. I am sure your resume for an astro-physics position was well thought out and did not contain spelling and/or grammatical errors.
Is this less important?

Hmmmm.... FP's name is Ti (pronounced "tie")! You can tell because all my posts are signed with my name and it's incorporated into my user name. Be that as it may....

I diddled with writing a simple answer of, "What she said." It's not in me to do so for such a critical matter.

Bob: Do you seriously think you can get away with hiding behind an excuse involving your career path??? We know with complete certainty that astrophysicists are perfectly capable of being witty, engaging, creative, enthusiastic, writers of articulate, correctly spelled and punctuated text. How do we know? Ever taken a gander at Cliff Stoll's outpourings?

How about pondering someone a tad less celestial? Consider my subby buddy -- a 24/7/365 sex slave to his Mistress/Wife -- who earns his keep as a physicist. Though he needs to lay low for professional reasons, he still manages to moderate two Yahoo BDSM groups, along with involvement in his local BDSM community. He sends me extensive notes, on every subject under the sun. His text reflects rare wit, ponderous thoughts, and they're all grammatically correct and punctuated properly.

The moral of our story: People who want to make an effort to create clear communication, that engages others, are motivated to attend to details. They do not hide behind excuses. Your desire to do so reinforces the impression of a profile coming from a do-me sub. I don't know any non-pro-Dommes who want to take on a do-me sub.

It appears that you need more than a simple profile revision. You'd benefit from a major attitude/motivation adjustment -- assuming you really do want to find a Domme who doesn’t expect monetary tributes.

~ Ti ~

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(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 19

RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 7:23:42 PM

subimale49

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I had a talk with my Mistress friend who helped me write my profile.

I am not getting all of this. Granted, my profile has a few spelling errors, but it that really a big deal? I have viewed many Dommes profiles that have misspelled words. If any of you think I am lazy, please think again. I could not find a spell checker using this sites software when writing my profile. Perhaps I should have written it in Word first and used the spell checker, but that does not make me lazy.

Why do you feel I need to talk more about my vanilla life, interests, etc? I am not looking for a life partner, I am not looking for a lover, I am looking for a Mistress who enjoys training males. My taste in music, movies, hobbies have nothing to do with being trained by a Dominant Female. My profile mentions I am a kind and sincere person, well read, financially stable, etc. If I were looking at the post from the standpoint of a Domme, I would feel that this person may be a nice guy, he has a decent job, he has gone to College and perhaps beyond, he likes to read.

I really don't feel I have to give my life story. If a person is genuinely interested in me, they will learn all there is to know about me. These are all things my Mistress friend and I discussed this evening and this is the conclusion we came to.

Alright, now let the flames begin.

(in reply to subimale49)

Post #: 20

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